Outed myself to my parents as Zoo

[BlueBeard]

Greetings.

Well, to give you guys a quick outline of who I am and why that is relevant to my story:
I am male, 30+ years old , no pets, no girlfriend atm and I am living far enough away from the rest of my family, that weekly visits ain't an option.
Which is a fact that I quite enjoy, 'cause as nice as they are, they like to put there noses in to things where they don't belong.
Typical family I guess.

So the holidays are one of those rare occasion on which I am able to spent a few days with everyone.
For the outing itself... well, it wasn't something that I have planed ahead. I mean I wanted to talk to someone I could trust about my sexuality
for quite some time. Just to get off of my chest so to say and have someone I could 'act' normal around.
The outing actually started as an "why are you still single"-talk.
Told them that I have convessed myself to my girlfried, since I didn't want to life like a gay man in the last century 20's. Hiding and keeping his head low whilst getting so frustrated that he beats up the childing or something...

After all, I am not so sure how well it went...
I've tried to explain that, as far as I can remember, I felt attracted to animals. Dogs and horses in particular. But I also love to have them around me. Being attracted to women and at rare occasions to men is also part of my sexual identity.
"But those poor critters... you hurt them!" I what?!
Took me a while to explain them that I am an animal lover, not an animal fucker or zoosadist.
I could never hurt an animal nore force them to something they don't want. It even makes me sick to see those "trapped sheep" videos where the animal is not able to run away. I even go so far and not get a pet as long as I struggle with my financial situation. I want my dog to be at good health at all times. Poor thing not getting a treatment 'cause I am not at good wealth? Unimaginable.
That did kinda cool things down a bit. Yet they kept talking to me I have some sort of mental illness that has to be cured.
"Can't you just keep fantazysing and swollow it down?" So I can life a lie for my entire life? No thank you. - Was my reaction.

I am not sure if I did the right thing here.
Still feels like they might call out on me as soon life with a pet.

As for knowing if you "did the right thing here," you did what you felt you needed to do. It was a positive action. Your parents' reaction is to be expected. They got distracted by the zoophilia. They focused on that.

Being zoo, I didn't, of course. I was immediately drawn to deeper problems. You're struggling financially and socially. It would not be unreasonable to think you are also hurting emotionally, lonely -- which is why you reached out to your family. They were there, within earshot, and having no one else, you reached out.

It seems to me, in your case, your attraction to animals is beside the point. You don't even have animals. Unfortunately, now it's going to be what gets the most attention from your parents.

Oh well. Whether that was "the right thing here" or not is now water under the bridge. Even though it can cause those around you concern (and they might get annoying after a bit, we'll see), it is an opportunity for you now to look at all things pertinent to your current state.

None of us here -- not me, not your parents -- knows what it is you need to do. While I don't see that it has anything to do with your attraction to animals, only you can determine what you need to do, and this is an opportunity, perhaps the beginning of some huge improvements, changes that will be for the good.

The only thing "we" can do -- we who are nothing more than the anonymous members of an online zoophile community -- is give you our few words, reminding you that you are uniquely you, that you are valuable and precious to the world for that alone. And of course our words to remind you that even though only *you* can walk this walk, you are *not* entirely alone. Each of us does the same as you are doing now, our own way.

Some of us a little farther down the path than you at this moment, we turn to see you clutching the branches and hauling yourself up the rocky path, little by little, behind us. We nod to you and smile, reach a hand back to you or hold a briar out of your way. You're doing it. That's right. Keep coming. You're making it. Take it at your own pace. Remember to rest now and then, catch your breath, then put one foot in front of the other, again.

 

[BlueBeard]

Well, sounds like everyone here got a little distracted or off topic.
Yes, I want to be accepted for who I am. But I don't want the world to know who I am, just those who are the closest to me.
I am not on a crusade. I mean, check out my original post. There is nothing written about changes in society or what times we are living in etc. That is what people made out of it. I am nothing but a son who wanted his parents to understand that he is not some kind of freak or monster, but a person that has the ability to care for and love animals as much as humans.
Screw society. It is a proven fact that humans act dumber, the bigger the group they are in. So I have little to no hope to be able to be a completely outed Zoo and be accepted during my lifetime. All I have is the hope to be able to be who I am amongst those I most care about.

"I want to be accepted for who I am." One thing to consider, maybe, is the self-centeredness of the motive. It is a selfish request, a burden to dump on someone else, somewhat abusive: "I'm going to spring something on you about my sex life that I believe will shock you, perhaps even disgust you, because I want you to approve of me in spite of it."

I can't imagine my wife and I going into detail with either of our folks about our "edgey" sexual interests and relationships. There would have to be a need, some conspicuously unavoidable reason for them to know. Like, before you ask them to walk your dog down the aisle during your wedding ceremony, yes, they'll have to know. But otherwise, why would you want them to know about your sexual attraction to or, later, your sexual activities with, animals?

Why would we need that kind of approval from a family member unless we, ourselves, do not accept that part of ourselves? Is it a hope that if they can approve of us in spite of this, then we don't have to feel ashamed of it? Are we trying to feel better about ourselves through the approval of someone else? Because, when we ourselves accept this about ourselves, unless we have a political motive (which you say you do not), it wouldn't occur to us to seek their approval.

There is something else going on here, something deeper. Zoophilia is a distracting topic for you right now, and it is distracting your parents from the real matters that need attending to. But you'll get to them. This is a occasion for growth and healing. Whatever it is you really need, I think you're on the brink of resolving it.

Maybe I'm way off track. Don't know. Whatever course you follow, I wish you well and genuinely hope that you find ever-increasing joy and happiness in your life, each day finding you more satisfied than the day before, yet not quite as happy as the next.

 

[SigmaTheZeta]

It takes a truly heartless thug to shame a man for choosing confirm his trust in his mom and dad.

I agree that the details of one's sex life are a private matter, yet it's absolutely normal for people to tell others whom they are in love with. It is also common for other people, especially one's family and friends, to be interested in and ask about your partnership status.

It is also a non-trivial need to confirm whether we can trust our moms and dads or anyone in our lives we may depend upon or who may someday depend upon us. If someone in our lives could become dangerous to either us our spouses, then our relationship with that person ought to be reconsidered, not just because they are prejudiced but because they are not dependable people, full stop.

 

[Benjamin]

Kind of difficult to find a female human companion that's a zoo if they are scared to death to talk about it with anyone in the real world.

 

[BlueBeard]

It takes a truly heartless thug to shame a man for choosing confirm his trust in his mom and dad.
It is also a non-trivial need to confirm whether we can trust our moms and dads or anyone in our lives we may depend upon or who may someday depend upon us. If someone in our lives could become dangerous to either us our spouses, then our relationship with that person ought to be reconsidered, not just because they are prejudiced but because they are not dependable people, full stop.

No one has shamed anyone. Dismissive generalizations about the need for parental protection, trust and affirmation are truisms better suited to discussions about children and are beside the point. Let's bring it back into perspective. The OP is a lonely and struggling, middle-aged, adult man with a taboo sexual attraction who introduced family members to it during a family holiday. As the zoophilia bomb's smoke eventually clears, the OP is going to find deeper issues at the root of his current state that he himself alluded to. Whether the choice to tell them was right or wrong, as he ended his post, no longer matters. He has created an opportunity for growth and happiness either way, a time for introspection that may lead to better things coming.

 

[Pillar]

No one has shamed anyone. Dismissive generalizations about the need for parental protection, trust and affirmation are truisms better suited to discussions about children and are beside the point. Let's bring it back into perspective. The subject at hand concerns an adult man's taboo sexual attraction and his need to introduce family members to it during a family holiday.

Full beginning.

EDIT: The need for protection, trust, and affirmation... Geez, it almost sounds like you're hating on the guy for trying to have a relationship with the people that he loves and cares for and has some trust in. Not to mention being human, we all have our great moments and moments of weakness, of being on the bottom rung.

Now as far as any of his wants/needs go, if it's talking about any kind of sexuality I'd honestly think it's normal for adults to converse about it, even if it's an adult child and his/her parents. But if it's for topics such as this it's generally advised that some discretion ought to be used, for as unfortunate as it is, it may not be taken too kindly by others. It's a damn shame it can't be talked about openly and freely, if you wanted to do so. Again, that is only if you wanted to.

The biggest issue that others seem to have is the possible risk that he took for outing himself and the possible effects it may have on those close to him and possibly even on his life. (In a way this subject is very eerily familiar to coming out gay, bi or lesbian back in the day.) The thing is with zoo being so taboo and being outwardly unaccepted by society many people believe he's taking a risk that may be unnecessary. (Most zoos aren't going to tell anyone who isn't a zoo themselves or unless they know others who don't care and/or are accepting of it, etc. Not to mention it probably happens a lot more than society thinks it does.)

Personally I believe that the OP should be able to confide in anyone whom he chooses to and yes, that can include his parents if that is what he wants. But like I posted earlier, when doing something like this one ought to use their judgment, as the reality of telling others, even those close to you, might be very different from what it could have been expected to be. Now, how his situation in telling his parents will be handled, I don't know. I do hope that all will be well for the OP and that he can find understanding and acceptance from those who know about it.

EDIT: When I said an "authentic" relationship I meant in the aspect of trust, not the part about being a zoo. I do apologize if there was any confusion about it.

 

[BlueBeard]

I agree that the details of one's sex life are a private matter, yet it's absolutely normal for people to tell others whom they are in love with. It is also common for other people, especially one's family and friends, to be interested in and ask about your partnership status.

Regarding conventional relationships, true to a point, since even then, varies. So much it depends on the uniqueness of the situation. Ours, for instance, won't be representative of anyone else's, we don't think. But we're pretty sure it, too, falls just as neatly under "absolutely normal."

One of our kids as a teenager never shut up about her love interests (conventional). Two of them, hell, we only heard about sometime distant after the breakup, if at all. The other three, not a peep. And that was as teenagers. As adults? Naw, they don't talk about their sexual interests or activities. Not much, anyway.

Ah, something might "slip out" now and then. Like the time one mentioned that the eldest got cum in her eye and it burned, and she burst out laughing and confirmed it. Or a friend of a friend telling one of our daughters that they know their folks swing. Or a jilted boyfriend in the front yard yelling about how he caught the daughter we're "so proud of" sucking a black cock in our living room. I think those were the only times we really talked about our personal sex lives. The gist was, "You can tell us anything you want, but honey, that's your private life. You can, and we'll listen, but you don't have to. That's nobody's business but your own. And you can ask us anything about ours that you want. But be careful -- if you ask, we're going to tell you." (If you're still wondering about the jilted boyfriend, yeah, he had help to his car. I didn't hurt him too much. Just enough to let him know yelling that about our daughter in our front yard was not a bright idea).

That animals are part of our sex life? Naw. No. That never comes up. If they want to tell us it's part of theirs, well, they *can*, we'll listen, sure, but it's not something we're waiting on. And they know we're the kind of parents they *could* tell that to!

Would be interesting now that it's come up, to find out what percentage of zoophiles feel the need to come out to their family. The percentage itself doesn't prove anything. If only one person, that can still be "absolutely normal." But it's always a human curiosity, right? -- To know "How many are like me?"

If we do that, let's move it out of this thread. No longer about the OP anymore. Now it's broader, wider. More general.

 

[SigmaTheZeta]

I don't even talk to my human husband about details like cum in my eye. It is romance I think we ought to be at liberty to shout from the rooftops. The concomitant bodily functions that are related to it are kind of gross.

 

[SigmaTheZeta]

No one has shamed anyone. Dismissive generalizations about the need for parental protection, trust and affirmation are truisms better suited to discussions about children and are beside the point. Let's bring it back into perspective. The OP is a lonely and struggling, middle-aged, adult man with a taboo sexual attraction who introduced family members to it during a family holiday. As the zoophilia bomb's smoke eventually clears, the OP is going to find deeper issues at the root of his current state that he himself alluded to. Whether the choice to tell them was right or wrong, as he ended his post, no longer matters. He has created an opportunity for growth and happiness either way, a time for introspection that may lead to better things coming.

I am going to leave the OP aside. He apparently resents words being put into his mouth for any reason, even if they might have been somewhat congruent with some of his actual thoughts. I sometimes find that people that come out appreciate some support, but for some reason, I did not come across as supportive in this case.

I am going to speak more generally, and I beg the pardon of @BearInMind if I am not perfectly congruent with his views.

The point is that if we have family members that are determined to be a part of our lives, we often have a lot of reasons why we are not willing to let them as close as they might want to be. In some cases, we are not really sure that they are entirely rational as people.

That was the case with my immediate family. My immediate family is mentally unbalanced, and that is a plain and simple fact. In my father's case, it is not really his fault because he suffered from a serious brain tumor during my upbringing and lost a lot of good brain matter during the surgery to get rid of it. While there was a time when he was a very sweet and slightly progressive-minded man, his health problems took their toll. My mother has always tended to emotionally dissociate from anything that she is uncomfortable with or in some way afraid of or revolted by, and she comes across as deeply cold to anyone that she does not want to emotionally connect with: she is smart, but at an emotional level, she is a bit of a coward. I would not say that she is really all that hateful, but she flees into either her books or her private thoughts instead of dealing with things that are not comfortable for her.

I had no choice but to distance myself from those people. In spite of the fact that I understand better now why they are the way that they are, they are toxic, and it was not and is not and never will be within my power to fix them. Even if I could, I am not sure it would really be my right to fix them. I am no longer enough of a child to condemn them heartlessly or without a sense of understanding for why they are the way that they are, but attempting to make it work when it I know that it will never work would not be good for either my health or theirs. Doing me any good is beyond their power, and doing them any good is beyond mine.

Some people are not really sure about their relatives, and they sometimes need to make difficult decisions about whether or not it is safe or helpful or appropriate to keep those people as a part of their lives.

If your family is only concerned about you when you come out as a zoo, then maybe you misjudged them. Being asked to see a therapist is not a punishment, but therapy can really be extremely good for even a healthy person. If your family is just concerned and wants to help you, then that is actually a very positive thing.

One of the most telling things you can ever hear from your family are a few polite but cold words followed by very few proactive attempts to contact you and a variety of passive-aggressive and evasive behaviors. At that point, cutting off contact is probably a good move. When they have decided to cut off emotional engagement, then letting them fall away is the most safe thing to do. People that tend to put feelings of revulsion first and their blood connection with their children second are deeply toxic, and they tend to use and often exploit others in their lives. If they want to cut themselves away from you because they see you only as a liability, then I suggest letting them fuck off on their own hand truck because such people are as useless as the proverbial tits on a boar.

If you feel that you need to live a lie, then you already know your family is toxic. If you can't just come out, then I think it would be wise to spend more time with friends that are better for your health. If you do not take care of your emotional health, then I can almost guarantee that it is only a matter of time before you come down with some kind of liver problem or cancer or pancreatitis. If you do not learn how to lean on people in your life that are dependable and safe to have in your life, then you can become seriously sick.

It's not just about coming out as a zoo, but it is about realizing that you deserve to have people in your life that are good for you and that you do not really owe anything of yourself to people that you already know are toxic.

 

[Hewflungpew]

Greetings.

Well, to give you guys a quick outline of who I am and why that is relevant to my story:
I am male, 30+ years old , no pets, no girlfriend atm and I am living far enough away from the rest of my family, that weekly visits ain't an option.
Which is a fact that I quite enjoy, 'cause as nice as they are, they like to put there noses in to things where they don't belong.
Typical family I guess.

So the holidays are one of those rare occasion on which I am able to spent a few days with everyone.
For the outing itself... well, it wasn't something that I have planed ahead. I mean I wanted to talk to someone I could trust about my sexuality
for quite some time. Just to get off of my chest so to say and have someone I could 'act' normal around.
The outing actually started as an "why are you still single"-talk.
Told them that I have convessed myself to my girlfried, since I didn't want to life like a gay man in the last century 20's. Hiding and keeping his head low whilst getting so frustrated that he beats up the childing or something...

After all, I am not so sure how well it went...
I've tried to explain that, as far as I can remember, I felt attracted to animals. Dogs and horses in particular. But I also love to have them around me. Being attracted to women and at rare occasions to men is also part of my sexual identity.
"But those poor critters... you hurt them!" I what?!
Took me a while to explain them that I am an animal lover, not an animal fucker or zoosadist.
I could never hurt an animal nore force them to something they don't want. It even makes me sick to see those "trapped sheep" videos where the animal is not able to run away. I even go so far and not get a pet as long as I struggle with my financial situation. I want my dog to be at good health at all times. Poor thing not getting a treatment 'cause I am not at good wealth? Unimaginable.
That did kinda cool things down a bit. Yet they kept talking to me I have some sort of mental illness that has to be cured.
"Can't you just keep fantazysing and swollow it down?" So I can life a lie for my entire life? No thank you. - Was my reaction.

I am not sure if I did the right thing here.
Still feels like they might call out on me as soon life with a pet.

Everyone wondering what a zoo is! This person is a zoo!

Puts animals well being first!

That's the first thing you thought of was your animal or soon to be one.. Good on ya!

This is exactly the mind set all of us should strive to have!

Cudos.

In my oppinon if my family can't accept that part of me then they are not family.
I don't want to test it, so I haven't said anything cause of the possible fallout.

You have guts and I respect that, whatever the outcome I know you will have support here.

 

[BlueBeard]

I am going to leave the OP aside. He apparently resents words being put into his mouth for any reason, even if they might have been somewhat congruent with some of his actual thoughts. I sometimes find that people that come out appreciate some support, but for some reason, I did not come across as supportive in this case.

I am going to speak more generally, and I beg the pardon of @BearInMind if I am not perfectly congruent with his views.

The point is that if we have family members that are determined to be a part of our lives, we often have a lot of reasons why we are not willing to let them as close as they might want to be. In some cases, we are not really sure that they are entirely rational as people.

That was the case with my immediate family. My immediate family is mentally unbalanced, and that is a plain and simple fact. In my father's case, it is not really his fault because he suffered from a serious brain tumor during my upbringing and lost a lot of good brain matter during the surgery to get rid of it. While there was a time when he was a very sweet and slightly progressive-minded man, his health problems took their toll. My mother has always tended to emotionally dissociate from anything that she is uncomfortable with or in some way afraid of or revolted by, and she comes across as deeply cold to anyone that she does not want to emotionally connect with: she is smart, but at an emotional level, she is a bit of a coward. I would not say that she is really all that hateful, but she flees into either her books or her private thoughts instead of dealing with things that are not comfortable for her.

I had no choice but to distance myself from those people. In spite of the fact that I understand better now why they are the way that they are, they are toxic, and it was not and is not and never will be within my power to fix them. Even if I could, I am not sure it would really be my right to fix them. I am no longer enough of a child to condemn them heartlessly or without a sense of understanding for why they are the way that they are, but attempting to make it work when it I know that it will never work would not be good for either my health or theirs. Doing me any good is beyond their power, and doing them any good is beyond mine.

Some people are not really sure about their relatives, and they sometimes need to make difficult decisions about whether or not it is safe or helpful or appropriate to keep those people as a part of their lives.

If your family is only concerned about you when you come out as a zoo, then maybe you misjudged them. Being asked to see a therapist is not a punishment, but therapy can really be extremely good for even a healthy person. If your family is just concerned and wants to help you, then that is actually a very positive thing.

One of the most telling things you can ever hear from your family are a few polite but cold words followed by very few proactive attempts to contact you and a variety of passive-aggressive and evasive behaviors. At that point, cutting off contact is probably a good move. When they have decided to cut off emotional engagement, then letting them fall away is the most safe thing to do. People that tend to put feelings of revulsion first and their blood connection with their children second are deeply toxic, and they tend to use and often exploit others in their lives. If they want to cut themselves away from you because they see you only as a liability, then I suggest letting them fuck off on their own hand truck because such people are as useless as the proverbial tits on a boar.

If you feel that you need to live a lie, then you already know your family is toxic. If you can't just come out, then I think it would be wise to spend more time with friends that are better for your health. If you do not take care of your emotional health, then I can almost guarantee that it is only a matter of time before you come down with some kind of liver problem or cancer or pancreatitis. If you do not learn how to lean on people in your life that are dependable and safe to have in your life, then you can become seriously sick.

It's not just about coming out as a zoo, but it is about realizing that you deserve to have people in your life that are good for you and that you do not really owe anything of yourself to people that you already know are toxic.

+1

 

[BearInMind]

I am going to leave the OP aside. He apparently resents words being put into his mouth for any reason, even if they might have been somewhat congruent with some of his actual thoughts. I sometimes find that people that come out appreciate some support, but for some reason, I did not come across as supportive in this case.
[...]

Who said you didn't come across supportive?
I just hate it when people stretch my words in to something that I have simply not said. Proclaming that "Being somewhat congruent with some of my actual thoughts" is as wrong as saying "I am almost very close to being right.". Which is, in other words: Taking guesses.
But it should be normal conversation etiquette not to do so.

 

[SigmaTheZeta]

Who said you didn't come across supportive?

I am glad if I did.

I have had my own life experiences, and I am only really capable of understanding this subject, in any authentic way, through that lens.

I have had to go through a process of letting go of people in my life that I knew I could never really trust. This was not easy for me. I went through periods of homelessness and had serious physical health problems while I was struggling.

The amazing thing, though, was that my depression that I had thought I was just born with simply evaporated. Even when I was homeless and hungry and walking through a seriously dangerous drug-infested neighborhood prowled by street gangs, I felt lighter on my feet. For the first time in my entire life, I was feeling happy most of the time, and it was not just a temporary effect. If I had ever known before what that was like, then I had forgotten it.

Being around people that I had to be in the closet around had made me feel like I was a robot. I felt like an empty body was present, and my real personality was somewhere else far away.

I can never see it as healthy to cling to people in my life that I know I can never trust. It is a losing proposition for me. It makes me seriously mentally sick.

I may never perfectly understand how other people feel about this sort of thing, but I understand what I felt.

 

[Bloodwolf]

Chances are, I'll never tell my parents. Even though they are very accepting and told me that if I'm gay they would support me, which I am not. I'm straight for humans, but I have a stronger attraction to animals of both sexes. So I'll probably find a girl who is also a Zoophile, so we can both have fun, and marry her.

I feel ya buddy. Same situation with me. I have put off any relationship possibly because I would rather have a woman that’s into or ok with the zoo side of me. The only thing I have right now is my boy Jake at the moment. I’m fine with that, other then questions of why I’m still single .

 

[Schuppentier]

That's why I do not come out to my parents. It would only damage oure relationship.

They never ask me why I do not have a girl or boyfriend, and I do not tell them, why exactly that is the case. It's like a silent agreement to just not ask.

I hope it never backfires to you.

 

[MElKiadEs]

Hace rato nadie escribe aquí.
Y Es aquí donde aprenderá a confiar sólo luego de muchos cheques de que se puede.
A mi familia no se lo diría ni loco, no tengo ningunas dudas de cuál sería su prejuicio, hasta de aquellos que gustan de hablar con E.
No necesito urgentemente a nadie que me entienda y mucho menos a nadie que me ponga condiciones.
¿Para qué meterme de seguro en problemas cuando con mi elección no los tengo?
¿Que me aprobaron para qué me sirve?
Sincerisidio sería como ser basura del Opus Dei y autoflagelarme inútilmente.
Por supuesto me gustaría un mundo ideal tal cual como yo me lo imagino que sería, pero son ilusiones y de ilusiones viven los ilusos....
En estas semanas me propuse empezar a buscar tenazmente a una que quiera zoofilia, pero tampoco me es imprescindible y no voy a caer en errores. Aquí aprende cómo no cometerlos.
Así que veré y MUY comprobaré propuestas reales.
Alabanzas a Connan

 

[BearInMind]

Hace rato nadie escribe aquí.
Y Es aquí donde aprenderá a confiar sólo luego de muchos cheques de que se puede.
A mi familia no se lo diría ni loco, no tengo ningunas dudas de cuál sería su prejuicio, hasta de aquellos que gustan de hablar con E.
No necesito urgentemente a nadie que me entienda y mucho menos a nadie que me ponga condiciones.
¿Para qué meterme de seguro en problemas cuando con mi elección no los tengo?
¿Que me aprobaron para qué me sirve?
Sincerisidio sería como ser basura del Opus Dei y autoflagelarme inútilmente.
Por supuesto me gustaría un mundo ideal tal cual como yo me lo imagino que sería, pero son ilusiones y de ilusiones viven los ilusos....
En estas semanas me propuse empezar a buscar tenazmente a una que quiera zoofilia, pero tampoco me es imprescindible y no voy a caer en errores. Aquí aprende cómo no cometerlos.
Así que veré y MUY comprobaré propuestas reales.
Alabanzas a Connan

Do you speak English? Or aat least use google translator and don't expect everyone else to do that.