Dirty Jokes

[lonewulf8559]

Okay class lets share our dirty jokes, I will start.

3 dogs are at the vet, one asks why they are all there. First dog " I have very bad health so it is my time." Second dog "I bit the mailman again." Third dog " This is my masters new girl friend, she was taking a shower when she bent over to dry her self I jumped in and mated this bitch." Other 2 dogs " Damn you getting put down for that?" Third dog "Nope, I am her to get my nails trimmed."

 

[lonewulf8559]

Okay this is an old one and let's keep adding to them.
A young boy asks his mom "Am I adopted?"
His mom responds "No l, why?"
Boy: "We are different colors."
Mom: "Son, after that party I am just glad you don't bark."

 

[Polarfoxes]

What is the difference between women's breasts and video games? None: both are meant for children but it is mostly adult men that play with them.

 

[Valkiria]

A woman asks her husband:
—What are your plans for the weekend?
—"Just like Jesus," the man replies.
—What does that mean?
—I'll be disappearing on friday and coming back on monday.
—If you do that, I'll do the same as Mary!
—How?
—I'll get pregnant without you touching me!

 

[Valkiria]

—It's a boy, it's a boy! — he screamed with tears in his eyes. — God, I can't believe it, it's a BOY!
That was the moment he decided never to set foot in Thailand again.

Spoiler: Click

 

[Polarfoxes]

An old Bosnian dirty joke:

Fata (the proverbial ordinary Bosnian’s wife) complains to the doctor that Muyo, her husband, makes love to her for hours every evening, so that, even in the darkness of their bedroom, she cannot get enough sleep—again and again, he jumps on her. The good doctor advises her to apply shock therapy: she should keep at her bedside a strong lamp so that, when she gets really tired of sex, she can all of a sudden blind Muyo, and this shock will for sure cool off his excessive passion. That same evening, after hours of sex, Fata does exactly as advised—and recognizes the face of Haso, one of Muyo’s colleagues. Surprised, she asks him, ”But what are you doing here? Where is Muyo, my husband?” The embarrassed Haso answers, “Well, he is there at the door, collecting money from those waiting in line…”

 

[lonewulf8559]

A guy and his wife are driving down the road and see a dead skunk on the side. A little baby skunk just a few feet away, the wife asks her husband if they can raise and keep the skunk. He says sure he can even sleep in our bed. She asks what about the smell he responds "He'll get used to it, I did."