Zoophilia and happiness

[rickshaw]

I watched half of an amusing but not very insightful film about the search for happiness, and this line resonated hard enough that I'm actually posting in this chaotic zooporn forum about it.

"Happiness is being loved for who you are"

I'm a zoophile that seeks human connection, community, and love (though usually not in a sexual way). In my experience, not feeling loved as my zoophile self leaves an emptiness in me and makes it difficult to be happy. A loving canine partner is truly amazing, but also isolating as that love must be secret. Friendships and loving family are huge blessings, but they don't know my sexuality, and that love feels false or conditional or less than. When I had a human partner that loved me for who I am, sexuality and all, that emptiness disappeared for awhile, even in a deeply flawed and ultimately unhealthy relationship.

I can find human partners, but intiating relationships under the guise that I'm gay or straight feels disengenous, potentially hurtful to the other party, and potentially harmful to myself and my canine partner.

Trying to intiate relationships with other zoos via the internet seems fucking impossible (see Zooville as exhibit A), though it did happen once.

Feel I've painted myself into a corner here. Therapy seemed to present the only way out is to initiate relationships, then open up about sexuality at some point and hope for the best, and ignore that it feels wrong on multiple levels to do that. Now that my canine partner has passed, I can do that without risking their safety

For those of you that are content to live lives with only animal partners, and limited human connection, I am truly jealous and wish I could be content that way.

What do you all think?

 

[nekdoneco123]

guess that depends what constitutes "limited human connection" to you. i mean, i'm a zoo-exclusive and still feel like i'm getting plenty of human connection. like on deep level, i socialize, visit friends/family, do stuff with them. i just don't have one (or have any desire to have) in my house.

not being able to talk about your partner(s) with anyone sucks. not just sucks, fucking sucks. the love of my life, the one i trully wish to see again when i go too, my soulmate who gave me the best five years of my fucking life passed three years and almost seven month ago and i'm the only one of my family and friends (the ppl who are supposed to know you inside out) who knows just what it is that i lost that fucking day, not "just a dog", a part of my very being. and i can't tell any of them. i don't even want to know what would their reactions be like.. and they're just content with me "suddenly being a jaded bastard who doesn't care about anything" (quoting my sibling). it's not really me since the 10th of may 2020...

so for my thoughts: zoosexuality and happiness don't mesh well. it's a fucking curse. you can feel content or even happy momentarily, but the hurdles of this life, how vastly different their lifespans are to ours, how they're generally viewed as property or tools by majority of ppl, how he rolls in grass like he always did because he spent ten years of his life chained up on concrete yard and can't get enough of it one moment and twists his stomach the next, how your vet (the one you entrusted the life of your soulmate with) will tell you to fuck off because it's lockdown and his life no longer matters, how you then have to drive for hours only seeing this "just let me die, please" stare (yes, it is still there when i close them), how when you get there the vet who agreed on the phone at first switches to "yeah, i'm not operating a fifteen years old dog. just get a new one" will eventually catch up to you. and then it's over.

be happy when you can, don't dwell on meaningless bullshit. it won't last.

the one upside is that the texts of linkin park songs never clicked more with me which dependent of your music tastes might be a curse as well.

 

[rickshaw]

Sorry for your loss, I lost my boy on January 14th 2023. The rest of this year, every time a friend or family member asked when I'd get another dog, I couldn't explain that I was mourning and could barely take care of myself, another dog was the furthest thing from my mind. If I wasn't at work, I was numbing myself with pot and bourbon. In August I decided to take week off from weed and alcohol, which turned into 3 months when I realized how dependent I was on both. I feel like I've turned a corner, or at least am functioning again.

I agree that zoosexuality and happiness don't mesh well, or that it's fleeting when it happens, but I'm hoping a minority within a minority has got this figured out somehow.

 

[ZephyrZoo]

I watched half of an amusing but not very insightful film about the search for happiness, and this line resonated hard enough that I'm actually posting in this chaotic zooporn forum about it.

"Happiness is being loved for who you are"

I'm a zoophile that seeks human connection, community, and love (though usually not in a sexual way). In my experience, not feeling loved as my zoophile self leaves an emptiness in me and makes it difficult to be happy. A loving canine partner is truly amazing, but also isolating as that love must be secret. Friendships and loving family are huge blessings, but they don't know my sexuality, and that love feels false or conditional or less than. When I had a human partner that loved me for who I am, sexuality and all, that emptiness disappeared for awhile, even in a deeply flawed and ultimately unhealthy relationship.

I can find human partners, but intiating relationships under the guise that I'm gay or straight feels disengenous, potentially hurtful to the other party, and potentially harmful to myself and my canine partner.

Trying to intiate relationships with other zoos via the internet seems fucking impossible (see Zooville as exhibit A), though it did happen once.

Feel I've painted myself into a corner here. Therapy seemed to present the only way out is to initiate relationships, then open up about sexuality at some point and hope for the best, and ignore that it feels wrong on multiple levels to do that. Now that my canine partner has passed, I can do that without risking their safety

For those of you that are content to live lives with only animal partners, and limited human connection, I am truly jealous and wish I could be content that way.

What do you all think?

Hey man,

That's a really complex question and there are so many variables involved that everyone is going to have a vastly different answer. For me, my earlier years were empty, everything felt false and meaningless. Human relationships just felt like eating flour. My life in general wasn't very important to me because I didn't find anything worth actually living for. I'd always been a zoophike since I can remember but when I embraced it (it wasn't overnight), it's like I found my meaning to life. Going zoo-exclusive has really made me so much more content, so much happier and made my life so much clearer for me that I could never go back. The level of peace and happiness that I experience in my life I truly believe is a miracle.

Although I work with people all day every day, I'm somewhat of a hermit otherwise and outside of work I tend to avoid people as much as possible. Even my own family, sometimes I'll visit *maybe* once a week. Even if I had a human partner I wouldn't want to talk to my family about them because that's my private life, and I guess I'm just not that close with them. So your degree of contentment will come from how much you desire a social life. For me, personally, the fewer people in my life the better. 99% of the time it's just me and my girl and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I do, however, have some people on here that I chat to and one good friend in real life that I really enjoy chatting to (only on the phone) so in a way my social requirements are pretty fufilled. I would like to have maybe one or two more zoo friends in real life, people who can sit down and have a coffee together but that would just be the cherry on top of a huge, really awesome cake.

But anyways, to answer your question: yes absolutely. I think happiness comes from accepting yourself for who you are. I'm perfectly happy keeping my love life a secret, but that's just me. I love my life, I love this lifestyle, I love the love of my life next to me and nothing could change that.

 

[ZephyrZoo]

guess that depends what constitutes "limited human connection" to you. i mean, i'm a zoo-exclusive and still feel like i'm getting plenty of human connection. like on deep level, i socialize, visit friends/family, do stuff with them. i just don't have one (or have any desire to have) in my house.

not being able to talk about your partner(s) with anyone sucks. not just sucks, fucking sucks. the love of my life, the one i trully wish to see again when i go too, my soulmate who gave me the best five years of my fucking life passed three years and almost seven month ago and i'm the only one of my family and friends (the ppl who are supposed to know you inside out) who knows just what it is that i lost that fucking day, not "just a dog", a part of my very being. and i can't tell any of them. i don't even want to know what would their reactions be like.. and they're just content with me "suddenly being a jaded bastard who doesn't care about anything" (quoting my sibling). it's not really me since the 10th of may 2020...

so for my thoughts: zoosexuality and happiness don't mesh well. it's a fucking curse. you can feel content or even happy momentarily, but the hurdles of this life, how vastly different their lifespans are to ours, how they're generally viewed as property or tools by majority of ppl, how he rolls in grass like he always did because he spent ten years of his life chained up on concrete yard and can't get enough of it one moment and twists his stomach the next, how your vet (the one you entrusted the life of your soulmate with) will tell you to fuck off because it's lockdown and his life no longer matters, how you then have to drive for hours only seeing this "just let me die, please" stare (yes, it is still there when i close them), how when you get there the vet who agreed on the phone at first switches to "yeah, i'm not operating a fifteen years old dog. just get a new one" will eventually catch up to you. and then it's over.

be happy when you can, don't dwell on meaningless bullshit. it won't last.

the one upside is that the texts of linkin park songs never clicked more with me which dependent of your music tastes might be a curse as well.

Man I teared up reading this. I'm so fucking sorry for your loss. I lost my first girl in 2019 to a snake bite. She was only 4 years old, we weren't sexual but I loved her more than anything in the world. I was devastated and didn't even think about another dog for years. Then in December 2021 I got a call from a friend about an 11-week pitbull puppy that was going to be put down that afternoon because her "owners" were moving and couldn't take her with and the shelters here don't take pitbulls. Taking her in was the best decision I ever made, she has increased my quality of life infinitely and I love her more than anything in the world.

But I know what it's like to lose so even though she's still got 10-12 good years left, I'm mentally and emotionally preparing myself for the day. Linkin Park helped me through a lot of bad shit, particularly their song "the Little Things Give You Away" from Minutes to Midnight. Just hold on, there's always an end to everything.

 

[wood_thrush]

@nekdoneco123 I can see your pain and anguish in your words, what your and your love went through seems utterly heartbreaking.

@rickshaw In my experience my close relationships have also felt conditional if the other person didn't know about my zoosexuality. I've found the deeper the relationship, the greater the degree of 'falseness' for me. Also, go you for taking a break from cannabis and alcohol, and good on you for working through your dependance!! Your experiences resonate with me.

 

[MashaSobaka]

The process of the exclusive lifestyle is very person-dependent, some people have a hard time bearing it, others are more comfortable with losses.
I have already lost several dogs, but I would never stop this life. Even though sometimes I dream about them and wake up crying. But the other dogs are next to me and that's nice. I'm not going to throw away such a beautiful and precious life because dogs only live 10 years.

 

[underdogethree]

guess that depends what constitutes "limited human connection" to you. i mean, i'm a zoo-exclusive and still feel like i'm getting plenty of human connection. like on deep level, i socialize, visit friends/family, do stuff with them. i just don't have one (or have any desire to have) in my house. not being able to talk about your partner(s) with anyone sucks. not just sucks, fucking sucks. the love of my life, the one i trully wish to see again when i go too, my soulmate who gave me the best five years of my fucking life passed three years and almost seven month ago and i'm the only one of my family and friends (the ppl who are supposed to know you inside out) who knows just what it is that i lost that fucking day, not "just a dog", a part of my very being. and i can't tell any of them. i don't even want to know what would their reactions be like.. and they're just content with me "suddenly being a jaded bastard who doesn't care about anything" (quoting my sibling). it's not really me since the 10th of may 2020... so for my thoughts: zoosexuality and happiness don't mesh well. it's a fucking curse. you can feel content or even happy momentarily, but the hurdles of this life, how vastly different their lifespans are to ours, how they're generally viewed as property or tools by majority of ppl, how he rolls in grass like he always did because he spent ten years of his life chained up on concrete yard and can't get enough of it one moment and twists his stomach the next, how your vet (the one you entrusted the life of your soulmate with) will tell you to fuck off because it's lockdown and his life no longer matters, how you then have to drive for hours only seeing this "just let me die, please" stare (yes, it is still there when i close them), how when you get there the vet who agreed on the phone at first switches to "yeah, i'm not operating a fifteen years old dog. just get a new one" will eventually catch up to you. and then it's over. be happy when you can, don't dwell on meaningless bullshit. it won't last. the one upside is that the texts of linkin park songs never clicked more with me which dependent of your music tastes might be a curse as well.

What you said made me shed tears (first time on here) so I wanted to tell you in person: I have felt the fear and helplessness and loss you have with my animals, present and departed. I wish you well.

 

[MashaSobaka]

My condolences for your loss and I can't imagine dealing with the situation with the vet I probably would have acted forcefully with them (which would have most likely not changed the result)

I have been there for all my dog's surgeries (stomach, intestine, navel, tooth, etc.). I didn't leave them alone. The doctor who did not allow me, I took the dog elsewhere. The last time I had an X-ray was in the spring because of a hip problem, even then I was inside with the dog when the X-ray was taken, they gave me a lead suit and we did it.
I am very aggressive when it comes to my dogs.

 

[nekdoneco123]

I have been there for all my dog's surgeries (stomach, intestine, navel, tooth, etc.). I didn't leave them alone. The doctor who did not allow me, I took the dog elsewhere. The last time I had an X-ray was in the spring because of a hip problem, even then I was inside with the dog when the X-ray was taken, they gave me a lead suit and we did it.
I am very aggressive when it comes to my dogs.

i was also there when the vet nr.two gave him the lethal injection... on a sidewalk like he was nothing more than trash. he didn't even take us to the exam room "why? he's dead anyway". "that will be 1000 czk (like 40 euro i think), better put him in the trunk before he stiffens."

i get that a doctor can't really afford to be emotional, but this was just something else in "i don't give a shit about what i'm taking away from you".
can you imagine a doctor talking like that about a "real" spouse?

 

[YanchaOkami]

can you imagine a doctor talking like that about a "real" spouse?

Ah, they do. Some do. Not only spouse, any family member. They just state the life-ending facts like it's reading a capacitance check of a capacitor.

A doctor which connects almost instantly with its "work patients" on an emotional level will have a very, very hard life themself. And often break over time, stumbling into drugs, alcohol..
Unfortunately this makes it easy for a**hats without emotional bonding (aside the cashflow, surely) to take this job.

Still, very sorry for your loss.

 

[YanchaOkami]

"Happiness is being loved for who you are"

Almost.

In my opinion it is:
"Happiness is loving yourself and your life for who you are."

This includes the participants of ones life, be it animals or humans (I don't love humans, but animals are fine).
Not "missing" anything in terms of humans, quite the contrary. Would prefer my own little island, 20 acres, helicopter supply drop by parachute, that's it. But islands which offer high water level protection naturally are expensive, even more in warm fresh water areas.

 

[MashaSobaka]

i was also there when the vet nr.two gave him the lethal injection... on a sidewalk like he was nothing more than trash. he didn't even take us to the exam room "why? he's dead anyway". "that will be 1000 czk (like 40 euro i think), better put him in the trunk before he stiffens."

i get that a doctor can't really afford to be emotional, but this was just something else in "i don't give a shit about what i'm taking away from you".
can you imagine a doctor talking like that about a "real" spouse?

There is a doctor like that here too. "There will be another."
"Take it where you can."

They didn't even want to operate on my dog when it got bloated at night, I had to take it to the other city, an hour's drive, but I went quickly and it was young, so it survived. That doctor was good, I helped him because he operated alone at night. He cut the fatty tissue on her stomach and threw it into the sink: "don't worry, she don't need it, she will grow another one". Meanwhile, the dog's guts were on the table, he showed how to put them back.

My doctor didn't ask for money for lethal inject. He came to my house in the yard, examined it one last time, but it was not curable. By the way, it has a similar price of 40 Eur. Unfortunately, my doctor does not undertake surgery, and if there is a problem of this nature, it is difficult to find another good doctor, so far I have always succeeded, except for 1-2 small things.

One of my big dogs, which was paralyzed in its old age, we also treated it on the sidewalk, because there was no point in taking it to the doctor's office/surgery, it was a 60 Kilo dog and everything was already hurting. He only asked for half of the money.
He came to my yard too add lethal inject, then he was there for half an hour to check the multiple cardiac arrests, then he told me to wait with her and bury her later. There are good doctors.

Yeah, these are difficult things when I pick up the dead dog and its head moves left and right helplessly, its lungs fill with air and when I put it down it blows out and snorts and makes a sound.
Hard. It is very difficult to love wholeheartedly and be sensitive to dogs who age 7x faster, who can be killed by many diseases or accidents. Meanwhile, you have to be strong and persistent and determined. Strong and sensitive this is opposites, therefore it's difficult and hard.

But, I love this life, it is a special and rare life, that's why I continued, even though I know my current dogs and future dogs will also end their lives this way. But this exclusive zoophile life is too valuable and important, it must be continued.

 

[nekdoneco123]

Did you always feel this way, or did it come after?

Your post is too real.

after he died, but you know what? i kinda wish i felt like that when he was still here, with me. living every day like it might have been his last.. tho i doubt much would have changed in our relationship, he was my plus one on a garden party the day it happened and i didn't give a shit about the reactions about my plus one being "some dog". a party he came home from in the trunk of my car...

 

[MashaSobaka]

Did you always feel this way, or did it come after?

It lasted a year. I buried 3 dogs.
It got better after that, but not 100%. Years have passed since then, but I still miss them and dream about them sometimes. And the knowledge that my current dogs will end up doing the same. But I feel happy and I love them.
Nekdon has other difficulties, not just being dog, so he can't be any happier. A person will never be 100% after the first buried dog, this is a permanent deterioration. But basically, it will make him happy and he will love his other dogs if things are okay.

 

[nekdoneco123]

It lasted a year. I buried 3 dogs.

i don't want to sound dismissive of your own losses, but with him i didn't "bury a dog". i buried the love of my life. that's what i think broke me the most, the knowledge that i'm past my "the one".
i do love the ones i have now. it's just different kind of love i guess. i've never felt anything similar towards anyone to how i felt and still feel about him. maybe one day i'll feel this way about someone else again.

 

[MashaSobaka]

maybe one day i'll feel this way about someone else again.

This will be the difference, it took me 1 year. More for you. Maybe next time I will need more years and less you. I dont know, I have no idea how I'm going to survive when it starts again. We have to give each other strength, this is very important in the case of excluzoos.