Bad Genie

[Cajlatsa]

Granted but you are forever dammed to be smelly sticky!

I wish I could recover the lost FTX loot....

 

[Pillar]

Granted. You have the drives but don't have the keys.

I wish I could understand this allegedly "perfect" will of GOD (no fornication, pot smoking, etc.).

 

[ShanoirII]

Granted. You have the drives but don't have the keys.

I wish I could understand this allegedly "perfect" will of GOD (no fornication, pot smoking, etc.).

granted. you now understand the will of god, and - oh no! - its all so clear to you now, and you agree with it!
you are now just as much of a puritanical crusader as god is! his most devout follower!


i wish i could withstand blazing heat or fatal cold as if it were standard room temperature

 

[Pillar]

Granted. Your nerves no longer exist and you can no longer feel anything, no pain, no pleasure.

I wish I could kill God and Satan and both their armies simultaneously.

 

[ice bear]

Granted, now because you can kill something immortal we suddenly live in a universe where paradoxes are possible and logic has no meaning, and everything falls apart at the quantum seams....

I wish I could cum like a fire hose.

 

[Johnterry4658]

Granted, the difference in cum levels are made up with blood.

I wish I wasn't afraid of heights.

 

[Pillar]

Granted. You get pushed off an airplane with skydiving gear that may or may not malfunction on you in order to overcome your fear.

I wish to know the truth.

 

[Cajlatsa]

Granted. Your nerves no longer exist and you can no longer feel anything, no pain, no pleasure.

I wish I could kill God and Satan and both their armies simultaneously.

Granted

But how are you going to deal with the left-overs?

 

[Cajlatsa]

Granted. You get pushed off an airplane with skydiving gear that may or may not malfunction on you in order to overcome your fear.

I wish to know the truth.

Granted - Come visit me in the here-after, and I'll tell you my truth!

I wish I could swallow a double edged sword!

 

[Pillar]

Granted - you swallow that sword and you die.

I wish I could know the truth WHILE ALIVE.

 

[Shalik]

Granted - You will know the truth, but the longer you know the truth, the less inteligent you will be

I wish i could increase a probability of something happening, just by thinking about that thing while crossing my fingers

 

[Pillar]

Granted. You now suffer aphantasia and you can't think clearly about what you want anymore.

I wish I could meet God in person without dying.

 

[ShanoirII]

granted. to meet god in person without dying, you must walk daily in a perfectly righteous and sinless life, so that you can be raptured into his kingdom and given an immortal body, and will have the honor of singing his praises for all eternity (and fighting as a soldier in the end-times war against the seven-headed dragon of Revelations).

i wish peoples' pants really did catch on fire when they lied

 

[Pillar]

Granted. The flames last only 1 billionth of a second and are invisible to the naked eye.

I want to see God while alive and as a sinner.

 

[ice bear]

Granted. To your surprise, God is an alien that hasn't been to earth in thousands of years. He happily dissects you.

I wish all the raindrops were lemondrops and gumdrops.

 

[Taopony]

Granted, but the candy is molten hot and burns through everything it touches.

I wish stupid people no longer existed.

 

[Valkiria]

Granted, and now all the smart people are just ordinary crowd.

I want my wardrobe to be full of money.

 

[Ted Danson Machine]

Granted, but your wardrobe leads to Narnia and some random creature stole everything

I wish I was in Narnia

 

[Valkiria]

Granted. But due to scenario mistake, you meet a T-rex from Jurassic world. Now run as fast as you can!

I wish I had a banana tree!

 

[Ted Danson Machine]

Granted, but all the bananas are fake

I wish I could run at super speeds

 

[Taopony]

Granted, but you run into a hippo's ass in Africa

I wish the world made sense again

 

[Pillar]

Granted. The world no longer exists.

I wish that if I met that alien God that tried to dissect me I could kill him first.

 

[ShanoirII]

granted. the interplanetary police department charges you with deicide

i wish that information from body language and tone of voice could be transmitted across internet forums, so what people were saying could be more easily interpreted than plain text

 

[YIMBY]

Granted,

I wish my plans were infallible.

 

[Pillar]

Granted. You can no longer make plans.

I wish to go to Hell.

 

[farmergalwi]

You get there and your Tour Guide is Benito Mussolini and he leads you right back out of hell.

I wish I could bring Anime characters to life.

 

[Taopony]

Granted, but they only speak Japanese and not English

I wish it was possible to teleport to different places on a whim

 

[Rezzy0]

Granted, but they only speak Japanese and not English

I wish it was possible to teleport to different places on a whim

Granted but you don’t get to choose the location

I wish for a free lifetime supply of gasoline

 

[Pillar]

Granted. It's the old style of fuel that's incompatible with newer vehicles.

I wish I had sex with women every day.

 

[Taopony]

Granted, but they all look like Dolly Parton

I wish I could mate with a lioness in standing estrus