A difficult life situation. Maybe you had something similar.

wolfy2020

wolfy2020

Tourist
I was in a very difficult situation. I have loved animals, especially dogs, since I was 15 years old. But now I'm in a relationship with someone who doesn't share this, and he made me forget about it. He now thinks that I am no longer a zoophile. And I tried to hide it in myself. But now I'm 24, and I don't feel like a happy person.
The difficulty of my situation is that I can't end my relationship because my boyfriend is mentally ill and just can't handle this situation, and maybe even do very dangerous things. The only thing that makes me happy is the possibility that soon I will have my own dog, and I will probably have to hide my relationship with him from my boyfriend.
 
JayUK said:
"The difficulty of my situation is that I can't end my relationship because my boyfriend is mentally ill and just can't handle this situation, and maybe even do very dangerous things."

Anything he does is not on you... don't be an emotionally held prisoner
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I'm just scared, I don't reveal my attitude to animals in my life, and after telling him the hard truth, he can make sure that everyone knows. Also, I am the only one who finances us both now, and we live in Ukraine, so it's like a trap with all the problems that accumulate.
 
It's also worth mentioning that our sex life has deteriorated a lot, i.e. I didn't show my own need to have sex with him before, but now we haven't had sex for more than 6 months. Only something simpler, maybe.
 
It's unfortunate, but ultimately you will have to decide what really makes you happy and if that outweighs your fear of the unknown. In my experience, living a life hiding a big part of your personality is harmful. To me, it's better to be happy than in an unhealthy relationship.
 
As an outside observer, all I can say is:

You seem thoroughly unhappy with the relation. You don't have sex, you stopped caring, and you're the one financing everything.
He's holding you hostage with his mental illness...

I mean, don't take advice from rando's on the internet, but what is he bringing to the relation? Anything at all?
"I'm not happy any more" is more than a valid reason to break up...
Don't even mention animals. That's got nothing to do with it.
 
Bloit said:
As an outside observer, all I can say is:

You seem thoroughly unhappy with the relation. You don't have sex, you stopped caring, and you're the one financing everything.
He's holding you hostage with his mental illness...

I mean, don't take advice from rando's on the internet, but what is he bringing to the relation? Anything at all?
"I'm not happy any more" is more than a valid reason to break up...
Don't even mention animals. That's got nothing to do with it.
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Yes, I agree that this is probably the only way to happiness. But I just can't decide to do it. The situation in the country is such that he will not be able to survive without me, and he will have to return to his only relative in the city (his grandmother), with whom they are constantly in conflict because of his and her psychological problems. So I could let him go, but I can't put him in a difficult situation that could lead to him harming himself.
 
JT Bullitt said:
It's unfortunate, but ultimately you will have to decide what really makes you happy and if that outweighs your fear of the unknown. In my experience, living a life hiding a big part of your personality is harmful. To me, it's better to be happy than in an unhealthy relationship.
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I hope to resolve something this year, but it will definitely not be a normal breakup. It's not possible without the right approach, at least out of respect for him and his mental state.
 
wolfy2020 said:
I hope to resolve something this year, but it will definitely not be a normal breakup. It's not possible without the right approach, at least out of respect for him and his mental state.
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I understand, believe me. But it comes down to your mental state or yours. There are plenty of reasons people break up, even in critical situations. You don't have to mention your zoo tendencies. If it's not working out, just leave it at that and let the cards fall as they will.

To use an analogy, there's a reason lifeguards are trained to save themselves before their patient if life is on the line.
 
JT Bullitt said:
I understand, believe me. But it comes down to your mental state or yours. There are plenty of reasons people break up, even in critical situations. You don't have to mention your zoo tendencies. If it's not working out, just leave it at that and let the cards fall as they will.

To use an analogy, there's a reason lifeguards are trained to save themselves before their patient if life is on the line.
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Yes, it seems to me that these relations can simply die down. He is no longer satisfied with me because of the lack of normal sex.
 
wolfy2020 said:
I was in a very difficult situation. I have loved animals, especially dogs, since I was 15 years old. But now I'm in a relationship with someone who doesn't share this, and he made me forget about it. He now thinks that I am no longer a zoophile. And I tried to hide it in myself. But now I'm 24, and I don't feel like a happy person.
The difficulty of my situation is that I can't end my relationship because my boyfriend is mentally ill and just can't handle this situation, and maybe even do very dangerous things. The only thing that makes me happy is the possibility that soon I will have my own dog, and I will probably have to hide my relationship with him from my boyfriend.
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Every one is responsible for their own actions, just be nice with letting him ago after that he must chose the path in life that he thinks best, just have your bases off and ensure it is a right choice for your self as well.
 
wolfy2020 said:
Yes, I agree that this is probably the only way to happiness. But I just can't decide to do it. The situation in the country is such that he will not be able to survive without me, and he will have to return to his only relative in the city (his grandmother), with whom they are constantly in conflict because of his and her psychological problems. So I could let him go, but I can't put him in a difficult situation that could lead to him harming himself.
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If that is the choice he makes then it is souly on his neck, not yours, not the worlds, not the countries.
 
Did you have this attraction prior to dating this person? If that’s the case you should have already foreseen something like this to go down. None of us here should have some sort of expectation that our significant other will be ok with this attraction or lifestyle. It’s risky and frowned upon by the majority of people. I struggle with the same issue. That’s why Im currently single and haven’t started looking for a partner. Your only options I can see is either come clean or find someone who can care for him in his family or some other facility that can. But being where you’re at I believe the options are limited. I don’t have the solution sadly.
 
wolfy2020 said:
Yes, I agree that this is probably the only way to happiness. But I just can't decide to do it. The situation in the country is such that he will not be able to survive without me, and he will have to return to his only relative in the city (his grandmother), with whom they are constantly in conflict because of his and her psychological problems. So I could let him go, but I can't put him in a difficult situation that could lead to him harming himself.
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This

wolfy2020 said:
I hope to resolve something this year, but it will definitely not be a normal breakup. It's not possible without the right approach, at least out of respect for him and his mental state.
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This

wolfy2020 said:
Yes, it seems to me that these relations can simply die down. He is no longer satisfied with me because of the lack of normal sex.
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And this all say the same thing to me. You have already made up your mind on what you need to do which is to leave him. Now comes the hard part, the leaving part.

wolfy2020 said:
I feel like I'm trying to make the situation critical so that he wants to leave me.
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Break ups are the worst, they really are. However just look at yourself in 5 years still stuck with him, does it feel like your dragging around a boat anchor that is weighing you down with an ever increasing pressure. Just imagine how that will feel in 5 years.

wolfy2020 said:
It's also worth mentioning that our sex life has deteriorated a lot, i.e. I didn't show my own need to have sex with him before, but now we haven't had sex for more than 6 months. Only something simpler, maybe.
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Your sex life with him has disappeared completely and it sounds like before when you were having sex you weren't enjoying it which is never healthy. Sex should be enjoyed by both as an extra bonus to complement the relationship, not handed out as a treat to control his behavior. I'm glad you stopped, but was it a conscious decision at first or was it something your mind put the brakes on for you as a defense mechanism because you refused to deal with this situation in a healthy manner. I've had this happen to me at work and in my past relationships before, my mind just tells me were not going to do that anymore. I can't force myself to do it no matter how hard I try, it's almost like an invisible wall. If it's the latter, then you need to work on an exit strategy. Do whatever makes you feel most comfortable to end the relationship, but get it done.

Best of luck in this, your gonna need it.
 
wolfy2020 said:
I was in a very difficult situation. I have loved animals, especially dogs, since I was 15 years old. But now I'm in a relationship with someone who doesn't share this, and he made me forget about it. He now thinks that I am no longer a zoophile. And I tried to hide it in myself. But now I'm 24, and I don't feel like a happy person.
The difficulty of my situation is that I can't end my relationship because my boyfriend is mentally ill and just can't handle this situation, and maybe even do very dangerous things. The only thing that makes me happy is the possibility that soon I will have my own dog, and I will probably have to hide my relationship with him from my boyfriend.
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Also I forgot to mention, do me a favor and imagine what it would be like without this guy in your life at all. Don't think about him or what he would be up to, just think about you and your doggo.

Imagine all the fun times you could have together getting to know each other. Remember, a dog doesn't judge you or try to control you the way a human will. A dog will love you, they will greet you at the door when you come home first thing because to them you have been gone 100 years and they missed you so much. To a dog, when you feel sad, they pick up on your sadness and want cuddles to show you they are paying attention and do love you. To a dog, getting up in the morning means jumping out of the same bed you were sleeping in because they want to sleep with the person they love most, which is you. To a dog, going for a walk to stretch your legs sounds like the perfect activity and pace for you both. To a dog, you are the center of their world because for thousands of years humans have bred dogs for many purposes, but the most basic and fundamental purpose of a dog is to rely on you to see to their needs, both physical, mental, and emotional. Every breed of dog had a purpose in mind, but all breeds share the commonality of the dog sharing the bond with their human.

Be true and honest with yourself and you will find peace.
 
Bloodwolf said:
Did you have this attraction prior to dating this person? If that’s the case you should have already foreseen something like this to go down. None of us here should have some sort of expectation that our significant other will be ok with this attraction or lifestyle.
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While I agree with the idea and I think it is fine to leave this written as a warning for posterity, I don't think it helps the OP that much to be reminded he made a mistake, because clearly he is already suffering through it.

Now my attempt at helpful input:

Relationships are exchanges in which you take from the other person and you give to the other person. If you are not getting what you need out of the relationship, you should either try to improve it or break it, because you are sacrificing yourself and not getting your needs fulfilled.
 
LuvelyLeda said:
If you've talked to him about it, and he's still angry because he feels entitled to sex with you, then he doesn't care about you at all. Nobody should be with anyone like that.
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Actually...

As I posted earlier, people needs to get what they need to get from a relationship in order for it to work. Some people needs sex. If somebody needs sex and he is not getting it from the relationship, then the relationship is not for him. It is yet another reason why this relationship is a failure.
 
LuvelyLeda said:
If you care about each other, you'll make compromises for each other. One sided relationships are toxic.
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My boyfriend has post-traumatic personality disorder, he was recently diagnosed with this disorder. I supported him for two years so that he would not commit suicide. And now I am completely tired. I am waiting for possible changes from him, so that he starts valuing himself more, and then I will try to resign.
 
He is helding you hostage, a friend of mine had this situation about a year ago. If you let him and don't take care of him, he will kill himself, that's what you may think.
That situation is not healthy for you. Yes, you are caring for his health as well, but is he caring for yours?

He has to continue his life, being mentally ill or not. With or without you.
You must follow your happiness, always. Take care, think about it and keep a good mentality,it wont be easy, but you will be alright.

If you get a dog after that, you'll have companionship. Not talking about anything sexual or romantic. Feeling that someone is there for you, recieving you every day and make you know that you are NOT alone is important.

Wish you luck, queen. ❤️
 
Relationships are hard to begin with. Especially since either side could be trying to manipulate the other. When mental illness comes into play that makes things 10x harder. I’m not the best for relationship advice as I’ve only been in 1 relationship with a human and she was a manipulative bitch who treated my emotions like a toy that could be replaced once broken.

Anyways point is if the relationship wasn’t healthy to begin with due to him not liking a part of who you are then a majority of the blame for it failing goes on him, mental illness or not. Wish you the best and believe me and some of these others, who are likely more experienced, if the relationship feels like dragging around lead weights, a boat anchor, ot just out right dead weight in general and you feel empty and dead inside thinking on it… then the relationship has already ended, just a matter of delivering the message in the right way. Even with mental illness involved anything he does to himself would be on him and not you. I will say that it’s a sad state that mental illnesses are not properly studied and researched but are instead analyzed and then given 30 different drugs. Yes i know that some people need specific medications to help them with their various problems.

Hope you do the right thing over all though. For yourself and him. Hopefully things will get better for you though.
 
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