Terrible Puns and Dad Jokes

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There are three trees. What number does this represent?
Nine=Tree+tree+tree.
A big dust storm sweeps through. What number is it now?
Ninety nine=Dirty tree+dirty tree+dirty tree.
A bird comes by and craps on each tree. What number is it now?
One hundred=Dirty tree and a turd+dirty tree and a turd+dirty tree and a turd.
 
Transmogrification

Mr Wood and Mr Stone were walking down the street when a really pretty babe walked by. Stone turned to Wood, Wood turned to Stone, they both turned to Rub 'er and the Girl turned into a Drugstore.

If this doesnt hit you, read it aloud.
 
This was said by a young person
"BURP"
Eww that's gross don't do that would u do that at school
BUT I PEE AND POO AT SCHOOL THEY HAVE NICE TOILETS
well can't argue with that
 
A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “You’re in here a lot. Are you an alcoholic?” The horse ponders for a minute, then says, “I don’t think I am.” Then Poof! He disappears.

See, the joke is about Rene Descartes' famous philosophy of "Cogito, ergo sum", or better known as “I think, therefore I am.” I could have told you that first, but that would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
 
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