Asexual "domestic partnership" with a zoo human

[Wolfspirit]

I've been on this weird, beautiful, frustrating journey as a zoo in the zoo community for over 2 decades now, with one human relationship under my belt with a zoolady that ultimately ended because how much I loved canines and needing my private alone-time with them. I have a few zooey fantasies but irl I can 100% do without human intimacy. But there's still 2 big reasons left why I think having a human, asexual life partner to live with (that is, roomate-style with different bedrooms, only greater overall freedom of course) would be extremely beneficial for all human and nonhuman family members:

A. Financial purposes: tax incentives (depending on state), income stability for both humans and especially for all nonhuman partners sake.

B. Basic human companionship and support: Having human companionship without hiding, someone to depend on IRL to have your back in life, to enjoy meaningful conversations with, a meditation partner, another pack member to hug and cuddle with on a cold winter night while watching a movie, and finally, someone to be there for truly understanding emotional support IRL for when either of our partners dies.

My point is, this was all a seemingly contradicting thing in my mind until I found out asexual "domestic partnerships" were a common thing and considered it in the context of living with an exclusive zoo. So I'm curious, how many exclusives can relate to this and have ever considered something like this.

Ref: https://legaldictionary.net/domestic-part
nership

 

[SultryHellhound]

I feel like I've seen a thread that's very similar. Basically like how a homosexual woman has a "beard".

 

[SultryHellhound]

Actually the discussion I was thinking of is part of a chain of a few comments in one of the "fun" threads.

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[bingus905]

I've been on this weird, beautiful, frustrating journey as a zoo in the zoo community for over 2 decades now, with one human relationship under my belt with a zoolady that ultimately ended because how much I loved canines and needing my private alone-time with them. I have a few zooey fantasies but irl I can 100% do without human intimacy. But there's still 2 big reasons left why I think having a human, asexual life partner to live with (that is, roomate-style with different bedrooms, only greater overall freedom of course) would be extremely beneficial for all human and nonhuman family members:

A. Financial purposes: tax incentives (depending on state), income stability for both humans and especially for all nonhuman partners sake.

B. Basic human companionship and support: Having human companionship without hiding, someone to depend on IRL to have your back in life, to enjoy meaningful conversations with, a meditation partner, another pack member to hug and cuddle with on a cold winter night while watching a movie, and finally, someone to be there for truly understanding emotional support IRL for when either of our partners dies.

My point is, this was all a seemingly contradicting thing in my mind until I found out asexual "domestic partnerships" were a common thing and considered it in the context of living with an exclusive zoo. So I'm curious, how many exclusives can relate to this and have ever considered something like this.

Ref: https://legaldictionary.net/domestic-part
nership

I relate honestly, I think something like that could be mutually beneficial even. I struggle a lot with sexuality so I consider myself kind of graysexual, which falls on the ace spectrum. If given the opportunity its something i would try personally, but i have really bad social anxiety so even posting on this site scares me, i couldnt even imagine trying to meet ace partners LMAO

 

[pes]

A. Financial purposes: tax incentives (depending on state), income stability for both humans and especially for all nonhuman partners sake.

B. Basic human companionship and support: Having human companionship without hiding, someone to depend on IRL to have your back in life, to enjoy meaningful conversations with, a meditation partner, another pack member to hug and cuddle with on a cold winter night while watching a movie, and finally, someone to be there for truly understanding emotional support IRL for when either of our partners dies.

I agree with these points.
Especially later in life, you might need help (both of you). Having someone you can rely on would be beneficial.
I would not mind having a zoo exclusive "best friend" who would be compatible with how I want to live as a room mate.
The problem with this hypothetical arrangement is that I can not love a human and the physical sexual stuff I can do with a human is very limited.
So basically nobody is compatible with this.
And when you are not blinded by love, it is very hard to share your living space with someone else unless you are extremely compatible with each other.

 

[FloofyNewfie]

Actually the discussion I was thinking of is part of a chain of a few comments in one of the "fun" threads.

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Heyyy! That be me! Lol

Tickle me surprised, but I didn't think anyone outside of the regulars that normally post in the thread paid any attention to our (sometimes) drawn out conversation in there.

 

[SultryHellhound]

Heyyy! That be me! Lol

Tickle me surprised, but I didn't think anyone outside of the regulars that normally post in the thread paid any attention to our (sometimes) drawn out conversation in there.

Sometimes I'll go to post there, but then see a particularly thought-provoking chain of comments! Have definitely seen quite a few interesting discussions.

 

[egoldstein]

I've been in several of such relationships, they don't seem significantly different from sexual ones, except there isn't the added complication of sex. All the usual problems one can have living with another person are there of course and you just have to navigate them and be supportive of one another. The other person doesn't even need to be a zoo, there are advantages and disadvantages to either.

The problems I have encountered tend to be social or economic and one can influence the other. For the social ones, I think it is best to treat it like any other relationship and everyone has to keep communications open. Most general relationship advice applies. Be willing to talk especially when you're upset and be willing to let go of whatever it is that upset you, if you harbor a grudge, that is going to become a wedge and drive you apart.

The most common conflicts I've encountered, in no particular order are...
not paying bills on time...
not sharing in the upkeep/cleaning/shopping...
getting mad and saying things one later regrets...
not respecting each other's space and needed alone time...
jealousy...

I'm going into some details on the above here, most of this is just common sense, but it's sometimes handy to just lay it all out.

Money is a big one, we all get stressed when there are money concerns and having a partner who is unreliable with their share of the expenses makes life so much more stressful for the other. For many years I have operated with a separate account used for household expenses and we run the home like a business. Keeping books on every expense is not difficult and doesn't take a lot of time, but it greatly simplifies budgetting. It's easier when you have data from previous years to base it on, but add up the expected expenses fo the year, rent, utilities, food, whatever expenses are shared and write it down so that later there is no question about what's included; divide that total by 12 so you get a monthly expense. I prefer to put in extra each month so that those surprise expenses can be covered when they happen without anyone having to unexpectedly pull money out of nowhere, so add another 10-20% on there. Sometimes you have to adjust it when you're getting started, but it should settle with everyone paying in their share, all related expenses paid for out of that shared account, and the account should be increasing month after month. IMO, this saves a lot of headaches.

Who's job is it to scrub the toilet? It's yours! Same with the dishes, the floors, cabinets, carpets, all of it. Each of you is respinsible for it, own it, don't ignore it because "it's not my job" because it is your job, think of when the other person cleans as them choosing to help you instead of them doing their responsibilities and things will go smoother. If you didn't have them there, all this stuff would still need to happen, so just own it and make it happen.

You have to be willing to let go of the things that make you mad, people do and say stupid hateful shit sometimes, you do too, so if you want them to forgive you when you're a dumbass you have to do likewise and overlook it when they are. Talk about shit when you're calm instead of fighting. Own what you say and apologize when there's a conflict; long-term the only "winning" is maintaining the relationship so work with that in mind and let go of the day-to-day bullshit.

As for personal space, this probably doesn't need much explaining; we all need some time away from the other. I always treat bedrooms as private space, it's a sanctum. I don't ever go into someone else's sanctum without a clear invitation and I demand the same respect. It's our one escape from the world where we can retreat and just be, don't take that from someone.

Lastly jealousy.... This doesn't affect everyone, but whether there is any partner sharing or not, jealousy can crop up. Jealousy isn't a logical problem, it's based on insecurity. I've been on all sides of this and they all suck. Accept that your partners have thier own interests, if yours seeks another for affection (petting, play, or if you're sharing...sex) accept that they have their own will; that doesn't mean they don't care for you, just that sometimes they want to spend time with their other friend. If you're dealing with feelings of jealousy spend more time with your partner doing things they like and talk openly and calmly with your human partner. It isn't a competition, there's enough love to go around. The flipside is you have to understand that sometimes the other person will have feelings of jealousy and keep in mind that it's not really about you, it's about them feeling insecure. Help them feel comfortable and relaxed, talk about things and try to work past it.

 

[Wolfspirit]

I agree with these points.
Especially later in life, you might need help (both of you). Having someone you can rely on would be beneficial.
I would not mind having a zoo exclusive "best friend" who would be compatible with how I want to live as a room mate.
The problem with this hypothetical arrangement is that I can not love a human and the physical sexual stuff I can do with a human is very limited.
So basically nobody is compatible with this.
And when you are not blinded by love, it is very hard to share your living space with someone else unless you are extremely compatible with each other.

No no I was emphasizing asexual relationship, no human sex, no human intimacy. Just a best friend to live with, hugs and cuddles at most, 100% platonic. I wouldn't be posting this in the zoo exclusive section otherwise

 

[pes]

hugs and cuddles at mos

I would have a problem with that.
Usually I summarize this by "not enough fur or feathers".

 

[MashaSobaka]

This option does not work for those exclusive zoophiles who do not like human company.
However, this is not a problem, it is not necessary to live with anyone so that someone can supervise the dogs in case of possible trouble or illness, close friends are sufficient for this.

I don't have a human companion not only because I don't find the human body attractive, but because there are so many things I can only do alone or with my dogs. I need 100% freedom. In a shared house with a friend, it will never be 100%. It also bothers me if I can't fart really hard and loudly in the room. It's good that I live alone, so i can do this anytime.

 

[Wolfspirit]

I've seen relationships like you described (minus the zoo element) in the kink community. Couples are legally married and enjoy the legal benefits and outward appearance that goes along with that, but inside their dwelling it looks totally different.

A friend of mine is like this. She is a high-protocol master and her husband is her obedient sissy slave. She dictates everything about his life. Their intimacy is limited to him going down on her only when she instructs him to do so. She occasionally allows him relief if he asks/begs, and if she gives him permission he must kneel in the corner facing the wall and do this thing into a cup.

Their relationship is based on "service" and "obedience".

She also "owns" another, a bit younger man who also is obedient, though they're not intimate and he doesn't live with her. Mostly she instructs him to do things around her house, run errands and the like, etc. They do a lot of box-bondage, where she stores him in tiny containers for her amusement for long periods of time.

While not what you described, it's a good example of appearing "normal" to the outside world but having it be very different behind closed doors and having it work out well for everyone involved.

My friend and her husband have been married almost 20 years if I did the math in my head correctly, and her secondary slave has been hers for I think about 10 years or so.

In a sense, yes I guess that's sort of similar, but what I'm talking about wouldn't involve any sort of human relationship other than a strong non-intimate frienship, that's all.

The most common conflicts I've encountered, in no particular order are...
not paying bills on time...
not sharing in the upkeep/cleaning/shopping...
getting mad and saying things one later regrets...
not respecting each other's space and needed alone time...
jealousy...

I probably should edit my post to say "a friend who you know very well", but yah I agree with all those points, they are 100% valid and I have definitely had more than enough experience with shitty roommates to know that most people fail on at least one of those marks you mentioned.

As for jealousy and personal space though, if there's no human intimacy factor, that eliminates a ton of complications right there.

On the other paw, and something else I should've included, there's the nonhuman partner "sharing" element that may or may not be an agreed upon part of this arrangement. If it's not, then your friend is someone you should trust to honor that. If it is, then jealousy could become an issue especially with the human who doesn't have their own nonhuman partner, or recently lost theirs and is desperately seeking something to fill the gaping void inside.

 

[egoldstein]

In a sense, yes I guess that's sort of similar, but what I'm talking about wouldn't involve any sort of human relationship other than a strong non-intimate frienship, that's all.

I'm a zoo-exclusive, so no sex stuff. I might love them dearly, but we're not in love and there's no expectation of sex between humans.

As for jealousy and personal space though, if there's no human intimacy factor, that eliminates a ton of complications right there.

But it doesn't. When I was a young zoo, I experienced jealousy of a friend and my girl and when I got older, I had the reverse happen where a friend got jealous of me and his girl. I've also had jealousy pop up with a non-zoo over their canine companion where there wasn't any sex involving the companion, but his dog took a liking to me. Jealousy isn't a logical thing, it's simple insecurity and can be triggered even where there's no direct sexual interaction or even when there isn't any sharing.

As for personal space, that's always a problem because we all need time to ourselves and a place to escape from the other person from time to time.

On the other paw, and something else I should've included, there's the nonhuman partner "sharing" element that may or may not be an agreed upon part of this arrangement. If it's not, then your friend is someone you should trust to honor that. If it is, then jealousy could become an issue especially with the human who doesn't have their own nonhuman partner, or recently lost theirs and is desperately seeking something to fill the gaping void inside.

Communication is key!

 

[Wolfspirit]

Yah this kind of situation would probably work best for established best friends who already want to live together. But when it comes to financial and practical reasons for wanting a roommate, while not wanting to feel like a prisoner in ones own home, a zoo roommate to me still seems like the best way as long as it's someone trustworthy on a basic level.

 

[bingus905]

I think a zoo roommate dynamic is honestly the ideal situation. But yknow I havent seen many aces/aros in the zoo community! It's kind of surprising to me, but maybe they just dont choose to identify with the label. Idk man

 

[Wolfspirit]

I think a zoo roommate dynamic is honestly the ideal situation. But yknow I havent seen many aces/aros in the zoo community! It's kind of surprising to me, but maybe they just dont choose to identify with the label. Idk man

Well I just mean ace with human, basically zoo-exclusives. Plenty of those in the zoo community, myself included for the most part I guess.

 

[YanchaOkami]

What I experienced with "friends" out of the zoo community more than 20 years ago was, that there are often worse people to be found than those you would expect under your "non-zoo" friends - because exclusive zoo's rarely value humans high.

As such I would not want to allow a zoophile entry into my work spaces (which is most of my buildings) and neither unmaintained access to my animals.

Sure, the idea was there even almost 25 years ago at a time where such concepts would've been at least legally acceptable in this country. We meet & greet, had longer-term contacts to zoo's which called themself exclusives and some of them even lived in shared houses / flats, like you wrote.

But after a few months to years it ended in big drama, abusive (mostly financial / shared costs / stolen goods) or denunciating. Or theft / running / ghosting while keeping sometimes animals, sometimes money, things of value, but almost always there were open invoices which one partaking person wouldn't pay their share for - over months. That's abuse as well.

And I am quite happy to have experienced the problems without partaking directly. This can ruin good people and it's a shame, but it's reality.

As animal owner it's a con, as someone who set much work into his own homes it's a con, as someone who values to keep the own private data and activities private and not get doxxed it's a con, there are so much con's, it's unbelievable. Enviousness and hurt emotions quite quickly turned people against each other which were years under one roof.

If anyone want to try this out in reality.. I wish you best luck but would suggest you to think prior of ways to protect what you love and acquired. How - that's your work.

TL;DR: If it feels or imagines like a really nice dream comes true, it's often just a dream which will not come true but end quite fatally.

 

[Wolfspirit]

What I experienced with "friends" out of the zoo community more than 20 years ago was, that there are often worse people to be found than those you would expect under your "non-zoo" friends - because exclusive zoo's rarely value humans high.

As such I would not want to allow a zoophile entry into my work spaces (which is most of my buildings) and neither unmaintained access to my animals.

Sure, the idea was there even almost 25 years ago at a time where such concepts would've been at least legally acceptable in this country. We meet & greet, had longer-term contacts to zoo's which called themself exclusives and some of them even lived in shared houses / flats, like you wrote.

But after a few months to years it ended in big drama, abusive (mostly financial / shared costs / stolen goods) or denunciating. Or theft / running / ghosting while keeping sometimes animals, sometimes money, things of value, but almost always there were open invoices which one partaking person wouldn't pay their share for - over months. That's abuse as well.

And I am quite happy to have experienced the problems without partaking directly. This can ruin good people and it's a shame, but it's reality.

As animal owner it's a con, as someone who set much work into his own homes it's a con, as someone who values to keep the own private data and activities private and not get doxxed it's a con, there are so much con's, it's unbelievable. Enviousness and hurt emotions quite quickly turned people against each other which were years under one roof.

If anyone want to try this out in reality.. I wish you best luck but would suggest you to think prior of ways to protect what you love and acquired. How - that's your work.

TL;DR: If it feels or imagines like a really nice dream comes true, it's often just a dream which will not come true but end quite fatally.

Yah I agree with you on basically all points, which is why I finalized my thoughts on the matter earlier with this being something workable mainly between already-established best friends. I wouldn't want to risk my loved ones or my own well being with a stranger.

 

[MashaSobaka]

Yah I agree with you on basically all points, which is why I finalized my thoughts on the matter earlier with this being something workable mainly between already-established best friends. I wouldn't want to risk my loved ones or my own well being with a stranger.

The same thing happens with established best friends. I don't allow zoophiles or non-zoophiles near my dogs or my house. I aggressively defend everything, for good reason.

 

[egoldstein]

What I experienced with "friends" out of the zoo community more than 20 years ago was, that there are often worse people to be found than those you would expect under your "non-zoo" friends - because exclusive zoo's rarely value humans high.

I find there's some of that with the relatively unbalanced zoos who are still stuggling with themselves, but I think the larger percentage of us are relatively normal. I find that people who have a negative view of their fellow humans tend to be projecting their own internal unhappiness. I feel for them, but I consider it a red flag and unless the person is otherwise decent I don't tend to get close to them.

As such I would not want to allow a zoophile entry into my work spaces (which is most of my buildings) and neither unmaintained access to my animals.

I woulnd't trust any random person just because they're a zoo, but my will happens to have a list of names of people who I would be happy to have take care of my companions should something happen to me. My expectations are pretty high, everyone on the list has displayed a high level of responsibility for non-humans in their care, most of them happen to be zoos.

There's no shortage of undesireables in life, but there are also a lot of high quality people worthy of being trusted; you just have to put in the effort to sift the trash from the treasure. It's really not at all unlike picking a partner among the general populace; if you want a good one you have to be picky and pass over many until you find the one(s) that mesh well.

 

[YanchaOkami]

I find there's some of that with the relatively unbalanced zoos who are still stuggling with themselves, but I think the larger percentage of us are relatively normal. I find that people who have a negative view of their fellow humans tend to be projecting their own internal unhappiness.

Not everything in life has to be based on psychological behavior, my good @egoldstein . There are extroverts and introverts in each type of "love for" category of humans.

As an introvert staying around humans consumes my energy, no matter how casual it looks (employing and selecting fitting employees for your own company, teamwork and meeting business contacts establishes this relaxed normalcy, the energy still goes byebye, tho). They're lying most of the time without reasons or goals, anyway - from my experiences - which is highly visible.

I woulnd't trust any random person just because they're a zoo, but my will happens to have a list of names of people who I would be happy to have take care of my companions should something happen to me. My expectations are pretty high, everyone on the list has displayed a high level of responsibility for non-humans in their care, most of them happen to be zoos.

That's fine.

There's no shortage of undesireables in life, but there are also a lot of high quality people worthy of being trusted; you just have to put in the effort to sift the trash from the treasure. It's really not at all unlike picking a partner among the general populace; if you want a good one you have to be picky and pass over many until you find the one(s) that mesh well.

There are ways more animals which deserve and are worthy of being trusted, loved, cared for - than humans. One can choose to use the 24h per day fittingly, it's easy.

Nature's best enjoyed by yourself, your animal companions, music, maybe some snack and peace of mind.

 

[MashaSobaka]

I find that people who have a negative view of their fellow humans tend to be projecting their own internal unhappiness.

Or not.