Nothing wrong with multiple spouses.
I think it's a double standard how men are treated when it comes to swinging. It's okay for single women, but not single men. And trans girls often struggle getting into swinging clubs too. At least in my experiences.
Double standard? Well, is and isn't. Depends on what you mean, what the word means to you. To us? Swinging is for couples. It's not for single men *or* women, though married couples often "play separately." And when swingers have a party, yes, they often allow singles to come, too. But singles themselves are not "swingers." When you're in a long-term, committed relationship, raising kids together, keeping a home together... what is "swinging" takes on a whole different perspective that just isn't part of being single. They don't come at it from a couples' point of view. Neither do guys who find a girl, try to come in *as* a couple. We call girls like that "ticket dates." They just....don't... get it.
Single people getting together, chilling, knowing there's sexual possibility, that would be more like one of the 1500 shades of "poly." And that term, polyamory? We were part of an online poly community but, although for a while we had a *polygamous* marriage early on (two other women living with us as wives 2 and 3), the *polyamorous* community was too broad for us. And too young. We weren't a good fit.
We're old farts. Just swingers. Basic swingers. Old school swingers.
We will also play with singles on a case by case basis, but we don't call that swinging. That's just playing. Bi, straight, otherwise. If we/me/she likes the person, hanging together might be sexual, might not. We go with the flow.
We're seeing younger folk who don't see it the way those of us in our swing community see it. It's everyone and everybody. They call it the "lifestyle." And that gives us a new bald spot on our scalp from bewildered itching. First, we never think of it as a "lifestyle." Lifestyle is working, raising kids, paying taxes. Swinging for us is for letting our hair down, having fun, doing something *different* outside our lifestyle.
And it used to be terms like "the lifestyle" and "vanilla" were for the BDSM scene. A vanilla was anyone having "regular" types of sex, who wasn't into the scene. Swingers sort of took those terms over (and now all alternate "lifestyles") have. But the BDSM crowd basically scowls and says, "But... you're *all* having vanilla sex."
Basically now words like swinging, lifestyle, poly.... it's whatever anybody wants it to be.
As for male/female double standard, that's just the way it is. We *have* to shut them out of parties. Otherwise men are all that will be there. If we left it open, a hundred single guys want to come. And most of our couples, they don't want anything to do with that. They found that out, they'd stay home or go somewhere else. So many of them think it's an orgy or husbands pimping out their wives. Their email contacts with us are kind of piggish: "I'm down to fuck. Count me in." Some have lost a partner, used to play before the divorce or death of their wife. No problem, they're in. They "get it." Others are actually cheating on a partner cuz they "don't get enough at home." They're out. And some say they are a couple but only the guy shows up, "She wasn't feeling well." Sorry, Bub. That's practically a cliche of an excuse.
And the few single women who will want to come? Some are carrying psychological baggage you wouldn't believe. Big time drama.
So to get in as a single man or woman, someone generally has to know you, invite you. If a single man or woman is friends of a couple who's attending, they can vouch for them, no problem at all, that's fine.
That's how swing parties that *we* host go -- long-term committed couples mostly, if any singles at all. And we screen the couples pretty well. We make out passes for the ones accepted. No pass, can't get in. This last one we threw had 26 couples, representing three different online groups, and only one guy tried to crash it. Not successful. Never got in the door (made a helluva lot of noise, though... for a moment). And only one couple wasn't who they pretended to be. Those two were quickly pointed out and shown the door. That was the only drama of the night. The rest was just awesome.
At the lifestyle resort we go to, of the half dozen or so single guys there who "court" us, trying to hook up, we might find one or two who's a cool dude and we play with him. Some are bi. Some are straight. We don't call that swinging, though. That's just playing.
At our favorite pub? Oh, every once in a great great while, she might slip out with someone. And same here ... we don't call these occasions swinging, either. That's just sexual play and just the temporary interaction. Most of them, one night of play, they try to glom onto us, wedge themselves into our lives. Want to know how about hooking up again the next night, and what are we doing Monday? Wednesday? How about Thursday? Well next weekend? -- Can't get rid of them.
Short story about single men is, there's too many of them, and too many of them gave all of them a bad name they have to contend with. (But we do find them!). In reality? -- A single woman is just as likely to be as problematic, maybe more so than a single guy. And... couples themselves are no sure thing. So much going on in them you don't "see" right away. Then you start noticing something's off. They trying to "spice up" a dead-end marriage. Or, she's caved in to his persistent interest in fulfilling his fantasy, but she's not into it. Or it's a woman who doesn't care that her attention to other men, and their exclusive attention to her, while ignoring him or dismissing him, is tearing out his liver. ...... Really kills the fun, you know?
Zoo is SO MUCH SIMPLER than swinging.
