Things I’ve noticed since I’ve come to understand my Zoophilia better

[bruhmoment64]

[There isn’t really a point to this post, I mostly just wanted to get my thoughts out. Although I would love to hear what you people think. You could share personal experiences and stories, that would be awesome!]

I’ve been slowly coming to terms with my love for dogs and it hasn’t really been easy. There’s random moments of deep shame and stuff but I think I’ll grow out of it with time. I’m sadly not in a position to own a mate (My parents are super cringe, I’ve never had the chance to keep a pet and I’m gonna be living with them all through university).

Having come to understand my attraction has been rather strange. Where I live, there’s a buncha dogs just kinda chilling. Labs, GSD’s, Huskies, Retrievers, all the usual suspects. While I’ve noticed them before, after having done all this research and educating myself over the past month, it’s changed up my perspective. I’m a lot more precious with them than I was before, and I tend to notice all the silly little things they do. Be it body language, facial expressions and stuff, whatever.

I’ve come to learn that I love REALLY big fluffy dogs that border on being a walking cloud, but there’s plenty of others that I love just as much. Truthfully on the physical side of things, there’s not a lot of things about a dog that really capture my attention. Sure I’d love a massive knot inside me, or the feeling of mating with an adorable female. But that isn’t really what I’m primarily attracted to.

My biggest fascination is definitely the pure, unbridled love and loyalty a dog shows you. Their endless, all encompassing need for you, the way they treat you like you’re the center of their universe and that nothing else matters. It’s an incredibly beautiful and deeply personal bond. There aren’t any human partners I’ve been with that have shown me such complete and raw devotion, and I don’t expect them to.

 

[wood_thrush]

Thank you so much for sharing! I am curious to know more about your experiences. A walking cloud sounds wonderful - I'd sure love to have one to cuddle up with.

I think for me sex with animals is more of something that is on the 'sexual table' for me since I don't take moral or ethical issue with it so long as there's compassionate consideration for one's nonhuman partner. I'm not sure where animal-keeping fits into my life in the future. For now I'm not able or interested in having a nonhuman animal partner.

I think aside from that the desire for having sex with nonhuman animals for me is/was partly because I have had so much trouble with conflict resolution and communication with human animals. The concept of having an intimate relationship with nonhuman seemed emotionally so much easier. Now that I have worked with my therapist on better ways of communicating (and putting that into consistent practice) I think I've migrated to what I've described the previous paragraph. Please note that I do understand having an intimate relationship with an animal is *not* wholesale *easier*, it's simply different. However in the place I was in last year I idealized having a zooey relationship to a great extent I think. I'm still open to having one though. I also think I could have one responsibly - not using it to stay stuck in trauma (I'll get this below)

My questions below might sound therapist-esque and please know that I am neither a therapist nor attempting to be one. I am simply curious because I'm wondering if my experiences could be similar to yours. To tee it up, I grew up in a toxic household where my mother was overly controlling and emotionally abusive and my father was passive and emotionally absent. As a result I got stuck in a developmental phase where I had trouble expressing my emotions and standing up for myself, and I had almost no conflict resolution skill. When I discovered that I found zoosex really hot, I started idealizing sexual and romantic relationships with animals and I fought tooth and nail to justify my beliefs with my then (human) partner. I felt personally attacked when she would push back on me about it. To complicate things, she had her own childhood trauma which made talking about it even more difficult for us.

What are your parents like? As a child do you think that you got (enough) unconditional love from your parents? This kind of appropriate parental love: "treat[ing] you like you’re the center of their universe and that nothing else matters"? Is there a possibility you are seeking something in animals that you are missing from your human relationships with loved ones, and/or from past or even ongoing relational damage or trauma?

I want to acknowledge that these are incredibly personal and perhaps difficult questions. And they are only questions - maybe the answers are in the affirmative for you, and I am happy if they are. I understand if you don't want to answer them here though. I also am not meaning to invalidate your feelings and experiences with nonhuman animal attraction either - I for one at least find sex activities with nonhumans exciting and sexy and I think I'm content with this. For me personally, they have been worth asking of myself. For me, I think I have at last come to realize that my clinging to my idealism (as distinct from the actual reality) of having an animal partner does come from my own relational damage from childhood trauma.

 

[LustyGSD]

You sound like a real one, friend. Do not be ashamed of your true self, those feelings of guilt may stem from the ignorant minded views of society around you and your perception of their potential judgement towards you. Your attraction to the absolute loyalty dogs have for us is understandable, it seems to be a rare characteristic in humans lol and you've probably been burned by someone, as well all have in life, leading to a greater admiration for our canine companions in that respect.

I'm assuming you're fairly young being at uni, living with your parents etc. I know how frustrating it is being in that situation of not having your own companion and really wanting that bond and intimacy as others have with theirs, and I know it's cliche to say but you have a whole life ahead of you and there will be a time when you have your own space to get your own "walking cloud" as you put it.

Best of luck to you, make it happen!.

 

[bruhmoment64]

My questions below might sound therapist-esque and please know that I am neither a therapist nor attempting to be one. I am simply curious because I'm wondering if my experiences could be similar to yours. To tee it up, I grew up in a toxic household where my mother was overly controlling and emotionally abusive and my father was passive and emotionally absent. As a result I got stuck in a developmental phase where I had trouble expressing my emotions and standing up for myself, and I had almost no conflict resolution skill. When I discovered that I found zoosex really hot, I started idealizing sexual and romantic relationships with animals and I fought tooth and nail to justify my beliefs with my then (human) partner. I felt personally attacked when she would push back on me about it. To complicate things, she had her own childhood trauma which made talking about it even more difficult for us.

What are your parents like? As a child do you think that you got (enough) unconditional love from your parents? This kind of appropriate parental love: "treat[ing] you like you’re the center of their universe and that nothing else matters"? Is there a possibility you are seeking something in animals that you are missing from your human relationships with loved ones, and/or from past or even ongoing relational damage or trauma?

I think my wording may have unintentionally given off that vibe

My parents are mostly okay. I don’t really have any childhood trauma, at least that I’m aware of. I do however anticipate I might go through some pretty messed up stuff in the near future. My parents are super conservative and religious, I’m a trans girl

I haven’t had the chance to do anything about it because I don’t live in the most accepting community (or country for that matter), and once I’m done with Uni, I’m probably gonna move to Europe for my PhD. I’ll transition there and get disowned by my parents lol

As for seeking something from an animal that I haven’t had enough of in human partners. I wouldn’t really say that’s the case. I’m not zoo exclusive and I’m just as attracted to humans as I am to dogs. It’s just that I really love the raw unconditional love that dogs give you. It’s a me thing. When someone is so willing to put all their faith in me, when they are willing to devote every ounce of their being to me. I think that kind of love is incredibly beautiful and it makes me want to cherish it. You can’t ask for such blind love from a human, nor can you expect it, and that’s okay.

 

[bruhmoment64]

You sound like a real one, friend. Do not be ashamed of your true self, those feelings of guilt may stem from the ignorant minded views of society around you and your perception of their potential judgement towards you.

Thank you so much!

The shame tends to come and go in waves at times. I’m mostly a fairly happy person I think, and my love for dogs just makes me happier. The shame kicks in whenever I think of what my peers would think of me and the things that they would say. So I guess you do have a point

Your attraction to the absolute loyalty dogs have for us is understandable, it seems to be a rare characteristic in humans lol and you've probably been burned by someone, as well all have in life, leading to a greater admiration for our canine companions in that respect.

Knowing you have someone near and dear waiting for you at home everyday is an incredible feeling. It’s addicting. I love it 🩵

 

[CorwynLux]

Thank you so much for sharing! I am curious to know more about your experiences. A walking cloud sounds wonderful - I'd sure love to have one to cuddle up with.

I think for me sex with animals is more of something that is on the 'sexual table' for me since I don't take moral or ethical issue with it so long as there's compassionate consideration for one's nonhuman partner. I'm not sure where animal-keeping fits into my life in the future. For now I'm not able or interested in having a nonhuman animal partner.

I think aside from that the desire for having sex with nonhuman animals for me is/was partly because I have had so much trouble with conflict resolution and communication with human animals. The concept of having an intimate relationship with nonhuman seemed emotionally so much easier. Now that I have worked with my therapist on better ways of communicating (and putting that into consistent practice) I think I've migrated to what I've described the previous paragraph. Please note that I do understand having an intimate relationship with an animal is *not* wholesale *easier*, it's simply different. However in the place I was in last year I idealized having a zooey relationship to a great extent I think. I'm still open to having one though. I also think I could have one responsibly - not using it to stay stuck in trauma (I'll get this below)

My questions below might sound therapist-esque and please know that I am neither a therapist nor attempting to be one. I am simply curious because I'm wondering if my experiences could be similar to yours. To tee it up, I grew up in a toxic household where my mother was overly controlling and emotionally abusive and my father was passive and emotionally absent. As a result I got stuck in a developmental phase where I had trouble expressing my emotions and standing up for myself, and I had almost no conflict resolution skill. When I discovered that I found zoosex really hot, I started idealizing sexual and romantic relationships with animals and I fought tooth and nail to justify my beliefs with my then (human) partner. I felt personally attacked when she would push back on me about it. To complicate things, she had her own childhood trauma which made talking about it even more difficult for us.

What are your parents like? As a child do you think that you got (enough) unconditional love from your parents? This kind of appropriate parental love: "treat[ing] you like you’re the center of their universe and that nothing else matters"? Is there a possibility you are seeking something in animals that you are missing from your human relationships with loved ones, and/or from past or even ongoing relational damage or trauma?

I want to acknowledge that these are incredibly personal and perhaps difficult questions. And they are only questions - maybe the answers are in the affirmative for you, and I am happy if they are. I understand if you don't want to answer them here though. I also am not meaning to invalidate your feelings and experiences with nonhuman animal attraction either - I for one at least find sex activities with nonhumans exciting and sexy and I think I'm content with this. For me personally, they have been worth asking of myself. For me, I think I have at last come to realize that my clinging to my idealism (as distinct from the actual reality) of having an animal partner does come from my own relational damage from childhood trauma.

Thanks for sharing these thoughts. I can share that I used to think it was trauma and neglect that made this all happen. That zoophilia was just an adaptation to the bad things that happened to me and a "substitute" for the lack of human sexual contact.

But the thing is... I'd consider myself to now be a very mentally healthy person. I'm generally pretty happy. I've got good friendships and communication skills and conflict resolution and problem solving skills. I'm not a shy or anxious person and have had no issues with sexuality or finding sexual partners and building emotionally intimate relationships.

If anything the only thing that bothers me at all anymore is how I can't reveal that I want to love and marry a female dog to the humans in my life and that leads to me feeling lonely, somewhat inauthentic, and a bit unsafe to really be at ease and free.

Maybe it is trauma for some. I'm willing to believe that. But I know for me after more than a decade and a half of trying to heal and convince myself that zoophilia was just trauma... And I'd say largely succeeding - for me it's nature. It's not nurture.

 

[Cyon]

Thanks for sharing these thoughts. I can share that I used to think it was trauma and neglect that made this all happen. That zoophilia was just an adaptation to the bad things that happened to me and a "substitute" for the lack of human sexual contact.

My wife said the exact same thing, that she had always thought that alternative sexualities were caused by some kind of trauma, usually during childhood. I told her about my zoophilia as soon as we started dating to get everything on the table and one day she told me that she didn't understand because I seemed happy, well adjusted, well liked, had a good childhood in a happy home, so why was I a zoophile? I told her, and I think she may have finally started to believe, that a lot of people are just born this way. Nothing caused it and nothing can change it.

I’ve been slowly coming to terms with my love for dogs and it hasn’t really been easy. There’s random moments of deep shame and stuff but I think I’ll grow out of it with time.

I read once (and can't remember the exact words so here's the gist) that your immediate, instinctive reaction to something is how society has conditioned you to react to that thing. Your thoughts a few moments later after you've actually had the chance to process is how you ACTUALLY feel about the thing. And over time being conscious of what's going on and recognizing that your initial reaction isn't your own thoughts, you can wipe away the societal reaction and be left with your own. Which boils down to: you're right, it will get better with time. It took me about five years to not be disgusted with myself about my zoophilia, and almost a other 10 before I fully accepted myself. If I had had access to this website and the Zooier Than Thou podcast I could have saved myself almost 15 years of heartache and internal strife. Once you get away from your family your own opinions and thoughts will rise more readily to the surface and living your authentic life will be so much easier. It does get better.

 

[wood_thrush]

I think my wording may have unintentionally given off that vibe

My parents are mostly okay. I don’t really have any childhood trauma, at least that I’m aware of. I do however anticipate I might go through some pretty messed up stuff in the near future. My parents are super conservative and religious, I’m a trans girl

I haven’t had the chance to do anything about it because I don’t live in the most accepting community (or country for that matter), and once I’m done with Uni, I’m probably gonna move to Europe for my PhD. I’ll transition there and get disowned by my parents lol

As for seeking something from an animal that I haven’t had enough of in human partners. I wouldn’t really say that’s the case. I’m not zoo exclusive and I’m just as attracted to humans as I am to dogs. It’s just that I really love the raw unconditional love that dogs give you. It’s a me thing. When someone is so willing to put all their faith in me, when they are willing to devote every ounce of their being to me. I think that kind of love is incredibly beautiful and it makes me want to cherish it. You can’t ask for such blind love from a human, nor can you expect it, and that’s okay.

I think that's a really healthy outlook on it, and thank you so much for sharing. I asked because I am trying to work this out for myself, and reading about other's experiences is helping me to do that. I have really enjoyed reading about yours and it's given me some food for thought about what I might want, too

Although I am cisgender, I have had trans partners in the past and I am aware of the immense difficulties that comes with being a trans person. I really wish the best for you on your journey

What is your PhD gonna be about?????

 

[wood_thrush]

Thanks for sharing these thoughts. I can share that I used to think it was trauma and neglect that made this all happen. That zoophilia was just an adaptation to the bad things that happened to me and a "substitute" for the lack of human sexual contact.

But the thing is... I'd consider myself to now be a very mentally healthy person. I'm generally pretty happy. I've got good friendships and communication skills and conflict resolution and problem solving skills. I'm not a shy or anxious person and have had no issues with sexuality or finding sexual partners and building emotionally intimate relationships.

If anything the only thing that bothers me at all anymore is how I can't reveal that I want to love and marry a female dog to the humans in my life and that leads to me feeling lonely, somewhat inauthentic, and a bit unsafe to really be at ease and free.

Maybe it is trauma for some. I'm willing to believe that. But I know for me after more than a decade and a half of trying to heal and convince myself that zoophilia was just trauma... And I'd say largely succeeding - for me it's nature. It's not nurture.

You're welcome, and thank you for sharing yours too. I really appreciate your perspective and have a feeling I may end up in a similar place. I don't think I'm the marrying type per se although I am interested in long term / indefinite partnerships with humans and animals.

A question I have for you is how do you cope with the isolation / loneliness of being unable to be fully authentic? Lately I have found myself to some extent compartmentalizing my friendships - some friends know (and they are safe people) and some don't (I don't know if they are safe, or the risks vastly outweigh the benefits). For me personally I think this okay, at least for the short term. What are your experiences like?

 

[CorwynLux]

You're welcome, and thank you for sharing yours too. I really appreciate your perspective and have a feeling I may end up in a similar place. I don't think I'm the marrying type per se although I am interested in long term / indefinite partnerships with humans and animals.

A question I have for you is how do you cope with the isolation / loneliness of being unable to be fully authentic? Lately I have found myself to some extent compartmentalizing my friendships - some friends know (and they are safe people) and some don't (I don't know if they are safe, or the risks vastly outweigh the benefits). For me personally I think this okay, at least for the short term. What are your experiences like?

Similar. There are people who know and people who don't. The people who know are a tiny group. I'm working through it in therapy right now and I think that for the most part I can manage alright. Zoophilia is just one part of my identity and there are so many other things about me that I can form meaningful connections with other people.

When it comes to a feeling of deep and total safety though and being totally seen and held, it really does tend to come from the people who know everything about me including the zoophilia. So far I've only met online friends who fill that niche and for the most part I think I'd largely want it to stay that way.

Romantically I'm currently managing an issue where my partner doesn't know. It's leading to a feeling of not feeling totally and utterly safe but I'm learning to life with 90%.

I think the desire to connect with other zoos for me is mostly to help validate that I'm not crazy fundamentally. Or maybe I am! But at least if I'm crazy I'm in good company and can talk about things like stigma. The benefit for me in being part of zooville has mostly been in talking to people like you about these issues and I'm grateful for that.

 

[bruhmoment64]

What is your PhD gonna be about?????

I’m a biotech student looking into Vaccinology and other stuff that’s tangentially related, so it’s most probably gonna be something along those lines. Haven’t decided much yet though, still pretty young