I'm broken

L

LostBear

Tourist
It's been a few weeks now. Still haven't mourned really. Still feel nearly nothing. I haven't cried. They are just gone.

Stormy and Thunder.

My Shetland pony mare Stormy, given to be by another zoo, Kurrelgyre. Back in 1997. Stormy was my first true partner. 5 years later she gave birth to her Son, Thunder, after I let her play around with Miniature horse stallion.

We had lots of good years together. But both her and her son's health had been declining the past few years, even on medication they were not symptom free anymore. Had to buy Butte painkillers online and they were on that every day this summer due to metabolic disorders making their hooves extremely painful even when on the medicine for the disorders also.

Time came a few weeks ago, but I was unable to get a vet willing to come out to my remote property and they were in no shape to travel anymore. So I had to put them down by myself, alone.

I haven't talked about it with anyone.
 

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LostBear said:
It's been a few weeks now. Still haven't mourned really. Still feel nearly nothing. I haven't cried. They are just gone.

Stormy and Thunder.

My Shetland pony mare Stormy, given to be by another zoo, Kurrelgyre. Back in 1997. Stormy was my first true partner. 5 years later she gave birth to her Son, Thunder, after I let her play around with Miniature horse stallion.

We had lots of good years together. But both her and her son's health had been declining the past few years, even on medication they were not symptom free anymore. Had to buy Butte painkillers online and they were on that every day this summer due to metabolic disorders making their hooves extremely painful even when on the medicine for the disorders also.

Time came a few weeks ago, but I was unable to get a vet willing to come out to my remote property and they were in no shape to travel anymore. So I had to put them down by myself, alone.

I haven't talked about it with anyone.
Click to expand...
I'm sorry for your loss. That had to be excruciating 😥
 
LostBear said:
It's been a few weeks now. Still haven't mourned really. Still feel nearly nothing. I haven't cried. They are just gone.

Stormy and Thunder.

My Shetland pony mare Stormy, given to be by another zoo, Kurrelgyre. Back in 1997. Stormy was my first true partner. 5 years later she gave birth to her Son, Thunder, after I let her play around with Miniature horse stallion.

We had lots of good years together. But both her and her son's health had been declining the past few years, even on medication they were not symptom free anymore. Had to buy Butte painkillers online and they were on that every day this summer due to metabolic disorders making their hooves extremely painful even when on the medicine for the disorders also.

Time came a few weeks ago, but I was unable to get a vet willing to come out to my remote property and they were in no shape to travel anymore. So I had to put them down by myself, alone.

I haven't talked about it with anyone.
Click to expand...
My condolences for your lost..
 
To have to end the life of a lover or lovers to end their suffering is like putting a bullet in yourself. Feeling numb is a normal reaction to what you're going through. It hit me like a wall and the feelings rushed back when I lost my love a few months ago. Look back to the memories feel the weight they carry the longing for them to return in perfect health. And always remember they are in a better place now without pain and they would understand why it is you had to be the one to relieve them of that. I'm greatly filled with sorrow that you had to make that decision. However don't blame yourself because it was the right decision and the only option that would certainly end their pain.
 
Been there, will be there again. I lost my big mare several years ago from colic. Nasty way to go and hits like a ton of bricks.

I've had a vet refuse to come before. It's like he decided to let the horse die, wasn't worth his time to help.

Don't be afraid to love again. Many others deserving of you.
 
So sorry to hear about your situation and two of them at once if I understand correctly. That is just pain on an earth shattering level, it would be bad enough to lose them, but to need to be the one to actually pull the trigger see a lover go and then need to do it again... There are no words, if they were in that much pain you had no choice, but that doesn't make it any easier to live with right now. Let yourself grieve though if you can holding that amount of emotion inside is not good for anyone. In time the pain will lessen, it may always be there in the background surfacing from time to time, but Just try and hang on to the happy memories when it does.
 
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