Dead bedroom

lvstudlvr

lvstudlvr

Tourist
For the past 5 years I've been living in a dead bedroom. Actually my wife and I have not even slept in the same room let alone have any intimacy. I've been given every excuse you could think of. We've been to therapist and the bottom line is. She's totally happy with us living the roommate life. She stays in the house constantly. She says she just has no desire to go out and be around people. That she's going through things. I get it And I do empathy for her situation. She can't be happy herself on the inside. But I've been dealing with this for the past 5 years and I just can't see myself doing it for another five or the rest of my life. We have no children. And I'm finally at the point where I'm just done. Just tired of living this way and not enjoying my life. Anyone else in a similar situation? Or am I just being a total asshole
 
Octavian said:
You aren't intimate and you don't even sleep in the same bedroom. You say you live the "roommate life" and not the married life. So you shouldn't be married. Period. Sex and intimacy are cornerstones of marriage, it's wrong to withhold both.
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You're right.
 
lvstudlvr said:
For the past 5 years I've been living in a dead bedroom. Actually my wife and I have not even slept in the same room let alone have any intimacy. I've been given every excuse you could think of. We've been to therapist and the bottom line is. She's totally happy with us living the roommate life. She stays in the house constantly. She says she just has no desire to go out and be around people. That she's going through things. I get it And I do empathy for her situation. She can't be happy herself on the inside. But I've been dealing with this for the past 5 years and I just can't see myself doing it for another five or the rest of my life. We have no children. And I'm finally at the point where I'm just done. Just tired of living this way and not enjoying my life. Anyone else in a similar situation? Or am I just being a total asshole
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What you have is a roommate and not a wife.
 
Same thing happened to me! Turned out my wife of 38 years suffered from clinical depression. Tried various medications but the whole Covid shutdown made her exponentially worse. A year ago, she said she didn’t love me anymore. We lived like you’re living. After 40 years, our divorce will be final in October. I hope the best for you and your family.
 
TheZipper said:
Same thing happened to me! Turned out my wife of 38 years suffered from clinical depression. Tried various medications but the whole Covid shutdown made her exponentially worse. A year ago, she said she didn’t love me anymore. We lived like you’re living. After 40 years, our divorce will be final in October. I hope the best for you and your family.
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I'm envious to be honest. But it's up to me to walk away. She's totally fine with things the way they are
 
lvstudlvr said:
I'm envious to be honest. But it's up to me to walk away. She's totally fine with things the way they are
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My wife was, as well. If I wanted to spend the rest of my life living with a “pal”, I could still be married. After 40 years, I wasn’t willing to do that. Not saying that’s what you should do. It’s very difficult and I’m only now learning to adjust. Try and make it work.
 
lvstudlvr said:
For the past 5 years I've been living in a dead bedroom. Actually my wife and I have not even slept in the same room let alone have any intimacy. I've been given every excuse you could think of. We've been to therapist and the bottom line is. She's totally happy with us living the roommate life. She stays in the house constantly. She says she just has no desire to go out and be around people. That she's going through things. I get it And I do empathy for her situation. She can't be happy herself on the inside. But I've been dealing with this for the past 5 years and I just can't see myself doing it for another five or the rest of my life. We have no children. And I'm finally at the point where I'm just done. Just tired of living this way and not enjoying my life. Anyone else in a similar situation? Or am I just being a total asshole
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I'm sorry you're having to live like this.
The person to whom you're married (I can't call her your wife) is very selfish, without any desire to make any effort. She wants things the way they are, and wants you to just accept it. You said, "She's totally happy with us living the roommate life."

"She's going through things?" Whatever things those are, they aren't bothering her enough to get help. (you didn't indicate she was seeking help) That would be the first step toward getting your relationship to resemble a marriage, and thereby, improve the atmosphere in your home, which in turn, helps her with whatever she's going through.

But, I have my doubts that she's going through anything at all. She's only using that to justify the selfish way she's treating you.

You said, "We've been to (a) therapist." Am I assuming correctly that was a marriage counselor? A marriage counselor will only help if both people want to stay married.
I wish you luck. Truly, I do. Please keep us informed.
 
Unfortunately, this is very common in many marriages, mine included.

My wife has had no interest in any type of intimacy post-menopause. Like your wife, mine is content to stay at home. We get along and have family and a history and additional complicating factors, including her need to be on my health insurance. It is frustrating because I never wanted just a roommate. I am not suggesting it is the right thing, but I have found that intimacy can be found outside of marriage. We have settled into a "don't ask, don't tell" situation where I think she does not care how I get those needs met, so long as I am respectful of her.

I wish you luck.
 
lvstudlvr said:
For the past 5 years I've been living in a dead bedroom. Actually my wife and I have not even slept in the same room let alone have any intimacy. I've been given every excuse you could think of. We've been to therapist and the bottom line is. She's totally happy with us living the roommate life. She stays in the house constantly. She says she just has no desire to go out and be around people. That she's going through things. I get it And I do empathy for her situation. She can't be happy herself on the inside. But I've been dealing with this for the past 5 years and I just can't see myself doing it for another five or the rest of my life. We have no children. And I'm finally at the point where I'm just done. Just tired of living this way and not enjoying my life. Anyone else in a similar situation? Or am I just being a total asshole
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My father is in a similar situation, and I wish he would just leave. It sucks seeing couples waste away like that. No intimacy, no communication, no love. Not saying that what your going through, I'm just generalizing. If it's something your not happy with, I hope you're able to make a decision that does make you happy.
 
Yikes, what am I reading? Fuck... To all who are struggling with this, I'm sorry.
 
lvstudlvr said:
For the past 5 years I've been living in a dead bedroom. Actually my wife and I have not even slept in the same room let alone have any intimacy. I've been given every excuse you could think of. We've been to therapist and the bottom line is. She's totally happy with us living the roommate life. She stays in the house constantly. She says she just has no desire to go out and be around people. That she's going through things. I get it And I do empathy for her situation. She can't be happy herself on the inside. But I've been dealing with this for the past 5 years and I just can't see myself doing it for another five or the rest of my life. We have no children. And I'm finally at the point where I'm just done. Just tired of living this way and not enjoying my life. Anyone else in a similar situation? Or am I just being a total asshole
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If you both are out of sync let her know what you want and ask what she needs.

If she's happy living the "roommate life" she's not really your wife now is she? I mean at least some kind of cuddling or something.
 
Reconscope said:
If you both are out of sync let her know what you want and ask what she needs.

If she's happy living the "roommate life" she's not really your wife now is she? I mean at least some kind of cuddling or something.
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But that's the thing, she's refused.
 
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