Family members pressuring to have me neuter my dog and saying if I don't do it they will do it behind my back

RedOctolink

RedOctolink

Lurker
I have male dog age 1 year and 3 months old. He's shows non of the behavioral problems that you would normally have a dog neutered for. No humping of things, Aggression, marking, trying to escape to find a female. I personally see no reason or benefit to having him "Fixed". But my mother who lives next door insists that I get him "Fixed" because that just the way things are done.
She has even told me that she will have it done weather I like it or not even tho hes 100% my dog. Tags, Chip and paperwork all in my name. I've already called the 2 vets I go to in the area and the ones she goes to to let them know do not Neuter my dog if she brings it in.
But I'm unsure if that's enough. Does anyone have some advice to try and get her to stop I've already made it very clear that its not happening unless problems come up with him. But they haven't.
I've even talked over the phone with my primary vet and they told me if hes not having any issues there is no reason to have him "Fixed". If hes Calm, Listens to commands shows no signs of aggression towards people or animals or any of the other issues neutering is supposed to help with then it sounds unnecessary even to them.
 
RedOctolink said:
I have male dog age 1 year and 3 months old. He's shows non of the behavioral problems that you would normally have a dog neutered for. No humping of things, Aggression, marking, trying to escape to find a female. I personally see no reason or benefit to having him "Fixed". But my mother who lives next door insists that I get him "Fixed" because that just the way things are done.
She has even told me that she will have it done weather I like it or not even tho hes 100% my dog. Tags, Chip and paperwork all in my name. I've already called the 2 vets I go to in the area and the ones she goes to to let them know do not Neuter my dog if she brings it in.
But I'm unsure if that's enough. Does anyone have some advice to try and get her to stop I've already made it very clear that its not happening unless problems come up with him. But they haven't.
I've even talked over the phone with my primary vet and they told me if hes not having any issues there is no reason to have him "Fixed". If hes Calm, Listens to commands shows no signs of aggression towards people or animals or any of the other issues neutering is supposed to help with then it sounds unnecessary even to them.
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Who owns the dog.
 
Things get complicated if you live with these other family members, but it's much simpler if you don't.
I would try to talk to them about why they think this needs to be done. I would cite that your vet agrees that it's not an issue, I would cite some of the veterinary research that shows certain cancers and illnesses are linked with neutering and ask them that, if they do this, are they willing to pay for his treatment should he develop these compications? If they aren't willing, which I'm sure they wouldn't be, why are they insisting that such risks be taken and leaving you with the burden of their decision?

If you do live with them, it might be a good opportunity to review your circumstances and remove yourself, or at least your companion, from their presence if you can.

I think if you can remain calm and rational, ask them to explain why they insist this needs to be done *against veterinary advice* and be open to hearing what they say. I wish you luck.
 
My mom is a vet tech so I know how that goes. She mentions it every time I talk about my dogs. She needs spayed, he needs neutered blah blah blah. I tell her I'm not going to put them though a surgery they don't need. It's annoying but she would never take things into her own hands. Could she just be being dramatic or is this something you think she would do?
 
My 2 cents is to look at the scenario if it's NOT your mother? How would that go over if it was a random neighbor? Because the solution is the same, what's different is how you get there. IF as you say, you live outside her house. I'm not saying it's easy to get there, but the answer is still the same. It's none of her business and entirely your decision, period.
 
Change the locks on your door if she has access. If She or any other family member are walking him, feeding him, tending to him in any way bring that to an immediate stop and locate someone you can trust to take up these duties. It is very important if you value your companion's integrity and agency that you do this immediately - chances are she would not take him to a local clinic as the cost would be a bit much for her to swallow, more than likely she would have it done with one of these traveling spay/neuter clinics which means it could happen at any time without notice.

Castration does not affect aggression once a dog demonstrates aggression a neuter will not magically correct that, I have seen dog on dog aggression with neutered males - it really comes down to socialization.

That being said just terminate the discussion if she brings it up - just say it's not up for debate, period. Do you think she is teasing you about it ? I have seen people be cruel to others with it. If it is bad natured then maybe time to re-evaluate your proximity to mom/family.
 
As others have said try and find out specifically why your mum is so determined that it happen. point out that there are always dangers of complications with any surgery even on a perfectly healthy animal. I had a cat when I was a kid that went in to be de-sexed, had a reaction to the anesthetic and never came home again. If there are no behavioural or physical reason where changing the testorome level may have any sort of effect the what is the benefit. I'm sure you don't let him out into the street to go around making unwanted pups, so what could possibly be gained.

If you can't have a calm rational conversation with your mum (and this is the best approach if you can change her thinking) then some other options might include security and deception. Put locks on gates and things so the dog can't be taken when your not there. Assuming she doesn't have keys to your house. Even then she has no legal right to be entering and removing your dog without permission. But I understand how complicated it get when dealing with a family member.

Last resort stuff and may or may not work depending on you mum and how well you can sell the story:
Fake the surgery, carefully shave a patch of hair off each testicle and then spray the spot with a brightly coloured anticept spray such as True Blue which is a bright blue purple colour and show your mum you dog with his new Neuticle implants (fake testicles inserted into the scrotum after the removal of the real testicles) if she comments on the lack of stitches say only small incisions are required and surgical glue was used as it dissolves and doesn't leave a scar or the need for stitches to be removed.

"Neuticles – testicular implantation for pets- helping neuter hesitant pet owners overcome the trauma of altering and allowing their beloved pet to retain its natural look and self esteem."

Good luck for both you and your dog's sake.
 
RedOctolink said:
I have male dog age 1 year and 3 months old. He's shows non of the behavioral problems that you would normally have a dog neutered for. No humping of things, Aggression, marking, trying to escape to find a female. I personally see no reason or benefit to having him "Fixed". But my mother who lives next door insists that I get him "Fixed" because that just the way things are done.
She has even told me that she will have it done weather I like it or not even tho hes 100% my dog. Tags, Chip and paperwork all in my name. I've already called the 2 vets I go to in the area and the ones she goes to to let them know do not Neuter my dog if she brings it in.
But I'm unsure if that's enough. Does anyone have some advice to try and get her to stop I've already made it very clear that its not happening unless problems come up with him. But they haven't.
I've even talked over the phone with my primary vet and they told me if hes not having any issues there is no reason to have him "Fixed". If hes Calm, Listens to commands shows no signs of aggression towards people or animals or any of the other issues neutering is supposed to help with then it sounds unnecessary even to them.
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The behaviour problems that come with unneutered dogs are a myth made to control the population of animals. Is the dog in your name ?
if so make it clear that if they go behind your back and neuter your dog you will make sure that they will get done for mutilating your animal without your consent .
Neutering a dog later in life can cause alot of physiological issues and tell them the reason you don't wanna neuter him is because you think it's cruel and unneeded and can cause more harm than good
 
RedOctolink said:
I have male dog age 1 year and 3 months old. He's shows non of the behavioral problems that you would normally have a dog neutered for. No humping of things, Aggression, marking, trying to escape to find a female. I personally see no reason or benefit to having him "Fixed". But my mother who lives next door insists that I get him "Fixed" because that just the way things are done.
She has even told me that she will have it done weather I like it or not even tho hes 100% my dog. Tags, Chip and paperwork all in my name. I've already called the 2 vets I go to in the area and the ones she goes to to let them know do not Neuter my dog if she brings it in.
But I'm unsure if that's enough. Does anyone have some advice to try and get her to stop I've already made it very clear that its not happening unless problems come up with him. But they haven't.
I've even talked over the phone with my primary vet and they told me if hes not having any issues there is no reason to have him "Fixed". If hes Calm, Listens to commands shows no signs of aggression towards people or animals or any of the other issues neutering is supposed to help with then it sounds unnecessary even to them.
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You might point out, that having ANYTHING done to YOUR dog, without YOUR permission, is illegal. Then ask your mother... Yes; your MOTHER - if she's willing to go to jail over the issue.
"Family" or not, sometimes you have to BE hard with people, to get them to mind their own damned business, and STOP forcing their desires and opinions on YOUR life.
 
RedOctolink said:
I have male dog age 1 year and 3 months old. He's shows non of the behavioral problems that you would normally have a dog neutered for. No humping of things, Aggression, marking, trying to escape to find a female. I personally see no reason or benefit to having him "Fixed". But my mother who lives next door insists that I get him "Fixed" because that just the way things are done.
She has even told me that she will have it done weather I like it or not even tho hes 100% my dog. Tags, Chip and paperwork all in my name. I've already called the 2 vets I go to in the area and the ones she goes to to let them know do not Neuter my dog if she brings it in.
But I'm unsure if that's enough. Does anyone have some advice to try and get her to stop I've already made it very clear that its not happening unless problems come up with him. But they haven't.
I've even talked over the phone with my primary vet and they told me if hes not having any issues there is no reason to have him "Fixed". If hes Calm, Listens to commands shows no signs of aggression towards people or animals or any of the other issues neutering is supposed to help with then it sounds unnecessary even to them.
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Short form: It's time for you to move. Preferably far away from what sounds like, based on your description, a controlling bitch of a mother who hasn't figured out that she doesn't get to control your life anymore.

Longer form: Mom is offering to go to jail - What she suggests is illegal in every state I'm aware of. Make it very clear that the discussion on the topic is over, and that if ANYTHING happens without your express approval, she'll be facing charges. Yeah, yeah, I know "But it's my MOTHER!". Make your decision: Your mother's wishes, or your dog's balls. Since you say she's "next door", that suggests to me that you're of age to be out on your own and make your own decisions. She needs to figure out (and do it *DAMNED FAST*) that she does not have any authority or right to make your decisions for you, and that you will not tolerate such behavior. Make it impossible for her to misunderstand - "You may be my mother, but you no longer have any control over my life. My dog, my decision, and if that's a problem for you, too bad - your "offer" to do it whether I want it or not is a threat to commit a crime that will put you in jail/prison if you try going through with it. You have no authority or status to decide how my animals will be treated, and if you even make the attempt, I'll see you in jail for it.

Then start looking for someplace else to live - This is a fight that isn't going to end well for anybody until you get out from under her thumb.

Good luck...
 
UR20Z said:
Short form: It's time for you to move. Preferably far away from what sounds like, based on your description, a controlling bitch of a mother who hasn't figured out that she doesn't get to control your life anymore.

Longer form: Mom is offering to go to jail - What she suggests is illegal in every state I'm aware of. Make it very clear that the discussion on the topic is over, and that if ANYTHING happens without your express approval, she'll be facing charges. Yeah, yeah, I know "But it's my MOTHER!". Make your decision: Your mother's wishes, or your dog's balls. Since you say she's "next door", that suggests to me that you're of age to be out on your own and make your own decisions. She needs to figure out (and do it *DAMNED FAST*) that she does not have any authority or right to make your decisions for you, and that you will not tolerate such behavior. Make it impossible for her to misunderstand - "You may be my mother, but you no longer have any control over my life. My dog, my decision, and if that's a problem for you, too bad - your "offer" to do it whether I want it or not is a threat to commit a crime that will put you in jail/prison if you try going through with it. You have no authority or status to decide how my animals will be treated, and if you even make the attempt, I'll see you in jail for it.

Then start looking for someplace else to live - This is a fight that isn't going to end well for anybody until you get out from under her thumb.

Good luck...
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Probably the best solution.
Over unrelated issues, I had to put 1200 miles, between my parents and myself... And it STILL took them several years to understand: "BUTT OUT"
 
Assuming your mother hasn't had one already...
"Sure, I'll neuter my dog... AFTER I confirm you get a hysterectomy. What's that? You say you don't need one and it's an unnecessary procedure? Exactly my point! My dog, my rules. Your body, your rules."

But other than that, everything in this thread has been pretty sound advice so far.
 
Yea sadly, if you really think she could have that done behind your back, I would also recommend getting out of reach to protect your pup. I doubt showing any studies or information about how castration is not beneficial to an otherwise healthy male dog will make a difference... Some people just "know" they are right and feel justified forcing their opinion on others and don't really give any weight to your logic or opinions.

For me, most people that questioned why my female dog was intact would accept (tolerate?) how I saw it as part of the responsibility of having a pet and how I trusted nature for health over surgery. Though perhaps people just hate dangling balls more then giant cookies :p
 
HugDoggy said:
I worked for a boss who described dog balls as obscene and disgusting just dangling there, thus all male dogs should have them removed so they didn't have to look at them. I would be right scared if I was their son. (All the children in that family were boys.)
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Makes one wonder what's going on in that head of theirs that they cant stop obsessing about dog balls....makes me think of the many anti-zoos who are really zoos ashamed of themselves or people who rage about homosexuals and are later found to be gay. The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
 
egoldstein said:
Makes one wonder what's going on in that head of theirs that they cant stop obsessing about dog balls....makes me think of the many anti-zoos who are really zoos ashamed of themselves or people who rage about homosexuals and are later found to be gay. The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
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Well I think this person wouldn't have too much of a problem if all males decided to go to mars tomorrow regardless of what species they belonged too. But no it was nothing pro or con zoo, but more a case of greed, the more animals you can squeeze in the more money you make. Those that have danglely bits can't be squeezed in so snugly, in case those danglely bits get some of their intended use occurring with a member of the bakery department with their big freshly heated cookies.
 
HugDoggy said:
Well I think this person wouldn't have too much of a problem if all males decided to go to mars tomorrow regardless of what species they belonged too. But no it was nothing pro or con zoo, but more a case of greed, the more animals you can squeeze in the more money you make. Those that have danglely bits can't be squeezed in so snugly, in case those danglely bits get some of their intended use occurring with a member of the bakery department with their big freshly heated cookies.
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Wait, that's contrary to their motivation too, if more animals == more money, sounds like a very confused person. :p
 
egoldstein said:
Makes one wonder what's going on in that head of theirs that they cant stop obsessing about dog balls....makes me think of the many anti-zoos who are really zoos ashamed of themselves or people who rage about homosexuals and are later found to be gay. The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
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As I wrote in another thread -
“Reminds me of a man that fought viciously in the public against pornography - he had the largest collection in town.”
 
Sad to hear it, unfortunately there are many idiots who think they can decide on how others want it, anyway.
I think you should, maybe.
Talk to a lawyer about it, and investigate what you can get for legal penalties from it,
And make it very clear to her, that you will go to the court about it, no matter what she thinks about it.
And that you will never have any contact with her again, as long as you live.
If she likes you, As a family member.
Then the threat of breaking all contact with her, should have her on other thoughts. hopefully.
 
The law depends on location to a degree, but not being a lawyer, I think it would be treated as a civil law. I think it would be likely one could sue for damages but that would likely be limited to showing a demonstratable loss or harm; for example if a registered dog with intent of breeding one could argue the value of lost offspring and lost opportunity cost vs a mix breed dog. I would think compelling them to pay damages to compensate for future health problems due to the procedure would probably be reasonable as well.

That said, it's often difficult to deal with family in such a manner and alternative remedies are likely going to be more effective. I do think asserting that if they were to override your desires that there would be significant damage to your trust in them which would certainly have long lastng and far reaching effects. It is often hard for a parent to see/accept that someone they have been responible for making decisions for is now no longer under their aegis and is, in fact, an adult with the power to make their own decisions and feel the consequences of those actions. I tend to think calm, rational discussion and being firm in your positon with the consequences clearly laid out is probably the best path forward to keep dog and family in the best place possible.

I would consider making it clear that they are not welcome in your home if you are not present. It might be prudent to put that in writing and hand deliver it to them as then it adds some additional legal protections, a step that if you take, you should make clear that the intent would be to pursue it as breaking and entering. This is not the kind of action to take where maintaining the existing relationship is desired though.
 
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The trouble with mothers like that is they're so accustomed to making choices for you, they think they know what's best. Most of their life has been that way.

So there needs to be a discussion, perhaps with a counsellor, if you want to try to keep a good relationship with her.

I could tell you how to burn the bridge enough that she has a fearful respect for your space, but fear of isn't a good respect. It's better to have respect because of love and understanding.

You could be outright firm, and tell her that she is not to enter your property without your permission, or you will report her for trespassing. And tell her that it's your choice, not hers, and that what is "always done" is wrong.

You might be able to use that in a more quiet conversation with her, actually. Just because "It's always done" doesn't make it right.

But there's also her threat that she'll have him neutered behind your back, which, yeah. That's an issue that needs to be dealt with very quickly. Ideally be able to prevent it from happening, rather than charged and lawsuits after the fact. You can't un-neuter a dog.

I'd recommend a quiet but firm conversation, you're an adult now, you can make your own decisions. (Remember, you're her baby. But you need to get her to understand that some choices need to be yours to make. Maybe she won't accept it. Maybe she will. I don't know how much talking you've done with her on this already.)

And if she won't accept it, set down the law to her. She can't come into your home or on your property, she is not to take your dog, or you will take her to court over it.

And if she still doesn't respect your choice, (I want to make a joke about having suspicious moving supplies, but, I don't know the comedic style here) might need to move out of her reach.
 
RedOctolink said:
I have male dog age 1 year and 3 months old. He's shows non of the behavioral problems that you would normally have a dog neutered for. No humping of things, Aggression, marking, trying to escape to find a female. I personally see no reason or benefit to having him "Fixed". But my mother who lives next door insists that I get him "Fixed" because that just the way things are done.
She has even told me that she will have it done weather I like it or not even tho hes 100% my dog. Tags, Chip and paperwork all in my name. I've already called the 2 vets I go to in the area and the ones she goes to to let them know do not Neuter my dog if she brings it in.
But I'm unsure if that's enough. Does anyone have some advice to try and get her to stop I've already made it very clear that its not happening unless problems come up with him. But they haven't.
I've even talked over the phone with my primary vet and they told me if hes not having any issues there is no reason to have him "Fixed". If hes Calm, Listens to commands shows no signs of aggression towards people or animals or any of the other issues neutering is supposed to help with then it sounds unnecessary even to them.
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You might be able to get a court order that she can't come on your property or touch your dog. You'd need to talk to a lawyer to find out what is possible (and how much it would cost).
 
humananimal said:
As I wrote in another thread -
“Reminds me of a man that fought viciously in the public against pornography - he had the largest collection in town.”
Click to expand...

In L.A. during the 60s there was a a county supervisor who got worked up about art exhibit that was going to be at the museum he thought was obscene and wanted stopped. A lot of people said he was being silly, so to "make sure" it was really as bad as he said he went back 4 or 5 times (this was all before it opened) to check. Of course everyone laughed at him then, and when it did open there was a line a couple of blocks long.
 
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