Long term depression

m1977 said:
I know having a healthy sex life again would make me much happier, and this is a weird one as it is more of a frustration issue with the present physical limitations than willingness to do so. My body just isn't responding the same and I hate this numbness.
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This is not weird at all by the way. Sex is looked at as a dirty thing often times but it is in our DNA to want it. It's when sex is used to escape problems or avoid them that it becomes an issue.
 
m1977 said:
I thought'd I'd reach out and see if anybody else has been through long periods of depression and all the knock-on effects of that and medication on relationships, both human and canine.

I've always recognised that I'm more predisposed to negative thoughts and cycles, am an introvert with relatively few social interactions. but I had so far in my life avoided any really dark times until the last couple of years. I think it started during the pandemic, but I don't think there was any particularly strong link to that in itself. What did happen was that I experience family bereavement, poor overall health (and I've always been pretty fit and active my entire life) and change in living circumstances as my husband was now working from home for long periods.

My husband and I had what I thought was a stable relationship, where he's the more outgoing and confident partner, while I'm admittedly the submissive (though I'm not complaining, it's just a matter of fact). Being so close together for so long affected him more, but after a while this rubbed of on me, as I'm pretty sensitive to other peoples moods. And although he'd been the one to get me started with our dog (I initially did it for his benefit) he'd kind of lost interest for a time, but now it being in his face so much I think he was resenting it just a little.

Anyway, late last year I was prescribed SSRI's to help me cope as I was having very dark thoughts. This has helped to some degree, though no without some real negative consequences. The big deal was losing most of my sex drive. I've always had a healthy sex drive and with the two males in the house never went long without. I can't get aroused so am always dry and can't actually orgasm at all right now and because of this anal sex is also very difficult. I've never had issue with anal sex, which I've always done with both husband and dog and simply can't relax my muscles enough which for the first time has made that activity uncomfortable.

So yes there are alternatives to getting them both off, but I'm just not into it and neither of them are very happy. At least I can explain to my husband.

It has been suggested that I may be perimenopausal, which could explain the lack of interest in sex and physical response. Or it could just be the SSRI's. I'm not sure what way out of this as the medication has been a life-saver. At this point I don't know what the solution is. I miss my old life and I have two others in my life who are also affected.
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I think the best way to avoid depression is to exercise.
Even if you have negative thoughts, you can deal with them more easily if you exercise regularly.

If you supplement this with, for example, a sauna or joint romantic wellness with your husband, I think things will improve in your relationship as well. You have to prepare for the fact that you have to get better on an emotional level first, and then the physical healing will follow.
But on an emotional level, you have to give more, and then you will get more. I know it's hard for you to create something positive first, but the universe will make up for it. (or god or whatever you believe in)
Maybe you supplement it with some alternative spiritual thing and eliminate the cause itself.

Week after week, do something for yourself, your health, your family, create money, and lift yourself up spiritually. I think if you follow these you will be fine!

Unfortunately, medications only treat the symptom and will not eliminate the cause itself!
Economic crises, epidemics, and wars come and go these days, but despite that, what I have written are partly my own experiences.
I hope I was able to help, and if you have any positive experiences, I would be happy to hear them.
 
Ted Danson Machine said:
This is not weird at all by the way. Sex is looked at as a dirty thing often times but it is in our DNA to want it. It's when sex is used to escape problems or avoid them that it becomes an issue.
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Sex has never been used to escape problems by me. I view it as one of life's essentials like food and sleep, essential to a healthy whole. Of course it goes beyond ones own personal needs as it also helps maintain strong bonds in relationships, so in this case not getting enough in quality or quantity does have an impact on my husband and the dog. I don't think it unreasonable to want to remedy it even if it's not necessarily a direct benefit to me. I know people always talk about just working on ones-self but it is not as simple as that.
 
Winchester said:
I think the best way to avoid depression is to exercise.
Even if you have negative thoughts, you can deal with them more easily if you exercise regularly.

If you supplement this with, for example, a sauna or joint romantic wellness with your husband, I think things will improve in your relationship as well. You have to prepare for the fact that you have to get better on an emotional level first, and then the physical healing will follow.
But on an emotional level, you have to give more, and then you will get more. I know it's hard for you to create something positive first, but the universe will make up for it. (or god or whatever you believe in)
Maybe you supplement it with some alternative spiritual thing and eliminate the cause itself.

Week after week, do something for yourself, your health, your family, create money, and lift yourself up spiritually. I think if you follow these you will be fine!

Unfortunately, medications only treat the symptom and will not eliminate the cause itself!
Economic crises, epidemics, and wars come and go these days, but despite that, what I have written are partly my own experiences.
I hope I was able to help, and if you have any positive experiences, I would be happy to hear them.
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Yeah I used to run quite a lot as my main form of exercise as not just not a gym person. Unfortunately that has mostly fallen by the wayside, though I make periodic attempts to restart.
 
m1977 said:
I was going to get out this morning but it was so cold today I chickened out. We are having a quite cold snap here but it should be over in a week or two.
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it's good to hear that, but seriously, I'm also going to train with my wife next week in the gym. 💪
 
Winchester said:
it's good to hear that, but seriously, I'm also going to train with my wife next week in the gym. 💪
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Well done. But I can't do gyms, it's boring and I have a problem being around other people and the whole business of sharing facilities with other dirty sweaty humans.
 
m1977 said:
I thought'd I'd reach out and see if anybody else has been through long periods of depression and all the knock-on effects of that and medication on relationships, both human and canine.

I've always recognised that I'm more predisposed to negative thoughts and cycles, am an introvert with relatively few social interactions. but I had so far in my life avoided any really dark times until the last couple of years. I think it started during the pandemic, but I don't think there was any particularly strong link to that in itself. What did happen was that I experience family bereavement, poor overall health (and I've always been pretty fit and active my entire life) and change in living circumstances as my husband was now working from home for long periods.

My husband and I had what I thought was a stable relationship, where he's the more outgoing and confident partner, while I'm admittedly the submissive (though I'm not complaining, it's just a matter of fact). Being so close together for so long affected him more, but after a while this rubbed of on me, as I'm pretty sensitive to other peoples moods. And although he'd been the one to get me started with our dog (I initially did it for his benefit) he'd kind of lost interest for a time, but now it being in his face so much I think he was resenting it just a little.

Anyway, late last year I was prescribed SSRI's to help me cope as I was having very dark thoughts. This has helped to some degree, though no without some real negative consequences. The big deal was losing most of my sex drive. I've always had a healthy sex drive and with the two males in the house never went long without. I can't get aroused so am always dry and can't actually orgasm at all right now and because of this anal sex is also very difficult. I've never had issue with anal sex, which I've always done with both husband and dog and simply can't relax my muscles enough which for the first time has made that activity uncomfortable.

So yes there are alternatives to getting them both off, but I'm just not into it and neither of them are very happy. At least I can explain to my husband.

It has been suggested that I may be perimenopausal, which could explain the lack of interest in sex and physical response. Or it could just be the SSRI's. I'm not sure what way out of this as the medication has been a life-saver. At this point I don't know what the solution is. I miss my old life and I have two others in my life who are also affected.
Click to expand...
I personally have mild depression and it comes and goes. I've never wanted to take any pills for the fear of their side effects.

The only thing that has truly worked for me if intense physical labor. Either a real strong work out at the gym or I'll go on a long hike and this seem to whipe out all negative thoughts I have for a few days and when they start to return I do it all over again. I also try not to have sex when I'm depressed because I kinda gives me the reverse effect. Same goes to masturbating.

Only thing I do check with the doctor is my hormones. 4 years ago my testosterone was continually dropping and I went on TRT and I've had fewer and fewer episodes. Don't get me wrong I have bad days but it's been much better.

Other things I've noticed is the food I eat that can trigger some thoughts like liquor I've removed completely, sugar is limited. Last 1.5 years have been almost 90% good which is a massive improvement from where I was 4 years ago.

Just sharing a few items which helped me tremendously. Hope your able to sort this all thru and get back to enjoying your life and relationships.
 
I have depression and I was for a short while on meds. They didn't help since doctors didn't care. I stopped taking them on my own.

I do sensory therapy on my own. Cold showers. Chewing ice cubes. Or Carolina reapers. Lots of pain and discomfort. Not advisable for others. Nothing to help me appreciate lack of discomfort than a lot of discomfort. My pain tolerance is getting stronger so I'm looking into harder stuff.
 
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