Bad Genie

Granted. Ice is now fragile and as sharp as glass. Let's see you walk on that. I wish to have it all without dying for it or being cursed for it.
 
Granted. Since no wish was declared, I granted that you'll never find anything fun. Just morosely depressing.

I wish zoophilia was the norm and the "normal" the pariah.
 
Granted. Zoophiles now live on a planet of their own. Now you'll have to rebuild the world from scratch.

I wish to go to Hell.
 
Yes, but you have to start right now, and can't stop.

I wish I could grant the wishes.
 
Granted. You now exist as a ghost cursed for time immemorial.

I wish I understood what strfx's post meant by everything staying the same through ignorance.
 
Granted, you know what he means by it, but in turn you forget about everything else.

I wish that I could genetically engineer a German Shepherd sized vixen that's addicted to sex.
 
Granted but would you chase her down a rabbit hole?

I wish I could walk on and piss up a tight rope!
 
Granted, gravity now works backwards. Your job is now to keep yourself from floating into space.

I wish I could dethrone God and Lucifer simultaneously.
 
Granted they are now gone, but they are replaced with the Norse, Finnish, Indian, Egyptain, Celtic, Aztec, Mayan, panteons of gods who now disrupt the whole world while they vie for power and control, wars famines plagues destroy human cutlrues and civiliazation.

I wish I could have sex with any animal I wanted (consunsually) anywhere anyntime with no societal rammifications and remain human.
 
Granted. Anytime you begin to engage in zoo everyone leaves the area and no electronics work. Now you can only have zoo sex while alone, forever.

I wish to destroy all of the gods at the same time.
 
OY that works for me GOOD GENIE result! Why do electronics fail?? It is ok if they do just curious??

Granted, All gods are removed from reality including all life on earth above single cells. Who is to say that ants dont worship us as gods in some way, and on down the animal chain.

I wish that I could be a great chef!
 
OY that works for me GOOD GENIE result! Why do electronics fail?? It is ok if they do just curious??

Granted, All gods are removed from reality including all life on earth above single cells. Who is to say that ants dont worship us as gods in some way, and on down the animal chain.

I wish that I could be a great chef!
Since when did mortals count as gods? Granted, you season your food perfectly but burn it every single time you cook. The flavors are lost due to the charring. I wish I had ESP.
 
Granted, but now the only way to drown out the incredible noise of everyones thoughts is to listen to Death Metal very very loudly, perhaps the band Disater Area for example! ;)
I wish I would not age phsyically past my current 31 years for 500 years then age normally again.
 
Granted. You see horrors no human should ever witness. I wish I met a genie that could grant me ANY three wishes I wanted.
 
Granted. You're the genie that can grant any 3 wishes that you want on anybody else but yourself.

I wish I was Noah that built that ark and fucked every animal couple on the ark.
 
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Granted. You're the master of the universe!

I wish I could move at the speed of light.
 
Granted. You are now light and immaterial.

I wish I could understand the universe.
 
Granted. You are now pure energy and have no awareness of anything.

I wish I could enslave the universe at no cost to myself.
 
Granted. It costs you nothing monetarily, but your billions of earth slaves quickly realise how vastly outnumbered you are and revolt against you.

I wish I had a limitless keg of beer.
 
Granted. You get a unlimited keg of beer. Instantly the universe is completely filled with beer, even space, that the universe downs.

I wish I could really know the number of infinity.
 
Granted - Now to reinforce Genie's grant start practicing by counting your floppy rose bud flaunts ;)

I wish I could understand the Cosmos?
 
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