I'm going to open up to one of my friends

Maui69

Maui69

Citizen of Zooville
One of my friends, which we consider eachother best friends, has always been by my side during my bad moments, took care of my stray while I was in a mental hospital, came to visit every day to the hospital and always has my back. The feeling is mutual, I always helped him out, I went to his farm to help out when his farmkeeper disappeared, helped him pass his exams, etc. Yestarday, our group got together and I went to his house to go with him to one of our friend's house where we met and played games all day as the last gettogether of the year (they're all going on vacations except for me) and when he was driving me back home, we joked about some psychology stuff and I asked him to do an analysis on myself since we've met up until now.

He told me he sees lots of affections towards my dogs (my current ones and my previous ones), how they really trust me, how they're very happy with me and destroy shit when I'm not with them (my stray behaved very very bad when she was with him but he always saw my house impeccable and my stray always laying on my bed when I wasn't at home) and he told me that he sees that I've been through very tough times and that I'm a very trustworthy person but I have trust issues myself. I always listen to people's issues and give them a hand without asking questions or opening my mouth but I never open up and he noticed after the situations I've been through that I have something I keep hidden from everyone. He also told me that he doesn't fully understand why I attempted suicide and why I still insist on having dogs even though every single one of my family members throw shit at me for having them. He says that he sees me very happy with dogs, that I was very depressed without them, and how all of my dogs behaved with me, noticing how they only trust me and respond to me, no one else. Yesterday we had an incident with my husky where I was making tea at home and she jumped on the table, spilling a cup with boiling water on herself (not a single drop touched the tablecloth, it all went on her) and she immediately began to scream like hell and jumped on me, clawing my shoulders and holding on tight while one of my friends rushed to get a bucket of cold water and the other one a rag to dip in the bucket and dry her out/refresh her

So I'm going to invite him for coffee at Starbucks and go full Morpheus by buying cherry halls and mint halls, telling him to take the red one if he wants to hear the story or the blue one if he doesn't. If he takes the red one, I'm going to tell him. If he takes the blue one, I'm going to chat about random stuff like a regular day, finish the coffee, and go back home.

Your thoughts? I've known him for three years, almost four now and I've never had a friend closer than him in my life, same with him. He was bullied throught his entire life and when he met me he felt safe and relaxed and opened up to form the friend group we have today.
 
I keep my fingers crossed that it goes well. :)
I'd take cherry for its taste by the way.
 
Though I appreciate the humor, I’d skip the theatrics and think about ways to minimize anxiety and anticipation if you’re giving him a way out and not just going to say it. You’re not an axe murderer and he’s not personally in any danger knowing the truth.

Also he’s your best friend, not a stranger, so consider going somewhere private instead of a starbucks. You don’t need protection from him, and he deserves to have a safe space to get emotional if needed without making a scene.

Good luck.
 
aqua said:
Though I appreciate the humor, I’d skip the theatrics and think about ways to minimize anxiety and anticipation if you’re giving him a way out and not just going to say it. You’re not an axe murderer and he’s not personally in any danger knowing the truth.

Also he’s your best friend, not a stranger, so consider going somewhere private instead of a starbucks. You don’t need protection from him, and he deserves to have a safe space to get emotional if needed without making a scene.

Good luck.
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Starbucks to get something to drink then we'd head to the park to get some peace
 
Also I'm staying with the plan to give him time to think if he really wants to know. I've told five people in my life, all besties. One stayed friends, three stopped being my friends, and the last one told the whole school
 
Just remember this rule for how to deal with initial reactions, when you catch people off their guard: good people can sometimes have gut reactions that are not very flattering to them, and you must never get sucked into those negative toxic reactions. If you engage those reactions, then in many cases, they will just "close ranks" and get entrenched in a prejudicial view.

Harvey Milk said "just come out." This constitutes wise words, to JUST come out. As long as that person is not actively trying to stab you with a knife, then let well enough alone. Any coming out that you can walk away from is a good coming out. Even if people you come out to stop talking to you for a while, trust me: the ones in your life that are worth it will eventually start talking to you again one day when they get bored and have nothing better to do. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO CHANGE THEIR MINDS IN FIVE MINUTES.

I call it the Thumper Rule of Coming Out: "if you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all."

thumper-cant-say-something-nice.jpg


Consider this to be the 11th Commandment, and follow it at all costs.

Good luck to you!
 
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Maui69 said:
Starbucks to get something to drink then we'd head to the park to get some peace
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Sounds good
Maui69 said:
Also I'm staying with the plan to give him time to think if he really wants to know. I've told five people in my life, all besties. One stayed friends, three stopped being my friends, and the last one told the whole school
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That’s horrible, I’m sorry that happened. But you definitely know the risks now so trust yourself. I’m interested in the outcome.
 
SigmatoZeta said:
Just remember this rule for how to deal with initial reactions, when you catch people off their guard: good people can sometimes have gut reactions that are not very flattering to them, and you must never get sucked into those negative toxic reactions. If you engage those reactions, then in many cases, they will just "close ranks" and get entrenched in a prejudicial view.

Harvey Milk said "just come out." This constitutes wise words, to JUST come out. As long as that person is not actively trying to stab you with a knife, then let well enough alone. Any coming out that you can walk away from is a good coming out. Even if people you come out to stop talking to you for a while, trust me: the ones in your life that are worth it will eventually start talking to you again one day when they get bored and have nothing better to do. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO CHANGE THEIR MINDS IN FIVE MINUTES.
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This is excellent advice. The exact delivery is up to you but less is definitely more.
 
I'm heading home right now. Here's how it went.

We got to starbucks, bought our drinks, and headed to the park. I layed the two mints and told him that if he ate the red one, I'd tell him and if he ate the blue one, we'd go home. He ate both lmao.

Anyways, I asked him how he sees me, how he saw my dogs' behaviors (both the ones I have now and my other dogs) and all of the answers were along the line of "you're my bestest friend" and "the dogs adore you and trust you a lot". I told him what happened to the people I told my secret to and that I trust he wouldn't tell anyone. I also mentioned that it would clear up why I attempted suicide last year. He sat in silence for a few mins and told me that he'd stand with me no matter what it is. I hesitated to tell him so I spent about 10 mins looking around and tearing up until I looked for a photo of my ex and told him that that was a picture of my wife.

At first he thinks it was a joke and his little chuckle faded away into complete silence. We sat in silence for a while and softly asked what I did with the dog, if I tried anything with my current dogs, and how long was it since I was into bestiality. I answered with total truth and he was in silence for a while. He tells me thank you for trusting in me, how he's not going to stop being my friend because of this, and that if I ever needed to talk to someone about anything that he'll be there for me. I thanked him and he invited me over to his house for a drink.

We drank water for a while but I could tell that the ambience was dead. It hit him hard, he would've never guessed. After a few glasses of water I dismissed myself and went home.
 
I forgot to mention, he also said that he thinks bestiality is abuse and I told him that he saw with his eyes how my husky jumped on me after being accidentally burned and how my previous dogs were very protective of me and other anecdotes he witnessed in person. He asked me what I feel like being a zoophile and I told him that it was a lifestyle for me and that I personally don't want to change it
 
I've been considering telling my best friend of 14 years now, and I'm 19, so we're close. I just don't want to change anything. No one who knows me would ever guess it, and I feel like it would just make it awkward, rather than clear anything up, since, to others, I've never struggled with anything like this, or had any issues. Right now I'm in a good place, I haven't told anyone, and I can if I choose, but once I do, I'm not in that position anymore. I didn't want to tell anyone until I got on this forum, now I at least feel like my best friend deserves to know, but he would probably feel like I was lying all these years since I would talk, and go along with jokes to fit in. Being in high school with all my friends who were guys, I just got used to making the usual comments and jokes about people's appearances, even though I never meant any of it. I know for a fact he is not into this, so it would definitely come as a surprise.
 
How can I say that...
Vanilla people dont want to know something like this
You freed yourself from your weight now he is the one carrying, dont get me wrong, I'am new to this community and dont know a lot about Zoo... but I always been a Kinky person and I made those kind of mistake (maybe its not a mistake, I wish for you) telling people about been a BDSM, at the beginning they thinks it a joke and after that they said its ok but they are bit shocked, and over time I lost those people
Don't celebrate this right away, I wish you luck!!!!
For myself I wont do this mistake again
P.S. As you can tell English is not my language, I try hard to get better
 
@220licco

It's got to be up to your own judgment. You are the only person that can know what kinds of people your friends are. There is no substitute for being in the physical presence of a person and for being able to read their eyes and read their vibes. It devolves upon you to be able to figure out how far you can really trust people in your existence.

The way I talk about it is that, if you can't trust them well enough to tell them that you are zooey, then you are a little bit nuts to keep them in your life longer than you absolutely have to. If I trust someone well enough to really want that person in my life and deeply involved in my life for decades, then it is just natural for me to tell them. I do not have any reason why I ought to hide it from them.

You are there, though, and none of us are. You are face-to-face with this person. Deciding whether to come out to that person or not is what you are chief executive officer of. You take responsibility if it blows up in your face, and you take the glory if works out. That way, when you eventually do feel like you trust someone that well, you can feel proud because you can own it. It belongs to you, then.
 
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SigmatoZeta said:
@220licco

Thanks for the reply. I really like this. I definitely trust them enough, and they definitely wouldn't tell anyone. My concern is just making it awkward between us, which it isn't at all right now, except that I feel like I've been hiding something for years. While they definitely wouldn't tell anyone, I'm just not sure our friendship would be the same. I would really like at least one person in real life to know, since I have been in situations where I could have really used someone who knows everything, like last use when I got surgery, I was worried when I was coming off the anesthesia that I would open my mouth. Fortunately that didn't happen (or if it did no one ever said anything).
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Not sure how my reply ended up as your quote, I must have put it I'm the wrong spot, but I'm sure you'll figure it out.
 
My friends knew that I was eccentric before they knew I was a zoo, and now that they know that I am a zoo, they know that I am eccentric. The status quo has been nicely preserved.
 
I've been thinking a lot since I read this thread, and I almost told my friend last week, but backed out, changed the subject, and made an excuse for what I was rambling about nervously for a half hour. Tonight we hang out, and unless something changes or I freak out again, I plan on doing it. Here's what I said today in another thread.

"I plan tonight to tell my best friend of 15 years, as he has had some changes in his views recently, but to a lesser degree. We used to bash weed users, and he started to use that, and was nervous to tell me, but felt like he didn't need to keep a secret between us like that. That makes me feel guilty for the huge secret I've been keeping. Not sure if he will take it well, but I know he won't tell anyone."

Hopefully it will go well, I'll be sure to post about it. My three main concerns are, first, him asking me if I've ever done anything with a dog, which I would rather not jump right into after first telling him. Second, if he will just stop talking to me suddenly, or over time because it's too weird for him, and third, if I will stop talking to him because it feels to awkward after telling him.

@Maui69 how did this go for you, I know it hasn't been long, but anything new since your update that day?
 
Well, we didn't talk since I told him, other than me sending him a few memes and he responded by laughing. He's on a holiday vacation which is why we haven't seen eachother face-to-face since that day. I'm giving him space and not bugging him with "so what do you think of the news I gave you" things.
 
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