kn0ttyboi
Citizen of Zooville
It's been just shy of a month since you left this world on a gloomy early November afternoon. I think back to the last time I saw you not realizing you were not feeling well as I awoke to get ready for the work day. I should have known something was wrong then when you did not want to eat your morning meal I just thought you were being stubborn as you sometimes can be. I regret not telling you that I love you before walking out the door that morning not knowing what was to come. I beat myself up every day since wishing I realized something was not right wishing I just choose to not go into work that morning. I know now that even if I had there was nothing I could have done even if I had rushed you to an emergency vet you would have most likely taken your last breath on a cold foreign operating table instead of your own home in your happy safe space. I cannot get the memories out of my head coming home that late afternoon, I will forever be scared remembering calling out your name to no response. My heart shattered into a billion pieces when we found you in your safe spot my mind always killing me with the thoughts that you were waiting for me to be home to feel like you were going to be okay. I wish I could repress those images from my mind really, erase all memories of that day. It's been almost a month since that day and it has never gotten any easier to carry on day to day without you here by my side wagging and cuddling up beside me, my world feels like it has entirely crashed around me and the pieces seem to be impossible to gather back up. I miss you so much I wish everyday there was something I could have done, some way I could have prevented this from happening and still have you for many more happy healthy years to come. I am having the hardest time accepting the reality I find myself in, though I know I must carry on without you the life and memories we got to have with each other in the short time you were on this earth will forever keep me going and the hope that when the day comes I take my last breath you will be there waiting for me wagging your tail happy to see me again.