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Help me understand you

B

bronypubs201

Lurker
Boyfriend is a zoo. Strictly only watches zoo porn, and pretty often. As in multiple times a day. I've always been accepting of it, and there are some zoo activities I would be open to trying which he's aware of. Though I'm not sure if I would do it if my own accord.

Something I can't seem to shake off is how pervasive the abuse on zoo sites are. Especially on the sites with CP, tying up an animal, penetrating an animal that's too small, insects, animal gore, etc. Idk somehow I wouldn't be able to scroll past that kind of porn and manage to stay horny. It genuinely makes me ill. It makes me wonder about him. I don't mind him watching "ethical" zoo porn if that makes any sense. It bothers me that he prefers porn than me so much.

He's always been a very cold kind of person, so maybe that's why he can just brush off that sort of stuff. He's never been warm but I always thought it was okay until recently. We can go years without any intimacy (not even holding hands, kissing, nothing) and it's been eating away at me. I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say. It feels like I'm trying to compete with fantastical things that I could never give him. He's really not interested in me at all, yet claims that he wants to stay together. We've been together for almost 13 years.

Whenever I try to express my feelings of inadequacy or wishes for more intimacy he just grey rocks me or goes silent and doesn't say anything. I've said to him that if he's not interested, it's fine. No hard feelings. Just tell me the honest truth. I feel like I'm talking at a wall.


I guess this is just a dumb post looking for some kind of support and understanding. Idk what I'm really even trying to say. I guess I'm wondering if it's normal or if everyone who's into zoo stuff is like this, or it's specifically him that lacks some kind of capacity for empathy and love
 
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bronypubs201 said:
Something I can't seem to shake off is how pervasive the abuse on zoo sites are. Especially on the sites with CP, tying up an animal, penetrating an animal that's too small, insects, animal gore, etc. Idk somehow I wouldn't be able to scroll past that kind of porn and manage to stay horny.
Click to expand...
that stuff is forbidden here:

[ZOOVILLE RULES]

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Animal abuse
Animal abuse is not allowed in any form. This includes:

  • Torturing animals, gagging, necro.
  • Forced sex including the use of bait for licking.
  • Restraining/hogtie. No forcing an animal to stay if they're refusing to be in a position. Suppose they're attempting to leave, forcing them to remain in place is in violation of this rule.
  • Sounding, insertion of objects into the urethra of an animal.
  • Gerbilling or any other live insertions including with fish, eel, snake, insects, worms, etc.
  • Having sex with fish or birds whose genitals are not built for penetration.
  • Having sex with reptiles. (Solo and natural mating is ok. Humans must not be involved.)
  • Having sex with animals, that are too small for a human.
  • Large Insertions.
  • Rough sex also known as 'hard'. Or anything that causes harm/blood. Heat cycle blood isn't what we're referencing here by 'causes blood'.
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  • Having sex with animals that are not adult.
  • Using any forms of medicine to sedate an animal for sex.
  • Videos of one pulling on a tail may be removed. The tail is not to be used for support or to pull an animal. Suppose an animal is not willing to participate.
Other forbidden content

  • Scat/vomit in any form between people or animals or people + animals.
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Pedophilia
Discussions/approval/defense of pedophilia, hebephilia, MAP or any other form of pedophilia is not allowed and will result in a ban. Posting underage content in any form will also result in a ban. If the human appears to be underaged, we will treat the content as being underage.
This also extends to content with kids in the background (it doesn't matter if they can be seen or not). Do not upload! This can border on producing CP even if kids are not involved directly and will be removed without warning.
Liking pedophilic posts before removal will result in a ban.
Details about sexual acts of pedophilic nature are also forbidden. You can say things like, "I felt I was a zoo at xx age.", "I had my first zoo experience at xx age", as well as "I knew I was zoo by the time I was XX age.", but going into explicit detail about sexual acts with other humans or animals while underage is considered pedophilic. You will be given an infraction.
Using code words to indicate underage activity will result in a ban. This includes phrases like "no limits" and other pedo codewords such as Loli.
Click to expand...
 
bronypubs201 said:
We can go years without any intimacy (not even holding hands, kissing, nothing) and it's been eating away at me. I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say. It feels like I'm trying to compete with fantastical things that I could never give him. He's really not interested in me at all, yet claims that he wants to stay together. We've been together for almost 13 years.
Click to expand...
u have needs too, talk about it a partnership should go in both directions not only one
 
Rough topic, but it almost sounds to me like he's not able to love you the way you need it, 13 years is a lot of time of course, but it kind of sounds like it to me:

You have feelings that you like to share openly with him,
He in turn probably shows them to you in his own way, but it's not really suitable for you, you're actually looking for a different kind of attention.

He mainly has this one focus on zoo, which is perfectly OK, but I have my doubts that it's not just a relationship out of habit.

Abusive porn is always problematic whether it's zoo or whatever, but I don't think that's necessarily where the problem lies (unless maybe you're sexually active together and then autoskip some really cruel film, that definitely ruins the mood).

I would assume that it is of interpersonal origin.
I'm not a psychologist or anything, I'm just speaking freely.
I think you have a relationship that may have been really great at the beginning, but over time he may have got a little too caught up in his fantasy and forgotten to pay attention.

What happens when you want attention from your partner and don't get it? You want more of it.

You're more or less in a vicious circle and if talking doesn't help, then you have to make a decision.
I would try talking to him again, but take notes first and try to make him realise that if you are unhappy for much longer, you need to protect yourself.

An end can also be a beginning. Even if it's a bumpy one.

I wish you the best of luck and that you both can turn the corner.

Finally, English is not my mother tongue, I hope this comes across as I mean it.

Hugs from Germany,
Mino
 
Still, i think its more of a human to human Problem. Because He is neglecting you and everything between you.
 
bronypubs201 said:
Boyfriend is a zoo. Strictly only watches zoo porn, and pretty often. As in multiple times a day. I've always been accepting of it, and there are some zoo activities I would be open to trying which he's aware of. Though I'm not sure if I would do it if my own accord.

Something I can't seem to shake off is how pervasive the abuse on zoo sites are. Especially on the sites with CP, tying up an animal, penetrating an animal that's too small, insects, animal gore, etc. Idk somehow I wouldn't be able to scroll past that kind of porn and manage to stay horny. It genuinely makes me ill. It makes me wonder about him. I don't mind him watching "ethical" zoo porn if that makes any sense. It bothers me that he prefers porn than me so much.

He's always been a very cold kind of person, so maybe that's why he can just brush off that sort of stuff. He's never been warm but I always thought it was okay until recently. We can go years without any intimacy (not even holding hands, kissing, nothing) and it's been eating away at me. I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say. It feels like I'm trying to compete with fantastical things that I could never give him. He's really not interested in me at all, yet claims that he wants to stay together. We've been together for almost 13 years.

Whenever I try to express my feelings of inadequacy or wishes for more intimacy he just grey rocks me or goes silent and doesn't say anything. I've said to him that if he's not interested, it's fine. No hard feelings. Just tell me the honest truth. I feel like I'm talking at a wall.


I guess this is just a dumb post looking for some kind of support and understanding. Idk what I'm really even trying to say. I guess I'm wondering if it's normal or if everyone who's into zoo stuff is like this, or it's specifically him that lacks some kind of capacity for empathy and love
Click to expand...
He needs therapy. He is going silent because he doesn't know how to verbalize his emotions. He needs to learn how to communicate them rather then internalize them.

Im saying this because I was the same way. He just needs to learn how to process and translate how he is feeling into words without doing so in a manor that's "Offensive".
 
Cookiecaretaker said:
u have needs too, talk about it a partnership should go in both directions not only one
Click to expand...
Thank you for saying that. He's not into the abusive content at all, it's just it's a little boggling to me how easy it is to ignore for him. If I were scrolling around and saw something abusive, it would personally kill the mood for me. I guess that's besides the point, I guess I'm trying to understand him better
 
If he were a exclusive zoosexual such as myself I could understand the lack of intimacy but not the rest of it, having sex with my ex wife really wasn't my thing but everything else in the relationship was pretty normal otherwise, she is also zoo so it wasn't a huge deal regardless.

Not being bothered by animal abuse and other disturbing content while he's looking for porn is very typical of a festishist, any actual zoo would be absolutely disgusted and offended by it.
 
pes said:
So he is not a zoo. He is a fetishist.
beta7 said:
He needs therapy. He is going silent because he doesn't know how to verbalize his emotions. He needs to learn how to communicate them rather then internalize them.

Im saying this because I was the same way. He just needs to learn how to process and translate how he is feeling into words without doing so in a manor that's "Offensive".
Click to expand...
I suppose it's possible he himself doesn't know what he wants. I would rather be told the cold hard truth about what he wants than getting a silent wall. I've told him as much too. I either get silence, evasion, or explosive anger. Mostly silence. I used to be okay with his lack of communication because I figured that was just how he was, but I've come to the realization that it's probably because he doesn't really care enough to explain himself
Click to expand...
 
Mare Lover 1975 said:
If he were a exclusive zoosexual such as myself I could understand the lack of intimacy but not the rest of it, having sex with my ex wife really wasn't my thing but everything else in the relationship was pretty normal otherwise, she is also zoo so it wasn't a huge deal regardless.

Not being bothered by animal abuse and other disturbing content while he's looking for porn is very typical of a festishist, any actual zoo would be absolutely disgusted and offended by it.
Click to expand...
I'm not really sure honestly. He says just he doesn't see it or rarely at all. An agreed abusive content is bad. We have a dog together and he treats her very well. She has a lot of health problems and doesn't ever get frustrated or impatient with her.

I know that he's not into abusive content, but when he leaves certain tabs open on his computer and I scroll through the pages of content, I can almost certainly scroll past at least 1 disturbing content within 15-20 thumbnails. A minimum 1-2 per page but sometimes way more. Which is not a lot I guess... idk Idk maybe it's because i personally don't watch it, and me and him are looking for different things.

I'm having a hard time articulating what it is that's exactly bothering me
 
This is like text book, needs help with communication, be John Wayne/lone drifter, avoidance coop behavior. It's realisticly I look back at my behavior as "I wasn't properly trained" / "didn't have the skill level I have now". I'm under the impression many individuals feel their communication skills are very good when they are realy novice kinda like some folks think they would be great at chess until the play an actual game.

Sadly, that behavior doesn't change unless the individual wants to change. The most you can do is articulate your thoughts and feelings, specifically in a manor that resonates or can be understood/translates to how he thinks.
 
Minoh said:
Rough topic, but it almost sounds to me like he's not able to love you the way you need it, 13 years is a lot of time of course, but it kind of sounds like it to me:

You have feelings that you like to share openly with him,
He in turn probably shows them to you in his own way, but it's not really suitable for you, you're actually looking for a different kind of attention.

He mainly has this one focus on zoo, which is perfectly OK, but I have my doubts that it's not just a relationship out of habit.

Abusive porn is always problematic whether it's zoo or whatever, but I don't think that's necessarily where the problem lies (unless maybe you're sexually active together and then autoskip some really cruel film, that definitely ruins the mood).

I would assume that it is of interpersonal origin.
I'm not a psychologist or anything, I'm just speaking freely.
I think you have a relationship that may have been really great at the beginning, but over time he may have got a little too caught up in his fantasy and forgotten to pay attention.

What happens when you want attention from your partner and don't get it? You want more of it.

You're more or less in a vicious circle and if talking doesn't help, then you have to make a decision.
I would try talking to him again, but take notes first and try to make him realise that if you are unhappy for much longer, you need to protect yourself.

An end can also be a beginning. Even if it's a bumpy one.

I wish you the best of luck and that you both can turn the corner.

Finally, English is not my mother tongue, I hope this comes across as I mean it.

Hugs from Germany,
Mino
Click to expand...
Hi Mino, thank you so much for saying that :)

You're absolutely right, an end of one chapter can just be the start of another. I deeply appreciate you saying that. I really needed to hear that

Sometimes I wonder if it's just a man thing, that women like me just love harder. I keep thinking that he simply doesn't have the capability to feel or understand where I'm coming from.

Sadly I'm torn wondering if he can't help himself or that he's fully aware, but my thoughts and feelings hold no weight to him. Theres no words adequate enough to describe how much it crushes me to think that I matter so little to someone that I've spent half of my entire life with, and love with my whole being.

I hate feeling so starved for love and affection, I hate being so desperately in love with someone that doesn't spare any extra thought to me. I wish that he would just tell me with his own mouth that he doesn't want me around anymore, so that I can stop hoping that one day he'll care for me half as much as I do him

But again as you said, it doesn't have to be the end of the world... it can be an opportunity for a new life...
 
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bronypubs201 said:
Boyfriend is a zoo. Strictly only watches zoo porn, and pretty often. As in multiple times a day. I've always been accepting of it, and there are some zoo activities I would be open to trying which he's aware of. Though I'm not sure if I would do it if my own accord.

Something I can't seem to shake off is how pervasive the abuse on zoo sites are. Especially on the sites with CP, tying up an animal, penetrating an animal that's too small, insects, animal gore, etc. Idk somehow I wouldn't be able to scroll past that kind of porn and manage to stay horny. It genuinely makes me ill. It makes me wonder about him. I don't mind him watching "ethical" zoo porn if that makes any sense. It bothers me that he prefers porn than me so much.

He's always been a very cold kind of person, so maybe that's why he can just brush off that sort of stuff. He's never been warm but I always thought it was okay until recently. We can go years without any intimacy (not even holding hands, kissing, nothing) and it's been eating away at me. I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say. It feels like I'm trying to compete with fantastical things that I could never give him. He's really not interested in me at all, yet claims that he wants to stay together. We've been together for almost 13 years.

Whenever I try to express my feelings of inadequacy or wishes for more intimacy he just grey rocks me or goes silent and doesn't say anything. I've said to him that if he's not interested, it's fine. No hard feelings. Just tell me the honest truth. I feel like I'm talking at a wall.


I guess this is just a dumb post looking for some kind of support and understanding. Idk what I'm really even trying to say. I guess I'm wondering if it's normal or if everyone who's into zoo stuff is like this, or it's specifically him that lacks some kind of capacity for empathy and love
Click to expand...
IDK about his actual sexual attraction but for me I watch zooville because I like to see a woman get fucked but actually find human cock and balls a turn off, so it's solo women lesbian and zooville porn also each animal provides a different sexual experience to view, but to be honest it's pretty easy to use sites that don't have cp as well like they have zoo exclusive pages so if he's frequenting site that host that other shit he may be using zooville as a cover to his other perversions
 
Whatever the topic is, please remember that a key to a healthy relationships is communication.
And don't get me wrong, you can be in a relationship with little to no sexual activities, but then the fact they can go masturbating multiple times a day to very 'rough' porn is (at least for your relationship) not a really good sign. They may want to stay together for multiple reasons, but as long as you didn't leave any important details out, I would try to communicate my feelings and push them a little to communicate as well. Remember not only their needs have to be met.
 
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