Self Acceptance

Ranunculus

Ranunculus

Tourist
When I was learning about my sexual interests I would get turned on by nature programs or animals in general and so, at some point maybe middle school, I found some websites with beastiality porn and was hooked. Things that were about sex were what I found appealing. There were a handful of times that I tried with animals, to get the sensations of sex, but they were mostly uninterested and so not much happened since I didn't force them. I continued to watch videos but at some point.. stopped and never revisited it. And I developed a lot of self-loathing about it. Fast forward 10 yrs to now.
I have a bf, we've an amazing relationship and we drunkenly admitted to each other that we've both engaged in these acts and watching videos. Him actually doing acts from elementary to a few years ago.
I love my bf dearly, and appreciate his own acceptance of himself and how I've been able to lean on him for support, because this has unleashed a lot of repressed feelings. Shame for my past and guilt by it, but also trying to not reprimanded my bf for his past. But I've determined that I can't forgive him if I can't forgive myself and accept my past and remove the negative lense I view it with.
We've had long discussions about it, and I have a current boundary of not having it as a part of our relationship now and into the future. He accepted this with the condition that he can watch it, which I've agreed too. It's still triggering to me because of my incredible shame and guilt that I have and am trying to understand was not necessary.

I need help in understanding why it wasn't an immoral attraction of mine and that it's ok to forgive myself (so I can project that goodness onto my bf) and continue as I was before the Revealing Conversation with my bf.
How did you learn to accept yourselves?
I want to learn my own acceptance and then leave it as a good thing from the past.
 
Self acceptance was definitely one of my biggest struggles, and was a very large contributor to the rest of my mental issues. I had many mental fights with myself questioning if what I was looking at/getting off to was ethical or not, went through multiple phases where I'd binge download a bunch and then delete all of it and refuse to allow myself to look at it again for a while, before eventually caving in and repeating the process.

Ranunculus said:
I need help in understanding why it wasn't an immoral attraction of mine and that it's ok to forgive myself
Click to expand...

Regarding the times that you had personal interaction with animals, it might make it easier for you to see it from a different perspective. You admit that you tried to engage sexually, and when it wasn't reciprocated, you didn't pursue it. Would you feel as guilty with humans? It's okay if you do, but it's important to understand that you didn't overstep any boundaries by trying to engage with them in that way. Not to mention that you were young, and we've all done things that we regret. But you didn't do anything inherently wrong. You saw their reactions (or lack thereof) and you stopped. You shouldn't feel guilty about that regardless if it's a human or an animal.

Accepting myself for who I was mostly came about because I realized that it didn't really make a lot of sense for me to put myself through that much struggle over something that wasn't in my control. It didn't make sense for me to beat myself up for being gay, so I applied the same logic to zoo. Getting rid of the stigma that I had built up in my head and allowing me to see it simply for what it was, and nothing more, made it a lot easier for me to understand it more and accept it. While a lot of porn might be made with bad intentions, that isn't a problem with bestiality; it's a problem with the porn industry as a whole and isn't exclusive to just animal porn. Watching porn is completely harmless for the most part, especially in your case.

It sounds to me like your problem is that your view on bestiality/zoo in general is negative, and my hunch is that it's primarily due to consent (note: I'm not a professional). Just remember that animals can give consent, or actively reject, just like people can. Just in a different way than humans. People have a tendency to view animals as "less than" and, in my opinion, that is where a lot of the stigma comes from. Just consider the fact that mass slaughtering animals for their meat and fur is considered morally acceptable (despite causing problems that are already screwing over our planet and ourselves and will only get worse), yet partaking in an act that only serves to bring pleasure to both parties is considered immoral and wrong. Why is mass murder okay, yet we draw the line at intimate/deeper relationships? It's these kinds of questions that I asked myself that ultimately made me realize that the way society views things is not the be-all and end-all. In fact, often times it tends to be (objectively) completely nonsensical.

When all's said and done, you need to find your own truths. That's how I got to where I am, and I'm fairly certain that is the case for most people around here.
 
btdc69 said:
Self acceptance was definitely one of my biggest struggles, and was a very large contributor to the rest of my mental issues. I had many mental fights with myself questioning if what I was looking at/getting off to was ethical or not, went through multiple phases where I'd binge download a bunch and then delete all of it and refuse to allow myself to look at it again for a while, before eventually caving in and repeating the process.



Regarding the times that you had personal interaction with animals, it might make it easier for you to see it from a different perspective. You admit that you tried to engage sexually, and when it wasn't reciprocated, you didn't pursue it. Would you feel as guilty with humans? It's okay if you do, but it's important to understand that you didn't overstep any boundaries by trying to engage with them in that way. Not to mention that you were young, and we've all done things that we regret. But you didn't do anything inherently wrong. You saw their reactions (or lack thereof) and you stopped. You shouldn't feel guilty about that regardless if it's a human or an animal.

Accepting myself for who I was mostly came about because I realized that it didn't really make a lot of sense for me to put myself through that much struggle over something that wasn't in my control. It didn't make sense for me to beat myself up for being gay, so I applied the same logic to zoo. Getting rid of the stigma that I had built up in my head and allowing me to see it simply for what it was, and nothing more, made it a lot easier for me to understand it more and accept it. While a lot of porn might be made with bad intentions, that isn't a problem with bestiality; it's a problem with the porn industry as a whole and isn't exclusive to just animal porn. Watching porn is completely harmless for the most part, especially in your case.

It sounds to me like your problem is that your view on bestiality/zoo in general is negative, and my hunch is that it's primarily due to consent (note: I'm not a professional). Just remember that animals can give consent, or actively reject, just like people can. Just in a different way than humans. People have a tendency to view animals as "less than" and, in my opinion, that is where a lot of the stigma comes from. Just consider the fact that mass slaughtering animals for their meat and fur is considered morally acceptable (despite causing problems that are already screwing over our planet and ourselves and will only get worse), yet partaking in an act that only serves to bring pleasure to both parties is considered immoral and wrong. Why is mass murder okay, yet we draw the line at intimate/deeper relationships? It's these kinds of questions that I asked myself that ultimately made me realize that the way society views things is not the be-all and end-all. In fact, often times it tends to be (objectively) completely nonsensical.

When all's said and done, you need to find your own truths. That's how I got to where I am, and I'm fairly certain that is the case for most people around here.
Click to expand...
Thank you for responding. I think definitely learning to understand how there is consent among zoos is and understanding that it isn't immoral is what I need to do. I think that's what my bf said how he understood himself. That it was mutual and that it felt good. Singing like that shouldn't be shameful.
I've been doing a lot of mental gymnastics these past couple of months, and it's been painful to try and create new pathways, but I think I'm slowly getting there.
 
Hey man, thank you for sharing. I feel you. Battling that shame and anxiety is not fun.

I’ll be the first to admit it. I still have my doubts. It’s a normal, healthy thing to have doubts and to second-guess yourself. I sometimes think that maybe I am crazy. Maybe I do need to brainwash myself until I can’t even look at an animal. Maybe the world is right. Perhaps there’s something wrong with me, and I just don’t feel it.

But at the end of the day, I just look at the bigger picture. Am I happy? Happy as I’ll ever be during a pandemic. Am I functioning properly? Yeah. I can still work and learn and articulate my thoughts. Am I hurting anyone? Not really. Will this negatively affect my life? Only if someone were to find out, which is highly unlikely. Am I healthy? I have friends and family that love me, I’m mentally sound, I exercise daily, my diet is varied and nutritious, so I’d say so.

So there’s really nothing else wrong except that I’m attracted to animals. Which is unusual, don’t get me wrong, but there’s nothing anyone can do about it. And worrying about it only stresses me out. I’ve learned to just go with the flow. Life throws crazy stuff at us all the time. Lingering on something that can’t be “fixed” and doesn’t really need to be “fixed” doesn’t do anything for anyone. You either go and get therapy to relieve that guilt, or you realize, “Hey, I’ve only got this one life. Do I really want to waste it worrying because other people told me I should be worried?”. If you’re happy, let yourself be happy. If you’re not harming anyone, continue to be harmless. If your animals love you, let them love you. If they’re not in pain and they want to be around you, why should you push them away? As long as they’re fine, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be fine too.

You deserve to be at peace just as anyone else does. You don’t have to throw this piece of yourself away if you don’t want to. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. It’s your life. You’re free to be whoever you please. You don’t have to feel guilty. You don’t have to stress about it. I’m glad you have someone who shares your interests and is willing to support you. Not all of us get that, so I’m glad you have a support system by your side.

My advice is to just go with the flow. See where the universe takes you. I know it sounds like a hippie thing to say, but it’s worked for me so far. The second I embraced myself and told myself that it wasn’t as big of a deal as people made it to be, the shame lost its power over me. At the end of the day, it only has as much power as you give it. You can either continue to feed it, or starve it until its powerless against you.

Good luck.
 
Ranunculus said:
Thank you for responding. I think definitely learning to understand how there is consent among zoos is and understanding that it isn't immoral is what I need to do. I think that's what my bf said how he understood himself. That it was mutual and that it felt good. Singing like that shouldn't be shameful.
I've been doing a lot of mental gymnastics these past couple of months, and it's been painful to try and create new pathways, but I think I'm slowly getting there.
Click to expand...
What do you wanna know about zoophilia? How do you feel about it? Maybe I can help
 
For what it’s worth I started out a few years ago with my dog and yes I felt guilt and yes even shame but as time passes that goes replaced by the exhilaration of the best sex and the closeness I feel towards my best friend and lover
but
pollys golden rule ....tell Nobody ...ever !!
if you feel the need to talk there’s a whole lot of experienced people here
 
btdc69 said:
Self acceptance was definitely one of my biggest struggles, and was a very large contributor to the rest of my mental issues. I had many mental fights with myself questioning if what I was looking at/getting off to was ethical or not, went through multiple phases where I'd binge download a bunch and then delete all of it and refuse to allow myself to look at it again for a while, before eventually caving in and repeating the process.



Regarding the times that you had personal interaction with animals, it might make it easier for you to see it from a different perspective. You admit that you tried to engage sexually, and when it wasn't reciprocated, you didn't pursue it. Would you feel as guilty with humans? It's okay if you do, but it's important to understand that you didn't overstep any boundaries by trying to engage with them in that way. Not to mention that you were young, and we've all done things that we regret. But you didn't do anything inherently wrong. You saw their reactions (or lack thereof) and you stopped. You shouldn't feel guilty about that regardless if it's a human or an animal.

Accepting myself for who I was mostly came about because I realized that it didn't really make a lot of sense for me to put myself through that much struggle over something that wasn't in my control. It didn't make sense for me to beat myself up for being gay, so I applied the same logic to zoo. Getting rid of the stigma that I had built up in my head and allowing me to see it simply for what it was, and nothing more, made it a lot easier for me to understand it more and accept it. While a lot of porn might be made with bad intentions, that isn't a problem with bestiality; it's a problem with the porn industry as a whole and isn't exclusive to just animal porn. Watching porn is completely harmless for the most part, especially in your case.

It sounds to me like your problem is that your view on bestiality/zoo in general is negative, and my hunch is that it's primarily due to consent (note: I'm not a professional). Just remember that animals can give consent, or actively reject, just like people can. Just in a different way than humans. People have a tendency to view animals as "less than" and, in my opinion, that is where a lot of the stigma comes from. Just consider the fact that mass slaughtering animals for their meat and fur is considered morally acceptable (despite causing problems that are already screwing over our planet and ourselves and will only get worse), yet partaking in an act that only serves to bring pleasure to both parties is considered immoral and wrong. Why is mass murder okay, yet we draw the line at intimate/deeper relationships? It's these kinds of questions that I asked myself that ultimately made me realize that the way society views things is not the be-all and end-all. In fact, often times it tends to be (objectively) completely nonsensical.

When all's said and done, you need to find your own truths. That's how I got to where I am, and I'm fairly certain that is the case for most people around here.
Click to expand...
Jewelry Fish said:
Hey man, thank you for sharing. I feel you. Battling that shame and anxiety is not fun.

I’ll be the first to admit it. I still have my doubts. It’s a normal, healthy thing to have doubts and to second-guess yourself. I sometimes think that maybe I am crazy. Maybe I do need to brainwash myself until I can’t even look at an animal. Maybe the world is right. Perhaps there’s something wrong with me, and I just don’t feel it.

But at the end of the day, I just look at the bigger picture. Am I happy? Happy as I’ll ever be during a pandemic. Am I functioning properly? Yeah. I can still work and learn and articulate my thoughts. Am I hurting anyone? Not really. Will this negatively affect my life? Only if someone were to find out, which is highly unlikely. Am I healthy? I have friends and family that love me, I’m mentally sound, I exercise daily, my diet is varied and nutritious, so I’d say so.

So there’s really nothing else wrong except that I’m attracted to animals. Which is unusual, don’t get me wrong, but there’s nothing anyone can do about it. And worrying about it only stresses me out. I’ve learned to just go with the flow. Life throws crazy stuff at us all the time. Lingering on something that can’t be “fixed” and doesn’t really need to be “fixed” doesn’t do anything for anyone. You either go and get therapy to relieve that guilt, or you realize, “Hey, I’ve only got this one life. Do I really want to waste it worrying because other people told me I should be worried?”. If you’re happy, let yourself be happy. If you’re not harming anyone, continue to be harmless. If your animals love you, let them love you. If they’re not in pain and they want to be around you, why should you push them away? As long as they’re fine, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be fine too.

You deserve to be at peace just as anyone else does. You don’t have to throw this piece of yourself away if you don’t want to. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. It’s your life. You’re free to be whoever you please. You don’t have to feel guilty. You don’t have to stress about it. I’m glad you have someone who shares your interests and is willing to support you. Not all of us get that, so I’m glad you have a support system by your side.

My advice is to just go with the flow. See where the universe takes you. I know it sounds like a hippie thing to say, but it’s worked for me so far. The second I embraced myself and told myself that it wasn’t as big of a deal as people made it to be, the shame lost its power over me. At the end of the day, it only has as much power as you give it. You can either continue to feed it, or starve it until its powerless against you.

Good luck.
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For me I don't attribute my arousal to actually being attracted to the animal but the act of sex. Sexual things arouse me, but I think that because I did get off to videos consistently while experimenting in my formative years of self pleasure, it's been ingrained as a highly erotic thing in my mind.
Your response is really helpful, I can see it mirroring my own to a degree. One conclusion that I have come to is that, I don't want to pursue being a zoo but to be able to acknowledge myself. I've gone many years without using zoo material to get off and have been fine for it. It's the reintroduction that has revealed my in resolved feelings of guilt.

I'm not at the point where I can sincerely say that I'll have those sorts of relations in the future. I'm not at that level of acceptance yet.
 
Reconscope said:
What do you wanna know about zoophilia? How do you feel about it? Maybe I can help
Click to expand...
Through my own research of terms and what not, I logically can say what a zoo sexual is. The conundrum has been learning that me and my bf are not immoral people. This is a part of something that I've written over the past couple weeks. It's more or less how I'm trying to change my narrative:

"A lot of this will pass when I accept my past, I am me.that was a part of me and still is. We (bf and I) are both that person with unique experiences, and never caused harm. There were two willing parties at play. But now, from where we are at in our lives, we've decided that it is not an integral part for our relationship to continue. The important thing is that choice to make new decisions and try new things or just to relish in the love for each other's bodies. And to understand that we can accept who we were and, be closer for it."
 
Ranunculus said:
Through my own research of terms and what not, I logically can say what a zoo sexual is. The conundrum has been learning that me and my bf are not immoral people. This is a part of something that I've written over the past couple weeks. It's more or less how I'm trying to change my narrative:

"A lot of this will pass when I accept my past, I am me.that was a part of me and still is. We (bf and I) are both that person with unique experiences, and never caused harm. There were two willing parties at play. But now, from where we are at in our lives, we've decided that it is not an integral part for our relationship to continue. The important thing is that choice to make new decisions and try new things or just to relish in the love for each other's bodies. And to understand that we can accept who we were and, be closer for it."
Click to expand...
Yeah self acceptance forms from within remember. There's no shame for the past it forms who we are.
 
Wasbitchpolly said:
For what it’s worth I started out a few years ago with my dog and yes I felt guilt and yes even shame but as time passes that goes replaced by the exhilaration of the best sex and the closeness I feel towards my best friend and lover
but
pollys golden rule ....tell Nobody ...ever !!
if you feel the need to talk there’s a whole lot of experienced people here
Click to expand...
I am happy with my sex life, me and my boyfriend have really great communication and trust.
I'm don't feel as though I "need" zoo content to be incorporated into our relationship. We are happy with our boundaries that I said above.
I've always loved the animals that were in my life, I grew up watching discovery and around horses all my life. And I'm happy with those platonic relations, I enjoy them as friends. I can't look that far into the future, because with where I am mentally now I've psyched myself out. I'm not at that pathway in my acceptance journey. That is I am content with how my relationship with my bf is and will be or if maybe I do want to incorporate it. It's too soon to say "yes"
 
Thank you for sharing this, it's a topic that I and many others either struggled with or still do. Though the situations all differ slightly. Every situation is unique. For me, I struggled with not accepting myself for years, (pretty easy to do when you've been beat for it) until one day I really just woke up and decided that I wasn't harming myself or any animal, I love them in fact so why should I care what other people think? I just got sick of feeling the guilt. Making yourself feel bad when you shouldn't isn't healthy.

I noticed you said after attempting these things with animals the feelings were not reciprocated so you did not force yourself on them and that was absolutely the right thing to do. Animals can consent just as clearly as they can say no. You've done nothing wrong going on what you've said. I wish you and your bf happiness.
 
Thanks, it's a battle to get rid of the stigma I've seen and heard all my life. It's been marginally making its way through my brain that I wasn't wrong in my actions.
A lot of the work also seems to be how I write about this! And then learning to commit to that new narrative.
 
Ranunculus said:
Thanks, it's a battle to get rid of the stigma I've seen and heard all my life. It's been marginally making its way through my brain that I wasn't wrong in my actions.
A lot of the work also seems to be how I write about this! And then learning to commit to that new narrative.
Click to expand...
So what are you gonna do now?
 
Reconscope said:
I mean do you feel acceptance? Plus are you planning on staying here just to chat with others?
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I feel some. I'm trying to rewire my feelings, it's been a new process. I appreciate all of the help and seeing how there is a large community that empathizes with me. I think that as I learn to shake my guilt, I will not be an active member on the forum. Again though it's comforting to know that it's here, and like I said on another response that if I do eventually decide to incorporate zoo back into my life with my bf, that I have this safe resource.
 
Ranunculus said:
I feel some. I'm trying to rewire my feelings, it's been a new process. I appreciate all of the help and seeing how there is a large community that empathizes with me. I think that as I learn to shake my guilt, I will not be an active member on the forum. Again though it's comforting to know that it's here, and like I said on another response that if I do eventually decide to incorporate zoo back into my life with my bf, that I have this safe resource.
Click to expand...
Thanks and remember to visit us anytime on this profile if you want to keep up with us from time to time.

Imo I'm the most innocent one here. 😇
 
Ranunculus said:
I feel some. I'm trying to rewire my feelings, it's been a new process. I appreciate all of the help and seeing how there is a large community that empathizes with me. I think that as I learn to shake my guilt, I will not be an active member on the forum. Again though it's comforting to know that it's here, and like I said on another response that if I do eventually decide to incorporate zoo back into my life with my bf, that I have this safe resource.
Click to expand...
That's good you feel some better. Now I'm not saying you won't, but maybe don't forget to throw a little bit of that new found acceptance to your bf. After all, you two made an agreement. I'm sure he had to lean on you some to come out about these things too. ;)
 
FoxandtheHounds said:
That's good you feel some better. Now I'm not saying you won't, but maybe don't forget to throw a little bit of that new found acceptance to your bf. After all, you two made an agreement. I'm sure he had to lean on you some to come out about these things too. ;)
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Definitely that's also how I've been trying to rewire how I speak to myself about it. Because after knowing about his history and me not having accepted myself, I couldn't forgive him. So what I've been doing when I'm making a mantra for myself is saying "we" and framing it in terms that reflects both of us.
This is another part of some of the writing I've been doing these past couple of weeks:
"(A) understand why we did it and that we're not bad people (b) its ok that it won't be
apart of the relationship now and in the future (c) he may fantasize about it without me and that it's not bad bc again our reasons for it and that if I had a different mindset I'd be in the same boat. So be gentle (D) that it's ok to choose boat that works for me going forward to get us to the same port"

This is more crude "forgiveness plan" I've been working on
 
As a non-zoophile and an asexual, I'm clearly not in the same boat with many of you in facing the issue of self-acceptance. That said, I've traveled this road with several friends who have "come out" to me in the past. All of them had major issues with trying to accept their attractions to animals and learned to accept themselves only after years of rationalizing and confidence building. It's definitely a process. The way I always rationalized zoophilia was by the issue of consent. If both partners want sex and are mature enough to make that decision, I see nothing wrong with the act. When you were younger, tried it, and decided the animals weren't into it, you made the rational intelligent decision not to go further. That's not an easy decision to make, especially as a young adult or a teenager. Ultimately, you decide what is right and wrong for your life. If you want to have sex with consenting animals, nobody's moral conflicts should stop you besides your own. Don't stick to some awkward form of self-imposed chastity to satisfy someone else's morality. If you don't want to, then that's obviously fine.

From my experience, it sounds like you're in a decent position already. You understand those feelings are a part of you and you've come to terms with what that has meant in your past. From there, it's not a huge leap to accepting those feelings as a part of you (and as a part of your boyfriend by association). If you want reassurance that you're not broken, then hopefully reasonable folks around here will be able to convince you. Ultimately, it's up to you how you want that sexual attraction to affect your life. There's no right or wrong answer to any of this and I'm confident you'll find an answer that satisfies you.
 
thegreatbigfail said:
As a non-zoophile and an asexual, I'm clearly not in the same boat with many of you in facing the issue of self-acceptance. That said, I've traveled this road with several friends who have "come out" to me in the past. All of them had major issues with trying to accept their attractions to animals and learned to accept themselves only after years of rationalizing and confidence building. It's definitely a process. The way I always rationalized zoophilia was by the issue of consent. If both partners want sex and are mature enough to make that decision, I see nothing wrong with the act. When you were younger, tried it, and decided the animals weren't into it, you made the rational intelligent decision not to go further. That's not an easy decision to make, especially as a young adult or a teenager. Ultimately, you decide what is right and wrong for your life. If you want to have sex with consenting animals, nobody's moral conflicts should stop you besides your own. Don't stick to some awkward form of self-imposed chastity to satisfy someone else's morality. If you don't want to, then that's obviously fine.

From my experience, it sounds like you're in a decent position already. You understand those feelings are a part of you and you've come to terms with what that has meant in your past. From there, it's not a huge leap to accepting those feelings as a part of you (and as a part of your boyfriend by association). If you want reassurance that you're not broken, then hopefully reasonable folks around here will be able to convince you. Ultimately, it's up to you how you want that sexual attraction to affect your life. There's no right or wrong answer to any of this and I'm confident you'll find an answer that satisfies you.
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Thank you
 
Ranunculus said:
When I was learning about my sexual interests I would get turned on by nature programs or animals in general and so, at some point maybe middle school, I found some websites with beastiality porn and was hooked. Things that were about sex were what I found appealing. There were a handful of times that I tried with animals, to get the sensations of sex, but they were mostly uninterested and so not much happened since I didn't force them. I continued to watch videos but at some point.. stopped and never revisited it. And I developed a lot of self-loathing about it. Fast forward 10 yrs to now.
I have a bf, we've an amazing relationship and we drunkenly admitted to each other that we've both engaged in these acts and watching videos. Him actually doing acts from elementary to a few years ago.
I love my bf dearly, and appreciate his own acceptance of himself and how I've been able to lean on him for support, because this has unleashed a lot of repressed feelings. Shame for my past and guilt by it, but also trying to not reprimanded my bf for his past. But I've determined that I can't forgive him if I can't forgive myself and accept my past and remove the negative lense I view it with.
We've had long discussions about it, and I have a current boundary of not having it as a part of our relationship now and into the future. He accepted this with the condition that he can watch it, which I've agreed too. It's still triggering to me because of my incredible shame and guilt that I have and am trying to understand was not necessary.

I need help in understanding why it wasn't an immoral attraction of mine and that it's ok to forgive myself (so I can project that goodness onto my bf) and continue as I was before the Revealing Conversation with my bf.
How did you learn to accept yourselves?
I want to learn my own acceptance and then leave it as a good thing from the past.
Click to expand...


First of all, your sexual history is not your boyfriend's problem, he didn't know you then, he can't help any of what you did or how you feel about it, so you need to stop burdening him with it. He isn't ashamed of it, but it seems like you're trying to shame him by not forgiving him for his past sex life, which is also not your business, you weren't with him then, so then he feels ashamed too, and you are trying to normalize your shame. I consider this a very toxic behavior to be frank and you need to completely separate how you feel about this from him, your boyfriend is irrelevant on the matter. As for yourself, this is not unnatural, bestiality has happened throughout history and as long as its consentual etc then its not a problem. I see it as we are limited to how we can connect with animals and nature and due to our difference in consciousness levels, we have to come down to their conscious level, we show them affection, such as petting, feed them, love them, show empathy, and another basic instinct we share is sex. Dogs, pigs and dolphins for example, show the desire to have sex with humans, its another way to connect with them, lovingly, biologically, and both parties are happy through this. The whole thing of bestiality being bad came with christianity because paganism would involve stories and drawings of fertility rituals that were purely symbolic, involving bestiality tales, the christians too stupid to know what the stories really meant, took it as literal, it never was, for example Leda and the Swan didn't happen, and so the christians taught against it. And still to this today we hold that view, but thats where it originated from. I think you need to just accept you like this and decide how far you're happy to go with it, whether its just self acceptance, watching porn, or engaging in it.
 
btdc69 said:
Self acceptance was definitely one of my biggest struggles, and was a very large contributor to the rest of my mental issues. I had many mental fights with myself questioning if what I was looking at/getting off to was ethical or not, went through multiple phases where I'd binge download a bunch and then delete all of it and refuse to allow myself to look at it again for a while, before eventually caving in and repeating the process.
Click to expand...
I can relate to this man.
 
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