B
BlueBeard
Guest
Okay. Who's been here: You confided in a close, trusted friend that you're zoo. But they didn't respond with much. That's not quite what you expected, but now while you're second-guessing everything, you can't not even sure what it was you stood to gain from doing letting the cat out of the bag anymore. Why did you need them to know? No way to take it back, but it's killing you not to know where you stand in their eyes now.
Silence is agony.
As I was thinking about that this morning, I thought wait a minute, no no no... just a second.... silence doesn't necessarily mean you blew it. You did what you had to do. No one could talk you out of it, not even you. So now let the other person process it, do what they have to do.
I remembered when someone announced their interest to me, and ... I was silent. Take into account I've been zoo since I was born, seems like, rooted deep within me from before I was sexual, just curious about "bits."
Despite that, when a college friend of mine, taking advantage of a private conversation in my room where others couldn't hear, blurted out to me how he just couldn't help himself around dog cock, I was silent.
He had a big old dog at home, with a massive cock and balls he said, and he just loved to jack that dog off, even suck it. Came to him one day he just had to try it and he did. Dog liked it, so it became a regular thing. Described size, taste, sensation. What sucking it was like.
I was confused about what to do. He and I had never talked about sexual matters before (except how some high school girls he knew gave great blowjobs, but I was definitely not interested in that conversation, since I was a student teacher).
For this dog stuff, thoughts were swirling through my head. I was definitely glued to my seat, totally interested. But I was also alarmed that he so suddenly, out of the blue, he announced this to me. I wondered about *why* he was telling me. Trying to get a reaction? Wanting to know if it shocked me? Was it even true? Or was he setting me up, giving me opportunity to confess I did, too, before jumping back and saying, "Holy shit! I was just *kidding*! But you really do????"
I was going to be a teacher. Something like this gets out? I'd be ruined. So I went "poker face." I just listened, mostly. I remember asking him how the dog responded, like... did it "let" him or struggle to get away? Did it come to him for it after that, or did he have to initiate it? Each question, as I recall this scene, came out of me as if I was just trying to think of something to say. I can't remember if I said it was interesting or cool or not. I do remember I was tight-lipped. I confessed nothing, or nothing more than might be inferred from my pretended calm and the nature of my questions, trying to ask what I thought a "non zoo" might ask. And it was over too soon. I *wanted* him to keep talking. But he ended it, thinking it was going nowhere, I guess.
He transferred that semester and we never got a chance to hang out again, never since that time. But it left a lasting impression. It was the moment that I decided next time this happens, I will pick up the other end of the line and join the discussion. And if he and I were ever to get together again, I'd want to pick that up with him, ask how that evolved or didn't afterward, share about me.
If you get silence in response when you confide in a friend, it may be you, too, have just given someone the same "turn point" in his zoo life. He may himself open up to others after that.
Those of you who've been on either side of a conversation like this, what happened in your case?
Silence is agony.
As I was thinking about that this morning, I thought wait a minute, no no no... just a second.... silence doesn't necessarily mean you blew it. You did what you had to do. No one could talk you out of it, not even you. So now let the other person process it, do what they have to do.
I remembered when someone announced their interest to me, and ... I was silent. Take into account I've been zoo since I was born, seems like, rooted deep within me from before I was sexual, just curious about "bits."
Despite that, when a college friend of mine, taking advantage of a private conversation in my room where others couldn't hear, blurted out to me how he just couldn't help himself around dog cock, I was silent.
He had a big old dog at home, with a massive cock and balls he said, and he just loved to jack that dog off, even suck it. Came to him one day he just had to try it and he did. Dog liked it, so it became a regular thing. Described size, taste, sensation. What sucking it was like.
I was confused about what to do. He and I had never talked about sexual matters before (except how some high school girls he knew gave great blowjobs, but I was definitely not interested in that conversation, since I was a student teacher).
For this dog stuff, thoughts were swirling through my head. I was definitely glued to my seat, totally interested. But I was also alarmed that he so suddenly, out of the blue, he announced this to me. I wondered about *why* he was telling me. Trying to get a reaction? Wanting to know if it shocked me? Was it even true? Or was he setting me up, giving me opportunity to confess I did, too, before jumping back and saying, "Holy shit! I was just *kidding*! But you really do????"
I was going to be a teacher. Something like this gets out? I'd be ruined. So I went "poker face." I just listened, mostly. I remember asking him how the dog responded, like... did it "let" him or struggle to get away? Did it come to him for it after that, or did he have to initiate it? Each question, as I recall this scene, came out of me as if I was just trying to think of something to say. I can't remember if I said it was interesting or cool or not. I do remember I was tight-lipped. I confessed nothing, or nothing more than might be inferred from my pretended calm and the nature of my questions, trying to ask what I thought a "non zoo" might ask. And it was over too soon. I *wanted* him to keep talking. But he ended it, thinking it was going nowhere, I guess.
He transferred that semester and we never got a chance to hang out again, never since that time. But it left a lasting impression. It was the moment that I decided next time this happens, I will pick up the other end of the line and join the discussion. And if he and I were ever to get together again, I'd want to pick that up with him, ask how that evolved or didn't afterward, share about me.
If you get silence in response when you confide in a friend, it may be you, too, have just given someone the same "turn point" in his zoo life. He may himself open up to others after that.
Those of you who've been on either side of a conversation like this, what happened in your case?