so hard to cope...

nekdoneco123

nekdoneco123

Esteemed Citizen of ZV
guess it took a very emotional trauma for me to try to open up to like-minded people to see what they might think... my english isn't the best and i'm not even sure i'm in the right section so i apologize for both in advance

3 days ago my boy (my profile pic) died. he twisted his stomach and got deemed too old to try to save with surgery when rushed to the vet. the only option was to not prolong his suffering.
my world shattered that evening... it lost color. all i do these past days is either trying not to cry or crying thinking about him. i almost don't eat, he's not there to share with. i have trouble falling asleep, he's not there to cuddle with. no matter the temperature, he'd lay with me every single night.
the only one at least partially keeping me from drowning in sorrow is my girl. i try to interact with her like nothing happened, but she took the sudden shift from pack dog to solo dog pretty badly, lost the same spark as me. i'm also pretty sure she can sense how distressed i am through my act.

i thought it'll get at least a little better when i return to work on monday. it got even worse... i work in a factory, so my job is a thing a monkey could do and thus there's lots of empty time just thinking about him not being there anymore. and of course a coworker immediately noticed i looked depressed, asked why, i answered and worse turned to worst... the assortment of "it's just a dog" and "get over it" type of answers did hurt, but the most hurtful was the one from this self-proclaimed-dog-person-lady who went "did you choose a new dog yet?" i think they actually ment well, it's just i believe noone besides zoos will ever see dogs as anything more than at best pets at worst an alarm that runs on kibble.

the only really helpful people were my best friend and his girlfriend. the friend was the one who looked up available vets (it was almost 8 in the evening) when i was just sitting there beside my boy having a panic attack, not knowing what to do. the girlfriend was the one who drove me there and provided consoling in the first seconds of my realization it's all over and i collapsed in her car. later, they helped me bury him while my girl just stood there not really knowing what are we doing and a few times tried to unwrap him from the blanket i put him in.

right now i'm still not sure what to do with myself. all i can do is try to keep my girl on her regular schedule even though she isn't that much into walks. the boy, in his 14 years of age, was the one springing up like a puppy whenever i asked "someone wants to go for a walk?" and she just followed... she's also very independent, sleeps just outside of cuddling range of the bed most of the time and doesn't really care about my food, usually just tries a bite as if she's tasting it for me and the boy and then goes about her business. i think she sees herself as more of a guardian than a companion/lover... outside of heat at least. and that's now the incredibly sad part, the boy only had eyes for me even when she was in heat. i never had to split them up when i was going to work.
maybe, if i ever get my shit together. i'll rescue another dog. that's what the boy originaly was, a 10 years old starved-out mess of a dog noone wanted. he gave me a chance to show him what love is, that all humans aren't dicks and the next 4 years were fucking worth it...

so, my fellow people afflicted by the same short lifespan unfairness, how did you cope with your lover's departure? i sure could use a pointer. and to all you who didn't have to go through this yet: go hug your boys and girls for me, please. there's never enough time....
 
first off i'm so sorry for your lost i know how hard it can be to loose someone you love with all of your heart but the most important thing is to look at all the happy times y'all had together and focus on that. its going to hurt but you will eventually get better you have your girl with you and what sounds like a strong friendship. Try and put more of your energy into your girl because she is most likely hurting to and y'all need each other even if she isn't wanting to cuddle she still needs you. just know you have people here who have gone through the same thing and can help be their for you.
 
Only the passage of time will heal the pain. Always remember the happiness that you gave him here on Earth. He is in a better place. I believe in the afterlife and in reincarnation. The two of you had a lot of good times and had a lot of joy and that is what counts the most. One day, when you least expect it, you will find another soul who needs joy in their life and you will share happiness with them. It is okay to hurt and to cry; we all mourn. Those outsiders don't get it, but we do. We understand.
 
nekdoneco123 said:
guess it took a very emotional trauma for me to try to open up to like-minded people to see what they might think... my english isn't the best and i'm not even sure i'm in the right section so i apologize for both in advance

3 days ago my boy (my profile pic) died. he twisted his stomach and got deemed too old to try to save with surgery when rushed to the vet. the only option was to not prolong his suffering.
my world shattered that evening... it lost color. all i do these past days is either trying not to cry or crying thinking about him. i almost don't eat, he's not there to share with. i have trouble falling asleep, he's not there to cuddle with. no matter the temperature, he'd lay with me every single night.
the only one at least partially keeping me from drowning in sorrow is my girl. i try to interact with her like nothing happened, but she took the sudden shift from pack dog to solo dog pretty badly, lost the same spark as me. i'm also pretty sure she can sense how distressed i am through my act.

i thought it'll get at least a little better when i return to work on monday. it got even worse... i work in a factory, so my job is a thing a monkey could do and thus there's lots of empty time just thinking about him not being there anymore. and of course a coworker immediately noticed i looked depressed, asked why, i answered and worse turned to worst... the assortment of "it's just a dog" and "get over it" type of answers did hurt, but the most hurtful was the one from this self-proclaimed-dog-person-lady who went "did you choose a new dog yet?" i think they actually ment well, it's just i believe noone besides zoos will ever see dogs as anything more than at best pets at worst an alarm that runs on kibble.

the only really helpful people were my best friend and his girlfriend. the friend was the one who looked up available vets (it was almost 8 in the evening) when i was just sitting there beside my boy having a panic attack, not knowing what to do. the girlfriend was the one who drove me there and provided consoling in the first seconds of my realization it's all over and i collapsed in her car. later, they helped me bury him while my girl just stood there not really knowing what are we doing and a few times tried to unwrap him from the blanket i put him in.

right now i'm still not sure what to do with myself. all i can do is try to keep my girl on her regular schedule even though she isn't that much into walks. the boy, in his 14 years of age, was the one springing up like a puppy whenever i asked "someone wants to go for a walk?" and she just followed... she's also very independent, sleeps just outside of cuddling range of the bed most of the time and doesn't really care about my food, usually just tries a bite as if she's tasting it for me and the boy and then goes about her business. i think she sees herself as more of a guardian than a companion/lover... outside of heat at least. and that's now the incredibly sad part, the boy only had eyes for me even when she was in heat. i never had to split them up when i was going to work.
maybe, if i ever get my shit together. i'll rescue another dog. that's what the boy originaly was, a 10 years old starved-out mess of a dog noone wanted. he gave me a chance to show him what love is, that all humans aren't dicks and the next 4 years were fucking worth it...

so, my fellow people afflicted by the same short lifespan unfairness, how did you cope with your lover's departure? i sure could use a pointer. and to all you who didn't have to go through this yet: go hug your boys and girls for me, please. there's never enough time....
Click to expand...
I wish I could give you a hug, brother. I know it hurts. A part of you wishes that you could bring them back, but all we have left is memories.
 
:cry:

I don't know what to say ... I didn't have to go through this yet ... But I will hug my canine friend for you, @nekdoneco123 . Your boy looks sweet in your avatar and your words sounds like he really was. You will surely keep memories of him. If you ever feel like sharing some more about him or your experiences together and your feelings, don't hesitate to do so ...
 
Sorry for your loss. Coping with the loss of our animal companions is hard. I found some comfort in making a very nice plaque that is also a memorial for the two dogs that I have lost so far. The only words on my plaques are the name of the animal and the dates birth/death and the best picture I had of them. They hang on a special wall and I hope no new plaques will be added for a long time. I see them everyday and think of them often. I remember how good they were and hope that such a place as the Rainbow Bridge does exist. I have to be honest it has been 6 years since I lost the first one and a year and a half since I lost the second but I still shed tears from time to time. If there is anything that is better I think it would be that their loss has made me appreciate the others that I have a little bit more.
 
I'm sorry for you loss, I hope I can find some words that might aid you.
Sometimes I have overwhelming moments where I feel run over and ragged by thoughts of passed loved ones and the terrible pain of missing them; tbh I have far too many of these moments. Sometimes it can feel like a part of myself has died with them and will never return, sometimes it can even feel like there's nothing left of me at all... But then I remind myself, that that's not how love works... Love is gift so precious that when we not longer receive it, it can feel as if we never had it in the first place- it feels like that gift is gone- but it's not, we already received it during our time with our loved ones, and that love is still in us, in memories which we need to cultivate and honer them with, not by feeling tragic remorse, but joyful appreciation of all the wonderful moments we shared togther.

What I do in these dark moments, is remind myself that I'm the captain of the ship of my life, my mind, and my thoughts, and that this sometimes entails a responsibility to steer the ship through treacherous storms and away from rocky shores- even when (especially when) there's deafening sirens calls pulling me to something against my best interest. -Hurting, feeling pain and sorrow and remorse can be a siren's call of depression.

Your lost friend, wouldn't want you to feel this terrible sorrow, he'd want you to be happy and healthy and feel love, he'd remind you to create and find simple joys in the moment, and want you to remember good times as if they where a gift that no one (including yourself) can ever take away from you....and I think that's the best advice I can offer- fight that rotten feeling by remembering good times, and making new good times with your other dog....

And...when you're ready...getting another dog to join your family isn't a bad an idea- it doesn't take away from the love you had for the ones you've lost... Your current dog could adjust to that extremely fast- she wouldn't think less of you for it- why should you think less of yourself? You might even just do it for her- so she can be in a pack again.
 
thanks everyone for the responses... getting all this off my chest and actually reading something from people who really get what i'm feeling right now, how i felt about him, what he ment to me and how hard it is to part with someone you trully loved actually helped quite a bit..

what i hate about all this (and probably continue to do so) the most is that the profile pic is my only photo of him... i'm just not the type of person who takes pics a lot so the only other things to remember him by are memories. and i'm terribly affraid they won't last

i just hope there really is some sort of heaven and i'll one day be worthy enough to enter (he 100% was) and i'll see him... i just want to feel his fur, hear that little whiny noise he did as he jumped around excited and kiss him again
 
nekdoneco123 said:
guess it took a very emotional trauma for me to try to open up to like-minded people to see what they might think... my english isn't the best and i'm not even sure i'm in the right section so i apologize for both in advance

3 days ago my boy (my profile pic) died. he twisted his stomach and got deemed too old to try to save with surgery when rushed to the vet. the only option was to not prolong his suffering.
my world shattered that evening... it lost color. all i do these past days is either trying not to cry or crying thinking about him. i almost don't eat, he's not there to share with. i have trouble falling asleep, he's not there to cuddle with. no matter the temperature, he'd lay with me every single night.
the only one at least partially keeping me from drowning in sorrow is my girl. i try to interact with her like nothing happened, but she took the sudden shift from pack dog to solo dog pretty badly, lost the same spark as me. i'm also pretty sure she can sense how distressed i am through my act.

i thought it'll get at least a little better when i return to work on monday. it got even worse... i work in a factory, so my job is a thing a monkey could do and thus there's lots of empty time just thinking about him not being there anymore. and of course a coworker immediately noticed i looked depressed, asked why, i answered and worse turned to worst... the assortment of "it's just a dog" and "get over it" type of answers did hurt, but the most hurtful was the one from this self-proclaimed-dog-person-lady who went "did you choose a new dog yet?" i think they actually ment well, it's just i believe noone besides zoos will ever see dogs as anything more than at best pets at worst an alarm that runs on kibble.

the only really helpful people were my best friend and his girlfriend. the friend was the one who looked up available vets (it was almost 8 in the evening) when i was just sitting there beside my boy having a panic attack, not knowing what to do. the girlfriend was the one who drove me there and provided consoling in the first seconds of my realization it's all over and i collapsed in her car. later, they helped me bury him while my girl just stood there not really knowing what are we doing and a few times tried to unwrap him from the blanket i put him in.

right now i'm still not sure what to do with myself. all i can do is try to keep my girl on her regular schedule even though she isn't that much into walks. the boy, in his 14 years of age, was the one springing up like a puppy whenever i asked "someone wants to go for a walk?" and she just followed... she's also very independent, sleeps just outside of cuddling range of the bed most of the time and doesn't really care about my food, usually just tries a bite as if she's tasting it for me and the boy and then goes about her business. i think she sees herself as more of a guardian than a companion/lover... outside of heat at least. and that's now the incredibly sad part, the boy only had eyes for me even when she was in heat. i never had to split them up when i was going to work.
maybe, if i ever get my shit together. i'll rescue another dog. that's what the boy originaly was, a 10 years old starved-out mess of a dog noone wanted. he gave me a chance to show him what love is, that all humans aren't dicks and the next 4 years were fucking worth it...

so, my fellow people afflicted by the same short lifespan unfairness, how did you cope with your lover's departure? i sure could use a pointer. and to all you who didn't have to go through this yet: go hug your boys and girls for me, please. there's never enough time....
Click to expand...
Your never not going to feel the loss.
You can only try to minimalise it.

Me: I have lost many furry friends.
Just member the love and good time you shared and if you gave your animal the best life you could.. Take comfort in that.

Cause that is the only thing in this scenario you have power over.

Yea they may be gone but they will be with you always.

It also helps me to get a new pup.

I never have only1.
And that can be hard on your other dogs too.
(Loosing a family member)

However it makes life easier that way when u mave more that on 1 k9.

I can't make it easier.. But you can make the prosses easier on yourself if you have the rest of the pack to help.

However that is also a domino effect that I have had to live throu.

I just wentbthrou the same.

In lost my alpha male and his last puppy about 2 yrs ago.

I had to get my pack going Agin and I got 2 pups from 2 differ states so I could breed them and get my pack back.

So having a pack helps me deal with loss to a degree.
 
nekdoneco123 said:
thanks everyone for the responses... getting all this off my chest and actually reading something from people who really get what i'm feeling right now, how i felt about him, what he ment to me and how hard it is to part with someone you trully loved actually helped quite a bit..

what i hate about all this (and probably continue to do so) the most is that the profile pic is my only photo of him... i'm just not the type of person who takes pics a lot so the only other things to remember him by are memories. and i'm terribly affraid they won't last

i just hope there really is some sort of heaven and i'll one day be worthy enough to enter (he 100% was) and i'll see him... i just want to feel his fur, hear that little whiny noise he did as he jumped around excited and kiss him again
Click to expand...
You can go to Walmart.com open account and can have their portrait studio make you a full-sized photo. They will deliver it to your nearest store. They sell affordable frames in the store.
 
I’m sorry buddy.
I know what that feels like all too well and have been in that kind of pain before.
Everyone has there own way to cope and or deal with loss. Just don’t let it sink you like I did at first.
it just left me with bloody Knuckles and suicide on the mind
 
nekdoneco123 said:
guess it took a very emotional trauma for me to try to open up to like-minded people to see what they might think... my english isn't the best and i'm not even sure i'm in the right section so i apologize for both in advance

3 days ago my boy (my profile pic) died. he twisted his stomach and got deemed too old to try to save with surgery when rushed to the vet. the only option was to not prolong his suffering.
my world shattered that evening... it lost color. all i do these past days is either trying not to cry or crying thinking about him. i almost don't eat, he's not there to share with. i have trouble falling asleep, he's not there to cuddle with. no matter the temperature, he'd lay with me every single night.
the only one at least partially keeping me from drowning in sorrow is my girl. i try to interact with her like nothing happened, but she took the sudden shift from pack dog to solo dog pretty badly, lost the same spark as me. i'm also pretty sure she can sense how distressed i am through my act.

i thought it'll get at least a little better when i return to work on monday. it got even worse... i work in a factory, so my job is a thing a monkey could do and thus there's lots of empty time just thinking about him not being there anymore. and of course a coworker immediately noticed i looked depressed, asked why, i answered and worse turned to worst... the assortment of "it's just a dog" and "get over it" type of answers did hurt, but the most hurtful was the one from this self-proclaimed-dog-person-lady who went "did you choose a new dog yet?" i think they actually ment well, it's just i believe noone besides zoos will ever see dogs as anything more than at best pets at worst an alarm that runs on kibble.

the only really helpful people were my best friend and his girlfriend. the friend was the one who looked up available vets (it was almost 8 in the evening) when i was just sitting there beside my boy having a panic attack, not knowing what to do. the girlfriend was the one who drove me there and provided consoling in the first seconds of my realization it's all over and i collapsed in her car. later, they helped me bury him while my girl just stood there not really knowing what are we doing and a few times tried to unwrap him from the blanket i put him in.

right now i'm still not sure what to do with myself. all i can do is try to keep my girl on her regular schedule even though she isn't that much into walks. the boy, in his 14 years of age, was the one springing up like a puppy whenever i asked "someone wants to go for a walk?" and she just followed... she's also very independent, sleeps just outside of cuddling range of the bed most of the time and doesn't really care about my food, usually just tries a bite as if she's tasting it for me and the boy and then goes about her business. i think she sees herself as more of a guardian than a companion/lover... outside of heat at least. and that's now the incredibly sad part, the boy only had eyes for me even when she was in heat. i never had to split them up when i was going to work.
maybe, if i ever get my shit together. i'll rescue another dog. that's what the boy originaly was, a 10 years old starved-out mess of a dog noone wanted. he gave me a chance to show him what love is, that all humans aren't dicks and the next 4 years were fucking worth it...

so, my fellow people afflicted by the same short lifespan unfairness, how did you cope with your lover's departure? i sure could use a pointer. and to all you who didn't have to go through this yet: go hug your boys and girls for me, please. there's never enough time....
Click to expand...
Ive had to go through this a couple times in my lifetime, and I ended up severely depressed, barely ate and didn't wanna leave my bed or house for months after my partners passed, I am truly sorry for your loss, I know the pain all to well, missing them doesnt ever go away and the heartache stays but it does get eaiser to cope with time. Just know that brighter days are ahead and eventually, when you feel ready you'll find a new partner that will benefit from your love and companionship, take care and know that we do support you here in your difficult times, a dog is not "just a dog" to us zoos but a loyal friend and partner of whom our life revolves around! don't let a cold and detached person convince you your over reacting, I've had the same thing said to me and its disheartening to hear such things while grieving, truth is this is no different than someone loosing their husband! Again truly sorry for your loss
 
so, it's almost a month since he died and i decided to write a little update, mainly because this is still the only place where i can open up a little and because writing the first block of text felt kinda comforting

firstly, thanks for all the responses they were really helpful. even a "sorry for your loss" feels incredibly powerful coming from ppl who know....

i'm feeling a bit better, it's like 4 days since last time i cried. i'd still give anything to be able to touch him just one more time, but i guess this will never go away. i'm slowly coming to terms with him just not being there when i go to sleep/get up in the morning. when interacting with other ppl i just put the whole "lost the love of my life" in the same box where the whole "i'm a zoo-exclusive" hides as well. it got tiring to hear "are you still sad about that dog?" over and over...

the girl is doing fine, tho she still goes to lay down on his grave from time to time. yesterday was the first thunderstorm since the boy died and it felt kinda weird. he was terribly afraid of thunder and whenever it started he just bolted to me, no matter if i was at the computer or on the toilet or in the shower, and hid under my legs and the girl followed. not yesterday, she didn't even come inside, just sat there and watched the lightning... guess she only followed to keep an eye on us?

on the brigher side of things, i finally decided what i want to do next. it feels like i owe it to him to try to give at least some of the love i held for him to another poor soul. i'm gonna be adopting another older dog. i actually already found one and i'm going to see him next friday. it's kinda sad how easy it is to find an old dog noone seems to care or even want to care about anymore... all i hope now is that the girl likes him and if we "click" together i'll be able to love him.. i'm afraid that maybe subconsciously i just won't care for him as much or that maybe i'll be too scared to hurt like this again. guess only time will tell. i'm also repeating "take more pictures, idiot" to myself over and over again
 
I just lost my old dog who'd I'd had almost his whole life too. Been a week now. Don't worry about what others think of your pain, they don't and can't know that for us it's just like losing a person.

I admire your decision to find older dogs who need a home. Especially because they don't have much time left and you'll be saying goodbye much more often. Can't imagine what kind of person would give a dog up after a long life like that. A dog deserves better.
 
So sorry for your loss. I identify with the pain that you are currently feeling. You are among friends that understand the magnitude of this type of loss. A few years back I lost one of my furry buddies, one that had been at my side for over 15 years. He had lived a long, comfortable, happy life. As a matter of fact, at the end, he ate his favorite meal (with gusto might I add), then slowly but surely walked out to the front yard and found a warm spot in the sun, stretched out for a nap and went to sleep for his last nap. I was completely destroyed by his passing. He truly was my best friend. What I have realized over the years is this..... that hole that is left when they leave, never fills. That is not to say that you will never heal. Healing is more about learning to live with that missing piece rather than expecting it to be filled or replaced. We just have to be thankful for the time and companionship we had with them and know that they are basking in their favorite sunny spot with a full belly right now, happy and pain free. Try to remember the good times and smile my friend.
 
I am really sorry for your loss. And I'm glad that you decided to adopt an elder dog, it is going to help you some more.
I've lost some furry friends in the past, some had been with me for years and some others for just months (I rescue injured dogs from the streets). The pain is always big, but it fades away eventually and you can think about them without crying anymore. It just needs time.
Ignore the people that say "it's just a dog" because they will never understand the bond we share.
 
I am happy that I have many photos of my dog, but @nekdoneco123, I can also say that my dog never enjoyed being photographed. Not to say that it bothered him, but it probably bored him. For him it meant that I focused on the camera that did not mean anything to him instead of paying attention to him, I think, and therefore he often turned away when I put the camera between us and did something else.

So I understand why you would wish to have more photos of your lovely dog, but for him the attention you gave him directly was surely more valuable. A camera can also separate you from each other a little.
 
A loss of a great friend is hard. You have my sympathy, a virtual hug and best wishes for the future.
 
Look up the stages of grief and stages of change. Those both should help i hope.

My dad had went through something similar recently. Months apart he had to put his dogs down do to old age. I dont believ he is zoosexual, but he was great with dogs and treated them as close to people as he could.
 
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