Think it's possible to get a wild deer to fuck you
- Thread starter Lichrat
- Start date
Wasbitchpolly
Prized Citizen of ZV
caikgoch
Esteemed Citizen of ZV
It shouldn't be too hard. It'll take 3 or 4 generations (of deer) to get them acclimated enough to you. Then they''l only be interested for 2 or 3 weeks out of the year. And you do know that deer are 1 thrust wonders? Yep, that's all you get, the Ejaculatory Thrust.
Wasbitchpolly
Prized Citizen of ZV
Now that’s what I call premature ejaculation !! Hmm reminds me of my ex husband but I don’t think a deer would roll off and fart then go to sleep
caikgoch
Esteemed Citizen of ZV
Neither of you have been within the same county as a wild deer. Living deer are very triggered by anything human shape. I've pushed deer out of the way with a tractor (large with a cab kind of tractor) then had them jump and disappear into the distance when I opened the cab door.
Wasbitchpolly
Prized Citizen of ZV
Let them dream
it’s scary that they know so little
Wasbitchpolly
Prized Citizen of ZV
If your not dr Doolittle there’s no chanceI was just being cheeky but its funny how serious it was taken. It could work tho. And I do live in an area with a lot of deer. Depends on how acclimated to human activity they are. Doe scent drives them wild in rut and they might become blind to human shape in their sex fueled haze. Best idea out there so far.
Samenhengst
Tourist
Manchmal muss ich mich wirklich fragen, welche Themen hier angesprochen werden. Wenn es keine Themen mehr gibt, wird etwas Seltsames ausgedacht. : ROFLMAO:: ROFLMAO:
Wasbitchpolly
Prized Citizen of ZV
He’s in more danger of an antler up his arse
caikgoch
Esteemed Citizen of ZV
They do have a spring loaded penis. That's how they complete that act so quickly.He might be into it
Lichrat
Tourist
I'll die happy XD
Lichrat
Tourist
And this sounds hot
thecloud
Citizen of Zooville
I did of course not mean any wild ones. Sorry for not pointing that out. I mean more like the ones in Parks or Stations etc that are not going to run away. This idea would only work with such deer in the first place of course. And hey, i m not very serious here. All fun and thoughts so chill
Lichrat
Tourist
All good no one's but hurt here <3
ADreamOfLiberty
ZooVille Philanthropist
How many years you got? 
Quiet1
Zooville Settler
ADreamOfLiberty
ZooVille Philanthropist
Oh come on don't be so dramatic. There are plenty of youtube videos of deer being friendly. Probably somebody fed them when they were young. Some park deer will let you touch them after a couple weeks of being non-threatening, they're basically giant squirrels they're so used to humans.
UR20Z
Dumpster Diver
Sounds like an *EXCELLENT* recipe for a viral headline/video - It'll most probably go something like this:
"Local man attacked, (severely injured)/(killed) by deer - Joe Reporter, staff writer for the Middleton Daily Blather
Witnesses say the deer approached seeming friendly, then without any apparent warning, began attacking, goring and stomping the man repeatedly before being driven off by several people using improvised clubs and thrown rocks. By the time emergency personnel reached the man, he (was barely alive and rushed to the emergency room at <insert local trauma center here> where he underwent four hours of emergency surgery, and is now listed in critical condition, with the doctors giving him a 40% chance of survival - "The injuries sustained were numerous and extensive - any of several could have easily been fatal had they been a fraction of an inch in any direction" said a doctor familiar with the case on Tuesday. He continued, "This man is lucky to be alive at all, and he faces a long hard fight to recovery, if he survives the night.")/(had succumbed to his injuries and was pronounced dead on the scene)."
UR20Z
Dumpster Diver
As someone who has interacted with wild deer, up to and including successfully completing a mating with one of the does in the local herd - after putting in roughly 6 years of familiarization/trust-building - I can safely say that you obviously don't have a fucking CLUE how dangerous, unpredictable, and outright deadly even a DOE can be, never mind the raging, mindless, EXCEEDINGLY well-armed "I WANNA FUCK, AND I WANNA FUCK RIGHT NOW!" machine that is a buck in rut. There's not a trace of "dramatic" about it. Potential for about 3.2 metric fuck-tons of "traumatic", yes, but damn near zero "dramatic" unless it's built into the reporting of the story after it's already over.
nekdoneco123
Esteemed Citizen of ZV
to me the scary part is that someone without a clue giving advice anyway followed by "i was just playing/trolling/whatever" when called out is becoming "the norm" around here...Let them dream
Wasbitchpolly
Prized Citizen of ZV
It would have probably been better posting somewhere else than the dumpster
nekdoneco123
Esteemed Citizen of ZV
i kinda doubt that, the sections about animal wellbeing and howto have their share of "just use peanutbutter/other bait" advisors as well. it's a pretty sad read
Wasbitchpolly
Prized Citizen of ZV
You’ve got that right
Wasbitchpolly
Prized Citizen of ZV
I suppose that means he won’t suck my nipples even if I put peanut butter on them 
UR20Z
Dumpster Diver
Ah, yes... I remember that one from back when it first got spread around. Dude was lucky to come out of it alive, though as I recall, he was quite the unhappy camper - I forget exact details, but seems to me that when he was interviewed after his trip to the hospital, he spoke of a cracked forearm, multiple pulls, strains, a sprained ankle and fucked up knee, ripped cartilage in his ribs/breastbone, multiple broken ribs and a punctured lung, plus assorted cuts, scrapes and bruises over most of his body.
And y'know how he got that bit of "hot-n-horny fun" started? Yep, that's right... it was supposed to be a "funny" video of how doe-piss could make a buck crazy. He doused himself in it, had his wife/girlfriend start the camera, and you can see how well things went...
UR20Z
Dumpster Diver
You spelled "All stupid and brain-dead" wrong.
UR20Z
Dumpster Diver
So you've got a death wish, huh? Or didja just not bother to stop and consider the reality that a deer's cock is ROUGHLY 12-16 inches long, it's about as thick as your thumb, about equivalent to a broom handle in stiffness, and more-or-less pointed when ready for use, and that a buck's entire sexual repertoire consists of "mount up, find the hole, *THRUST*, dismount, done"? (yeah, a typical deer mating takes about 5-8 seconds from the time the buck's front feet leave the ground, to all four back on the dirt with the act completed) And that the "*THRUST*" portion lasts for about 3/4 of a second, and during that time, he drives the entire length he's capable of in as deep as he can in a single stroke, hard enough that the thrust often lifts both him and the doe's hind end off the ground, and frequently causes the doe to faceplant hard enough to give her a bloody nose?
No? What a surprise...
Ponder the idea of lining up a foot or so of broom handle with a semi-sharp end on your asshole, then letting somebody take a nice swing at it with a sledgehammer to drive it in to full depth at a single stroke - no wiggling or fiddling or guiding or "easing it in" - Just one sudden WHACK to full depth, ripping through anything that happens to present an obstacle.
Ever heard of a nifty little thing called "peritonitis"? Doubtful - Suggest you look it up and learn how much fun it is to die from. Word from days gone by says that it's one of the more painful, lingering forms of death there is, short of outright torture. (Think westerns where somebody gets gut-shot as an illustrative case) Tales come down from those days of strong men begging someone to shoot 'em in the head to end the agony.
Still think you're gonna get anything "sexy" out of your "bright idea"?