This is my story of how my life was utterly destroyed 15 years ago from me telling someone I loved about my interest in Beastiality. This may be a long post but might be of interest to someone thinking about telling a partner. Not saying all outcomes will be like this, but I post this as a warning for the worst case scenario.
First about me: I am in my mid 40's a male and pretty normal as far as humans go. I fully enjoy sex with my human partner but I also enjoy other sexual appetites and fantasies such as beastiality, roleplay and other things that really have no bearing here.
I had been dating girls since I was 16 and not mentioned my interest in dogs for fear of embarrassment. Plus in most relationships I lived in apartments and could not have a dog. That all changed when I fell in love with the girl in this story. We will call her "Amanda" even though that is not her real name. I also post on this forum using a VPN routed through 3 different countries and using a fake email and nickname, as I'm deathly afraid of ever having more attention drawn to me on this subject. You'll understand why in a few minutes. Amanda and me dated for about 6 months before moving in together. Everything in our relationship was great. I asked her to marry me about a year later and she accepted. We bought our own place and started getting ready for the marriage and kids in the future. We got a dog, a German Shepherd and I was not sexually active with the dog but I had thought about it, based on my previous experiences with dogs growing up. It had been many years since I had touched a dog in any sexual way at this point.
Our sex life was better than great! Amanda was wild from day one and she enjoyed all sorts of kinky things in the bedroom. One night we were laying in bed making out and talking about our fantasies. We had done this before but it got really serious this night. She asked me to tell her my darkest fantasy that I would never tell anyone else. I told her she already knew all my deepest thoughts but she kept on about how everyone has things they don't want anyone to know and we should just be honest with each other, since we were going to be married soon. She insisted she was cool with anything I fantasized about. She said she would go first to put me at ease. She told me she had a fantasy about being kidnapped and raped. She got very sexually excited about it, but after dating 30-40 different girls in my life, I had actually figured out that more than a few girls seem to have this same fantasy for some reason. So, it did not shock me to hear this.
She kept on me to tell her what I fantasized about and I should tell her my innermost secrets. I thought ok I'm gonna tell her about me wanting to see her with the dog. I explained how I'd love to watch the dog lick her pussy while I jacked off. As soon as the words left my mouth, I saw the look on her face change to puzzlement. She was like "what??" I said, I just have this fantasy about watching the dog lick your pussy and you moaning in pleasure, while I jack off. She sat up in bed and had a look of total shock. She said are you for real? You want me to have sex with a fucking dog? She grabbed the covers and pulled them up over her bare chest like she was suddenly ashamed to be naked in front of me. She sat there for a minute and I tried to explain that it was just a fantasy and let's forget about it. She looked me dead in the eyes and asked if I had ever touched our dog. I said, no, it was just a fantasy, I would never do that.(at this point I was beginning to feel panic, cause I knew she was not taking this well)
She jumped out the bed and went to the bathroom and I tried to get her to open the door and talk to me. She screamed at me to leave her alone. So I went to the living room and sat on the couch a while. She finally came out and asked me again if I had touched our dog in any way, like a sexual way. I said no, never. She asked me if any of my previous girlfriends had gone along with shit like this. I said no, I never told anyone anything like that before. She said she felt sick and disgusted. She asked me to leave the house. I was like are you serious, this is my house too. She started screaming at me to get out and go to a hotel and give her some time to think. She kept screaming and screaming, so I grabbed an extra shirt and pants and left. I stayed at a hotel that night and came back the next day but she wasn't there and didn't come home from work. I finally got through to her after calling like 50 times. She said she was at her friends house and would be staying there for a while. I told her I was sorry and to just come home so we could talk. She refused and said she had taken the dog with her as she didn't trust me around him. She had also explained the situation to her friend, whom I was best friends with her husband. When she told me that, my jaw just dropped open. I couldn't believe it.
To make this long story shorter, I'll abbreviate the next few weeks. She eventually came back home and we argued for a lot. She did not want anything to do with me now. She cried, I cried and we cried together but in the end she said it just disgusted her so much that she felt like I was as bad as a child molester. She went on and on about how animals are innocent and how could any person dare touch them or use them like that. She said they have the mind of a child and that's why she considers me no better than people who mess with kids. She threw her engagement ring at me and told me to pack and get out the house. I moved in with a friend for about 5-6 months. During that time I met another girl that worked for me. She had also been flirty at work but when she found out my engagement was off, she poured it on big time.
One day we were on break and my corporate job was at a large facility where we had multiple restaurants inside for employees to eat at. She sat down at my table and we began talking. She said she was wondering if I could come to her house after work and help her with something. She said she had been trying to install a shelf above her washing machine to put detergent on but couldn't so it herself. She needed one person to hold the shelf in place while the other drilled the holes and placed the screws underneath. I agreed to go as it would only take a few minutes. Once I got to her house we put the shelf up in 5 minutes. She said she wanted to make me supper as a thank you but I told her it wasn't necessary. She insisted so I stayed and after supper, she sat next to me on the couch and well, I think you can guess how things went next. We started dating and had been going out about 2 months when we were at a local grocery store together and low and behold, we ran into my ex fiancé and her mom. I had thought it was all in the past now, but how wrong I was.
They walked up to us and at first it seemed like we were just going to be friendly. I said hello and Amanda said hi and how was I doing. I said ok and I saw her looking at my new girlfriend so I introduced her. She said it was nice to meet her but I could tell she was pissed underneath her fake smile. I said we have to be going and we started to walk away. Amanda turned and looked directly at my new girlfriend and asked "has he asked you to fuck a dog yet?" I about died right there as it was so loud, I'm sure 20 other people in the store heard it. I said what the fuck and before I could get another word out, Amanda said "yeah, tell her how you asked me to have sex with our dog." She was shouting at this point. Luckily her mom said Amanda, that's enough lets get out of here and started dragging her away by her arm. I think her mom was as embarrassed as I was. Still, even as we put distance between each other, she was shouting, "if he hasn't asked you to fuck the family dog, he will soon."
Once outside the store and in the car, I was apologizing to my new girlfriend and she was asking me to explain what just happened. I was caught red handed so I knew that lying would not do any good. I told her I had one fucking fantasy about watching a girl with a dog and I had told Amanda that one night and she went berserk. I told her I no longer felt that way and I would never ask her to do something like that. She didn't say much else and it was very awkward driving back to the house. The entire demeanor of our relationship changed after that. We didn't talk about what happened again but she had a small dog and any time it came into the room and I would pet it, I could see her look at me sideways as if watching me. The sex seemed to get more bland and one day I just told her I was moving back to my home state. I'd had enough of that area and needed a fresh start. I knew my instincts were true when she didn't even try to talk me out of it. She said she would help me pack.
Back home where I grew up, I moved into my grandparents house where I was raised. They were getting older and as I looked for a new job, I figured I'd spend some time with them and help out. About a month after moving back, I came home from a new job I had just started. My grandfather, grandmother an Aunt and an Uncle were all there sitting at the dining table. I knew something was wrong as soon as I entered. They asked me to sit down and I did. I asked what was wrong and my grandfather said there was no easy way to explain so he handed me an envelope. I took a letter out and unfolded it. The letter was from Amanda and addressed to my grandparents. It basically read that she was sorry and missed them.(she had grown close to my family before we moved to Chicago for my job up there)
She said that she wanted them to know that the breakup was not her fault and that she had found out their grandson had some mental problems. She said I had asked her to have sex with our beloved dog and wanted her to commit crimes and sex acts on him, like a child molester does with children. She said she had no choice but to kick me out and that she was telling them this, because she believes I need mental help. She ranted and raved on about how I had destroyed her life and he didn't want me destroying other lives with other girls. She also said she knew my grandparents had a dog and she was concerned I might try to molest it or worse, rape it. I finished reading the letter and immediately said this was bullshit and I couldn't believe she was saying this shit to get back at me for the failed relationship.
I tried to play it off like she was a scorned and deranged ex lover. My Aunt looked at me and started to cry. She opened her purse and said she had also got a letter that read very similar to the one my grandparents had received. She said my grandfather had called her and told her about the letter he got and didn't know what to do. He didn't know if he should mention it to me or if it was real. She told him she got one too and that's when she came over and they waited for me to come home from work. Turns out Amanda mailed one to every single family member she could find addresses for. She wrote to my other grandparents, my other aunt and uncle, several cousins, even to my old best friend I grew up with. My life was over...
I eventually talked to everyone that got a letter and in all cases I tried and lied to make it seem like she was a scorned ex who had an agenda to destroy me. Most people said they understood and they didn't believe it. However, my life never felt the same way again, around any of my family. Some family members would even make jokes about it at family get togethers. Like we'd be in the backyard having a bbq and someone's dog would walk up and beg for food off your plate. One of my cousins or uncles would joke, that the dog should beg me for food because I had a special way with animals. Some people would laugh and others would say oh stop that. They would slap me on the back like it was the funniest thing ever. I'd laugh like I thought it was funny but inside I was still dying and embarrassed. It's been over 15 years since that happened and I still don't feel 100% comfortable around my family. There aren't that many jokes anymore but I get uncomfortable around family members pets, because I feel they are scrutinizing me if I pet their dog or show it any attention.
I talked to my ex Amanda about a year ago. She called my brother because I had changed my number and she could not find me. She said it was important she get in touch with me about a legal issue so my brother gave her my number. She called and said she got married and when she went to put her new husbands name on the deed to the house, she realized my name was still listed on it. She wanted me to sign over my half of the house to her and him. We had paid cash for the house at the time and after so many years I had forgotten that I was still on the deed. I told her no problem even though part of me wanted to make her life hell for what she did to me. I was scared that she would bring up that shit again and make things worse, so I just agreed to sign whatever she wanted. A couple weeks later the title company sent me some legal paperwork I had to sign in front of a notary at my bank. I Fedex'd the papers back and that was that. Or so I thought.
She called me to thank me for signing the papers and I said ok your welcome. She then asked if I had ever got the mental help I needed for my problem. I was shocked she brought this crap back up but I said I'm ok and have a good day and started to hang up. She blurted out that she hoped I didn't own any animals. She sort of framed it like a question and I said, no I don't but have a good day and I hung up. Fear instantly came up as I wondered would she start calling any of my family or friends and making another situation for me. I was scared for several weeks after that. I kept worrying I could get a call from a family member, my current wife or my boss that she had contacted them.
After a while, nothing happened and I moved on. To this day, I still worry about her popping up one day and making trouble. I doubt I will ever hear from her again. In fact I hope I never do, for my sanity sake. I did get remarried some years back and my wife knows nothing about my sexual attraction to dogs. Yes, we own 2 dogs and I have become extremely careful when it comes to any type of activity involving animals. I use VPN's and a secured laptop with a virtual drive to download dog videos, search for others like me and chat with women who are into it. My wife is bisexual so we do have sexual relationships with other girls and sometimes guys but my animal desires have no part in that. I have met other girls and had sex with them privately outside my marriage with animals. Some I paid as you may not like that type of thing, but I don't mind paying for the pleasure of fulfilling my sex fantasies. For my job, I have often made business trip excuses to go to Japan and I find it very easy to meet women there who are into it. I also find the sex trade market to be very easy there, if you don't mind paying for experiences with animals and women. I am just 1000 times more careful than ever before. I often use a fake name, I try to pay for access using crypto or cash and I will never tell my wife anything at all about this. I love her with all my heart but I will die before risking another incident like I experienced. I only share my desires with people I meet online who are already into this, or I go to a country where it is more accepted. I struggled with cheating on my wife without her knowing, but since we have often invite other sexual partners into our mutual relationship, I make excuses that what I do is not as bad. I wished we lived in a world where I could be totally honest and accepted about this one thing, but this is not reality.
This was my experience and you may not have the same outcome but I write this partly because I wanted to get it off my chest and because I want it to be a small warning. Be careful who you tell about your innermost thoughts! This is a fickle world we live in and not everyone is accepting as we are. Many in society have trouble accepting anything that is different than the status quo. A lot of places have laws now that will even prosecute you for this. They will splash your name all over the news and let the world know what your into, if you get caught. In my state, they have arrested people both men and women for having videos of sex with animals. They have charged them with animal abuse, crimes against nature and posted their mugshots for the world to see. I'm sure it ruined not only their family and friends relationships but their jobs as well. Not to mention you can get actual jail or prison time. So while I won't ever stop at this point, I do take great precautions so as not to be vulnerable. I see videos where people are showing their faces, their tattoos, pics of family hanging on the wall and other identifiers in the background, etc. I do not understand why or how you could take that risk. All it takes is one single person to make one phone call and your life would be a living hell. Not to mention blackmail as I really thought at one point that my ex would try to blackmail me if I refused to sign the papers for the deed on the house. I have dragged this post out long enough but I thank you for listening to my story if you read this far.
God Bless and good luck with your adventures but stay safe and smart out there.
Virtual hug buddy. That sounds so sad and horrible. I hope you have love in your life on some level. I also hope it gets better for you really soon...
