I've been attracted to animals since a very young age. I remember seeing two dogs fucking one time as a kid and being jealous of how easy it is for them to get some hole, while humans have to go through all of those pointless fucking hoops and fake understanding and shit.
I remember going to my friend's (f) place one time, but there was no one there. Seemed like there wasn't a living soul in a mile radius. A cat walked up to me and started purring. I don't remember the details, but I know I jerked off for a bit in their (partially obscured) driveway.
I've had a few such "encounters" with cats, but from this point forward they were all in very secure and private places, usually in my room when no one else was home. I remember trying to fit a small paintbrush in my cat's vagina - she avoided me for weeks/months after that. I started learning what animals might consider as consent.
>"ree animals can't consent you fucking psycho"
We have no way of actually measuring intelligence, even in humans. IQ turned out to be pretty much useless shit. The next big thing will too.
I am aware that brain size and neuron density is a big factor in intelligence, however, there are common theories about there being all types of intelligences, again making this hard to track/measure. Even if you could IQ test a dog, you wouldn't really be sure how advanced their ability of abstract thinking/creativity/problem solving/social etc etc IQ is
From this point in my story I moved on to dogs. They are much more social creatures, and it's easier to tell if they're enjoying their time with you. Of course, my first sexual encounter was still pretty one sided - I put peanut butter on my balls. That was really something out of this world for me back then. I realised that living creatures are warm and moist on the inside. From that moment I would dream about getting a dog to (fully out of their own volition, with no tricks) passionately lick my genitals, and me returning the favor.
cont.
I remember a few encounters between then and the "next big thing" I want to talk about, but not in much detail. I remember licking my dog's balls once. I'm sure he enjoyed it a lot, and I'm glad I did that because soon after he was got neutered. I also remember getting a cat to lick my dick once, but it wasn't very nice - their tongue was coarse, and they bit me.
Now, onto that big thing. Thing is, my parents seemed to avoid getting a female dog - that's pretty common in the countryside, where we often let our dogs roam around freely, without supervision. I, of course, was the most interested in female dogs. Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately) for me there were two bitches (I hate that word, sounds so derogative) in my area that I knew. One of them I would often meet on my night walks from my friend's house (different friend than before). She was friendly, but a little hyperactive. Now that I think about it, she probably wasn't interested in any intimate stuff at all, she was rough with it. I managed to finger her a bit though.
The other one, she was perfect. Cute, friendly, always liked to sit on my lap and stuff. When I got a chance to be alone with her, she was really into it. My fantasy of getting oral from a dog was fulfilled, and it couldn't have been better. I felt like we were really developing a bond. There was one huge caveat though - she was my friend's dog. I managed to have "fun" with her a few times, usually when I stayed at their place well into the night drinking/smoking weed, and I knew they were all likely fast asleep when I left (again, country stuff, dog slept outside cause it was warm), and once when I stayed overnight and woke up before everyone else (I usually do that when I don't sleep in my own bed).
Then, something incredibly awful happened. The moment from which onward I stopped doing any of this stuff completely. One of, if not THE most shameful moment of my life.
cont.
My friends (the ones who owned that dog, they were brothers) decided to throw a party one day. We had a grill, invited some more friends (I was very close with these guys, we often joked that I was the third brother), bought sausage, bread, sauces, beers, liquor, weed, the whole nine. The party went on well into the night and we were all wasted. We had to walk it to the nearby gas station for more booze a few times, but it was part of the fun. Skipping to after the party ended, I decided to stay overnight at their place and we cleaned the place up. Everyone else went home at this point, including the brothers. I was alone. I don't remember why, I think I lost something and went back to get it. On my way back I met their dog. She was really excited. I don't remember the details well cause I was wasted/stoned, but I somehow ended up with my dick in my hand and her going to town with it. Suddenly, the outdoor lights turned on (before it was pitch black). I tried my best to conceal what I was doing and hide my junk as fast as possible. Probably didn't go so well. They said nothing, just called me home, but I'm fairly sure they saw what was going on. We smoked a few cigs, maybe drank something, I don't remember well, but we talked as if nothing happened. Next morning I told them that I don't remember anything from last night.
We never, ever talked about this incident. They weren't treating me differently because of it at all, as far as I'm aware. It's like it never happened, but every time I recall it, all the guilt and shame and self-anger comes back. I regret it so much. Although we went different ways after high-school, every time we meet it's like in the old days. We just talk normally. I sometimes wonder if it was just a dream, or if they really didn't see what was going on.
ep.
So that's where my story ends. I never touched an animal like that again after that. There was a short peroid where I jerked off to animal porn again, but that's about it. Other than that I've looked at feral furry porn a few times, but I couldn't do it again if I wanted to nowadays. I've come to accept that it's just not fair towards the animal. That the fantasy about having a real bond with the animal relies on imagination too much.
Oh, last note, on the topic of animal porn. I found ZV when I was maybe around 16. Jerked off to that stuff a few times. One time some guests visited us, but I didn't know that as I was in my room. I was beating it to a nice pic of horse ass, and my brother walked in on me, with the guests' son. Fortunately i was able to lock my screen and hide my penor in time, but they definetely knew what was going on. My brother actually walked in on me twice. I always asked my parents to put locks on the doors and they wouldn't do it, and then I got at least the confirmation that they're fucking stupid for not giving teenagers lockable doors
So yeah, that's my story. Honestly, I think I might just be broken, or maybe created this way. Human porn just doesn't cut it for me. I feel like an alien sometimes. I tried it a few times, but I always come back to furry porn. Nowadays I force myself to do anthro at most, but I just don't know. I really do feel like I'm not into humans sometimes. I feel like an alien. It's something that I had to fight since the day I was born, and when I lose, I lose everything. I lose friends, family, jobs, sanity.
It's funny how ignorant people can be looking at us. Judging us. You have your kinks. You have your sins. You fantasise about scat, piss, incest, rape, pedophilea, wound-fucking, you manipulate people into fucking you, and somehow this is worse? You're an ignorant, "all-knowing", vigilante wannabe snowflake. Blind justice. Mass appeal. "My thing is better". You're fucking pathetic.
Thoughts?
