BrotatoChip
Citizen of Zooville
Did anyone here come to their zoosexuality absent of any external triggers? Essentially entirely isolated from animals you now find attractive, both in meat and digital space?
Like, I hear a lot of people say "I've always known" usually followed by "I saw X and was that way ever since." OR "I lived on a farm and saw X regularly" OR "I always saw our dogs this way" (Implying proximity to animals, at the bare minimum) stuff like that. Which is fine and valid and all of that, this isn't a gatekeeping thing AT ALL.
I dunno, I keep mining the depths of my mind for like, a theme or a nucleation point or something, but I feel like my shit came entirely out of nowhere. I literally remember the MOMENT I thought of having sex with an animal, and did not have ANY premonition before that other than some non-sexual but odd fantasies as a child (These, again, had no trigger that I can think of). It was exceptionally binary and happened in a single moment. Sexual desire - OFF/sexual desire and attraction to animals - ON. I did not have meaningful access to any animals really at this point other than my cats who I'm certain did not trigger any desire.
I'm not even sure why this bothers me, it just feels impossible and unsatisfying. There was a time where I went down the route of looking into repressed memories and such but that did not bear fruit as it seems those are almost entirely debunked at this point. I have also not experienced any head injuries that could lead to this type of radical change in my brain. No drug use either.
It could be that I'm splitting hairs here too. It could be that I'm subconsciously trying to be the specialist snowflake amongst special snowflakes and isolate myself which does seem to be a defense mechanism of mine.
Also, I appreciate people telling me "Just accept it!" but that's not helpful for me for some reason. I appreciate the sentiment and invitation to be happy with myself, I really GENUINELY do, but it leaves me still dissatisfied. I know this is probably more of the issue than anything but I'm not there yet so I need to search for reasons in the mean time, if only to absolutely confirm there wasn't one.
I dunno. It just feels weird. I think I'm in a good spot with most of my other stuff since coming here (Thanks!) but this one lingers and I can't let it go for some reason.
Like, I hear a lot of people say "I've always known" usually followed by "I saw X and was that way ever since." OR "I lived on a farm and saw X regularly" OR "I always saw our dogs this way" (Implying proximity to animals, at the bare minimum) stuff like that. Which is fine and valid and all of that, this isn't a gatekeeping thing AT ALL.
I dunno, I keep mining the depths of my mind for like, a theme or a nucleation point or something, but I feel like my shit came entirely out of nowhere. I literally remember the MOMENT I thought of having sex with an animal, and did not have ANY premonition before that other than some non-sexual but odd fantasies as a child (These, again, had no trigger that I can think of). It was exceptionally binary and happened in a single moment. Sexual desire - OFF/sexual desire and attraction to animals - ON. I did not have meaningful access to any animals really at this point other than my cats who I'm certain did not trigger any desire.
I'm not even sure why this bothers me, it just feels impossible and unsatisfying. There was a time where I went down the route of looking into repressed memories and such but that did not bear fruit as it seems those are almost entirely debunked at this point. I have also not experienced any head injuries that could lead to this type of radical change in my brain. No drug use either.
It could be that I'm splitting hairs here too. It could be that I'm subconsciously trying to be the specialist snowflake amongst special snowflakes and isolate myself which does seem to be a defense mechanism of mine.
Also, I appreciate people telling me "Just accept it!" but that's not helpful for me for some reason. I appreciate the sentiment and invitation to be happy with myself, I really GENUINELY do, but it leaves me still dissatisfied. I know this is probably more of the issue than anything but I'm not there yet so I need to search for reasons in the mean time, if only to absolutely confirm there wasn't one.
I dunno. It just feels weird. I think I'm in a good spot with most of my other stuff since coming here (Thanks!) but this one lingers and I can't let it go for some reason.