Terrible Puns and Dad Jokes

[Labraguy5]

 

[Renegadewa1]

What do you call a pig who takes karate lessons?

A pork chop!!

 

[Chiara2003]

 

[Chiara2003]

 

[Ted Danson Machine]

 

[Chiara2003]

 

[TheZipper]

What do Mick Jagger and a Scotsman have in common?
Mick say, “Hey, you, get off of my cloud.”
A Scotsman says, “Hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe!”

 

[Ted Danson Machine]

You can't run through a campground. You can only ran, because it's past tents.

 

[TrinityKnott2]

Chuck Norris can do a mono on a unicycle.

 

[Ted Danson Machine]

I love how the earth rotates every 24 hours. It really makes my day.

 

[CetaceanLover23]

There's been a burglar stealing tires off vehicles lately. Police are tirelessly looking for him.

 

[Labraguy5]

Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road? To get to the other slide.

 

[lfds]

I have a friend named jose. When ever my dad saw him, my dad would ask hows hose b. If Jose came over with another friend, any friend, that person automatically got called hose b when he walked in the door. That joke started in 1986 and ran until 2018. The longest running dad joke that I've ever heard.

 

[Labraguy5]

Why did the band 1023 Mega Bytes struggle to get popular?

They could never make it to a gig.

 

[TrinityKnott2]

My wife said if I don't stop referencing Star Wars she is going to leave me.

Divorce is strong with this one.

 

[KnotReady]

View attachment 298654

I knew you would be in here

 

[Chiara2003]

I think I post b4

 

[RandomNameGenerated]

Me and my recliner go way back

 

[Labraguy5]

 

[suzyk9]

Please post your worst, cringworthy, and/or groan-worthy puns and dad jokes.

I'll start:

Q: When does a joke become a dad joke?

A: When it becomes apparent.

------

Q: What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

A: "Dam."

Why did the turtle cross the road?

It was the chickens day off

 

[Ted Danson Machine]

Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject? Now you mention Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

 

[RandomNameGenerated]

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Adducts Anonymous. I’m disappointed to see a lot of new faces here today

 

[Ted Danson Machine]

Happy Times Abortion Clinic: We Bring Out The Kid In You

 

[TrinityKnott2]

There was a young man from Madrass,
Who's balls were made of brass.
In stormy weather they'd clang together,
And lighting would shoot from his arse/ass.

 

[egoldstein]

Happy Times Abortion Clinic: We Bring Out The Kid In You

That's almost as bad as overhearing an abortion clinic doctor say, "I kid you not".

 

[Taopony]

 

[FloofyNewfie]

 

[DieguitoTF2]

"I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."

 

[Taopony]

 

[RandomNameGenerated]

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German were all sitting at an outdoor table at a restaurant. A street performer walks by and starts performing. Seeing a hedge in the way, he stands up on a box and asks, “Can you see me?”

“Yes.”

“Oui.”

“Si.”

“Ja.”