Shame, denial, acceptance.

[EIlirora]

It's been about 4 years since I started watching bestiality, and 2.5 years since I joined this site (which I haven't been very active on). My journey in this world has been difficult to come to terms with, as I'm sure many of you can relate to. The first months after I realized I liked watching bestiality I used an app to track when I watched it, as I tried my best to stop watching it. Needless to say I failed. I felt a lot of shame, I felt disgusting, like I didn't deserve to live, because I was into this thing that society deems so awful. But I can't help who I am and what I'm into.
I have never done anything with an animal myself. I've only been watching it and getting off watching it. I'm especially into dog porn, but almost never see dogs irl, and never in private. So I never did anything, and for the longest time I was sure I never wanted to either. However, I have started to accept that I actually do want it. When I watch those videos, of people getting fucked hard by a dog with a huge throbbing cock, I can't help but wish it was me. When I watch videos of people jerking the dog off, seeing the shaft come out of its hiding place, I always think "I wish I could do that to a dog". I keep imagining that I'm doggy sitting for my neighbor who has a male dog, and that we end up bonding, and end up making love. Probably very unlikely to happen, I assume the dogs I watch in porn have been trained to fuck humans, and that bending over for a dog won't be enough to make it understand what to do. But one can fantasize.
I don't know if I'll ever do anything with an animal or if I'll just watch the porn, but I'm trying to accept that I might in fact not just be "enjoying bestiality porn" but just be a whole zoophile myself. Maybe that is why I never bothered with relationships and dating, I'm just not that interested in them. It makes me uneasy, knowing I am this thing that society hates and wants dead, but again, I can't change who I am. It's not that easy.

Anyway, I just had the need to let this out. I have never told anyone irl that I am into this, even the slightest. I don't think I ever will. Even my best friend who I trust more than anyone doesn't know, and will never know. This is my biggest secret.

Now I'm gonna have a look at some amazing videos shared by you. The homemade videos you share here turn me on way more than what i find on other random sites (often under bigger labels). One of my top moments are when dogs with huge cocks pull out after a good fuck, and I can see the cock throbbing afterwards. I can only imagine how good it must've felt, for both parties involved.

 

[daikon_radd]

It's been a little longer for me, and I knew for a while that I wanted to be with an animal, but wouldn't have the opportunity for a very long time. I started to notice something with myself where my desires will increase or decrease with my level of loneliness. If I feel like I have at least one person that I can connect with, I find that my desire to be with an animal lessens significantly, but when I feel like I'm alone and isolated or unwanted, then the opposite happens. In my life I've managed to reach a point where I'm happily with a human partner, but I still have to travel so much for work that I'm often without them. This partner knows nothing of my animal attractions and I'm genuinely fearful of them finding out. Whenever I'm away and enter one of these pits of loneliness, I find myself fearing that I'll grow to he more attracted to animals than I am to them, and that interfering with our relationship. There's a lot more details that add context, but that also make me a lot less likely to maintain anonymity here. If you want to talk, my PMs will be open.

 

[EIlirora]

It's been a little longer for me, and I knew for a while that I wanted to be with an animal, but wouldn't have the opportunity for a very long time. I started to notice something with myself where my desires will increase or decrease with my level of loneliness. If I feel like I have at least one person that I can connect with, I find that my desire to be with an animal lessens significantly, but when I feel like I'm alone and isolated or unwanted, then the opposite happens. In my life I've managed to reach a point where I'm happily with a human partner, but I still have to travel so much for work that I'm often without them. This partner knows nothing of my animal attractions and I'm genuinely fearful of them finding out. Whenever I'm away and enter one of these pits of loneliness, I find myself fearing that I'll grow to he more attracted to animals than I am to them, and that interfering with our relationship. There's a lot more details that add context, but that also make me a lot less likely to maintain anonymity here. If you want to talk, my PMs will be open.

Thanks for your reply. I can definitely understand your fear. I always fear that the people in my life will find out, and that they will hate me for it. I would love to message you, but I can't seem to figure out how. When I go to your profile there's no button to message you. Maybe it's because I haven't posted enough in this forum yet so I'm not allowed to send dms? If you're able to message me first, please do. Would be nice to have someone to chat with about it, as I do feel very alone in this.

 

[daikon_radd]

Thanks for your reply. I can definitely understand your fear. I always fear that the people in my life will find out, and that they will hate me for it. I would love to message you, but I can't seem to figure out how. When I go to your profile there's no button to message you. Maybe it's because I haven't posted enough in this forum yet so I'm not allowed to send dms? If you're able to message me first, please do. Would be nice to have someone to chat with about it, as I do feel very alone in this.

Sorry, that's my bad. You need to have 10 total posts, so you'll have to do two more before you can DM, not that they have to be of really any substance from my understanding.