Hey there folks.
I'm a guy in his late 20s who has recently broken up with his human partner of 2 years. I did this because I have recently realised how important my zoophilia is to me. My now ex is a non zoo, and sexually very "normal," including monogamy, and I simply couldn't bare to make him share me with animals. I truly loved this person, and still do as much as one could, but in the end, it just wasn't meant to be. I could never give him the life and relationship he deserves. We're on good terms and not talking for a while, but it hurts to know what wrong I've done by him.
You see, I believe I have always been a zoophile. From childhood, I experienced deep connections and almost a kinship with other animals. I longed to be in their presence, to know and bond with them. I spent a lot of time with the family dogs, and loved them more than anything. When I was young, though, my single parent and I moved to a different country where they thought the houses were too small to keep a dog, so I lost that daily connection I had with such animals.
As puberty hit, I was primarily attracted to animals. Horses were a big deal, but I also had strong attraction towards Elephants, Rhinos, Bears and Sheep. As I grew older, I began seeing dogs in a more sexual light, and in the rare times I got to interact with one, it would always take a liking to me, and I would always have to try not to get a boner or get too intimate, since people were watching.
Through my teens, I also found some attraction to humans, but it was usually a conscious effort to foster some sort of normal-ish sexuality, and I could only find attraction in other male humans, but they had to be fat. A gay chubby chaser, I tried to be, and tried to suppress my zoophilic urges, but they never went away. Every time I see certain species, I have to check them out, the same way humans do with those they find attractive. When I masturbate, I'm always thinking of one animal or another.
I haven't had pets other than cats, which I'm not really interested in sexually, although I have had some interesting petting sessions with them, and I do care for them very deeply. I've had very limited experiences with other animals, which have always been a joy, except for the lack of privacy, meaning each encounter has been a minute long at most, but I have enjoyed those moments so much more than most human sex I've had.
And yes, I have experimented plenty with humans. The most enjoyable was when I found an older chub who let me worship and fist his ass on a regular basis, but not many humans are like that, and even fewer would be zoo-tolerant. Vanilla human sex just doesn't do it for me, and to be honest, humans in general just aren't that attractive, and I'm not sure I can really attach romantically. And if I can, I certainly can't give a "normal" person the sex life they want and deserve, and there's no way I'm outing myself to anyone who I don't know to be zoo, so this limits my options.
Still, though, I had to try and see if I could form a proper relationship with a human. That's what this relationship I just had was. I feel so damn guilty over it - I took this guy on this two year rollercoaster, feeling in my gut the whole time that it wasn't meant to be. And yet I still continued the I love yous (which weren't a lie), the planning of a future, the meeting of family and just... I think, if I'm deeply honest with myself, I lead this person on. I was completely selfish to do this. It *was* an experiment to see if I could live in the closet, and I feel like I *used* this person, who came to truly love me for everything else that I am. I have been so, so cruel to do this, and I never want to do it again.
I am working on forgiving myself, but I want to ask my elders... Have any of you guys done anything like this? How did you process it all and move forward?
Also, speaking of moving forward, I do have zooey lifestyle goals now. First thing I want is to get a dog, but I have limitations that prevent me from being the perfect owner I want to be. I live alone, and work a full time job. Sometimes, I work weekends. Sometimes, I'm gone for 12 hours. In rare cases, I can be working for 14 hours. Naturally, I feel uneasy about leaving a dog alone for even a normal 8 hour work day where I'm out for 9 hours. And those longer days, rare as they are... I would hate to put a dog through that. What's more, I live in an apartment, so there's no yard or garden to go in. I do have a walk in shower that could be a toilet while I'm gone, but I still feel bad confining the poor thing alone.
Some have told me, however, that some dogs can be fine with this long term separation, and so if anyone has any wisdom to share on this subject, please help me. I do want a dog, and would have absolute love and devotion for him or her, so I really want to believe I can find a dog who is right for my situation, but I also don't want to be selfish, to kid myself into thinking it's fine when it's not, and subject a poor dog to years of separation anxiety, boredom, or even depression. So, I really want to hear and consider all sides to this, and know what my zoo elders believe would be a good solution here.
In case I haven't been clear, I'm not a simple beast fetishist. I truly care for animals, and any sexual contact is done respectfully. Consensually. I believe animals can consent and object. I do believe I can read the difference between an animal that is enjoying something vs an animal which is simply letting something happen, and love to see that they are enjoying themselves! I would never want to cause physical or mental trauma to an animal partner. In short, I consider myself ethical, caring, and an authentic zoophile, just not with much experience.
Ideally, I do not want to live alone with my animals. I want a human life companion. Someone I can be close with, like a best friend, and who knows, maybe even raise a human child! But I don't want the pressure or a sexual relationship with that companion. I would rather they have a sex life of their own, and know that they're perfectly content with me having mine. Everything else would be pretty close to a normal couple I guess. Shared life, adventures, vacations etc. Familial love, but not romantic. I'd like to work, with such a person, towards a dream I have that I hope they would be open to - a hobby farm! Just have a nice cottage and some land where we can keep a collective of animal companions. Sheep, horses, dogs, and cows would be great, but who knows. Would anyone in the UK want to try this with me? Start out talking and see if there's compatibility? If not, would anyone have any tips on how to build my life around being zoo? Maybe if anyone knows how to do a farm like this on the cheap? I'm just one guy, and while I take care of myself financially just fine, saving for such a dream would be slow.
I know I'm asking a lot here. Don't anybody feel like they have to help me with the whole shabang - I just honestly haven't ever spoken to anyone seriously about being zoo, how to know if you're zoo exclusive and how to build an authentic life where the privacy is perfect and the secret is safe. So answer whatever "chunk" you feel happy to address.
If anyone in the UK knows how to access horses, cattle or sheep with reasonable privacy, for cheap or free, that doesn't involve being sneaky, your insight would be a godsend.
Thank you to all who read, and to all who may take the time to impart some wisdom on me. Questions are welcome too!
I also have telegram, if anyone wants to chat there. Just PM me here for my handle.
Much love
Edit: Or not... According to the only person to reply, the way I phrased something places me in a bad category, and since it's been framed as "revealing my true colours," rather than just being stupid and awkward and not being perfect with my words, I guess there's no coming back from that. So... Eh. Maybe I was foolish to post anything so personal here.
I'm a guy in his late 20s who has recently broken up with his human partner of 2 years. I did this because I have recently realised how important my zoophilia is to me. My now ex is a non zoo, and sexually very "normal," including monogamy, and I simply couldn't bare to make him share me with animals. I truly loved this person, and still do as much as one could, but in the end, it just wasn't meant to be. I could never give him the life and relationship he deserves. We're on good terms and not talking for a while, but it hurts to know what wrong I've done by him.
You see, I believe I have always been a zoophile. From childhood, I experienced deep connections and almost a kinship with other animals. I longed to be in their presence, to know and bond with them. I spent a lot of time with the family dogs, and loved them more than anything. When I was young, though, my single parent and I moved to a different country where they thought the houses were too small to keep a dog, so I lost that daily connection I had with such animals.
As puberty hit, I was primarily attracted to animals. Horses were a big deal, but I also had strong attraction towards Elephants, Rhinos, Bears and Sheep. As I grew older, I began seeing dogs in a more sexual light, and in the rare times I got to interact with one, it would always take a liking to me, and I would always have to try not to get a boner or get too intimate, since people were watching.
Through my teens, I also found some attraction to humans, but it was usually a conscious effort to foster some sort of normal-ish sexuality, and I could only find attraction in other male humans, but they had to be fat. A gay chubby chaser, I tried to be, and tried to suppress my zoophilic urges, but they never went away. Every time I see certain species, I have to check them out, the same way humans do with those they find attractive. When I masturbate, I'm always thinking of one animal or another.
I haven't had pets other than cats, which I'm not really interested in sexually, although I have had some interesting petting sessions with them, and I do care for them very deeply. I've had very limited experiences with other animals, which have always been a joy, except for the lack of privacy, meaning each encounter has been a minute long at most, but I have enjoyed those moments so much more than most human sex I've had.
And yes, I have experimented plenty with humans. The most enjoyable was when I found an older chub who let me worship and fist his ass on a regular basis, but not many humans are like that, and even fewer would be zoo-tolerant. Vanilla human sex just doesn't do it for me, and to be honest, humans in general just aren't that attractive, and I'm not sure I can really attach romantically. And if I can, I certainly can't give a "normal" person the sex life they want and deserve, and there's no way I'm outing myself to anyone who I don't know to be zoo, so this limits my options.
Still, though, I had to try and see if I could form a proper relationship with a human. That's what this relationship I just had was. I feel so damn guilty over it - I took this guy on this two year rollercoaster, feeling in my gut the whole time that it wasn't meant to be. And yet I still continued the I love yous (which weren't a lie), the planning of a future, the meeting of family and just... I think, if I'm deeply honest with myself, I lead this person on. I was completely selfish to do this. It *was* an experiment to see if I could live in the closet, and I feel like I *used* this person, who came to truly love me for everything else that I am. I have been so, so cruel to do this, and I never want to do it again.
I am working on forgiving myself, but I want to ask my elders... Have any of you guys done anything like this? How did you process it all and move forward?
Also, speaking of moving forward, I do have zooey lifestyle goals now. First thing I want is to get a dog, but I have limitations that prevent me from being the perfect owner I want to be. I live alone, and work a full time job. Sometimes, I work weekends. Sometimes, I'm gone for 12 hours. In rare cases, I can be working for 14 hours. Naturally, I feel uneasy about leaving a dog alone for even a normal 8 hour work day where I'm out for 9 hours. And those longer days, rare as they are... I would hate to put a dog through that. What's more, I live in an apartment, so there's no yard or garden to go in. I do have a walk in shower that could be a toilet while I'm gone, but I still feel bad confining the poor thing alone.
Some have told me, however, that some dogs can be fine with this long term separation, and so if anyone has any wisdom to share on this subject, please help me. I do want a dog, and would have absolute love and devotion for him or her, so I really want to believe I can find a dog who is right for my situation, but I also don't want to be selfish, to kid myself into thinking it's fine when it's not, and subject a poor dog to years of separation anxiety, boredom, or even depression. So, I really want to hear and consider all sides to this, and know what my zoo elders believe would be a good solution here.
In case I haven't been clear, I'm not a simple beast fetishist. I truly care for animals, and any sexual contact is done respectfully. Consensually. I believe animals can consent and object. I do believe I can read the difference between an animal that is enjoying something vs an animal which is simply letting something happen, and love to see that they are enjoying themselves! I would never want to cause physical or mental trauma to an animal partner. In short, I consider myself ethical, caring, and an authentic zoophile, just not with much experience.
Ideally, I do not want to live alone with my animals. I want a human life companion. Someone I can be close with, like a best friend, and who knows, maybe even raise a human child! But I don't want the pressure or a sexual relationship with that companion. I would rather they have a sex life of their own, and know that they're perfectly content with me having mine. Everything else would be pretty close to a normal couple I guess. Shared life, adventures, vacations etc. Familial love, but not romantic. I'd like to work, with such a person, towards a dream I have that I hope they would be open to - a hobby farm! Just have a nice cottage and some land where we can keep a collective of animal companions. Sheep, horses, dogs, and cows would be great, but who knows. Would anyone in the UK want to try this with me? Start out talking and see if there's compatibility? If not, would anyone have any tips on how to build my life around being zoo? Maybe if anyone knows how to do a farm like this on the cheap? I'm just one guy, and while I take care of myself financially just fine, saving for such a dream would be slow.
I know I'm asking a lot here. Don't anybody feel like they have to help me with the whole shabang - I just honestly haven't ever spoken to anyone seriously about being zoo, how to know if you're zoo exclusive and how to build an authentic life where the privacy is perfect and the secret is safe. So answer whatever "chunk" you feel happy to address.
If anyone in the UK knows how to access horses, cattle or sheep with reasonable privacy, for cheap or free, that doesn't involve being sneaky, your insight would be a godsend.
Thank you to all who read, and to all who may take the time to impart some wisdom on me. Questions are welcome too!
I also have telegram, if anyone wants to chat there. Just PM me here for my handle.
Much love
Edit: Or not... According to the only person to reply, the way I phrased something places me in a bad category, and since it's been framed as "revealing my true colours," rather than just being stupid and awkward and not being perfect with my words, I guess there's no coming back from that. So... Eh. Maybe I was foolish to post anything so personal here.
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