Hello, I'm new here. I came to Zooville because I have been struggling with zoophilic thoughts for a very long time. As many of us know, this isn't a topic that can be easily discussed amongst people in our personal lives - not without the risk of social ruin, which is what has led me to wanting to speak with people who can relate on a personal basis.
*In advance, I read the rules, however if anything I say infringes anything, or if this post should be better posted elsewhere, please let me know!
My Story
Before I ever found a sexual attraction to people, or before I even knew what sex was, I was finding myself becoming attracted more towards animals. This started with allowing my dogs to lick me, which later progressed to me finding a strong sexual attraction to the penises of my friend's horses. Horse penis would, from that point onward, be a fascination of mine. When I got older and started watching pornography, watching horses have sex felt more comfortable than human on human porn.
At an older age, I had my first zoophilic experiences with a male dog, though I had attempted to have sex with my female dogs in the past. I was convinced I was becoming gay, but burdened by the knowledge that these actions are inappropriate, I turned to the furry community as a safer outlet. I identified as a furry for 8 years, however, it was only a cover up for the real desires that were inside of me.
Eventually, I got over the furry fandom, which, for a long time, kept my zoophilic tendencies at bay, but with that out of the way, they slowly began to resurface. This led me down a path where the stress and struggles in my life led me to mentally "snap." Without mercy, my daily waking and sleeping life became intruded by a nonstop flow of zoosexual thoughts towards my mare. The feelings were intense, and bleed into my dreams. I would close my eyes praying that the thoughts would go away, but I would find myself only fantasizing, still, in my sleep.
I couldn't restrain myself any longer. I decided to experiment with my mare and one day I gave in to having sex with her. The experience itself was amazing. The guilt that came afterwards, however, was not. Shame, though, wouldn't stop me from doing it again and again. Each time I gave in to my libido, I told myself, "never again," but it would continue, until a day came where I had almost got caught.
This moment was frightening, and had I been discovered, I would have fled and driven into oncoming traffic. With that experience in my mind, I haven't done anything since, and distanced myself from my mare (She is well cared for). The thoughts and the desires, however, remain.
I have never held strong relationships with people. I would love a wife and family, however, it does not seem feasible for me. I am also not convinced that having sex with a mare is abusive (by default). They are extremely sexual animals with each other while in heat, and take no offense to being sexually stimulated by a human. The idea that they cannot "consent," is also incorrect in my eyes. When my mare enjoyed what was happening, she would relax and raise her tail for me. When she had no interest, she would simply walk away or move her hips. There was never any ear pinning or threatening behavior that came from her, and certainly no signs of emotional abuse. As someone with experience with these animals, this is something I would recognize.
This all leads me to what I am here for today.
What I am here for
I have spoken to therapists, now I want to speak to members of this community that understand my story. I am not looking to be encouraged to have sex, or to kink or spread fantasies. What I need is understanding and help in finding peace with this part of my self.
I am facing the potential reality of "giving in" to these desires, and investing myself into the idea of being in a long term sexual relationship with a mare, or a stud. I know within myself that these things could never replace a wife or a family, but there are parts of myself that can't be locked away forever.
I want to know, from a deeper perspective, (not a sex or fantasy driven one), what others who have walked a similar road have to say about this topic.
I love my mare with all my heart. I love her as much as I loved my last relationship. Yet, there is something inside of me fighting. One part of me says "give in, just do it." Another says, "You are better than that; you were meant for more; you will ruin everything. It isn't worth it." But life is exhausting. I'm tired of fighting. It isn't my fault that these feelings are inside of me. I want to be at peace.
This is something I would like to have a conversation about.
Thank you.
*In advance, I read the rules, however if anything I say infringes anything, or if this post should be better posted elsewhere, please let me know!
My Story
Before I ever found a sexual attraction to people, or before I even knew what sex was, I was finding myself becoming attracted more towards animals. This started with allowing my dogs to lick me, which later progressed to me finding a strong sexual attraction to the penises of my friend's horses. Horse penis would, from that point onward, be a fascination of mine. When I got older and started watching pornography, watching horses have sex felt more comfortable than human on human porn.
At an older age, I had my first zoophilic experiences with a male dog, though I had attempted to have sex with my female dogs in the past. I was convinced I was becoming gay, but burdened by the knowledge that these actions are inappropriate, I turned to the furry community as a safer outlet. I identified as a furry for 8 years, however, it was only a cover up for the real desires that were inside of me.
Eventually, I got over the furry fandom, which, for a long time, kept my zoophilic tendencies at bay, but with that out of the way, they slowly began to resurface. This led me down a path where the stress and struggles in my life led me to mentally "snap." Without mercy, my daily waking and sleeping life became intruded by a nonstop flow of zoosexual thoughts towards my mare. The feelings were intense, and bleed into my dreams. I would close my eyes praying that the thoughts would go away, but I would find myself only fantasizing, still, in my sleep.
I couldn't restrain myself any longer. I decided to experiment with my mare and one day I gave in to having sex with her. The experience itself was amazing. The guilt that came afterwards, however, was not. Shame, though, wouldn't stop me from doing it again and again. Each time I gave in to my libido, I told myself, "never again," but it would continue, until a day came where I had almost got caught.
This moment was frightening, and had I been discovered, I would have fled and driven into oncoming traffic. With that experience in my mind, I haven't done anything since, and distanced myself from my mare (She is well cared for). The thoughts and the desires, however, remain.
I have never held strong relationships with people. I would love a wife and family, however, it does not seem feasible for me. I am also not convinced that having sex with a mare is abusive (by default). They are extremely sexual animals with each other while in heat, and take no offense to being sexually stimulated by a human. The idea that they cannot "consent," is also incorrect in my eyes. When my mare enjoyed what was happening, she would relax and raise her tail for me. When she had no interest, she would simply walk away or move her hips. There was never any ear pinning or threatening behavior that came from her, and certainly no signs of emotional abuse. As someone with experience with these animals, this is something I would recognize.
This all leads me to what I am here for today.
What I am here for
I have spoken to therapists, now I want to speak to members of this community that understand my story. I am not looking to be encouraged to have sex, or to kink or spread fantasies. What I need is understanding and help in finding peace with this part of my self.
I am facing the potential reality of "giving in" to these desires, and investing myself into the idea of being in a long term sexual relationship with a mare, or a stud. I know within myself that these things could never replace a wife or a family, but there are parts of myself that can't be locked away forever.
I want to know, from a deeper perspective, (not a sex or fantasy driven one), what others who have walked a similar road have to say about this topic.
I love my mare with all my heart. I love her as much as I loved my last relationship. Yet, there is something inside of me fighting. One part of me says "give in, just do it." Another says, "You are better than that; you were meant for more; you will ruin everything. It isn't worth it." But life is exhausting. I'm tired of fighting. It isn't my fault that these feelings are inside of me. I want to be at peace.
This is something I would like to have a conversation about.
Thank you.
I have been reading through some of them since I made the post.
