I read other people’s initial development and their thoughts on why they are the way they are. But I find that none really apply to me.
When I was still in the single digits, for typical reasons of “my father was distant” or “I didn’t get enough hugs from my mother” and any number of typical and common issues many kids grow up with, I sought intimacy where I could find it. Which meant initially with friends. And the neighborhood friendly dogs. Intimacy in the sense that I could relax and feel comfortable. Nothing sexual.
And one day I let one of the neighbour’s dog hump my leg. Which was funny but also intimate because he was so tightly embracing my leg - me. And for some reason squirted and made my pants look spotted. Oops. Then I tried reaching down between him and my leg. And discovered that if I held the hard furry part of him, he’d go crazy with his antics. Frenzied. Still - not a sexual thing because my brain had no concept of that.
But after that he wanted to be with me all the time. Which of course Appealed to my needs. Although I quickly discovered the problem with a dog associating you with cumming - he doesn’t give a shit who else sees him trying to hump or jump you. He just wants to nut.
When I was 11 or so I played with my best friend and we eventually discovered dry cums. And then I started realizing what that dog was doing, and why. Then later when we graduated to wet cums, I finally got it.
After that, I wanted to cum just like all boys do. Discretely, ideally with a friend. It feels great, and if I could make someone else feel that feeling then I’d be closer to him. Intimacy, in a roundabout way.
Dogs, ever since then, are in my mind very similar to human males. They need to and want to cum, and I can help them feel good. And they’ll want to be with me. I never really developed whatever it is in non-zoo minds that find human-dog sex wrong, abominable, disgusting. It’s just a good feeling our bodies can produce. Why not do it? Why not help another do it? There’s nothing external about it. It doesn’t affect anyone else. It doesn’t warp the person or abuse the animal. I’m not trying to butt-fuck either my friend or my dog.
I don’t know. I’ve never really seen it as anything more than a chance to get those cum feelings and help someone else get them too - human or dog.
Do I love either? Probably not. But I’ve never been able to have sex with a person I didn’t have an emotional connection to. Which sadly meant that I could never fulfill all my sleazy gloryhole fantasies. Or go home with some stranger from a night club. Or approach a male dog I see wandering around.
Do I care about them? Well yeah. I’ve already developed a friendship or gotten comfortable enough with them to let them see my dick. Which takes many initial “dates” or whatever.
I guess after 50 years, I can look back and see that sex (or whatever it was in was doing all those decades) was always first and foremost about a way to get the other (boy/man/dog) to want me. Intimacy by bribing them with orgasms. A way to create a shared private space between the two of us.
Intimacy.