bestiality jokes

W

waarom170

Citizen of Zooville
Plenty of jokes involve bestiality. Let's hear them! I'll kick off:
2 German shepherd dogs sit in the waiting room of the vet. One asks the other why he is there, and the other replies "my owner was taking me out for a walk when I spotted a bitch in heat. Nature kind of took over, and now I'm going to be castrated. What about you?" The other dog tells his story "my owner was taking a shower and she left the door open. Then she dropped the soap and bend over to pick it up, giving me a full view. Nature kind of took over..." the other dog asks "ah so castration as well?" "No, getting my nails clipped"
 
A man starts a conversation with a farmer at his farm.
Man: "G'day, mind if I talk to your dog?"
Farmer: "The dog doesn't talk."
Man: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"
Farmer: "Yeah, doin' all right."
Man: (look of extreme shock)
Farmer: "Is this guy your owner?" (pointing at the farmer)
Dog: "Yep"
Man: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Farmer: (look of utter disbelief)
Man: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Farmer: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."
Man: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool"
Farmer: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Man: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing at the Farmer)
Horse: "Yep"
Man: How does he treat you?
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Farmer: (total look of amazement)
Man: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Farmer: "Don't believe a word he says, that sheep's a fucking liar!"
 
This is an oldie. An american was visiting a small village in Scotland. He ask around for a guide and found a man named Bill. Bill showed the american around the village. He stopped at a windmill "do you see thag windmill? I built that windmill. But do they call me Bill the windmill builder? No, no they dont."
They continued their walk through the countrt side. They stopped at a farm stead. "Do you see that farm?" Said Bill. "I built that irrigation, i planted those crops, i harvest all of this. But do they call me bill the farmer? No!"
As they walked back to the village Bill pointed to a bakery. "You see this bakery? I. Bake food for the entire village. Without me we would not be as independent. But do they call me Bill the baker? No!"... "but you fuck ONE goat!"
 
An Irishman walked into a pub and started drinking. Hours later after a few too many he staggered out of the pub and found his way home.

Next day he went to the same pub looking like he'd been fart at and missed but shit at and hit.................many times!

He grumbled to the bar keeper "how could you have let me drink so much?"..........."I was up all night blowing chunks".

Bar tender told him.............."well you kept ordering so I kept serving...........sorry you were blowing chunks all night".

He replied.................."you don't understand...................Chunks is MY DOG!!
 
Stolen from another thread (sorry, MareButtUdderLovr):

A blacksmith, a shepherd and a plumber have been summoned to an audience with a king. The king's daughter was to be wed, but her suitor must complete 3 tasks before the suitor can take her hand in marriage. The king orders the three men to complete the following tasks: swim across the river, jump over a barbed wire fence, and fuck a cow.

When the three men reach the river, they dive and exert themselves in swimming across to the opposite bank. The plumber and the shepherd make it across, but the blacksmith drowns.

When the remaining two men reach the barbed wire fence, both men attempt to leap over the fence. The plumber clears the fence, but the shepherd gets his scrotum caught on the barbs and is eliminated.

The last remaining man, the plumber, reaches the cow, but during the attempt, the cow bowls the plumber over and tramples him.

As the king waits impatiently, he gives a sigh of relief as the doors to his court open wide to a fanfare for the victor. The victor was the plumber, approaching the king in a disheveled mess; muddied and with hoof-prints all over him. As the king grants the victor his daughter's hand in marriage, the plumber simply replies:

Keep the princess, I want the cow!
Click to expand...
 
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