Struggling with guilt

S

stolendance

Tourist
I know there’s a lot of posts about guilt already, but I kind of wanted to ask about my situation as I’m struggling. Sorry if this isn’t the right place for it.
I’m an 18 year old male, living at home with our 3 family dogs. One of these dogs took a liking to me a while ago, and I let her hump my hand/arm. She loved it but afterward I felt like such a disgusting human. For a few reasons, like that she’s the family dog, I hate keeping secrets, and I feel like I’m letting everyone down. So I didn’t dare to do anything again after that, until today. I was in my room and she wandered in. She sat on my lap, pressed against me in the right way, and it pushed me a little. I stroked her belly and then tested the waters and stroked her pussy a little bit. She immediately responded and started desperately humping me again, just like last time. I feel even worse now because I feel like I coerced her? I don’t know, I might be over exaggerating because of feeling guilty. I’d never hurt her, or force her to do anything. But I still feel terrible. Please, any advice or insight would be great! :(
 
I think a good place to start would be giving your friend her agency back. In two-legger sociality, some might say you coerced her. In the real world where two organisms are spending time together, you made an offer and your friend communicated that it was favorable and took you up on it. It's important to realize that human sociality is not the Actual World. Human sociality doesn't mean shit on the moon or when you're dying of heat stroke on the Gobi desert. Humans have this very solipsistic view that they are the only organisms with adult desires and needs, and I think a lot of anti sentiment stems from the idea that humans are somehow exceptional or that human objectives are more important than everyone else's. Step outside the pseudoimaginary world two-leggers mistake for reality and look again. You are an organism trying to live your life in the least unpleasant way possible, and so is she. The actions she chooses to take communicate pretty clearly what she finds pleasant. You gave that to her, and while you may (or may not) owe some guilt or shame to the other humans in your sphere, it sounds like you owe none to her.

Edit: I should clarify that I don't mean "do it more and don't worry about it". You are human and human social concerns are something you should weigh in deciding whether to continue with your friend or just stay friends without benefits. Neither I nor anyone here is really qualified to make that decision for you. I just mean that you have permission to not feel guilty to her specifically, and since this occurred in private between you and her, she is the only one you owe a duty of care to and you seem to have met that duty.

If you feel it most prudent to not continue, remember that many intimate friendships do not have a sexual element and are still entirely rewarding and supportive. This is possible regardless of the number of legs your friend has.
 
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Uppies said:
I think a good place to start would be giving your friend her agency back. In two-legger sociality, some might say you coerced her. In the real world where two organisms are spending time together, you made an offer and your friend communicated that it was favorable and took you up on it. It's important to realize that human sociality is not the Actual World. Human sociality doesn't mean shit on the moon or when you're dying of heat stroke on the Gobi desert. Humans have this very solipsistic view that they are the only organisms with adult desires and needs, and I think a lot of anti sentiment stems from the idea that humans are somehow exceptional or that human objectives are more important than everyone else's. Step outside the pseudoimaginary world two-leggers mistake for reality and look again. You are an organism trying to live your life in the least unpleasant way possible, and so is she. The actions she chooses to take communicate pretty clearly what she finds pleasant. You gave that to her, and while you may (or may not) owe some guilt or shame to the other humans in your sphere, it sounds like you owe none to her.
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Thank you for the way you worded this, I really appreciate it :,)
 
Did you ever give her scratches? Like the spot just before her tail that dogs love to be scratched? Did she like it? Most likely the answer is yes. You did something and she enjoyed it thats all that matters. Just because people don't like it doesn't mean its wrong. If a bunch of people decide its wrong to scratch that spot doesn't mean they are right. The "normal" people are the ones who have it wrong, they see pleasuring your girl as messed up. However the same people think chaining a dog up to a tree and living its whole life in a 10 foot circle is perfectly fine. Don't let those people tell you how how to feel about your dog.
 
beast2732 said:
Did you ever give her scratches? Like the spot just before her tail that dogs love to be scratched? Did she like it? Most likely the answer is yes. You did something and she enjoyed it thats all that matters. Just because people don't like it doesn't mean its wrong. If a bunch of people decide its wrong to scratch that spot doesn't mean they are right. The "normal" people are the ones who have it wrong, they see pleasuring your girl as messed up. However the same people think chaining a dog up to a tree and living its whole life in a 10 foot circle is perfectly fine. Don't let those people tell you how how to feel about your dog.
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Thank you for this :,)
 
not much to say, it's ultimately your battle to fight. feeling guilty about my attractions and/or acting upon them is a foreign concept to me. i strive to pleasure them not myself so there is no doubt in my mind if whatever we did was "wrong".

btw, how do you see whatever happened as coercion if she approached you? maybe not with a direct intent of doing anything sexual, but still, you did leave enough space for her to say no and disengage, did you not?
 
nekdoneco123 said:
not much to say, it's ultimately your battle to fight. feeling guilty about my attractions and/or acting upon them is a foreign concept to me. i strive to pleasure them not myself so there is no doubt in my mind if whatever we did was "wrong".

btw, how do you see whatever happened as coercion if she approached you? maybe not with a direct intent of doing anything sexual, but still, you did leave enough space for her to say no and disengage, did you not?
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Yeah, I would never have persisted or forced her to do anything. I guess your mind kind of pushes you to think the worst when you feel ashamed, I dunno
 
stolendance said:
Yeah, I would never have persisted or forced her to do anything. I guess your mind kind of pushes you to think the worst when you feel ashamed, I dunno
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It really does, and these days it feels like there is so much pressure to feel ashamed of even the smallest deviation from social norms. Shame has its place, but save it for when you truly violate someone's boundaries. Your dog's position on the topic is quite clear, and if what you've said is true, then it's safe to assume you haven't yet overstepped her boundaries.I wouldn't be surprised if she were ecstatic that someone Sees her for possibly the first time in her life. That in itself is a pretty big gift for an individual used to being treated like a dim child by the most important people in her life.
 
Uppies said:
It really does, and these days it feels like there is so much pressure to feel ashamed of even the smallest deviation from social norms. Shame has its place, but save it for when you truly violate someone's boundaries. Your dog's position on the topic is quite clear, and if what you've said is true, then it's safe to assume you haven't yet overstepped her boundaries.I wouldn't be surprised if she were ecstatic that someone Sees her for possibly the first time in her life. That in itself is a pretty big gift for an individual used to being treated like a dim child by the most important people in her life.
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I get what you’re saying, I never would’ve thought of it like that. I love all our dogs, course I do, I would never push them or harm them. Thank you so much :,)
 
stolendance said:
Yeah, I would never have persisted or forced her to do anything. I guess your mind kind of pushes you to think the worst when you feel ashamed, I dunno
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I don't think you should feel guilt, while that's easier said than done. What you need to focus on is the fact that she keeps coming to you and she comes to you because she sees something in you; if she didn't want your company and attention she would be avoident. It's new territory for both you and her so always be open to that and take things slow, see what she feels to you and when taking it slow you will soon start to also feel that same bonded connection she is trying to express with you. Just never force something. The enjoyment you both will feel and the experience of being with one another should eliminate any guilt. It's mutual and a wonderful thing.
 
WildWoofer said:
I don't think you should feel guilt, while that's easier said than done. What you need to focus on is the fact that she keeps coming to you and she comes to you because she sees something in you; if she didn't want your company and attention she would be avoident. It's new territory for both you and her so always be open to that and take things slow, see what she feels to you and when taking it slow you will soon start to also feel that same bonded connection she is trying to express with you. Just never force something. The enjoyment you both will feel and the experience of being with one another should eliminate any guilt. It's mutual and a wonderful thing.
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I’m not sure how to like posts but I really appreciate your help, thank you :,)
 
You're not alone. Weve all at one time or another been exactly where you are. Feeling exactly what youve felt. Thankfully, were all here to tell you
Give dogs love and they will love you back. And that exchange looks different for us all.
 
BitchPussyislife said:
You're not alone. Weve all at one time or another been exactly where you are. Feeling exactly what youve felt. Thankfully, were all here to tell you
Give dogs love and they will love you back. And that exchange looks different for us all.
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Thank you :,) I’ve been struggling a little today too. She’s been coming to me to help her out a few times since and I’ve obliged, but now I just feel guilty again. Will she understand if I don’t want to continue doing this? I don’t know if that makes sense but I’m worried about stopping it and hurting her?
 
stolendance said:
I know there’s a lot of posts about guilt already, but I kind of wanted to ask about my situation as I’m struggling. Sorry if this isn’t the right place for it.
I’m an 18 year old male, living at home with our 3 family dogs. One of these dogs took a liking to me a while ago, and I let her hump my hand/arm. She loved it but afterward I felt like such a disgusting human. For a few reasons, like that she’s the family dog, I hate keeping secrets, and I feel like I’m letting everyone down. So I didn’t dare to do anything again after that, until today. I was in my room and she wandered in. She sat on my lap, pressed against me in the right way, and it pushed me a little. I stroked her belly and then tested the waters and stroked her pussy a little bit. She immediately responded and started desperately humping me again, just like last time. I feel even worse now because I feel like I coerced her? I don’t know, I might be over exaggerating because of feeling guilty. I’d never hurt her, or force her to do anything. But I still feel terrible. Please, any advice or insight would be great! :(
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Sorry to hear that. But please know that you can pleasure her in other ways. Love your dog!!
 
BitchPussyislife said:
she think its pleasing to you. I believe thats why she initiates it. She wants to bond and please you...
So just follow your heart ONLY you can answer if its right for her because yo know her. When unsure its best to do nothing.
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I personally think it's simpler than that, it feels good, so she's interested in feeling good and is hoping OP might help her out with that.
I've seen bitches use bedding, furniture, other dogs, other animals, etc to get some stimulation.

That said it's important for us to use good judgement to reduce the risk of harm, to not shape bad behaviors which will get them in trouble, and to keep the dog's benefit in mind while we're trying to get some benefit ourselves. I don't see anything wrong with two organisms using one another for mutual pleasure so long as neither is harmed.

@stolendance , I think @Uppies has given you some of the best advice. I'd add that you should probably pick a particular space to only engage with her at so that she doesn't learn to ask for it with others or in their presence and end up getting punished for it. You need to make sure you're not harming her, but otherwise what the two of you decide to do together for mutual enjoyment isn't really anyhting to feel guilty of. I see no reason for shame in wanting to feel good, in wanting another to feel good, or in both of you making each other feel good. That she isn't "your dog" is potentially problematic, but I think so long as there's no harm and you aren't teaching her things that will get her in trouble (i.e. she doesn't learn to start grabbing legs and riding, which is almost certainly unwanted by others in the household) there's not a lot of ethical problems I see there and not much reason for guilt.
 
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Dogs like humans can and will give consent when they want something. Your bitch has decided that you are the one to give her relief when she WANTS it. She has come to you. Not the other way around. Your bitch wanted to be with you and for you to arouse her. If she did not want it (sex) she would have left. Bitches that don't want sex with other dogs will just sit down.

If she comes around for more simulation she will have chosen you. It is now up to you if you want for the "fun" stuff to continue, then you must give her consent.

No need for guilt, unless you feel ashamed of the event. Me, I would feel lucky that the bitch had chosen me. But I'm a zoo.
 
Uppies said:
I think a good place to start would be giving your friend her agency back. In two-legger sociality, some might say you coerced her. In the real world where two organisms are spending time together, you made an offer and your friend communicated that it was favorable and took you up on it. It's important to realize that human sociality is not the Actual World. Human sociality doesn't mean shit on the moon or when you're dying of heat stroke on the Gobi desert. Humans have this very solipsistic view that they are the only organisms with adult desires and needs, and I think a lot of anti sentiment stems from the idea that humans are somehow exceptional or that human objectives are more important than everyone else's. Step outside the pseudoimaginary world two-leggers mistake for reality and look again. You are an organism trying to live your life in the least unpleasant way possible, and so is she. The actions she chooses to take communicate pretty clearly what she finds pleasant. You gave that to her, and while you may (or may not) owe some guilt or shame to the other humans in your sphere, it sounds like you owe none to her.

Edit: I should clarify that I don't mean "do it more and don't worry about it". You are human and human social concerns are something you should weigh in deciding whether to continue with your friend or just stay friends without benefits. Neither I nor anyone here is really qualified to make that decision for you. I just mean that you have permission to not feel guilty to her specifically, and since this occurred in private between you and her, she is the only one you owe a duty of care to and you seem to have met that duty.

If you feel it most prudent to not continue, remember that many intimate friendships do not have a sexual element and are still entirely rewarding and supportive. This is possible regardless of the number of legs your friend has.
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Well put. Once you start to understand that animals are very emotionally complex just like us, have different modes of communication, and that you as a person have so many biases (humans are intrinsicly narcissistic thinking that we're the most important species on the planet), it becomes much much easier in being able to communicate with animals.

For example, I'm taking care of my parents and they have 2 dogs. I'm not really attracted sexually to them, but they're much friendlier to me than my parents because I know that they're looking for moments of genuine gentleness. they've had these dogs for years before I got to meet them, but they approach me, jump on the bed to wake me up, and even smile. Learning how to communicate is incredibly important, and she humped your hand because she felt something, and most importantly she approached you. The guilt is a social and religions byproduct only experienced by us.
 
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