The curse of an exclusively zoophilic attraction

[sirius]

This is going to be a wall of self-pity. Readers beware. I just need to vent, and hopefully hear something encouraging from people who have more experience in life than I do.

For as long as I can remember, I had sexual interest towards animals. When I was young, I looked forward to every occasion I had to be alone with the family’s dog. I knew even back then nothing much would happen. He was old but the time I started exploring my sexuality, small and neutered. But even if there wasn’t much we could do, I wanted to be with him. To feel him against my naked body. It filled me with such excitement. Growing up, I never had much interest in girls, or boys for that matter, but I kept the option open because it was the “normal” thing to do. I had a few short relationships with a few girls, but they were mostly glorified friendships rather than anything romantic and none of these relationships ever resulted in sex. When I was around 17 or 18, I took a good hard look at my life and realized that chasing women wasn’t for me, and that longing for a “normal” relationship just for the sake of being normal was doing me more harm than good. I decided then to fully commit to zoo exclusivity.

A few (lonely) years passed and I met a female dog for who I felt things I could never feel for any human. I knew then I had no choice but to embrace the zoo exclusive lifestyle. It was who I was, and there was no turning back. I had already been longing for a relationship with a bitch for a few years before, but then having felt that for an actual dog who appeared to be everything I could ever ask for made that as solid as stone. We had to part ways, and I never saw her again. That point in my life marked the start of my descent into Hell. It warped my mind. Everything I could think about was having my own doggy girlfriend and everything I did was towards that end. Years passed with minimal dog contact and it made me very ill. I often considered suicide during that time.

My path thankfully led me to meet many dogs since then. I even managed to (finally) adopt one, too. And while I’m incredibly thankful for all for all that, I still never had a chance to enjoy intimacy with any dog. It’s driving me crazy. I’m afraid the lack of sex will drive me to resent my current companion. I’m already seeing it happening. When I first met her, I loved her so much. I wanted her to be “the one” like no other. But now I’m not seeing that ever happening. On my side of things, the relationship is deteriorating a bit more every day. It makes me feel like a monster, but I can’t help it. I am not satisfied with her and I’m getting increasingly unhappy with my current predicament. I’m already thinking about adopting more dogs, but my current situation doesn’t allow it and I despair.

I feel like everything is going from bad to worse. The economy is shit. Getting into a stable condition and living by yourself, especially in a house, seems to turn into a pipe dream just a bit more every day. Everything is getting so expensive and salaries don’t keep up. Younger people or anyone who couldn’t get ahead in life when the time was right are left with very little to aspire to in life. And on top of that, every week it seems there’s new law against bestiality somewhere in the world. While I’m aware laws aren’t the end of the world and that if you are smart about what you are doing the likelihood of getting caught is small, the practice is getting attention in the public eye and that is undeniable. A lot of what saved zoos in the past I feel is that society didn’t care much about it. For some reason or another, people care now. And that can be felt in the community. People are paranoid. It’s almost impossible to meet another zoo nowadays (and believe me, I did try.) Very few are willing to produce content and share it. I don’t blame anybody. I’m the same, really.

In many parts of the world, sterilizing animals is at best common practice or at worst mandatory and many animals are robbed of their sexuality because of that. Trying to find a partner by meeting dogs that aren’t yours is a waste of time.

I don’t have a problem with being zoo in and of itself. I’m not ashamed of this sexuality. I don’t feel guilty because of it. But the life it forces me to live is simply awful. I visit places like this forum and I get so envious of others… I know it’s not healthy to compare to others, but I seemingly can’t help it. So many people get so lucky while others get absolutely nothing. I know my life could be much worse and some will be eager to point that out to me. I am aware of that. But no amount of knowing how others have it worse brings any happiness in my life. All the people in my life have relationships. Even my other zoo friends have (zoo) relationships. I feel like I’m missing out. I feel like some perpetual child who never seems to make it to the next step.

I’ve been zoo my whole life, and it has never once felt like a blessing. I read others here saying it's a blessing, but I just can’t see it. It’s a curse. It makes me long for things I just can’t seem to manifest in my life and swallows my entire existence in this downwards vortex that never ends. It has never brought me anything but pain, sadness and yearning. Once again, I reach a point where I see no way out of this nightmare except suicide. The desires are never satisfied, the frustration builds up and there is no outlet for it. I think about suicide on a daily basis...

Well, that’s all the bullshit off my chest. Thanks for reading.

 

[hippophile]

I also think about suicide. Imagine only being attracted to horses. They are difficult for someone like me to have access to. It can be a hard life. I have to constantly tell myself that it will get better.

Whatever helps you get through the day, just keep doing it.

 

[BlueBeard]

Sirius...

I want you to know you have been heard, and although you can't see me nodding, I am. I *have* tasted the muzzle of gun. It was while I was living alone, bankrupt, out of a job and having been accused of a felony that, although I was convicted, it was overturned and expunged two years later. Struggling to overcome, and then overcoming the conviction, vindicated but... completely bankrupt and then homeless, divorced and estranged from my children. Out of a job, all finances ruined. Starving. I had been a man of high social status and means. Then ruined, friendless, and rejected. I had been a very dedicated member of the Catholic Church, but no one helped, not the priest, not the parish.

Bottom, man. Bottom. I ate from dumpsters behind two restaurants across the street from each other and got busted for *that*! (Apparently you're committing a crime digging through dumpsters on private property).

All of that (my story) neither here nor there. Just "street creds." Show you it's not just lip service when I say: You are a unique man in the world, beyond compare. The world waited 4.5 billion years for your arrival. You waited 4.5 billion years to take your turn. Don't jump off the ride early. Hang on. Count blessings, not curses, and you might still see you're a lucky man. Breathe. Can it get better? Yes! Long haul, but little by little things turned around for me. I have recouped everything that was lost, and more. I developed a close relationship with a single mom that, although I was *never* going to marry again, make my self vulnerable like that again, has been my wife now for 12 years. Discovered early in the marriage that she, too, was zoo, and less "shamed" about it that I was. In fact, although discrete, just sees it as a natural extension of her relationship with animals.

What a turnaround, right? Wow! None of it planned or groomed or scheduled. --- And you need to hang in there, see what the future holds for you.

As a writer, I use a lot of writer metaphors. One is that I learned not to work so hard at "scripting" my life, working to make *my* plan work at all costs. Instead, I learned the hard way to let the story tell itself to me. Turns out, it is a far, far greater, more wondrous, more rewarding story than *I* could have ever written by "forcing" it.

Can't wait to see how *yours* turns out for you.

Oh! -- And about life not seeming fair? How some people are so lucky and others get nothing? I always say, "If life were *fair*, I wouldn't have gotten *this* far."

I consider the state of the vast majority of the 7 billion people living on this planet. Ninety percent do not have access to public (free/cheap) education. Seventy-five percent have only what they're wearing, no change of clothes. Half do not have access to clean drinking water. The majority of people on the planet are fully occupied each day with the struggle to have basic human needs met on the most fundamental level, getting food and water for the day for them and their families. Stopping to consider my current state compared to theirs, I almost always end up saying, "Holy shit, I'm an ungrateful bastard! I'm rich!!!"

It's *only* when we come to a room like this that we feel deprived by comparisons -- and that's only if we forget a lot of folks in here (just like on Facebook, where people post happy pictures of their holidays instead of how the father and mother are always screaming at the kids) are greatly exaggerating how they portray their happy lives. You see only what people *want* others to see.

Sometimes we might envy others -- until we see what we'd have to become to be like them. When we see *all* that the other people are, their lives are not so alluring anymore.

 

[BlueBeard]

I also think about suicide. Imagine only being attracted to horses. They are difficult for someone like me to have access to. It can be a hard life. I have to constantly tell myself that it will get better.

Whatever helps you get through the day, just keep doing it.

The same, Hippo. Think of it this way. We *are* sexual creatures, and it's a part of us in so many aspects of our lives. But it's not *all* that we are. It's a fraction of who we are. We are so much more. Perspective. Big picture.

 

[220licco]

Since getting on this site, I have felt much more positive and happy about being zoo. The last month has been great. I didn't even know zoo was a thing until I got here, I just thought I had a really weird, specific fetish. I've had some low points over the last few years, and I was starting to think it was over. Today was one of the most depressing days of my life. I'm not sure why, I just had negative thoughts all day. I wouldn't say I'm suicidal, but I've thought about it many times. Today was rough. I think I kicked a lot of my concerns down the road, and they finally all compounded today. I don't even know what to think anymore. I want to move out, and get a dog, but I feel like that's the wrong reason to move out. I don't want to live alone, but I'm not sexually attracted to any human partner. I personally don't care what gender a significant other is, but my family would, so for that reason I look for the extremely rare woman who could tolerate my preferences. I know I can't kill myself, it would destroy my family. I won't do it. But it seems like such a great way to avoid a lifetime of pain and disappointment. I just don't know, my thoughts have been racing all day, and I've just been confused. I can't imagine not being zoo, that sounds terrible, but it sure has lined me up for disappointment. Hopefully tomorrow is better, but I don't see it.

 

[sososo]

Its sad to see you grieving over your lover, however you need to get over that relationship. Your dog right nos needs you. Go give a her a kiss, you may unwantingly be acting badly towards her because you are putting this obsesion on a pedestal. Leave the pedestal room, you've been in the art gallery for too long. You need to move on and stop barricading yourself away from any future lovers. Your dog is probably trying everything to brighten your day, dont let it go. Little things matter the most. You need to have a today is a new day thought process, wake up, smile and remind yourself you are here and living. You have a life and a chance at an amazing partner, dont let it go, friend.

Sincerely, sososo

 

[ferritlove]

Hi Sirius, I'm only addressing one part of your story... "I’ve been zoo my whole life, and it has never once felt like a blessing. I read others here saying it's a blessing, but I just can’t see it. It’s a curse.".

This is very much my story too, and I felt exactly the same way as you for decades. Within the last 15 years or so, my view on my zooiness has changed. I am still a closet zoo, keeping a "normal" life in parallel with my "zoo" life. This is no longer out of shame, but is out of fear for what would happen to my "normal" life and the life of my lovers and family.

Two things changed my point of view from "cursed" to "blessed".

One is finding other zoos to have open discussions with - for a long time this was via electronic means only. In the last year I've started meeting up with a few trusted zoo friends in real life. These meetings have been a huge affirmation of who and what I am. I've known since the 2000's that there are others like me, but it's one thing reading and writing about it, and another sitting across from someone drinking a beer who is like you. (I've been zoo since the 80s).

The other is just a simple acceptance over many years that I can't change what I am (and I've tried), but realizing that I am for the most part a good person. Basically I try not to be an asshole to other humans, and am kind to my non-human family and lovers. I feel that's really all a person can hope to be in this life.

I am blessed because my zooiness allows me a window into the lives of non-human animals that I don't believe is available to most non zoos.

2 cents.

 

[BlueBeard]

Since getting on this site, I have felt much more positive and happy about being zoo. The last month has been great. I didn't even know zoo was a thing until I got here, I just thought I had a really weird, specific fetish. I've had some low points over the last few years, and I was starting to think it was over. Today was one of the most depressing days of my life. I'm not sure why, I just had negative thoughts all day. I wouldn't say I'm suicidal, but I've thought about it many times. Today was rough. I think I kicked a lot of my concerns down the road, and they finally all compounded today. I don't even know what to think anymore. I want to move out, and get a dog, but I feel like that's the wrong reason to move out. I don't want to live alone, but I'm not sexually attracted to any human partner. I personally don't care what gender a significant other is, but my family would, so for that reason I look for the extremely rare woman who could tolerate my preferences. I know I can't kill myself, it would destroy my family. I won't do it. But it seems like such a great way to avoid a lifetime of pain and disappointment. I just don't know, my thoughts have been racing all day, and I've just been confused. I can't imagine not being zoo, that sounds terrible, but it sure has lined me up for disappointment. Hopefully tomorrow is better, but I don't see it.

Sometimes it's helpful to learn *from* an animal. They don't seem to be so wrapped up in feelings. I look at my guy, and he seems not to worry about tomorrow. He is more about the moment. Right now.

When your thoughts are racing, and you know you feel down and depressed, do what you did just now: say, "Wow. I feel really down." Just go ahead and announce it. Then realize, it's neither here nor there. Can't wait around till you feel as if you're *not* depressed. Feelings come and go. Ride them like boat wake smashing your canoe. Just keep your ass loose and let the canoe rock. It won't sink.

ALL PEOPLE HAVE THESE FEELINGS. And you are a "people." Just keep in mind it's just a stupid feeling, a "human" thing. Then do what a dog does. Yawn and do whatever needs doing right now.

Is that just BS I'm spouting? Nope. That's how I sometimes had to do it. And today, still have to do it sometimes.

Part of it is just getting older. I'm too grouchy as an aging man to give a fuck about a "feeling." Or about what others think about me. When I was young? Oh man! I struggled with "feelings" all the time. This is going to be less an less a problem. But today? He doesn't worry about feelings of self worth. He sees snow falling and is amazed, snaps at it and plays. He hears the sounds of creatures all around him and tries to identify them, predict what they will do. He is "pack oriented," and wants to be with others, hang with them, hunt with them, play with them. If they're not around, he amuses himself. Or naps. Or steals food. Or licks his penis. (No WONDER they never get depressed!) LOL

He lives for the *now*. You live for the now, too.

 

[sirius]

I also think about suicide. Imagine only being attracted to horses. They are difficult for someone like me to have access to. It can be a hard life. I have to constantly tell myself that it will get better.

I know... And that is why I said I was aware some had even worse fates than me. Or imagine zoos into more exotic animals even... And that's just other zoos who live a life similar to mine and who are attracted to different species. There are some on this planet who don't have access to food or water, those who live in the threat of war, and other way more horrible circumstances. I know I am lucky, and I do my best to be grateful about it... but at the end of the day, it simply isn't enough. Compared to the people around me, my friends (even zoo friends...), family, coworkers... I'm just lagging behind. Nobody's life is perfect, but if you take sexuality away from these people, many of them I'm sure wouldn't even think twice about killing themselves.

I want you to know you have been heard, and although you can't see me nodding, I am. I *have* tasted the muzzle of gun. It was while I was living alone, bankrupt, out of a job and having been accused of a felony that, although I was convicted, it was overturned and expunged two years later. Struggling to overcome, and then overcoming the conviction, vindicated but... completely bankrupt and then homeless, divorced and estranged from my children. Out of a job, all finances ruined. Starving. I had been a man of high social status and means. Then ruined, friendless, and rejected. I had been a very dedicated member of the Catholic Church, but no one helped, not the priest, not the parish.

Bottom, man. Bottom. I ate from dumpsters behind two restaurants across the street from each other and got busted for *that*! (Apparently you're committing a crime digging through dumpsters on private property).

All of that (my story) neither here nor there. Just "street creds." Show you it's not just lip service when I say: You are a unique man in the world, beyond compare. The world waited 4.5 billion years for your arrival. You waited 4.5 billion years to take your turn. Don't jump off the ride early. Hang on. Count blessings, not curses, and you might still see you're a lucky man. Breathe. Can it get better? Yes! Long haul, but little by little things turned around for me. I have recouped everything that was lost, and more. I developed a close relationship with a single mom that, although I was *never* going to marry again, make my self vulnerable like that again, has been my wife now for 12 years. Discovered early in the marriage that she, too, was zoo, and less "shamed" about it that I was. In fact, although discrete, just sees it as a natural extension of her relationship with animals.

What a turnaround, right? Wow! None of it planned or groomed or scheduled. --- And you need to hang in there, see what the future holds for you.

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry you had to go through all that, but I'm glad things are looking up for you now at least.

As a writer, I use a lot of writer metaphors. One is that I learned not to work so hard at "scripting" my life, working to make *my* plan work at all costs. Instead, I learned the hard way to let the story tell itself to me. Turns out, it is a far, far greater, more wondrous, more rewarding story than *I* could have ever written by "forcing" it.

I don't like it, but if I want to conjure the hundreds of thousands I need to buy a house and get some semblance of freedom in today's economy, I need a plan. Going with the flow is what I did for most of my life and it made me miserable. The story life tells me is so horrible, I want to close the book and throw it in the fire. Right now, forcing the story to be mine seems a bit more attractive.

Oh! -- And about life not seeming fair? How some people are so lucky and others get nothing? I always say, "If life were *fair*, I wouldn't have gotten *this* far."

I consider the state of the vast majority of the 7 billion people living on this planet. Ninety percent do not have access to public (free/cheap) education. Seventy-five percent have only what they're wearing, no change of clothes. Half do not have access to clean drinking water. The majority of people on the planet are fully occupied each day with the struggle to have basic human needs met on the most fundamental level, getting food and water for the day for them and their families. Stopping to consider my current state compared to theirs, I almost always end up saying, "Holy shit, I'm an ungrateful bastard! I'm rich!!!"

It's *only* when we come to a room like this that we feel deprived by comparisons -- and that's only if we forget a lot of folks in here (just like on Facebook, where people post happy pictures of their holidays instead of how the father and mother are always screaming at the kids) are greatly exaggerating how they portray their happy lives. You see only what people *want* others to see.

Sometimes we might envy others -- until we see what we'd have to become to be like them. When we see *all* that the other people are, their lives are not so alluring anymore.

Yeah, it's just like I told Hippo above. I know I am lucky. But knowing that alone doesn't seem to make my outlook on life much better. If some people struggle to feed themselves and their families, it really goes to show what is considered "basic human needs" by people. They can't feed themselves, but they still mated with another human, they still had a family. I have neither mate nor family and even if I'm one of the lucky few on the planet who always knows where my next meal is coming from, it's not helping much. It's like Durkheim wrote. Incidences of suicide are ironically more prevalent in rich countries than in poor countries. You would assume that the farmer barely getting by growing lint in the dust in Mozambique would be more likely to despair than the Wall Street wanker who can always buy a 1000 calories at the local McDonald's for 2$, but it's actually the other way around. That's because when you are aware you have many opportunities given to you and you perceive yourself as failing to take them, you are much more likely to chastise yourself and despair then when you have no opportunity given to you in the first place. The human brain is weird like that. People around me with very similar conditions have been able to reach the dream that I have while I can't. Therefore the problem is... me?

Sure, people here exaggerate how happy their life is. I know nobody's life is perfect. But the problem here is that if I tried to exaggerate how happy my life is, I wouldn't even have anything to start with. Exaggerating how happy my life is at this point isn't putting too much focus on what makes me happy while hiding the rest, it's downright lying to people.

 

[BlueBeard]

You said: "Nobody's life is perfect, but if you take sexuality away from these people, many of them I'm sure wouldn't even think twice about killing themselves."

Whoa! What?

Red flag. Is that what *your* bouts with suicidal thoughts are based on? (Or just exaggerating to make a point?). Sex is a wonderful thing, and a powerful urge. But I can't imagine someone offing themselves because they weren't getting it.

Just in case, I have to say, a life *dependent* on sex is a disordered life. Someone who would kill themselves because they couldn't have sex is in urgent need of a health care professional's help -- not help from an online zoo community.

Do not take that the wrong way. I don't mean to imply "Oh my, that person is psycho!" No, not at all. I think of a mental health care professional as a "professional storyteller."

We are human beings. In the animal kingdom, human beings are known uniquely as the "storytelling animal." That is, we have this need to make sense of our lives and the world around us in the form of "stories" we tell (e.g., history, religion, fiction, science... all "stories"). We get mentally "ill" when we can't get our story to make sense. Conflicting constructs, anguishing over guilt, shame, depression, so on.

But we are only ever as mentally "ill" as our inability to make sense of our own story. That's where the "professional storyteller" (counselor, psychologist, therapist) comes in. They have a wealth of training and experience listening carefully and empathetically to the details we give them, then they help us interpret our story, tell it back to us in a way that finally makes sense to us.

Once our story "makes sense," we are almost *instantly* cured. Its as if we've been holding a map, lost and confused, and the counselor turns the map right-side up. We thunk our foreheads and gasp, "Ah! It makes MUCH more sense now!" Cured. (We never turn the map upside and get "lost" on purpose, once we've learned how to orient it).

You -- and anyone reading this who feels similarly -- if you believe it's *that* important to have a sex partner, that you have suicidal thoughts because you can't have one, please check for a psychologist in the area who specializes in sexuality (they abound!). If money is a concern, consider that a number of these folks genuinely care about your happiness and well being and will know a way around the usual fees/rates.

PS: This part was incredibly astute! Envious of your insight here and agree absolutely!: "You would assume that the farmer barely getting by growing lint in the dust in Mozambique would be more likely to despair than the Wall Street wanker who can always buy a 1000 calories at the local McDonald's for 2$, but it's actually the other way around. That's because when you are aware you have many opportunities given to you and you perceive yourself as failing to take them, you are much more likely to chastise yourself and despair then when you have no opportunity given to you in the first place."

 

[220licco]

You said: "Nobody's life is perfect, but if you take sexuality away from these people, many of them I'm sure wouldn't even think twice about killing themselves."

Whoa! What?

Red flag. Is that what *your* bouts with suicidal thoughts are based on? (Or just exaggerating to make a point?). Sex is a wonderful thing, and a powerful urge. But I can't imagine someone offing themselves because they weren't getting it.

Just in case, I have to say, a life *dependent* on sex is a disordered life. Someone who would kill themselves because they couldn't have sex is in urgent need of a health care professional's help -- not help from an online zoo community.

Do not take that the wrong way. I don't mean to imply "Oh my, that person is psycho!" No, not at all. I think of a mental health care professional as a "professional storyteller."

We are human beings. In the animal kingdom, human beings are known uniquely as the "storytelling animal." That is, we have this need to make sense of our lives and the world around us in the form of "stories" we tell (e.g., history, religion, fiction, science... all "stories"). We get mentally "ill" when we can't get our story to make sense. Conflicting constructs, anguishing over guilt, shame, depression, so on.

But we are only ever as mentally "ill" as our inability to make sense of our own story. That's where the "professional storyteller" (counselor, psychologist, therapist) comes in. They have a wealth of training and experience listening carefully and empathetically to the details we give them, then they help us interpret our story, tell it back to us in a way that finally makes sense to us.

Once our story "makes sense," we are almost *instantly* cured. Its as if we've been holding a map, lost and confused, and the counselor turns the map right-side up. We thunk our foreheads and gasp, "Ah! It makes MUCH more sense now!" Cured. (We never turn the map upside and get "lost" on purpose, once we've learned how to orient it).

You -- and anyone reading this who feels similarly -- if you believe it's *that* important to have a sex partner, that you have suicidal thoughts because you can't have one, please check for a psychologist in the area who specializes in sexuality (they abound!). If money is a concern, consider that a number of these folks genuinely care about your happiness and well being and will know a way around the usual fees/rates.

PS: This part was incredibly astute! Envious of your insight here and agree absolutely!: "You would assume that the farmer barely getting by growing lint in the dust in Mozambique would be more likely to despair than the Wall Street wanker who can always buy a 1000 calories at the local McDonald's for 2$, but it's actually the other way around. That's because when you are aware you have many opportunities given to you and you perceive yourself as failing to take them, you are much more likely to chastise yourself and despair then when you have no opportunity given to you in the first place."

I like this way of thinking. But my depression doesn't come from a lack of a partner. It's from being attracted to who I am. The end result of being here is to reproduce, and I can't even get that one right. I can't be who I am, and if I did, I wouldn't be what 99.9% of others consider to be mentally healthy. I know my family would not accept who I am, they would probably think I'm crazy as well. Hopefully I can get my map fixed on my own, because I'm not in a position where I can talk to a professional, and I don't know how comfortable I would be doing that. Today was better than yesterday though, and hopefully tomorrow will follow the same trend. I hope I'm not hijacking this thread, but there's a lot of good stuff going on here, and I don't see a reason to start an identical thread when the topic I'd like to discuss has been posted.

 

[sirius]

You said: "Nobody's life is perfect, but if you take sexuality away from these people, many of them I'm sure wouldn't even think twice about killing themselves."

Whoa! What?

Red flag. Is that what *your* bouts with suicidal thoughts are based on? (Or just exaggerating to make a point?). Sex is a wonderful thing, and a powerful urge. But I can't imagine someone offing themselves because they weren't getting it.

In what way is this a red flag? And a red flag for what exactly? People feel urges to commit suicide for various reasons. My life is lacking in several aspects but the chief among them is sexuality. It is an urge (some would even say a need) that is not satisfied and has never been satisfied for me, it is something that despite being pursed for a long time has never happened and now I reached a point where I think the only way to get it in check is by removing myself from this life. It's very easy for people who have these needs met to tell people who don't that it's no big deal. But one thing you'll realize it's that it's never the lacking who say it isn't such a big deal.

I realize my life certainly didn't hit a low point like yours, but the fact that you think you can dismiss my troubles with a brush of the hand like that is a little bit patronizing.

I appreciate your concern, I did think about seeing a psychologist, but I am not comfortable about opening up about these issues and anyways, I really wonder what they could tell me that I don't already know. Yes, my "map" is fucked up. I know. I'm zoo. Society will tell me I "shouldn't be." But here I am nonetheless. I didn't have much of a say in this whole thing. At some point I need to realize these are the cards I've been dealt, and if I can't turn them into a winning hand... well there isn't much I can do.

 

[hippophile]

I've been down this road. It's a dark, lonely path. It consumes you, makes you feel like nothing else matters, not even your own life.

Find comfort in whatever you can. Suicide is permanent. I think about it too, but I would never act on it. Once you're dead, your chances of having sex with a dog is zero percent. Hold onto the hope that things will get better. Otherwise, your mind will go insane. I speak from experience.

When I feel like this, I watch documentaries of people who are going through much worse things than me. It helps to give me the perspective I need in order to survive. This is something that, over the span of a few years, has really helped me. I realized that people are suffering every day, each in their own way.

The world is an unforgiving place, yet here we are, still breathing. Depression isn't easy to overcome, but we have to continue to fight it.

 

[Zoo50]

I don't like it, but if I want to conjure the hundreds of thousands I need to buy a house and get some semblance of freedom in today's economy, I need a plan. Going with the flow is what I did for most of my life and it made me miserable. The story life tells me is so horrible, I want to close the book and throw it in the fire. Right now, forcing the story to be mine seems a bit more attractive.

What about renting a house? Renting is often more realistic / affordable than buying a house, at least in the short term. One has to go along with what the property owner wants, but some rentals allow animals such as dogs, horses, etc.

All of that (my story) neither here nor there. Just "street creds." Show you it's not just lip service when I say: You are a unique man in the world, beyond compare. The world waited 4.5 billion years for your arrival. You waited 4.5 billion years to take your turn. Don't jump off the ride early. Hang on. Count blessings, not curses, and you might still see you're a lucky man.

In addition to that, the chances of any one person coming into existence is very small (i.e. chances of the right sperm cell reaching the right egg cell, as well as the chances of one's parents meeting in the first place). It's probably like 1 in 25 trillion. Why throw it all away when one has been given this 1 in 25 trillion chance of being here?

 

[Tailo]

Well, that’s all the bullshit off my chest.

It's good that you got that off your chest.
There are indeed many frustrating aspects in life. I don't think that you are wrong about anything you've said there, and there are even more troubles we could add.

But I hope that you can also see what's good, that you can identify chances, that you can experience beauty—in nature for example or in arts. Maybe you can find a way to focus more on things that make you happy than on those that get you down. Here is an idea: How about starting a positive diary before going to bed where you only write down good things you experienced that day, things that you liked or when you had a lough? This is not to pretend that negative things wouldn't have happened—it's not about writing an autobiography. And it doesn't have to be great literature—no pressure—a bulleted list is fine. The purpose is simply to focus on the good things, because that can make you feel better.

You've got a lovely avatar by the way.

 

[sirius]

What about renting a house? Renting is often more realistic / affordable than buying a house, at least in the short term.

That's not a bad idea, and I did think about that. But it's still very expensive. At least with a mortgage, you go towards building something you own. With renting, you never do. Ah, I don't know. I've had bad experiences with renting, but that's something worth looking into, yeah.

But I hope that you can also see what's good, that you can identify chances, that you can experience beauty—in nature for example or in arts. Maybe you can find a way to focus more on things that make you happy than on those that get you down. Here is an idea: How about starting a positive diary before going to bed where you only write down good things you experienced that day, things that you liked or when you had a lough? This is not to pretend that negative things wouldn't have happened—it's not about writing an autobiography. And it doesn't have to be great literature—no pressure—a bulleted list is fine. The purpose is simply to focus on the good things, because that can make you feel better.

I've done gratitude journaling every other day for some time a while ago, but I stopped for whatever reason. I should get back into it, you're right.

You've got a lovely avatar by the way.

Thanks! I found it after 10 seconds of Google image search ?

 

[BlueBeard]

In addition to that, the chances of any one person coming into existence is very small (i.e. chances of the right sperm cell reaching the right egg cell, as well as the chances of one's parents meeting in the first place). It's probably like 1 in 25 trillion. ...

Naw, your tables are wrong. My fuckin' stepdaughters had no problem beating those odds, conceiving early on. And often. Way you make it sound, we won the lottery. Um nope. Sorta feels the other way around. (*bangs head on wall* & *listens to the flapping, empty wallet he shakes in his hand*). LOL

 

[ZTHorse]

I suppose im the type in your post who considered zoophilia a blessing in disguise.

There was a period of time before i accepted it that i felt very bad about it because the typical programmed dream of a family, home and 9-5 work day was broken. I had nothing to dream about because my sexuality invalidated that path for me.

So i accepted it, and had a new dream. A dream of land with many different animals and zoo friends. A cottage on the prarie, and a life of peaceful simplicity. Since i dont have human intimate relationships, im now freed from that burden. I have more time to study and meditate on deeper things. I don't have to work as hard since its just myself and my animals.

Its all on my hands to do something about it and that felt good. A new dream or hope is needed in the human mind or all there is, is the suffering.

 

[BlueBeard]

THIS is why the blues was invented: recognition of, celebration of our personal struggle. As a storyteller, I recognize there are two essential requirements for a story to even *be* a story, let alone a worthwhile one to tell: the character and the conflict. Without conflict, we are nothing.

With conflict? Oh man...

I do not regret *any* sufferings I have endured, because they've made me who I am today. And who I am today is fuckin' cool. (You all really ought to get to know me. )

That's my real source of sadness now. The recognition that *just* when we as individuals start becoming someone interesting, we die. Shit. All those precious, wondrous accomplishments, insights, wisdom. Then the grand finger hits the "delete" key, erases memory.

While we live, while we struggle, while we overcome, we are magnificent beings. I promise to celebrate *you* and ask nothing in return, knowing that your story is miraculous. I want to hear it. Not to compare it to my own. But because it is... you. And you are unique. You exist only once, and I don't want to miss it.

 

[elshara]

It has taken me a very, long time to understand why I could accept a lack of sex in my life in exchange for love of any kind. But preferably mutual. I can't live without love, I can ignore the sex aspect of life, because I have a hand for the time when I need to get off.
I don't want kids with a human. I don't want to belong to a 3d vibration trap with a human. I don't want to be involved with the inability to be heard by selfish human women. I don't need the stigma to tell me I'm not good enough by professionals who think they know it all in addition to knowing what isn't right, but not telling you why, especially if you're caught unaware by it.
I'm a psychic in real life. I have a spiritual connection which majorly helps me detach from sex and the need to support an over populated planet with more life, unless I'm 100% committed to it. I don't need the 3d experience of fucking to satisfy me as much, because physically, I know what I am, want and need most of all. To be respected mutually on an equal level by any being. And to communicate this need in turn.
For a long time, I used to be fixated on the need to belong somewhere. I've always, felt like an alien in a world that is quite frankly, far from my own ideal place to live. And that's not because I was born prematurely with a disability for life. It's to do with the fact that I feel I have nothing to lose, when I'm certain of why where I'm going, the direction I'm taking and why I know I shouldn't worry about anything else while I'm manifesting the reality I can tolerate.
No, things don't always work out in the human world. I've sacrificed my sexual independence for a stable living situation many times, and that's not likely to change. I truly feel your pain, and as someone only attracted to animals, instead of beings from the astral, this is all you have to go on and it is driving you absolutely insane.
I need to address one point you've recently made, Sirius. Please, whatever you do, don't force an animal into sexual favors because you're lonely and need a cuddle fuck. Find one who wants you for all that you offer, and that will ramp up your pleasure 10fould. And be sure you live alone before you dedicate your life to a partner who is non human you are intimate with. Treat that situation like you are raising an extraterrestrial child at home, and can't let anyone else find out. That way when people see your dog, you can just protect him or her from any relative embarrassment an unannounced visit may cause.
This isn't a taboo lifestyle, it is a practical all in, or all out lifestyle. I've been attracted to wild things since the age of 7, wolves being my main attraction now at the age of 26. Not only is the wolf my spirit animal, but also my starseed origin hybrid reptilian as well. This may sound a bit out there to people in 3d reading this statement, but this is who I am. The closest physical link to my spirit form in astral, is the physical wolf. I have longed to be free of this prison planet for a number of years, beginning in 2010 where I felt like, there was no hope for me to even get out of the school system unscathed. I was right.
This world is not setup for anyone's future. If you were born in the 1970's or 1980's, you had a chance to have a good life. Even before then, those decades inparticular was considered the golden era of the 20th century because you had a lot to rely on as a financial safety net. Now however, what with people getting more greedy, mainly in terms of feeling they had more exclusive egocentric rights to control everything, it all comes down to what you have in terms of money. Not everyone has that safety net, and that is why if you need to get anywhere in 3d, be your own employer at any cost is the way to get rich.
Unfortunately, that means, until you make it, you have to be a city person unless you exclusively are an online seller of something. This also means that you have no time to dedicate yourself to a dog, unless you are an online seller and can schedule your life around work. I hate to say it, but family first is becoming a major past time as the bygone era of the 20th century long since ended with the birth of stricter living conditions as well as an overall increase in mass exposure to paranoia and fear. Our own community being a perfect example of what went wrong with the world hating us, instead of working with us since many politicians are ruthlessly uneducated turning to close minded religions to fall back on archaic human morals rather than living and let live principles of understanding. While this is useful for people who are more abusive, people also turn blind eyes to abuse when money is involved anyways, making the whole drama fest, rather meaningless in the end.
This has caused a huge boom for people who are spiritual or psychic, because the market is huge for people with messages loved ones try to send through mediums so others can find peace in their life. But ultimately, that passion has to be recognized by a conscious community for it to go somewhere. With animals, what you have, instead of recognition, is someone who will love you, but not be able to enhance what you have to provide on your own. Zoo couples in this instance, actually have the most ideal arrangement in such a way, because this need is largely either solved or greatly quelled by a pack of sorts, helping the entire mini home ecosystem of relationship interaction be helped along in this way.
I don't predict the world is going to get better, and that is because humans with money shut themselves off from observing others in a socialist setting. This psychopathic world tendency is on the rise, and one can honestly thank the drug industry among other violent video games and movies for the influence of mafia like control systems to this effect, increasing the military industrial complex. As paranoid nanny states goes though, this means that we have less, and are watched more by those who care only for what they are told to do, like robots. And honestly, this leads to problems with so much more than a human existence.
What this means for zoophiles who are unable to care for animals due to their living situation and or arrangements, is that loneliness is the number one cause of depression due to lack of access to the one thing providing you peace. It's not sex, it's being understood by another being who loves you if you are there for him or her in return regardless of race or species. This is nothing new. But what is, is the attitude that you express, that there's nothing we can do about it.
It really does sadden me to think that we are in an age where we have no control. I couldn't think of something to tell you that nothing could be further from the truth, apart from the fact that we as a community, must rely on each other to find peace now more so than ever. Mini communities of people with a desire to meet others of like mind, is going to revolutionize the way we will never be forgotten, or have to live with loneliness again. Gone are the days of solidarity, replaced by a need to stick together, in a different world we grew up in than what we see today.
My best advice to you, is put an ad up in the personals section of this site with your area to stay with someone and live together. That way, you can have a relationship with an animal that you want while you focus on a job perhaps even a local zoophile would be able to share in the profits with you on. Become the top of your field, a vet, a dog walker, a dog sitter, anything but take care to respect the limitations of each animal so that you have happy owners PayIng your way forward. This will ultimately give you enough funds to get a place that is going to set you free, and not have nosy neighbors spying on your activities. Try to move to a more liberal state if you are in the US, like California once you get started, taking your business with you. This way, you will not have so many purposeful uneducated people breathing down your neck, giving you the personal space you need to own and love an animal as your equal. Be it a dog, a horse or even your own farm. Services for others is how I was able to overcome the depression I was faced with immediately following my exit from the school system. I do not envy tomorrow's children, they will have it rougher than we do now. Guaranteed.

 

[BlueBeard]

Such compassion! Loving it, Elshara.

Only one thing I'd recommend different, and it's a tiny, tiny thing. Stay the hell away from California. And don't even think about Washington or Oregon. You don't want "liberal," you want libertarian. You want a place where government does not touch you except as necessary to protect you from malice. Go next door to Nevada. Ain't nobody hurting nobody there. You live as you want.

I always say, if California ever *does* fall into the Pacific Ocean, look east: It's because Nevadans were lined up at the border, pushing.

Personally, I'm not in Nevada. But I have family there. And anywhere I've been in Nevada, I felt at home and free from persecution by "parental governments," intent on doing "what's best for me." I don't need a government forcing everyone into conformity. I need a state where the government leaves me the hell alone.

Most Nevadans don't even realize they *have* a government.

 

[Zoo50]

You want a place where government does not touch you except as necessary to protect you from malice. Go next door to Nevada. Ain't nobody hurting nobody there. You live as you want.

The only issue I have with Nevada is that they made a brand-new anti-zoo law in 2017. Until 2017, sex with animals was legal in Nevada, but since 2017 it has been illegal there.

Is there actual enforcement of Nevada's new anti-zoo law? I don't know.

 

[BlueBeard]

The only issue I have with Nevada is that they made a brand-new anti-zoo law in 2017. Until 2017, sex with animals was legal in Nevada, but since 2017 it has been illegal there.

Is there actual enforcement of Nevada's new anti-zoo law? I don't know.

Never heard of Nevada enforcing *any* law. LOL

PS: The zoo thing? Naw. Eleven of its 17 counties (might have the number wrong, just what I recollect off the top of my head) have legal prostitution. I've been in one of the houses in Elko. Oh, wow. The animals I saw come in the door and grabbing them up some ladies.... I'd tend to think *any* animal can get sex with a human on payday. Any anti-zoo law must be aimed at the other counties.



(But serious. After seeing some of those unwashed, overweight... I was going to say "apes" but that's an insult to apes.... dragging a woman by the hand down the hallway after them, I felt really bad for those working girls. They ain't getting paid enough for what they have to do, on demand, every shift. Thank heavens we don't let people treat dogs and horses that way. Nothing ironic there, right?)

 

[Bearstone30]

The only issue I have with Nevada is that they made a brand-new anti-zoo law in 2017. Until 2017, sex with animals was legal in Nevada, but since 2017 it has been illegal there.

Is there actual enforcement of Nevada's new anti-zoo law? I don't know.

We were not the only state that fell that year. And for most part outside Reno and LV they don't enforce the damn law unless your being dumb and make them have to. So keep the sex behind closed doors and no one cares. The only time it's been enforced to my knowledge was Guy was out in open next to the hiway 95 fucking a donkey down near Pahrump for all the passing cars to see.

Also the only reason we got the law, other then easy law to pass to get brownie points for reelection, was a couple drunk guys got caught trespassing on some bigwigs land with their dicks in the guys sheep.

 

[PonyTrot]

(The following applies to the USA mostly, I know some other countries are nowhere near the same)
I keep hearing the constant theme "I'll never get anywhere because the system is keeping me down". There is a lot of ways people say it but it all too often comes true but only because you are holding yourself back. I'm not trying to make anyone more depressed, but it's just the damn truth. You may have to make changes in life and location. The economy is actually pretty good right now. I make nearly 6 figures -without- even a high school diploma. My secret? I have a job that takes more then 10 minutes to learn. That's the key-if your replacement can be trained up to your level in hours or a few days, your job isn't going to pay squat. I'm not rich but I have what I need to be what I am. Many well paying jobs are CONSTANTLY hiring!!

Like I said, my hope is this gives hope to people, it can be done. It will be a long term thing, might take you 10 years to get in a better place. Find something you have a talent for that has well paying jobs, that you can be OK doing. Don't fall for the trap of going for a 'job you love' or 'have deep passion for' because the more passion you have, the less they pay!! ALL jobs will suck and it's probably best if your job is not tied directly to your favorite activities.

Location is important too. Look in places with LOW average income! Then learn a high paying job for that area, the pool of qualified people won't be so many and you will have an easier time getting that job. Factory peons don't make squat, but you can get 90% of the same pay for the specialty jobs in these areas as you would get in a high pay area, where the cost of living may be 50%, or less.

 

[UniqueAmerican]

I know that feeling. I struggled with my identity for years, it still causes me intense social anxiety. Yes, being zoo, especially being exclusive can be self-conflicting and profoundly misunderstood, but in my opinion the feeling of occupying that emotionally and ideologically distinct world is without compare. I can't imagine not being zoo.

 

[sirius]

(The following applies to the USA mostly, I know some other countries are nowhere near the same)
I keep hearing the constant theme "I'll never get anywhere because the system is keeping me down". There is a lot of ways people say it but it all too often comes true but only because you are holding yourself back. I'm not trying to make anyone more depressed, but it's just the damn truth. You may have to make changes in life and location. The economy is actually pretty good right now.

Although I tend to generally disagree with these kinds of viewpoints, there is one phrase you often hear said by some left-leaning people I can't help but agree with. Just because one person managed upward mobility doesn't mean the system works well. I totally agree a lot of what people are doing is making excuses and not taking responsibility for their lives, but saying the economy is bad is just a fact. I'm glad things are going well for you, but just because you managed to make it work for yourself doesn't change anything to the fact that a statistically increasing number of people fail to make it work for them.

In 10 years, I might be in a better place. In 10 years, I might be worse off. I don't know what life has in store for me. But currently, I am suffering and telling myself I still have to go through this shit everyday for decades for a chance to maybe be a little bit happier doesn't motivate me at all to want to continue with the grind.

 

[aqua]

@sirius

I see you. My advice might be similar to others before me, but here it is anyway:

1. Find a kink-friendly sex therapist. I can't remember the episode number but the zooier than thou podcast touches on the benefits at one point, and I'll find it for you. You have nearly everything to gain and little to lose doing this. You won't even come close to the toughest case to walk through the door. Let them help you redirect that distressing force into something good, and turn your zooey nature back into a neutral or positive attribute.

2. Hire a life coach and/or a career counselor. Of course you don't have to share your exact motivations, but let them help you form a plan that puts you on track to life the way to want to live.

3. Find meaning through work, activism, or charity, independent of zoophilia.

4. Love your dog. Accept the limits of your relationship and give her everything you can all the same. You are her whole world.

?

 

[PonyTrot]

In 10 years, I might be in a better place. In 10 years, I might be worse off. I don't know what life has in store for me. But currently, I am suffering and telling myself I still have to go through this shit everyday for decades for a chance to maybe be a little bit happier doesn't motivate me at all to want to continue with the grind.

I guarantee if you try to fail, you will succeed. Sounds corny as hell but it's true.

You have three basic choices. Pray for a windfall-a rich uncle dies, the lottery hits, your McJob owner takes pity on your and puts you on the board of directors of his real estate empire? You can 'accept your fate' and you will likely be the same place in 10 years, or you can work your ever loving ASS off and take a chance on not getting as far as you think you should. Yes, luck and fate and other things play into how far you can get, but YOU, yourself, are the biggest factor.

 

[UniqueAmerican]

All of the posts above, the point about 60% of the world living in poverty, you know, we have it relatively well that's true.

But comparing our state of affairs to problems unfortunately that are intertwined with the world...it is a sort of fallacy.

People will always attempt to negate the existence of a minority, they'll caricature their identity and dismiss them at will.

I just mean that though people can be invariably cruel, what matters is that someone, somewhere, stood up to that, because otherwise the human condition cannot advance.