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Feeling of guilt

B

BlueBeard

Guest
New zoos, old zoos -- doesn't matter. Most of us have been there. Questioning if we're doing something wrong, if we're "bad."

Well, that's a personal question, a matter that depends on the individual, their upbringing, their belief system and... whether they can reconcile all that. Most likely -- unless you're a complete psychopath -- you can't. Not right away. Not immediately.

Some kinds of guilt and shame are good. But a lot of it is unhealthy, is "toxic." How do you know which is which?

Maybe this will help. Two things to add to your reflection. One is from the Bible. One is from a psychotherapist, John Bradshaw, the "hurt people hurt people" guy." But he's not the only psychologist who's mentioned this. Check the concept out for yourself and do a little introspection. If you've been struggling with guilt and shame over being zoo, it just might bring you great relief. (I'm not a psychologist in real life. But I was a bar tender for two years. Same thing???) :)

Old story

Here's one from the Bible. If that isn't *you* then skip ahead to the psychologist thing:

In Genesis, Adam and Eve suddenly feel shame after doing what God told them not to do. They cover their bodies, suddenly thinking their bodies are shameful and need to be hidden. God is onto them, but rhetorically asks:

"Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?"

What's up with that? The author (who was human, by the way, inspired by God or ...just inspired) gives us the clear impression human beings weren't created to feel ashamed of their bodies. We did that to ourselves. That's a *human* thing. And the second thing to unpack there is, they felt shame after they did something wrong. Probably for the first time ever, they did something terribly wrong and wanted to hide their guilt. (Why that's nudity, well... very telling, isn't it? What did eating from the tree have to do with modesty for their naked bodies?)

Just know that you were not created to be ashamed to be naked. Your penis or vagina is no more "evil" than your hand. That's been imposed on us by our own culture, not our "design" and not by our designer.

That's one. Now here comes psychology.

Happy thoughts

Guilt, first of all, is not a bad thing in and of itself. You are SUPPOSED to feel guilty if you do something wrong. It's recognizing we are responsible for something we wish we were not responsible for. If we never felt guilt about anything, we'd be psychopathic and need to be put down.

In short, you don't want to be free of the ability to "feel guilt."

But there's healthy guilt and toxic guilt.

Healthy guilt is a realization you violated your own principles. Say one of your principles is to be a trustworthy person. Then it occurs to you something that you did completely violated someone's trust in you. Well, you *should* feel guilty. You should want to apologize and offer something to restore their trust, let them know "this is not you."

Toxic guilt is taking on responsibility for doing/being "wrong" that you think you are supposed to feel guilty for, but really isn't your "fault." You really didn't do anything wrong. You just think you should feel wrong. So you eat that like a lead pipe. Gives you anguish. (This is my understanding of how this works. Correct me if I'm wrong).

Why do you think looking lustfully at an animal's cock or vagina is "wrong"? Who told you it was wrong? And if you touch it, why is that wrong. If that animal touches, licks or makes yours feel good, why is that "wrong"? Do *you* think it's wrong? Or is that being imposed on you?

When it comes to shame, normal shame is simple modesty. I don't impose my sexuality on others. I don't presume they *want* to see my penis. Or anus. Or activity with an animal. I'm not "ashamed of" these things, but I know people don't want to see this part of me. So... I take measures they don't have to see it.

Toxic shame is feeling that I *have* to hide part of me. If anyone were to discover it, I could not recover from it. Knowledge of it will ruin me beyond repair, should anyone find out. I should maybe even take my own life if they discover this part of me.

Why? If you walk in on me while I'm dressing, healthy shame would say "Oops, sorry! And probably burst out laughing." If the other person can't cope with having seen me naked, or making love to my spouse anally, or with my dog -- that's *their* problem, not mine. I am just being me. Didn't mean for them to see it, but oh well. Move on.

Unhealthy, toxic shame would be to think a line was crossed that can never be uncrossed. Now that someone else knows, I don't want to live anymore. Or can't live here. What should be thought of as *their* problem, I make mine.

Does it help?

If you're having trouble with anguish along these lines, does any of this help you? Simply think to yourself, do the "norms" of society or other people authentically suit you? Are those yours? Simple modesty -- shame -- would indicate, don't have sex with dogs in front of other people. That's private. That's for your own home and special people you can feel secure in sharing that knowledge or even participation with.

And simple guilt, healthy guilt, is knowing where your lines are and not crossing them. If you persist in trying have penetrative sex with an unwilling dog that's whining and trying to get away, I would *hope* that you feel guilt. Knock it off. Reassure the dog that it's okay, it didn't do anything wrong. Reestablish a loving bond. Everything is cool.

But if ... in the heat of a moment ... you succumb to a sexually provocative dog, sate a burning desire that you've had ... and then feel guilty after it's over that you've done something wrong?

Who told you it was wrong? Wrong on what grounds? Where did that come from?

If you're feeling guilty or shameful, it might be healthy, or it might be toxic. You can figure this out. Just ... start by asking, where is that coming from? Articulate for yourself what your values are, what principles underly them. Then don't cross those.

Life gets much more comfortable and stable when its guided by your own, true principles and not some set of constructs others impose upon you but you don't quite believe are valid.
 
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Hi all, new here, and very new to this whole community. My question is how have people gotten over the self doubt and guilt that some (like myself) feel because they are attracted to animals?
 
Lucky for you, I just wrote about this! Apologies in advance for the length:

“The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was nothing like the caricature of a zoophile I’d pictured in my mind. Nothing about me had changed. I was still a nerdy woman that loved anime, stayed up too late writing crappy novels, loved my boy more than anything, hiked any chance I got, and spent my days getting my ass whooped in console games with friends when I wasn’t working or in school. Really all that had changed was that I’d put a name on a feeling I’d had since puberty.

Life would go on. The sun still shone, the rain still poured, and the earth still spun in circles. Rio [My animal partner] still loved me regardless of my orientation. He still wanted to cuddle and make out and steal my pretzels. He was happy with me regardless. So why was I making myself miserable? Why was I punishing myself for an evil that wasn’t there?

I guess once I took a step back and realized that my orientation didn’t define me, it wasn’t that hard to accept myself for who I was.

My sexual orientation isn’t a hindrance on my life. It’s not a burden to my lover, to my family, to my friends, or even to myself. It doesn’t make me a rapist or a psychopath or whatever other label is out there for zoophiles. It’s just a small piece of the pie, a fraction of the whole dessert.

We’re made the way we are for a reason. We may not ever know what the reason is, but each and every one of us has been carefully crafted by whatever’s out there, if there’s anything out there at all. For some weird reason, I was made with a taste for dogs. I don’t think I’ll ever know why. But what I do know is that I’m not a monster. I bleed red when I’m sliced into. My tears still taste of salt, I have the same reluctance to harm as anyone else, I have my hopes, my dreams, my fears, my favorite food and my favorite weather...

If there ever comes a day where I do hurt Rio, then I can deal with the consequences then. But as of now, I have yet to see that happen. Despite all the bullshit he has to go through, his undying affection towards me gives me faith that everything is just fine. That I’m not a danger to him. That the way I was made isn’t a problem for him, so it shouldn’t be for me.

Whatever the reason I was made this way, I’m willing to go with the flow and see where the road takes me. That’s all we’re doing in the end: Floating aimlessly along the river the universe made for us.”



I wish you luck in figuring yourself out. It’s a bumpy road and at times you’ll doubt yourself, but just remember that you were made just the way you were meant to be. You can’t change who you are, and as long as you’re not causing harm to others, there’s no need to feel ashamed. Just continue to live your life. And enjoy it while you can.
 
Jewelry Fish said:
Lucky for you, I just wrote about this! Apologies in advance for the length:

“The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was nothing like the caricature of a zoophile I’d pictured in my mind. Nothing about me had changed. I was still a nerdy woman that loved anime, stayed up too late writing crappy novels, loved my boy more than anything, hiked any chance I got, and spent my days getting my ass whooped in console games with friends when I wasn’t working or in school. Really all that had changed was that I’d put a name on a feeling I’d had since puberty.

Life would go on. The sun still shone, the rain still poured, and the earth still spun in circles. Rio [My animal partner] still loved me regardless of my orientation. He still wanted to cuddle and make out and steal my pretzels. He was happy with me regardless. So why was I making myself miserable? Why was I punishing myself for an evil that wasn’t there?

I guess once I took a step back and realized that my orientation didn’t define me, it wasn’t that hard to accept myself for who I was.

My sexual orientation isn’t a hindrance on my life. It’s not a burden to my lover, to my family, to my friends, or even to myself. It doesn’t make me a rapist or a psychopath or whatever other label is out there for zoophiles. It’s just a small piece of the pie, a fraction of the whole dessert.

We’re made the way we are for a reason. We may not ever know what the reason is, but each and every one of us has been carefully crafted by whatever’s out there, if there’s anything out there at all. For some weird reason, I was made with a taste for dogs. I don’t think I’ll ever know why. But what I do know is that I’m not a monster. I bleed red when I’m sliced into. My tears still taste of salt, I have the same reluctance to harm as anyone else, I have my hopes, my dreams, my fears, my favorite food and my favorite weather...

If there ever comes a day where I do hurt Rio, then I can deal with the consequences then. But as of now, I have yet to see that happen. Despite all the bullshit he has to go through, his undying affection towards me gives me faith that everything is just fine. That I’m not a danger to him. That the way I was made isn’t a problem for him, so it shouldn’t be for me.

Whatever the reason I was made this way, I’m willing to go with the flow and see where the road takes me. That’s all we’re doing in the end: Floating aimlessly along the river the universe made for us.”



I wish you luck in figuring yourself out. It’s a bumpy road and at times you’ll doubt yourself, but just remember that you were made just the way you were meant to be. You can’t change who you are, and as long as you’re not causing harm to others, there’s no need to feel ashamed. Just continue to live your life. And enjoy it while you can.
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That’s really nice :) thank you for sharing
 
<shrug> Aside from being a normal "not to be known by others - keep it out of the public eye" caution, I don't think about it at all. I'd rather mate outside my species. So what?

Guilt? What guilt? By who's (or should that be "whom's" there?) authority? And why should I give a <bleeeeeeeep>? Self doubt? Wuddat?

ETA - just realized it shoulda been "whose".
Wuddaya know - even us senile ol' graybeards muff it once in a while. :)
 
Jewelry Fish said:
Lucky for you, I just wrote about this! Apologies in advance for the length:

“The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was nothing like the caricature of a zoophile I’d pictured in my mind. Nothing about me had changed. I was still a nerdy woman that loved anime, stayed up too late writing crappy novels, loved my boy more than anything, hiked any chance I got, and spent my days getting my ass whooped in console games with friends when I wasn’t working or in school. Really all that had changed was that I’d put a name on a feeling I’d had since puberty.

Life would go on. The sun still shone, the rain still poured, and the earth still spun in circles. Rio [My animal partner] still loved me regardless of my orientation. He still wanted to cuddle and make out and steal my pretzels. He was happy with me regardless. So why was I making myself miserable? Why was I punishing myself for an evil that wasn’t there?

I guess once I took a step back and realized that my orientation didn’t define me, it wasn’t that hard to accept myself for who I was.

My sexual orientation isn’t a hindrance on my life. It’s not a burden to my lover, to my family, to my friends, or even to myself. It doesn’t make me a rapist or a psychopath or whatever other label is out there for zoophiles. It’s just a small piece of the pie, a fraction of the whole dessert.

We’re made the way we are for a reason. We may not ever know what the reason is, but each and every one of us has been carefully crafted by whatever’s out there, if there’s anything out there at all. For some weird reason, I was made with a taste for dogs. I don’t think I’ll ever know why. But what I do know is that I’m not a monster. I bleed red when I’m sliced into. My tears still taste of salt, I have the same reluctance to harm as anyone else, I have my hopes, my dreams, my fears, my favorite food and my favorite weather...

If there ever comes a day where I do hurt Rio, then I can deal with the consequences then. But as of now, I have yet to see that happen. Despite all the bullshit he has to go through, his undying affection towards me gives me faith that everything is just fine. That I’m not a danger to him. That the way I was made isn’t a problem for him, so it shouldn’t be for me.

Whatever the reason I was made this way, I’m willing to go with the flow and see where the road takes me. That’s all we’re doing in the end: Floating aimlessly along the river the universe made for us.”



I wish you luck in figuring yourself out. It’s a bumpy road and at times you’ll doubt yourself, but just remember that you were made just the way you were meant to be. You can’t change who you are, and as long as you’re not causing harm to others, there’s no need to feel ashamed. Just continue to live your life. And enjoy it while you can.
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"You can’t change who you are, and as long as you’re not causing harm to others, there’s no need to feel ashamed. Just continue to live your life. And enjoy it while you can.".....Perfect rationale! :gsd_wink:
 
UR20Z said:
<shrug> Aside from being a normal "not to be known by others - keep it out of the public eye" caution, I don't think about it at all. I'd rather mate outside my species. So what?

Guilt? What guilt? By who's (or should that be "whom's" there?) authority? And why should I give a <bleeeeeeeep>? Self doubt? Wuddat?
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I’m glad you are confident in your needs. This doesn’t come easily to me.
UR20Z said:
<shrug> Aside from being a normal "not to be known by others - keep it out of the public eye" caution, I don't think about it at all. I'd rather mate outside my species. So what?

Guilt? What guilt? By who's (or should that be "whom's" there?) authority? And why should I give a <bleeeeeeeep>? Self doubt? Wuddat?
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lol. I admire your confidence
 
Being guilty would mean that you have done something wrong. An attraction to animals is not something you have done, you simply are attracted. So an attraction does not make you guilty, never, no matter what it is that you are attracted to.
 
Ruben said:
Being guilty would mean that you have done something wrong. An attraction to animals is not something you have done, you simply are attracted. So an attraction does not make you guilty, never, no matter what it is that you are attracted to.
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I have never acted on my feelings and probably never will. But watching the porn is so addictive and a turn in
 
Hi everyone

Just wondering if anyone else goes through moments of guilt about their fetish? I have moments where I feel really down that I do this behind my partners back, that looking at animal porn is wrong, that Im taking advantage of our dog, it seems to go through varying degrees. Im even sometimes convinced that after I have moments where I am really into it and being really naughty I then have periods of really bad luck, like something bad happens and the universe is punishing me. Which I know is silly, but then I have thoughts of like, is it really?

And then I kind of try to stop, which lasts a week, two, tops, and then Im so horny and so turned on that I take major risks like pretending to go to the kitchen in the middle of the night for a glass of water just so I can let our dog lick me for a few seconds. And I feel so turned on 24/7 and free for a while, and then will have another time where I am guilty again.

Covid lock downs seem to affect it as well. Being home all the time now I am SO turned on I just want to spread my legs for our boy and I want to share it openly with my husband to stop the guilt from setting in but I am so scared, yet horny.

It's just a constant up and down of wanting it, wanting acceptance, to being ashamed, to trying to ignore it, to then being so turned on I cant think of anything else and can not control it.

Sometimes I think I am going crazy
 
Many people on this site seem to sometimes have moments of guilt over their zoophilia, or at least have in the past.
As for me, I only knew about the societal stigma around zoophilia after I already realized I was zoo, so I obviously would have had no shame over it when I was starting out. But later, when I realized how society demonized zoophiles, I started going into a phase of being angry of society, which evolved into a phase of being angry at myself and my situation. Today, these "guilt-attacks" have become much more infrequent due to my time spent on this site, but before this when I had no other prozoo place to go to, it was much worse.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to that point before I was pulled into the reality of how society feels about zoos, but I am kind of glad it happened, because I feel it made me a stronger person in the end.
 
You are not alone it's true. Each time i was with a dog it felt wrong but so hot too, i have been excited before it and deep down in mood after but still couldn't help but imagined next time. Felt so dirty and naughty, but somehow loved it. Ups and downs are regular. I'd say if you take a good care of your dog and provide him what he now needs - in terms of human love, then you are doing a good thing. Right?
 
i'd probably feel some guilt if i cheated on my partner too.... weird you seem to be trying to pin it down to being into animals. guess whatever helps you sleep at night?

as for me, i'm like this for as long as i remember and certainly don't feel it as "some fetish". there is nothing to feel bad or guilty about, when i do what i like to do it feels good for all parties involved
 
nekdoneco123 said:
i'd probably feel some guilt if i cheated on my partner too.... weird you seem to be trying to pin it down to being into animals. guess whatever helps you sleep at night?
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Thanks for the judgement, but yes, it certainly does weigh on my guilt. For the record Ive never cheated on him with anyone else.

Thanks though. Ill just go jump off a bridge now.
 
knottymelbourne said:
Thanks for the judgement, but yes, it certainly does weigh on my guilt. For the record Ive never cheated on him with anyone else.

Thanks though. Ill just go jump off a bridge now.
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don't take such things to heart,
covid in particular has been hard on many people psychologically

It's something you need to come to terms with personally to get truly okay with it, you cant really explain the subtleties of your life to people on forums
but know theres plenty of people here to support you amongst the the more judgmental

Girls that are into dogs are precious and need to be protected at all costs

stay strong
 
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knottymelbourne said:
Thanks for the judgement, but yes, it certainly does weigh on my guilt. For the record Ive never cheated on him with anyone else.

Thanks though. Ill just go jump off a bridge now.
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i didn't try to judge you (i'm hardly in a place to pass any judgments on anyone), it's just an observation.
 
Honestly I started young a long time ago and that came with a lot of feelings of guilt and embarrassment and ‘what is wrong with me’ and all that.

When I was a little older and got married we never had a dog and I just buried that part of my life.

now that I am divorced, I live alone with my German Shepard and I have become a lot more comfortable with myself. Those feelings of guilt and other negative notions are gone and I have a very rewarding companion. The sexual aspect is just the icing on the cake.

I think with time and become more and more comfortable with yourself d how you feel and have desires the bad feelings go away
 
There is a guilt associated with it to some degree because we were mostly taught it is wrong. And for some of us guys being knotted and tied is like a double wrong. I finally let go of the stereotypes, childhood teachings which were somehow twisted years ago. I had to find the right headspace to know that my four legged friends like it as well as I. Also, only you can judge whether your husband would ever be into it, but maybe broach the subject by scrolling by a news article or something and see what his thoughts are on it. Of course everyone's knee jerk reaction is going to be negative until you truly get them comfortable with talking about it.
 
Am also in a relationship and get the same feels, part of me feels like if I got it over and done with I’d be able to be at peace and maybe be able to bury these feelings and part of me feels like it may change my feelings towards him and I’d want other things, leaves me feeling torn between focusing on what I have or trying to bury what I’ve wanted for the past decade, was contemplating make a post something like this but I’m half glad I refreshed and got to see someone else is having the same struggle. Hope it gets easier for yourself or anybody else in the same situation
 
Kyurious14U said:
There is a guilt associated with it to some degree because we were mostly taught it is wrong. And for some of us guys being knotted and tied is like a double wrong. I finally let go of the stereotypes, childhood teachings which were somehow twisted years ago. I had to find the right headspace to know that my four legged friends like it as well as I. Also, only you can judge whether your husband would ever be into it, but maybe broach the subject by scrolling by a news article or something and see what his thoughts are on it. Of course everyone's knee jerk reaction is going to be negative until you truly get them comfortable with talking about it.
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News articles are always so negative so you’re almost trained to say it’s disgusting- or they’re scary with people being arrested. Hardly helps the situation
 
tropicalz95 said:
Am also in a relationship and get the same feels, part of me feels like if I got it over and done with I’d be able to be at peace and maybe be able to bury these feelings and part of me feels like it may change my feelings towards him and I’d want other things, leaves me feeling torn between focusing on what I have or trying to bury what I’ve wanted for the past decade, was contemplating make a post something like this but I’m half glad I refreshed and got to see someone else is having the same struggle. Hope it gets easier for yourself or anybody else in the same situation
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What do you mean by change your feelings towards him?
But yes sorry it’s hard for you too.
 
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