My husband found out

efnh

efnh

Tourist
Me and my husband have been married for two years now. We’ve known each other for 5. I never told him about my zoo sexuality and I figured he’s not into it at all. We’ve shared some of our kinks, mainly that I’m into fisting and w/s and he’s into the latter.

This weekend we took a trip with my mother-in-law to Florida and while at a restaurant with my husband sitting across the table from me & my in-law next to me, he asked to see the photos I had taken that day. He scrolled past them and ran across a video that I had saved from here and forgot to put in a hidden folder.

I never like him using my phone because I feel like it’s full of porn even though I’m pretty good at hiding it, so while he was browsing, I got up and said I need to use the bathroom and to give me my phone. On the screen was a video of a man having sex with a dog. As he gave the phone back to me he whispered “now I know what you never wanted me to find on your phone”.

I darted into the bathroom and had a panic attack in one of the stalls.

After all this, he told me while we were walking around that everything is okay but we need to have a serious conversation so that I can clear some things up and some stuff needs to be established. We won’t have a chance to talk in private until Tuesday.

I’m MORTIFIED and scared. It doesn’t seem like he is divorcing me or that things have turned sour but I can’t help but to feel like a seal has been broken and the way he sees me now has changed. I’m so scared of him asking me if I’ve fooled around with our dog or telling me that I can’t. I mean, I have messed around with him but I don’t want him to think I’m fucking our dog each time he sees me cuddle him.

How can I prepare for this conversation that will take place at some point? What do I tell him? How in depth do I get about it?
 
Personally, he could've reacted way worse. I think your husband would appreciate honesty. Like, the full honesty. At this point there's no going back
 
Update: after we left the restaurant, the three of us were walking around, going to different shops & looking at things to bring home. Having my husband know my literally biggest secret made me shut down BIG TIME. I was disassociating and felt like my body was on autopilot. It was around there when he said that we need to have a conversation.

As the night went along, I started coming back but there was this “elephant in the room” feeling. We got back to the hotel and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I fell asleep. I was just so exhausted from the anxiety.

In the morning, while his mom was taking a shower, he asked me if I’ve ever cheated on him. I said I haven’t. Over the course of the day while we had short pockets of time to ourselves, he would ask if I still loved him and found him attractive.

Sidenote: I'm not actually sure if he SAW the beast video on my phone or not. What I saw when I went to grab my phone from his hands was the camera roll grid. Among the photos were three porn videos all in row: the zoo video, a video of a bearish guy jerking off and a pov video of a dude fucking someone else. I’m not sure if you could actually tell from the thumbnail that there was a man fucking a dog in that video.

So yeah. I actually don’t know if he saw it or not. That’s probably worse than knowing for sure he did.
 
Hm. Sounds like he might be concerned about porn in general. Like, some people get self conscious when they learn their significant other is looking at porn as they somehow seem to think that they are no longer attracted to them and are looking elsewhere to get aroused.
So what we know for sure, right now, is that he knows it was sexual content on your phone. So you have definitely been caught with porn (every teenager's nightmare). The best you can do is wait for him to start the conversation/s, don't make an assumption and try to anticipate the problem because you might get it wrong and turn the small thing into something entirely different. Also, do not lie or "mistruth". This is a pivotal moment in your relationship, you don't want to use lies and deceit to get through it because it will tarnish the relationship down the track.
If you want, focus on working out your answers to some of the questions he may have (like practising for a school exam); a big one will be "why are you into this?" (bestiality and porn) or "why do you look at porn?". This is actually a good opportunity for self reflection because we quite often follow our instincts in this stuff and seldom stop to think about why we like it and what it does for us.
 
You need to figure out what he saw, even if you have to joke him into telling you. Reality here is simple.
You never told him about some things you should have BEFORE you married him. You could very well be divorced over it. THIS little taboo will not play well in a court setting. You will lose, you will likely be ostracized by friends and neighbors. Find out what he actually saw, or you'll be suffering from the unsure collywobbles for the rest of your life with him. Hiding this got you into the jam. Face it now or keep wondering when the shoe will drop.
 
Just tell him some friends sent it to you as a joke. That happens all the time. End of story.

If you want to come clean, then it really depends what relationship you have. If he's a clean cut goody too shoes, then it's a bad idea.

Good luck OP... Wishing you the best outcome 🙏
 
Thanks everyone. I truly appreciate the advice. I’m not going to get caught in the coulda-shoulda too much here, but I don’t know if I’d ever be ready to be completely candid about my sexuality. Part of it could be the culture I’m from being so private and stuff like this, but a lot of it is my own insecurity of losing someone I care so much about.
Netherith said:
If you want, focus on working out your answers to some of the questions he may have (like practising for a school exam); a big one will be "why are you into this?" (bestiality and porn) or "why do you look at porn?". This is actually a good opportunity for self reflection because we quite often follow our instincts in this stuff and seldom stop to think about why we like it and what it does for us.
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Your entire response was golden, thank you. If it goes there and he saw what I fear he saw, coming clean about it will be a relief. I’m just not ready to do that myself. I’ll definitely work out some answers and do some self reflection here, as it is nevertheless important to me in the long run.
 
saddlebum66 said:
You need to figure out what he saw, even if you have to joke him into telling you. Reality here is simple.
You never told him about some things you should have BEFORE you married him. You could very well be divorced over it. THIS little taboo will not play well in a court setting. You will lose, you will likely be ostracized by friends and neighbors. Find out what he actually saw, or you'll be suffering from the unsure collywobbles for the rest of your life with him. Hiding this got you into the jam. Face it now or keep wondering when the shoe will drop.
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I don’t have a lot to lose to begin with. Yes, our finances are all tangled up at this point, but I’ve lived here for only a couple of years and all my friends are back in the country I grew up in (I’m half American). That’s not to say you aren’t right, you absolutely are. I should have had the courage to tell him before we got to this point. Truth is I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to make that leap. 😔
 
Funnyfellow said:
Just tell him some friends sent it to you as a joke. That happens all the time. End of story.

If you want to come clean, then it really depends what relationship you have. If he's a clean cut goody too shoes, then it's a bad idea.

Good luck OP... Wishing you the best outcome 🙏
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Aside from a couple of kinks that are actually pretty common, he is really quite “clean cut”. Raised in a Southern Methodist family and community (although he’s departed that situation since meeting me) and all. Thanks for the wishes. I’ll be a test of our vows to each other if anything. Till death do us part?

We’ll see what happens.
 
First I wish you the best with this situation and without sounding hypocritical agree with other comments about honesty, but sometimes I feel it’s better to weigh the bad in the end from being totally honest compared to the gain, and if your zoo sexuality doesn’t effect sexuality with your significant other then “no harm no foul”
 
efnh said:
Me and my husband have been married for two years now. We’ve known each other for 5. I never told him about my zoo sexuality and I figured he’s not into it at all. We’ve shared some of our kinks, mainly that I’m into fisting and w/s and he’s into the latter.

This weekend we took a trip with my mother-in-law to Florida and while at a restaurant with my husband sitting across the table from me & my in-law next to me, he asked to see the photos I had taken that day. He scrolled past them and ran across a video that I had saved from here and forgot to put in a hidden folder.

I never like him using my phone because I feel like it’s full of porn even though I’m pretty good at hiding it, so while he was browsing, I got up and said I need to use the bathroom and to give me my phone. On the screen was a video of a man having sex with a dog. As he gave the phone back to me he whispered “now I know what you never wanted me to find on your phone”.

I darted into the bathroom and had a panic attack in one of the stalls.

After all this, he told me while we were walking around that everything is okay but we need to have a serious conversation so that I can clear some things up and some stuff needs to be established. We won’t have a chance to talk in private until Tuesday.

I’m MORTIFIED and scared. It doesn’t seem like he is divorcing me or that things have turned sour but I can’t help but to feel like a seal has been broken and the way he sees me now has changed. I’m so scared of him asking me if I’ve fooled around with our dog or telling me that I can’t. I mean, I have messed around with him but I don’t want him to think I’m fucking our dog each time he sees me cuddle him.

How can I prepare for this conversation that will take place at some point? What do I tell him? How in depth do I get about it?
Click to expand...
Just tell him the truth.. That's the easiest
 
efnh said:
Me and my husband have been married for two years now. We’ve known each other for 5. I never told him about my zoo sexuality and I figured he’s not into it at all. We’ve shared some of our kinks, mainly that I’m into fisting and w/s and he’s into the latter.

This weekend we took a trip with my mother-in-law to Florida and while at a restaurant with my husband sitting across the table from me & my in-law next to me, he asked to see the photos I had taken that day. He scrolled past them and ran across a video that I had saved from here and forgot to put in a hidden folder.

I never like him using my phone because I feel like it’s full of porn even though I’m pretty good at hiding it, so while he was browsing, I got up and said I need to use the bathroom and to give me my phone. On the screen was a video of a man having sex with a dog. As he gave the phone back to me he whispered “now I know what you never wanted me to find on your phone”.

I darted into the bathroom and had a panic attack in one of the stalls.

After all this, he told me while we were walking around that everything is okay but we need to have a serious conversation so that I can clear some things up and some stuff needs to be established. We won’t have a chance to talk in private until Tuesday.

I’m MORTIFIED and scared. It doesn’t seem like he is divorcing me or that things have turned sour but I can’t help but to feel like a seal has been broken and the way he sees me now has changed. I’m so scared of him asking me if I’ve fooled around with our dog or telling me that I can’t. I mean, I have messed around with him but I don’t want him to think I’m fucking our dog each time he sees me cuddle him.

How can I prepare for this conversation that will take place at some point? What do I tell him? How in depth do I get about it?
Click to expand...
Dont worry, just tell him you like the primal feeling, we are all just animals. 😘
 
Omg I'm so invested! I so badly want this to turn out well for you. Being married to someone that's was not into zoo for over 2 decades is a rough life. My wife knew the whole time but stayed away from the topic. Now things changed over time and it finally happened for us. We can never leave each other now. We are tied (pun a little intended) together. I hope the best for you.
 
efnh said:
Update: after we left the restaurant, the three of us were walking around, going to different shops & looking at things to bring home. Having my husband know my literally biggest secret made me shut down BIG TIME. I was disassociating and felt like my body was on autopilot. It was around there when he said that we need to have a conversation.

As the night went along, I started coming back but there was this “elephant in the room” feeling. We got back to the hotel and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I fell asleep. I was just so exhausted from the anxiety.

In the morning, while his mom was taking a shower, he asked me if I’ve ever cheated on him. I said I haven’t. Over the course of the day while we had short pockets of time to ourselves, he would ask if I still loved him and found him attractive.

Sidenote: I'm not actually sure if he SAW the beast video on my phone or not. What I saw when I went to grab my phone from his hands was the camera roll grid. Among the photos were three porn videos all in row: the zoo video, a video of a bearish guy jerking off and a pov video of a dude fucking someone else. I’m not sure if you could actually tell from the thumbnail that there was a man fucking a dog in that video.

So yeah. I actually don’t know if he saw it or not. That’s probably worse than knowing for sure he did.
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Find a guy who will not only not judge you, but love/worship you for your kink :)
 
Hahaha I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at my own similar past akward conversations with former lovers. God that sucks , I've been there exactly.

So... any update? You have "the talk"?
 
efnh said:
Me and my husband have been married for two years now. We’ve known each other for 5. I never told him about my zoo sexuality and I figured he’s not into it at all. We’ve shared some of our kinks, mainly that I’m into fisting and w/s and he’s into the latter.

This weekend we took a trip with my mother-in-law to Florida and while at a restaurant with my husband sitting across the table from me & my in-law next to me, he asked to see the photos I had taken that day. He scrolled past them and ran across a video that I had saved from here and forgot to put in a hidden folder.

I never like him using my phone because I feel like it’s full of porn even though I’m pretty good at hiding it, so while he was browsing, I got up and said I need to use the bathroom and to give me my phone. On the screen was a video of a man having sex with a dog. As he gave the phone back to me he whispered “now I know what you never wanted me to find on your phone”.

I darted into the bathroom and had a panic attack in one of the stalls.

After all this, he told me while we were walking around that everything is okay but we need to have a serious conversation so that I can clear some things up and some stuff needs to be established. We won’t have a chance to talk in private until Tuesday.

I’m MORTIFIED and scared. It doesn’t seem like he is divorcing me or that things have turned sour but I can’t help but to feel like a seal has been broken and the way he sees me now has changed. I’m so scared of him asking me if I’ve fooled around with our dog or telling me that I can’t. I mean, I have messed around with him but I don’t want him to think I’m fucking our dog each time he sees me cuddle him.

How can I prepare for this conversation that will take place at some point? What do I tell him? How in depth do I get about it?
Click to expand...
ahhhhh.... I hope everything goes well for you.

I am sure he would just walk it off, not that he will not judge you, but he will just get on the train with you. I seriously hope this is how it will go.
 
Damn i hope it all went well for you! i had my dad scroll through my photos and went past a video of a women being drilled by a boar... he honestly never said anything about it other than "oohh what was that hey?" in a bit of a cheeky voice hahah.

I hope the love you guys have for each other prevails and they accept you for who you are!
 
I truly sympathise with you and hope it all works out well, zoophilia is one of the ultimate taboo's and i always feel our desires are not understood, i have lost at least one boyfriend who thought i was disgusting, and hate keeping it a secret. I am fortunate that my current bf is very open and i am slowly trying to determine his thoughts am very much hoping he will understand, appreciate and welcome my fetish (even though i hate to call it a fetish)
 
I know it’s hindsight but we need to be careful of our devices. Assume anyone in your family can see all your media at any time. So many circumstances that can happen. Keep a separate device for media and if you use your main device for this forum use a vpn and lockable privacy browser like Firefox focus.

Also have a good story ready if someone finds porn especially if it’s just a url or a vid or two. As someone recommended a good cover story like it was a shock video an internet friend sent and you forgot to delete it etc.

Also all the people saying go for full disclosure and don’t keep secrets, well some things are better kept secret. That advice can really screw over someone’s life big time. Only they know their own circumstance to know if that is the leap that will cure the situation. Just my 2 cents.

Hope OP is doing well. Judging from lack of posting my thinking is they did get caught in a bad way and vowed to disconnect from the zoo world to save the marriage.
 
erphy said:
Hope OP is doing well. Judging from lack of posting my thinking is they did get caught in a bad way and vowed to disconnect from the zoo world to save the marriage.
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My thoughts exactly. Probably for the better that we never found out how it all ended since I doubt it was pretty.
 
willowyjen said:
I truly sympathise with you and hope it all works out well, zoophilia is one of the ultimate taboo's and i always feel our desires are not understood, i have lost at least one boyfriend who thought i was disgusting, and hate keeping it a secret. I am fortunate that my current bf is very open and i am slowly trying to determine his thoughts am very much hoping he will understand, appreciate and welcome my fetish (even though i hate to call it a fetish)
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Good luck. :)
 
Hope it works out. I have shared with two exs and both were curious at time. Then got into it full heartedly. Had a lot of experiences with them
 
efnh said:
Me and my husband have been married for two years now. We’ve known each other for 5. I never told him about my zoo sexuality and I figured he’s not into it at all. We’ve shared some of our kinks, mainly that I’m into fisting and w/s and he’s into the latter.

This weekend we took a trip with my mother-in-law to Florida and while at a restaurant with my husband sitting across the table from me & my in-law next to me, he asked to see the photos I had taken that day. He scrolled past them and ran across a video that I had saved from here and forgot to put in a hidden folder.

I never like him using my phone because I feel like it’s full of porn even though I’m pretty good at hiding it, so while he was browsing, I got up and said I need to use the bathroom and to give me my phone. On the screen was a video of a man having sex with a dog. As he gave the phone back to me he whispered “now I know what you never wanted me to find on your phone”.

I darted into the bathroom and had a panic attack in one of the stalls.

After all this, he told me while we were walking around that everything is okay but we need to have a serious conversation so that I can clear some things up and some stuff needs to be established. We won’t have a chance to talk in private until Tuesday.

I’m MORTIFIED and scared. It doesn’t seem like he is divorcing me or that things have turned sour but I can’t help but to feel like a seal has been broken and the way he sees me now has changed. I’m so scared of him asking me if I’ve fooled around with our dog or telling me that I can’t. I mean, I have messed around with him but I don’t want him to think I’m fucking our dog each time he sees me cuddle him.

How can I prepare for this conversation that will take place at some point? What do I tell him? How in depth do I get about it?
Click to expand...
What I am saying is that I would be much happier if my partner told me his secret and asked if he wanted to work on it together. More of a rare fetish than denial. Guys accept things from girls more easily than the other way around. Shared secrets make the relationship closer.
 
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