Any other autistics here?

I guess I didn't think there would be a spot for something like this on the forum. ADHD here, I was put on ADHD meds when I was in kindergarten and it took a few tries to find the right one. I basically refused to believe I had a problem. I didn't want the medication, I didn't believe I had ADHD and I buckled down and burned myself out to finish middle school and high school, but elementary school was a failure for me. I was the one kid where they didn't know where to put me in school. I was light years ahead of all the kids in special ed and would help a lot of the kids with any questions they had, but when the school put me back in the regular ed I was always one step behind. I could never pay attention long enough to grasp subjects like math or science so I would have to get everything repeated and eventually I would just give up and let myself fail so the teachers and students would stop glaring at me for asking a question every few minutes. Then I would go to the special ed class to figure out the few little pieces I missed in the regular ed class and I would fly right through the rest of the work. I don't have a lot in common with those that have ADHD in terms of advanced intelligence. I have never run into anyone that hasn't had advanced intelligence with their ADHD, although I am told they exist. I was always slightly below average in all my testing so I couldn't make up for it by just being smart. The way I found to deal with that was to do the work/jobs no one else wanted to do and perform good in certain athletics despite hating any competitive sports.

After school I moved a state away to find myself and I struggled immensely to find a job that wouldn't just fire me for "being too slow." I was forced to work jobs that no one else wanted to work, aka "always hiring" jobs for so many year until I stumbled into a great job that lets me go at my own pace. Once the shock wore off I decided I would go see my doctor and talk about my past and ask them what they thought, I was able to provide medical records that prove I was on ADHD meds before. My doctor asked me some questions and I answered them truthfully. I explained my difficulties concentrating, feeling like thought after chaotically distracting thought keeps crashing into my mind one after the other and it's just to difficult to keep going with zero energy, no motivation, improper emotional regulation, difficulty in forming meaningful relationships, can't sit still, constant fidgeting, always interrupting others, inability to deal with stress, etc. My doctor gave me a prescription and things have been much better since then. I'm still tweaking my dosage, but the difference a year later has been insane. After nearly 15 years off the medication it was like getting on a bike again. I lost 40 pounds in 3 months by changing my diet to more whole foods, going on walks to exercise, and trying to get better sleep, but failing that one. I have my slip ups here and there, but I kick myself in the butt and that seems to do the trick mostly. My walks in nature have been fueling my desire to be with animals again. I miss that connection I had, one day I will have it again.
 
I've wondered about myself. Counselors have said maybe, but that my excessive smoking of pot and drinking of alcohol would skew any of the vague tests available. Friends have said 'definitely'.
 
I have it high functioning diagnosed by a doctor I was seeing in a youth facility for a couple years. I always had trouble connecting with people (though from my perspective it was them who had trouble connecting with me) but animals were usually much more open to my communication style (lots of soft touching, most animals who know eachother communicate a lot through touch). I didn't have a stable home life because my mom thought going to church or placating the school when it would write letters home about how worthless I am would be better for me than protecting me and taking my side. None of the friends I had from back then will talk to me because I was put on the wrong medication and had a psychotic break because of it and spent 3 years in youth facility while bootyscratchers went on with their lives. The only nice doctor I saw was in there and he took me off all the poison, I was pill free and I was a normal peaceful person, not some monster like everyone had acted. I was bullied and got into a few fights before this and the pearl clutchers acted like I was charles manson (I was defending myself from groups of other kids, these weren't even one on one fights most of the time it was just me getting jumped). I got out but my life never really went back to normal. I tried to start working like everyone else, but every job I went to the boss was dishonest and would take advantage of and abuse me. Things like lying about a job description, or lying about when I could clock out, or belittling me for now I mopped or swept, this wasn't advice from a friendly source, it was belittling abuse and I was too young and maybe too autistic to see it, all I know is it felt bad and I didn't know why until later. I tried to go to college but it didn't work out, too much nonsense. Too many hoops to jump through. I've had girlfriends, and boyfriends, and I've had experience with the family dog when I was young but that's it. I wish so much that I had a female coded partner who was comfortable with my "disability" and also was comfortable with zoosexuality.
 
There was a thread on the old /r/zoophilia subreddit about this. The consensus was that zoophiliac attraction was disproportionately higher amoung Autistic or ADHD individuals.

I've been diagnosed with ADHD, but not autism (but I suspect I have "a bit" of autism). ADHD developed in primative humans as a way for random members of the tribe to think abstractly and steer society off its rigid path. This helped ancient humans when there were resource shortages or traumatic events. Having a "neuro-divergent" brain allowed tribes to discover new lands, try new methods that weren't as set in stone and maybe hunt and gather in new ways. There is a theory that every major technological advantage - from agriculture to domesticating animals - was an idea of an autistic or ADHD brain.

I personally find the whole construct of society as a thin fabric that "normies" program themselves to accept and be a part of. Following the rules of capitalism, social media, trends, etc. They tend to appear happier than folks with autism or ADHD that tend to feel unwelcomed, burdensome or unaccepted.

I participate in society begrudgingly, but I question absolutely everything. I do things more for my own happiness instead of if they will be accepted by others. If I want to share deep intimate love with an animal, I'll do it. If I want to go build sand castles on the beach in a cold day when nobody else is there, I'll do it.
 
Kristy said:
Why do you people think it's so COOL to say you have autism, Asperger's, AD, HD, ADHD, OCD OR PTSD? Without ever having been diagnosed! What kind of FAKE, twisted enjoyment are you getting from just running around and saying you have them??

Have you ANY idea how hard life can be for a REAL victim of one these afflictions? No, you do not, and you hardly even care. Life for them can be, in some cases, nightmare difficult, and there you are, just casually saying for some stupidly insensitive reason,
"Oh yeah, I'm an aspie" or "Yeah, I'm in the spectrum" or "got me some adhd and autism."

You don't get to decide for yourself you have one of these. There are REAL people actually suffering!
There are specific TESTS for all these afflictions, administered ONLY by mental health professionals.
Get it into your head: If you were never TESTED AND DIAGNOSED for any of them by a professional,
you do NOT have them!
Click to expand...
as someone who is diagnosed with autism, ADHD, OCD and probably more without remembering, diagnosis is a privilege. medical professionals are not exempt from being discriminatory towards people based on things unrelated to their disorder. such as race, gender, age, personality, other disabilities, how successful they are in school or social life. in some places, getting diagnosed costs money aswell, which means those in poverty, even if obviously disabled, would find it hard to get a diagnosis. self diagnosis is the first step to being diagnosed professionally, anyways.


also, nobody enjoys having these disorders. (this doesn't mean you can't find joy within it, such as special interests and the unique way we see the world) anyone faking them is also sick, just with something else.

also, different people can suffer less or worse with something, it doesn't mean they don't have/aren't the thing. when my skin was peeling off my hands cause my ocd caused me to wash them to 'clean' myself of the bad thoughts (which happened constantly) i didn't yell at people who were suffering less that they were faking. i still don't, though i suffer to this day. i'm glad others don't have it as bad as me, and i'm sad for those who have it worse. i have to take medications so i don't go absolutely insane, does that mean i hate those with the same disorders who don't have to medicate? no. i'm a little jealous, yeah, but they still suffer.
 
I was diagnosed with ASD when i was 9. Age 6-9 was when i was diagnosed with ASD, SPD, OCD, Anxiety / Panic disorder, and ADHD.
Most people have no clue I'm on the spectrum when others who are also on the spectrum can usually tell haha!
My fascination with animal began around age 13 but the attraction side became very apparent at age 16.
 
Kristy said:
Why do you people think it's so COOL to say you have autism, Asperger's, AD, HD, ADHD, OCD OR PTSD? Without ever having been diagnosed! What kind of FAKE, twisted enjoyment are you getting from just running around and saying you have them??

Have you ANY idea how hard life can be for a REAL victim of one these afflictions? No, you do not, and you hardly even care. Life for them can be, in some cases, nightmare difficult, and there you are, just casually saying for some stupidly insensitive reason,
"Oh yeah, I'm an aspie" or "Yeah, I'm in the spectrum" or "got me some adhd and autism."

You don't get to decide for yourself you have one of these. There are REAL people actually suffering!
There are specific TESTS for all these afflictions, administered ONLY by mental health professionals.
Get it into your head: If you were never TESTED AND DIAGNOSED for any of them by a professional,
you do NOT have them!
Click to expand...
Did I miss something where people were saying whether they were self diagnosed or not? Of course people tested and diagnosed say 'I'm on the spectrum'. It seems sort of ableist to come on a post for autistics and then just randomly posting that the people responding are faking it for no reason. Also, most aren't autistics arent 'suffering' nor do they feel 'afflicted'. It's a spectrum for a reason.
 
purrversekitty said:
Did I miss something where people were saying whether they were self diagnosed or not? Of course people tested and diagnosed say 'I'm on the spectrum'. It seems sort of ableist to come on a post for autistics and then just randomly posting that the people responding are faking it for no reason. Also, most aren't autistics arent 'suffering' nor do they feel 'afflicted'. It's a spectrum for a reason.
Click to expand...
Yea...

I totally misses that post..

Musta been my adhd acting up.. lol

Sometimes it's miserable to be me..

Other times it helps me see what everyone else is missing that's right in front of them...
 
To add to my last post since I had to answer a text while typing it that totally blew my train of thought off the rails.. (more spectrum shit), and now I forgot what I was going to say...

Shit..

Oh shiny!!!

Squirrel!!!

Oh yea, I think the world is more of the problem for me than I am for the world..

In other words, (shit, just had a waitress ask me if I needed another beer, good thing I could read what I had just typed!!), I think most of my "misery" comes from the world and it trying to label me and force me to fit in some kind of box...

I work much better when I'm allowed to just be my weird ass self and just do me...

I run into problems when the world wants to force me to adhere to schedules and other bullshit..

I don't see the point..

I don't understand why people can't just enjoy the ride that is life...

No!! They have to go do this or that, that they have no real desire to, and then say that it's just part of life.. I say bullshit..

When I'm hungry, I eat, when thirsty, I drink, when tired, I struggle like hell and finally get to sleep..

Fuck the rest of it...
 
Kristy said:
Why do you people think it's so COOL to say you have autism, Asperger's, AD, HD, ADHD, OCD OR PTSD? Without ever having been diagnosed! What kind of FAKE, twisted enjoyment are you getting from just running around and saying you have them??

Have you ANY idea how hard life can be for a REAL victim of one these afflictions? No, you do not, and you hardly even care. Life for them can be, in some cases, nightmare difficult, and there you are, just casually saying for some stupidly insensitive reason,
"Oh yeah, I'm an aspie" or "Yeah, I'm in the spectrum" or "got me some adhd and autism."

You don't get to decide for yourself you have one of these. There are REAL people actually suffering!
There are specific TESTS for all these afflictions, administered ONLY by mental health professionals.
Get it into your head: If you were never TESTED AND DIAGNOSED for any of them by a professional,
you do NOT have
Click to expand...
Kristy said:
Why do you people think it's so COOL to say you have autism, Asperger's, AD, HD, ADHD, OCD OR PTSD? Without ever having been diagnosed! What kind of FAKE, twisted enjoyment are you getting from just running around and saying you have them??

Have you ANY idea how hard life can be for a REAL victim of one these afflictions? No, you do not, and you hardly even care. Life for them can be, in some cases, nightmare difficult, and there you are, just casually saying for some stupidly insensitive reason,
"Oh yeah, I'm an aspie" or "Yeah, I'm in the spectrum" or "got me some adhd and autism."

You don't get to decide for yourself you have one of these. There are REAL people actually suffering!
There are specific TESTS for all these afflictions, administered ONLY by mental health professionals.
Get it into your head: If you were never TESTED AND DIAGNOSED for any of them by a professional,
you do NOT have them!
Click to expand...
I personally said I’m a aspie because I was diagnosed an I started finally bein helped out at 13 an these days I like to own it especally here where I wanna be comfortable around zoos who might also be. I don’t think it’s cool to be it but fuck if I’m gonna look at myself as uncool or less than, I struggled bad my whole life tryna cope with shit I won’t struggle on here
 
If you don't see things your own way instead of the "normal" way then you're just a sheep. Have your own viewpoint.

There's still facts that are not opinions however. Most people suck at doing straight answers and cross referencing with each other (comparing both sides of the story together).

People that go "Does your logic add up or not and here's why with reasons" will have a better understanding.

There's no "wrong viewpoint". But there is seeing things inaccurately. Also known as incorrect assumptions. Every lie you tell yourself will fuel fear (which most people will deny). Which can in turn lead to things like anger or/and dishonest sarcasm.

What if one assumes and expects nothing at all? That would very much be the concept of "being nothing". To "Observe without judgement". Only when learning this skill do people start to understand without being close minded.

Most people do this. "I blame you for how I feel." This would be a lie. I do not put feelings inside of you. They are your own.

Fewer people do this. "I work myself up with my own assumptions and I'm afraid." In these situations people defuse faster. Because they are being more honest.

The difference is accountability.

Considering what normal is, considering it's living a lie with denial and 66% of people depressed at work then what's so bad about being autistic? People that mock autism and go "I mock you" are stupid. They don't ask or try to understand. That is what "a "normal" viewpoint does.

To be clear, statistically speaking most people are close minded. Do people really want to go "Let's jump on a bandwagon and be a sheep?" The most common opinion is likely the incorrect one. What if you're lying to yourself?

Most people don't self reflect. Most people don't second guess themselves. There's a reason for this. I think I'll let Freidck Nechie say it best.

“Sometimes people don't want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed.”
 
Last edited:
Mesond said:
Most people do this. "I blame you for how I feel." This would be a lie. I do not put feelings inside of you. They are your own.

Fewer people do this. "I work myself up with my own assumptions and I'm afraid.
Click to expand...
This is the only bit I don't totally agree with. From a sociological point of view, people in a close group will try not to make others feel bad. If person A gets an unexpected hurt from B they may show their hurt. Maybe it's kind of like kittens play fighting until one is really hurt and yowls about it, letting the others know they went too far.

But yeah, that may be where it comes from but self-observing adults should do better.

That is likely one reason why hatreds grow. "Hey! Can't you see that what you did made me feel bad? What an asshole you are!" back and forth.
 
milabue said:
people in a close group will try not to make others feel bad.

That is likely one reason why hatreds grow. "Hey! Can't you see that what you did made me feel bad? What an asshole you are!" back and forth.
Click to expand...
The problem is good intentions. That "hive mindset" is very dangerious.

I talk to people that used to be mods. They'd tell ya.

Good intentions can drive people into depression, self harm and suicide. When it's dealing with expectations and pushing away. "Good intentions" don't count for much when "fear itself" is what causes it.

To be clear, I have lost someone to suicide online a decade ago. I talk to people in messages on other sites that are self destructive. Quite interesting people when not being looked down on. Mods aren't trained for it. Somehow I never fucked up since learning from past mistakes.

The problem is people don't see the consequences of their actions. "Thinking this is good" doesn't mean it is. And "Thinking that's bad"? Well, it honestly depends on wherever you "see" it as bad.
 
Oily said:
For the record, I think this generally happens because of a process called "masking", of which the outcome can be a mixture of good (acceptance) and bad (psychologically)
Click to expand...
I think you are probably right...

It's was bad

Now good..
 
Well 99% sure I am, or Asperger's at the least. Definite difficulties reading social cues. I'm old enough that when I was a kid the Dr. probably had to take the cigarette out of his mouth to tell my mom I was a "hyper" kid.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top