(Hope this is the right spot for this)
It's always been an issue- I know what I am. I am a zoophile. I'm also into humans, but there's definitely desire to be with dogs. And I've given in, in the past, and the present. Up until recently I hadn't done anything with my current dogs, I had sworn I was done with it. I felt so guilty. It's illegal, it's seen as a very bad thing... It all started to weigh on me. So when my dog eventually passed away, I swore I would never do it again. I kept that promise for 6 years.
I started watching zoo porn again, and coming here, and on rule34 for the last few months again, falling into this hole once more. Nothing has ever excited me like it, nothing has ever made me feel like this does. That's why there's also so much guilt, perhaps? The fact I enjoy it *so* much, must mean I'm bad, right? I don't know.
I gave in about two weeks ago- I let him eat me out. One of my dogs. The other one wasn't interested, but the other one is very eager to do so. He's always been a licky dog and I've *always* discouraged it. A lick on my hand or face would ignite me and I'd have to fight myself. So I simply discouraged it and persevered.
But then I saw a really good video- of another trans person (I'm FTM myself) getting licked and... I couldn't stand it anymore. I gave in.
After I felt tremendous guilt, and again, swore ~I'd never do it again~. Yeah. Sure. Why do I lie to myself? I've given in several more times. I've even taken pictures and vids while I did it, that I instantly delete when I finish. It just- makes it even more exciting somehow. I feel so much shame admitting all this. I just- I need some input. Am I psyching myself out? I keep swinging like a damn pendulum of extremely attracted and horny for it and utterly ashamed and repulsed with myself.
How do I get over this? Is there a way through it? I want to give in right now so bad, yet I'm fighting so hard and I don't even understand *why*.