I'm going to open up to one of my friends

Maui69 said:
Well, we didn't talk since I told him, other than me sending him a few memes and he responded by laughing. He's on a holiday vacation which is why we haven't seen eachother face-to-face since that day. I'm giving him space and not bugging him with "so what do you think of the news I gave you" things.
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Thanks for replying. I'm glad I got to read this before I left. I still plan on doing it as of now, but I'm getting nervous like last time. Should be leaving within an hour or two. I was scared that it may have gone bad. Glad to hear it sounds like it's all good.
 
Maui69 said:
One of my friends, which we consider eachother best friends, has always been by my side during my bad moments, took care of my stray while I was in a mental hospital, came to visit every day to the hospital and always has my back. The feeling is mutual, I always helped him out, I went to his farm to help out when his farmkeeper disappeared, helped him pass his exams, etc. Yestarday, our group got together and I went to his house to go with him to one of our friend's house where we met and played games all day as the last gettogether of the year (they're all going on vacations except for me) and when he was driving me back home, we joked about some psychology stuff and I asked him to do an analysis on myself since we've met up until now.

He told me he sees lots of affections towards my dogs (my current ones and my previous ones), how they really trust me, how they're very happy with me and destroy shit when I'm not with them (my stray behaved very very bad when she was with him but he always saw my house impeccable and my stray always laying on my bed when I wasn't at home) and he told me that he sees that I've been through very tough times and that I'm a very trustworthy person but I have trust issues myself. I always listen to people's issues and give them a hand without asking questions or opening my mouth but I never open up and he noticed after the situations I've been through that I have something I keep hidden from everyone. He also told me that he doesn't fully understand why I attempted suicide and why I still insist on having dogs even though every single one of my family members throw shit at me for having them. He says that he sees me very happy with dogs, that I was very depressed without them, and how all of my dogs behaved with me, noticing how they only trust me and respond to me, no one else. Yesterday we had an incident with my husky where I was making tea at home and she jumped on the table, spilling a cup with boiling water on herself (not a single drop touched the tablecloth, it all went on her) and she immediately began to scream like hell and jumped on me, clawing my shoulders and holding on tight while one of my friends rushed to get a bucket of cold water and the other one a rag to dip in the bucket and dry her out/refresh her

So I'm going to invite him for coffee at Starbucks and go full Morpheus by buying cherry halls and mint halls, telling him to take the red one if he wants to hear the story or the blue one if he doesn't. If he takes the red one, I'm going to tell him. If he takes the blue one, I'm going to chat about random stuff like a regular day, finish the coffee, and go back home.

Your thoughts? I've known him for three years, almost four now and I've never had a friend closer than him in my life, same with him. He was bullied throught his entire life and when he met me he felt safe and relaxed and opened up to form the friend group we have today.
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very bad idea.. If he has a farm, he's probably done it more than you with many more partners, most of them being babies.. He also probable take pleasure in castrating babies..

If he is in the closet and he most deffinitely is in the closet, knowing that he cannot ever be honest about it, he's going to freak out and lash out.. He probably knows about you, that's not learning it that will make him angry, it's the fact that you feel you have the right to talk about it.. Because he will never feel like that and your confession will threaten his job, his humanity and his insecurities..
 
I just got home. He already knew I had to tell him some serious stuff since I texted him before hand. I brought up my failed attempt to tell him the month before, which was basically me rambling then making up an excuse that it was unrelated. It took my 30 minutes to even just think about what to say, I just kept repeating the same stuff and saying um a lot. Thankfully he started guessing, since at that point he knew it was something sex related. After like 30 more minutes of him guessing and ne stumbling on my words, he finally guessed bestiality, after guessing about everything else first. I'm glad he said it, I responded yeah, and he was definitely surprised. I wouldn't have been able to say it, so thankfully it went well in that part. I explained the whole bestiality, zoo difference, and after a lot of questions and explaining he didn't care that much. He does consider it abuse, and thinks its disgusting, but he took it better than I expected. He did not expect it at all, especially that I had been struggling for 7 years, and kept it all hidden. He also believes it should be illegal, but I'll leave those arguments for another day, when he's over the initial shock. Overall it went well, we talked for a few more hours after that, and it was all cool.
 
SigmatoZeta said:
The best thing about coming out to someone is that you only really have to do it once!
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I like this way of thinking about it. I kept discouraging myself by saying once you do it, you can never undo it. Once I tell him there's no going back, but that's a much better way of looking at it. That was pretty awkward, especially my hour of not being able to find the words, and not being able to say it. I had all kinds of plans on what to say, and I never have trouble talking, but I just froze up, my mind just decided that I wasn't going to be the first one to say zoo, bestiality, or anything like it. Once he said it, it was eay from there, for me at least.
 
@220licco Fantastic.

Yeah, dealing with people that aren't ready to let go of prejudice can be a little bit harder to learn, but the most telling argument is going to be his knowledge of you and how you naturally behave over years and years. This cannot be rushed. This cannot be forced. There is no magic bullet. There is no shortcut. There is no magic syllogism or a five-character-long magic formula that is going to circumvent it. Patience will win the cause.

The truth is that there are hundreds of thousands or perhaps millions of zoos. Not all of them are going to have the capacity for winning in a war of syllogisms. They should not have to. They should not have to feel like they have to pass some kind of test to make a difference. There should not be a rule that they must have to earn advanced degrees in philosophy to be allowed to be zoos. They can still be zoos if they are burly manufacturing workers that are barely literate beyond the third grade but "smart with their hands." They are just as good as any zoo, and they love their fur-wives and fur-husbands as much as I love mine, maybe more. If they love their fur-spouses and they can manage the words, "I am zooey," then they make the team. A mass coming out campaign has to be based on getting a lot of people on the same message, and the simpler, the better.

The reason why you stay out of a battle of syllogisms is you think about all those zoos that couldn't possibly make a syllogism or even spell the word "syllogism." They shouldn't have to in order to deserve to be treated with basic humanity, and neither should you. The truth is that we are human beings that act out of love, and when the whole world sees that truth and cannot turn away from that truth and see that that truth is not going to go away, their thousands of arguments and syllogisms and their fortresses of ignorance will crumble to dust.

You did exactly the right thing.
 
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Update 2 days later: we've texted like everything's normal since that night, but it was kinda awkward and it was tense there there was something going on. Finally during the middle of a conversation, he said he really didn't care, and that he'd known me song long that nothing is different. So it's all good. Now I just need to convince him that it's not a mental illness, and it shouldn't be illegal. I'm not trying to get him to try it, but I at least want him to understand the reasons for thinking those things are wrong and based on bad evidence and hasty conclusions.
 
Whatever happens, @Maui69 and @220licco, know that we’re here for you.

Last year, I told my best friend I’ve known since second grade. I was really nervous. We’d been growing a bit more distant over the years, and I thought, “This is it. If he can’t accept this, then we’re truly no longer friends.”

When I told him, he was like, “I thought you were gonna tell me you murdered someone and I was thinking, ‘whose body do I have to bury?’” And he said that he’d suspected it all along, and that it didn’t matter to him.
Our friendship is neither stronger nor worse. It feels the same. But now I know I don’t have anything to fear with him.
 
220licco said:
Update 2 days later: we've texted like everything's normal since that night, but it was kinda awkward and it was tense there there was something going on. Finally during the middle of a conversation, he said he really didn't care, and that he'd known me song long that nothing is different. So it's all good. Now I just need to convince him that it's not a mental illness, and it shouldn't be illegal. I'm not trying to get him to try it, but I at least want him to understand the reasons for thinking those things are wrong and based on bad evidence and hasty conclusions.
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You’ve already dismantled whatever caricature existed in his mind about zoophiles, by simply being in his life. He accepted you and that’s big. Stay the course. Appreciate what just happened and let him show support in his own way and time.

Exhale. ?
 
@220licco

You could always just get him a copy of the book Uniquely Dangerous by Careen Maloney. The book is actually about one of the hosts of Zooier Than Thou, and I understand that it happens to be a very powerful book.

What happened to that guy and his animals is what those laws really aim to do. While they are rarely enforced, nothing but crisis and destruction really comes of them.

One of the useful things about getting him a book is that he could come to it in his own time, when he is ready.

You could also just read it yourself, so you can take the consequences of these destructive laws out of the abstract and actually look closely at what happens on the rare occasions that they are actually enforced, truly in isolation from other crimes.
 
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aqua said:
You’ve already dismantled whatever caricature existed in his mind about zoophiles, by simply being in his life. He accepted you and that’s big. Stay the course. Appreciate what just happened and let him show support in his own way and time.

Exhale. ?
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That's why I was so excited about the text this morning, it went ok Friday night, better than I expected, but we pretty much ended on him thinking I have a mental illness and recommending I get help, rather than talk to him about it, and that he didn't want to ever hear about or see any dogs I get because he would feel bad knowing. 36 hours later I think he thought about it enough and stepped it back. Initial reactions are almost always rough though, it could have been much worse.
 
SigmatoZeta said:
@220licco

You could always just get him a copy of the book Uniquely Dangerous by Careen Maloney. The book is actually about one of the hosts of Zooier Than Thou, and I understand that it happens to be a very powerful book.

What happened to that guy and his animals is what those laws really aim to do. While they are rarely enforced, nothing but crisis and destruction really comes of them.

One of the useful things about getting him a book is that he could come to it in his own time, when he is ready.

You could also just read it yourself, so you can take the consequences of these destructive laws out of the abstract and actually look closely at what happens on the rare occasions that they are actually enforced, truly in isolation from other crimes.
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Just added it to my list. Just reading the summary. It looks like its gonna piss me off to read, those laws already get me pretty heated. Hopefully they have an e book so no one sees I ordered that on amazon.
 
TogglesHappyZoo said:
Whatever happens, @Maui69 and @220licco, know that we’re here for you.

Last year, I told my best friend I’ve known since second grade. I was really nervous. We’d been growing a bit more distant over the years, and I thought, “This is it. If he can’t accept this, then we’re truly no longer friends.”

When I told him, he was like, “I thought you were gonna tell me you murdered someone and I was thinking, ‘whose body do I have to bury?’” And he said that he’d suspected it all along, and that it didn’t matter to him.
Our friendship is neither stronger nor worse. It feels the same. But now I know I don’t have anything to fear with him.
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It's a great feeling to not have to hide anything, well I'm still hiding that I've never done anything with a dog, he wasn't ready to hear that, and that's not something I want to talk about with a non zoo anyway. I just said I'm going to when I can. I wish he had suspected it a little, it would have been less of a shock. He didn't suspect it at all, that made it tough to talk about, he thought I was joking, even at the end he said I hope you're gonna tell me your joking tomorrow. I still feel weird when I think about it, because I've kept it a secret so long, it's weird knowing that my friend knows I'm attracted to dogs, and other animals.
 
220licco said:
Just added it to my list. Just reading the summary. It looks like its gonna piss me off to read, those laws already get me pretty heated. Hopefully they have an e book so no one sees I ordered that on amazon.
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Oh, might want to create another account for that, I guess.
 
220licco said:
Just added it to my list. Just reading the summary. It looks like its gonna piss me off to read, those laws already get me pretty heated. Hopefully they have an e book so no one sees I ordered that on amazon.
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Just saw this. Yeah, it's a very upsetting read, but I came away from it feeling empowered. I think you might be able to get a copy from Maloney herself? If not, I have one you can have, but it's always good to pay writers for their hard work, especially when that work is as important as Uniquely Dangerous.
 
Hopefully your friend will be accepting of you as you are and that everything will work out between you two. Best of luck.
 
TogglesHappyZoo said:
Just saw this. Yeah, it's a very upsetting read, but I came away from it feeling empowered. I think you might be able to get a copy from Maloney herself? If not, I have one you can have, but it's always good to pay writers for their hard work, especially when that work is as important as Uniquely Dangerous.
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If you autograph it for me! I prefer a physical book, but it looks like those are only sold in Washington and Louisiana, and I'm in Ohio so I'll work with an e book if I have to, I just need to keep it under the radar, whether that's with an e book or a paper book. It looks like ordering the book doesn't get you immediately put on the "zoophile" list since many of the reviews were from non zoos, but it's still a concern for me. I don't need to be suspected by anyone.
 
220licco said:
If you autograph it for me! I prefer a physical book, but it looks like those are only sold in Washington and Louisiana, and I'm in Ohio so I'll work with an e book if I have to, I just need to keep it under the radar, whether that's with an e book or a paper book. It looks like ordering the book doesn't get you immediately put on the "zoophile" list since many of the reviews were from non zoos, but it's still a concern for me. I don't need to be suspected by anyone.
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Well again, I think if you write Maloney, she'll send you a hard copy directly, and maybe even autograph it. :3 But I have a digital copy you can use in the meantime. Hit me up on Telegram *No KIK, email, telegram, whatsapp, skype, phone numbers ect. allowed in any posts. It is allowed only in profiles and PM.*
 
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220licco said:
Just added it to my list. Just reading the summary. It looks like its gonna piss me off to read, those laws already get me pretty heated. Hopefully they have an e book so no one sees I ordered that on amazon.
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Uniquely dangerous isn't really the best book to give to a non zoo, I would prefer giving "Understanding bestiality and zoophilia", by Hani miletski, as it's an interview of differents zoo's, not just one story, and there is a lot of testimonials of zoo's.
I don't really like the story of uniquely dangerous,because it's a strange story, with blacks spots, maybe the guy was indeed a zoosadist.
 
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Well....I think you were both very brave and the outcome could have been much worse. It is true that time heals most things and if they continue to see that you are the same person you were before you told them I believe it will eventually become a non-issue. Once that happens....curiosity may set in and that question "what's it like?" could happen. We are, if nothing else, a curious species! lol
 
Some things are better left unsaid man. I understand the need to feel full acceptance from your friend. But, considering how taboo the topic is, it could be devastating to him. Many parents, and siblings, disown their children and siblings for being gay. Zoo is still VERY taboo and he may distance himself. At the very least, give it another 3 years, when the friwndship is bound by half a decade.
 
Maui69 said:
I forgot to mention, he also said that he thinks bestiality is abuse and I told him that he saw with his eyes how my husky jumped on me after being accidentally burned and how my previous dogs were very protective of me and other anecdotes he witnessed in person. He asked me what I feel like being a zoophile and I told him that it was a lifestyle for me and that I personally don't want to change it
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True this, lots of people actually think it's abuse, but that's since most people actually deny that dogs can't consent, or at least they put it on doubt.
 
Beastfight said:
very bad idea.. If he has a farm, he's probably done it more than you with many more partners, most of them being babies.. He also probable take pleasure in castrating babies..

If he is in the closet and he most deffinitely is in the closet, knowing that he cannot ever be honest about it, he's going to freak out and lash out.. He probably knows about you, that's not learning it that will make him angry, it's the fact that you feel you have the right to talk about it.. Because he will never feel like that and your confession will threaten his job, his humanity and his insecurities..
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Can you just fuck right off of this site already?
 
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