Top things not to say during sex

[Evergladewolf]

"Hey hun, i just got a letter that i got my STD test back! I got everything right!- Hey, why are you sobbing? I SCORED PERFECTLY-"

 

[oldgoat75]

the last time i had sex this good was when i worked at the morgue.

 

[Cajlatsa]

the last time i had sex this good was when i worked at the morgue.

and with which Mortician?

"Is there any life left in this tryst...."?

 

[Welshdad]

It's like throwing a sausage in a cave

 

[NewToThis]

Oh yes now I see the resemblance to your mother.

 

[NewToThis]

Let me go down on you, oh wait I just remembered, forgot to put out the bins, back in a mo.

 

[Renegadewa1]

So this is what the expression "throwing a hot dog down a hallway" means!!

 

[Superfarmlover598]

Your pussy feels just like your dad's arse

 

[Renegadewa1]

You said you wanted a bigger cock well I'd like a tighter pussy!!

 

[Michioliphant]

Sorry, which hole am I in? It’s so hard to tell with you.

 

[Dalpoy]

Turdcutter

 

[Themaresbeast]

My horse feels better

 

[Michioliphant]

What is that stink?

 

[oldgoat75]

I'm trying to be nice about it but if you keep kicking & screaming i will have to put the gag back in so just bend over the arm of the sofa & let me finish

 

[Michioliphant]

Uhm? Is this your front or back? These rolls confuse me.

 

[UR20Z]

Am I fucking a fold?

 

[saddlebum66]

You're pregnant? Wow....so's my wife.....

 

[Stoli]

I just bought a subaru crosstrek

 

[420Fatty]

Told you I'm better than dad, Now lay back and let my cum pool against your cervix, I want to be the father of the next one.

 

[ZooDogLover320]

Sex with a Human: "oh damn. Oh yeah. Good girl oh. Good girl *starts petting head*

Sex with dog for example while knotted: "you wanna go for a walk?" Or "who's at the door"

 

[NewToThis]

So this is what the expression "throwing a hot dog down a hallway" means!!

In Glasgow its flinging a sausage up a close (close being the communal passageway between tenements)

 

[NewToThis]

Ok so here's the thing, when we were discussing sexual fantasies yesterday and I said I wanted to do it with brownies I didn't mean cakes!!

 

[NewToThis]

Girl lying down..."oh god that feels good
Mortitian....."aaaaggghhhh!!

 

[Bigpaws_Bear]

you never want to do "it" my way, On Credit.

 

[The_Hound_OT_Zoovilles]

Lady: "Please choke me"

Man: oh are you into that as well?
Lady: No, but you're boring me to death

 

[Mikki]

What time is it?

 

[NewToThis]

You know your mother warned me about you.

 

[saddlebum66]

My mama said to watch out for girls like you....she's on her way over

 

[Michioliphant]

Momma? Oh wow! You remind me so much of my mom!

 

[420Fatty]

Marshmallow.