Bad Genie

Granted, your cork penis is so buoyant that when you try to bathe you cannot get in the tub, so you just have to splash water everywhere and hope for the best

I wish I could learn magic (not the card game)
 
Granted, you have now learnt how to pull an extremely buoyant cork penis from a hat.

I wish I didn't have to live in a hat.
 
Granted, it's so high you can't get down from it.

I wish the hat tilted and were placed in Pisa, a Pisa hat.
 
Granted, but they got too comfortable and banished all the humans to the streets. Posting from under a bridge now, thanks man.

I wish to only want to sleep when I choose to.
 
Granted, but sleeping doesn't take away the feeling of tiredness.

I wish that I made $100 of passive income an hour.
 
Granted, but the genie misunderstood and you became a "wrap artist" that's good at wrapping gifts and nothing else.

I wish that my house cleaned itself automatically.
 
Granted, but it's a murder mystery novel that inspires all those that read it to commit murder.

I wish my vehicle had more horsepower.
 
Granted, but you now barely can drive from one gas station to the next one. Genie doesn't even need to be griefing you, that's just literally what will happen.

I wish to be able to read other peoples memories and thoughts.
 
Granted, but each time you do you lose half an IQ points worth of intelligence.

I wish I could play basketball professionally.
 
Granted, you're abducted by an Aliens and they never see you again. They can't be disappointed if you're no longer here. (Hey, your earlier wish came true!)

I wish that I had a YouTube channel with 14.44 million subscribers.
 
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