Long term depression

m1977

m1977

Tourist
I thought'd I'd reach out and see if anybody else has been through long periods of depression and all the knock-on effects of that and medication on relationships, both human and canine.

I've always recognised that I'm more predisposed to negative thoughts and cycles, am an introvert with relatively few social interactions. but I had so far in my life avoided any really dark times until the last couple of years. I think it started during the pandemic, but I don't think there was any particularly strong link to that in itself. What did happen was that I experience family bereavement, poor overall health (and I've always been pretty fit and active my entire life) and change in living circumstances as my husband was now working from home for long periods.

My husband and I had what I thought was a stable relationship, where he's the more outgoing and confident partner, while I'm admittedly the submissive (though I'm not complaining, it's just a matter of fact). Being so close together for so long affected him more, but after a while this rubbed of on me, as I'm pretty sensitive to other peoples moods. And although he'd been the one to get me started with our dog (I initially did it for his benefit) he'd kind of lost interest for a time, but now it being in his face so much I think he was resenting it just a little.

Anyway, late last year I was prescribed SSRI's to help me cope as I was having very dark thoughts. This has helped to some degree, though no without some real negative consequences. The big deal was losing most of my sex drive. I've always had a healthy sex drive and with the two males in the house never went long without. I can't get aroused so am always dry and can't actually orgasm at all right now and because of this anal sex is also very difficult. I've never had issue with anal sex, which I've always done with both husband and dog and simply can't relax my muscles enough which for the first time has made that activity uncomfortable.

So yes there are alternatives to getting them both off, but I'm just not into it and neither of them are very happy. At least I can explain to my husband.

It has been suggested that I may be perimenopausal, which could explain the lack of interest in sex and physical response. Or it could just be the SSRI's. I'm not sure what way out of this as the medication has been a life-saver. At this point I don't know what the solution is. I miss my old life and I have two others in my life who are also affected.
 
You're not being honest with us.

There's a lot more tension between you and your "husband" and that's got a lot more to do with it than you'd admit. You already answered your own question when you said this:
m1977 said:
And although he'd been the one to get me started with our dog (I initially did it for his benefit) he'd kind of lost interest for a time, but now it being in his face so much I think he was resenting it just a little.
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Have you considered telling him to get other women (better to have more than one) involved with you two? It'll probably ease the tensions if nothing else.
 
m1977 said:
I thought'd I'd reach out and see if anybody else has been through long periods of depression and all the knock-on effects of that and medication on relationships, both human and canine.

I've always recognised that I'm more predisposed to negative thoughts and cycles, am an introvert with relatively few social interactions. but I had so far in my life avoided any really dark times until the last couple of years. I think it started during the pandemic, but I don't think there was any particularly strong link to that in itself. What did happen was that I experience family bereavement, poor overall health (and I've always been pretty fit and active my entire life) and change in living circumstances as my husband was now working from home for long periods.

My husband and I had what I thought was a stable relationship, where he's the more outgoing and confident partner, while I'm admittedly the submissive (though I'm not complaining, it's just a matter of fact). Being so close together for so long affected him more, but after a while this rubbed of on me, as I'm pretty sensitive to other peoples moods. And although he'd been the one to get me started with our dog (I initially did it for his benefit) he'd kind of lost interest for a time, but now it being in his face so much I think he was resenting it just a little.

Anyway, late last year I was prescribed SSRI's to help me cope as I was having very dark thoughts. This has helped to some degree, though no without some real negative consequences. The big deal was losing most of my sex drive. I've always had a healthy sex drive and with the two males in the house never went long without. I can't get aroused so am always dry and can't actually orgasm at all right now and because of this anal sex is also very difficult. I've never had issue with anal sex, which I've always done with both husband and dog and simply can't relax my muscles enough which for the first time has made that activity uncomfortable.

So yes there are alternatives to getting them both off, but I'm just not into it and neither of them are very happy. At least I can explain to my husband.

It has been suggested that I may be perimenopausal, which could explain the lack of interest in sex and physical response. Or it could just be the SSRI's. I'm not sure what way out of this as the medication has been a life-saver. At this point I don't know what the solution is. I miss my old life and I have two others in my life who are also affected.
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How many SSRIs have you tried? I remember Celexa had serious sexual side effects for me. Have you talked to your provider about maybe trying something else?
 
I don’t know you, but here comes a long distance ((((HUG)))). Sending good thoughts your way. I hope you find peace. Life is short…keep looking for the right meds.
 
Pillar said:
You're not being honest with us.

There's a lot more tension between you and your "husband" and that's got a lot more to do with it than you'd admit. You already answered your own question when you said this:


Have you considered telling him to get other women (better to have more than one) involved with you two? It'll probably ease the tensions if nothing else.
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Why do you even think either of us want others involved? That is a complete non-starter.
 
Tom61294014 said:
How many SSRIs have you tried? I remember Celexa had serious sexual side effects for me. Have you talked to your provider about maybe trying something else?
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Only the one, Sertraline. I think Celexa is branded as Citalopram here (UK) and my GP did bring that up as an alternative. From what I've read they all have side effects, so would I be trading one set of problems for another?
 
TheZipper said:
I don’t know you, but here comes a long distance ((((HUG)))). Sending good thoughts your way. I hope you find peace. Life is short…keep looking for the right meds.
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Thanks. It's hard to know what's best - should I stick with it and hope, or do the negative effects diminish with time. Looking for help elsewhere I've either been told that what's happening isn't possible because the drugs have been tested(!) or I've simply got to deal with it if I hope to get better.
 
sounds like that drug is not for you
I think either change it - or try maybe chinese acupancture?

about your husband feeling restment from watching you active with the dog - talk with him, ask him if he is jealous
if he is tell him that obviously you are not going to leave him for the dog - if he still feels jealous then just dont do it infront of him
 
RexAndMe said:
Or a big fat placebo.
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my guy - I did chinese acupancture for eating disorder - because of me my brother did it for heart attack he had, and my nephews for different reasons - I came skeptic and left a believer and so does my family
 
Psychotropic medications alone are not enough to battle depression. They are meant to be used in tandem with therapy and/or counseling depending on the exact diagnosis. Did you see a psychiatrist or other mental healthcare professional or just a general practitioner? A primary care doctor or MD are not as knowledgeable as a PsyD when it comes to mental health. Take it from me, I am a psychologist (not a psychiatrist, so I don't deal in psychotropic medications but I am well versed in behavioral and mental disorders).
Medication is just the band-aid, therapy/counseling is the treatment.
If you ever need to talk my messages are open to you. The most important thing is acknowledging there is an issue, so you are on the right path. Hang in there.
 
danzuna said:
sounds like that drug is not for you
I think either change it - or try maybe chinese acupancture?

about your husband feeling restment from watching you active with the dog - talk with him, ask him if he is jealous
if he is tell him that obviously you are not going to leave him for the dog - if he still feels jealous then just dont do it infront of him
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You could be right that it isn't for me. I just accepted whatever the GP suggested at the time as I felt I needed something urgently. I was expecting to be numbed emotionally but not physically.

My husband rarely witnesses any activity with the dog these days, and I wouldn't do so unless he specifically requested that. He knows I'm not going anywhere, but these last few years have been tough on everyone. I don't think he's jealous by the sex as such, if I had to guess it's that I told him (probably mistakenly) some. time back that being mated with the dog had awoken or made me aware of feelings I didn't know I had. I think he misinterprets that as it being better for me.

Anyway, relationship issues are only a part of the picture and I don't won't to get caught up in second guessing all of this while I'm struggling with my mood and medication issues.
 
m1977 said:
You could be right that it isn't for me. I just accepted whatever the GP suggested at the time as I felt I needed something urgently. I was expecting to be numbed emotionally but not physically.

My husband rarely witnesses any activity with the dog these days, and I wouldn't do so unless he specifically requested that. He knows I'm not going anywhere, but these last few years have been tough on everyone. I don't think he's jealous by the sex as such, if I had to guess it's that I told him (probably mistakenly) some. time back that being mated with the dog had awoken or made me aware of feelings I didn't know I had. I think he misinterprets that as it being better for me.

Anyway, relationship issues are only a part of the picture and I don't won't to get caught up in second guessing all of this while I'm struggling with my mood and medication issues.
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well then if just remakring on the husband issue one last time - it seems that it might what you said it was, you could be more accurate and ask him if it happens again and reassure him - or just ask him to be rougher so he would feel like he is arrousing you also

BUT , about the important issue - I have exprience with people taking different "mood drugs" , they are ROUGH, very rough
I understand your first reason for taking what is possible - I do advice you now to see if maybe changing it, OR, and ill say it again because my personal exprience - try acupancture. thats what i can advice from personal exprience with your quesiton
 
RexAndMe said:
No, and I won't because I'll probably keep repeatedly spelling it wrong just like you.
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I thought so my friend - you'd be surprised that acupancture is actually already in hospitals in america and more - you can decide if you want to try once an harmless treatment to see how good it word - personally I dont have a reason to lie about my exprience with it
 
RexAndMe said:
Enough said. Hard pass.
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i didnt say only in america, I said also in america, and even how bad america is now it still has some of the best innovative medical treatments in the world - but lets stop taking attention from the original question - so lets stop here
 
Hi m1977,

I’m a bipolar sufferer and have gone through long periods of mania (where I want to fuck everyone and everything) followed usually by depression and hospitalisation
I have tried most MH medications at one time or another and my current mix has me stable for the past year

I’ve not been a member long so I don’t think I can dm yet?! But my inbox is open to you always
Sending strength x
 
m1977 said:
Why do you even think either of us want others involved? That is a complete non-starter.
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Suit yourselves... When the problem persists and/or gets worse all I can say is that you've been told... Just remember, doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is insanity.
 
Pillar said:
Suit yourselves... When the problem persists and/or gets worse all I can say is that you've been told... Just remember, doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is insanity.
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I'm sure I'm not alone in finding it disturbing that the advice on the forum is all too often: more partners, more sex.

Just to be clear - I'm not looking for sexual adventure or trying new things. This is about dealing with depression and medication. I've only talked about returning to the healthy sex life I had before because that was when I was happier, and my life more balanced and harmonious. My life is not bad because my sex life needed improving or variety - the sexual deficit is a symptom.

I hope that's the last I have to say about that.
 
m1977 said:
I'm sure I'm not alone in finding it disturbing that the advice on the forum is all too often: more partners, more sex.

Just to be clear - I'm not looking for sexual adventure or trying new things. This is about dealing with depression and medication. I've only talked about returning to the healthy sex life I had before because that was when I was happier, and my life more balanced and harmonious. My life is not bad because my sex life needed improving or variety - the sexual deficit is a symptom.

I hope that's the last I have to say about that.
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You keep telling yourself that... Whatever, I tried and you didn't want to accept it, so just keep making your mistakes.
 
danzuna said:
some drugs have side effects of weakning the sex drive - specificly psychiatric drugs
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Your point? She's clearly not happy with her current course of actions and it's bothering her that her sex life is drying up. And she's not going to give us the full story either, drugs or not. I don't see why you need to try to come to someone's defense when they clearly don't want the solution to their problems.
 
Hi m1977. Antideprisants with prolonged use spoil and greatly affect the psyche. I think you need to tell your doctor about your self-doubt. I don't know all the details here you need to conduct long sessions of psychorology to completely get away from antideprisants. I recommend that you find a psychologist or a very good reliable friend if you have one. So that he helps to solve your problems, which is rare and instructs you on the right path. What you mentioned is a side effect of these drugs when taken for a long time. And with depression, if possible, you need to fight on your own, unless you have psychological pathologies here you need to consider this issue in detail and touch on the nuances. Your only problem is that you will not be able to fully open up to a psychologist. In any case, do not give up and whatever happens. Antidepressants not always a solution to personal problems in life.
 
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anonym166 said:
Your only problem is that you will not be able to fully open up to a psychologist.
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And you expect problems to be solved when you can't be open with the psychologist? How's that supposed to solve the problem? Oh wait... It won't.
 
Pillar said:
And you expect problems to be solved when you can't be open with the psychologist? How's that supposed to solve the problem? Oh wait... It won't.
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There are very very good experts to unnecessarily underestimate this specialty. Yes, this is a rarity. But with the right approach, I assure that the psychologist can solve life problems if he is a very good specialist. I think you have no idea about this area or you had an incompetent specialist who could not find the right approach to you and I am sorry if you had the second option. And yes, to get rid of depression, medication should be accompanied by psychotherapy. It's just that a lot of people don't do that, and even doctors don't give a shit. And it's not quite right.
 
If a person can't handle a problem on his own, he needs someone who will instruct him to offer correct solutions to problems. This is a long process and requires strength not only from the psychologist but also from the person who is in a difficult situation in life. It pushes him to do something + communication and support in some moments. And makes you reconsider some problems, a way of life, for example. I really hope that the girl will do well and find a solution to her problems without pills, but with careful actions and thoughtful decisions. And that she will be happy again. m1977 I believe in you and you will succeed)
 
m1977 said:
I thought'd I'd reach out and see if anybody else has been through long periods of depression and all the knock-on effects of that and medication on relationships, both human and canine.

I've always recognised that I'm more predisposed to negative thoughts and cycles, am an introvert with relatively few social interactions. but I had so far in my life avoided any really dark times until the last couple of years. I think it started during the pandemic, but I don't think there was any particularly strong link to that in itself. What did happen was that I experience family bereavement, poor overall health (and I've always been pretty fit and active my entire life) and change in living circumstances as my husband was now working from home for long periods.

My husband and I had what I thought was a stable relationship, where he's the more outgoing and confident partner, while I'm admittedly the submissive (though I'm not complaining, it's just a matter of fact). Being so close together for so long affected him more, but after a while this rubbed of on me, as I'm pretty sensitive to other peoples moods. And although he'd been the one to get me started with our dog (I initially did it for his benefit) he'd kind of lost interest for a time, but now it being in his face so much I think he was resenting it just a little.

Anyway, late last year I was prescribed SSRI's to help me cope as I was having very dark thoughts. This has helped to some degree, though no without some real negative consequences. The big deal was losing most of my sex drive. I've always had a healthy sex drive and with the two males in the house never went long without. I can't get aroused so am always dry and can't actually orgasm at all right now and because of this anal sex is also very difficult. I've never had issue with anal sex, which I've always done with both husband and dog and simply can't relax my muscles enough which for the first time has made that activity uncomfortable.

So yes there are alternatives to getting them both off, but I'm just not into it and neither of them are very happy. At least I can explain to my husband.

It has been suggested that I may be perimenopausal, which could explain the lack of interest in sex and physical response. Or it could just be the SSRI's. I'm not sure what way out of this as the medication has been a life-saver. At this point I don't know what the solution is. I miss my old life and I have two others in my life who are also affected.
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Medication and Therapy. And even with the medication and the therapy is going to take a while. I would suggest you to do things, every single thing you do is something to celebrate, if you can't get out of bed, if you take a shower that's something to be proud off. Explain your husband what's going on, that is going to take some time for you to recover and that you need him more than ever. Also doing things that are pleasant is helpful, even if you don't want to. Having sex, eating food, watching movies, etc. Do them even if you don't want to, it's going to be hard but that's going to help you. Please do talk to a therapist and please do take your medications, they take a while but are really helpful. It's important that you don't isolate yourself and that you keep doing things.
Just some little advices from someone who has had depression over 15 years and has learnt to function. Hope you get better soon.
 
Thanks for all the replies. I know that I'm not always the best person for standing up for myself and making sure that I get what I need, and don't have much of a "support network" (how I hate that term...). I have a tendency to accept what life throws at me and that I can't change anything. I also know that those bad habits are also even worse right now.

I'll be going back to my GP to discuss my medication, though my feeling is that I do need it, but I'll be pushing harder for some extra support. Anybody here from the UK will know how hard it is to get anything beyond a quick prescription. Failing that, I may look into some therapy privately as many of you have suggested that.

The hardest thing has to be lack of motivation. Too often I know what I need to do but it just feels so hard achieving anything.

I know having a healthy sex life again would make me much happier, and this is a weird one as it is more of a frustration issue with the present physical limitations than willingness to do so. My body just isn't responding the same and I hate this numbness.
 
m1977 said:
I may look into some therapy privately as many of you have suggested that.
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Please do this. As someone who works in the field I can promise you it helps
But...
m1977 said:
The hardest thing has to be lack of motivation.
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THIS is going to be your biggest hurdle. And, loss of motivation or enjoyment of things that used to bring you joy are both MAJOR symptoms of most depression disorders. And usually, the major symptoms are what psychotropic medications are prescribed to lessen or curb so that you can find that motivation to do the ordinary everyday things that seem so hard to do.
But, you now have people you can talk to if you need. I'm usually always around and I've seen quite a few others here say you can reach out to them.
Honestly, when opening up about these issues it is often times beneficial to speak with people you do not know and have no prior relationship with. They won't have any of the biases that those close to you may have when you need someone to talk to.

The fact that you readily spoke about this (to me) is a very good sign that you CAN get through this.
 
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