Wholesome zoo identity: One path to it

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BlueBeard

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My wife and I can both feel as if we’re not a fit sometimes within the larger zoo community, as if our story is too different to actually belong to it, as if we’re “something else.” Sometimes, in quiet, lucid moments such as this morning, I ponder how we’ve reached this place, wishing we could help others to a safe harbor in a sea of anguish.

Today I had time -- and sufficient coffee -- to write about it. Maybe it will be useful to someone who's struggling with their zoophilia orientation?

We are in a place of love and hope and contentment, fully immune to society’s questionable morality and harsh judgment when it comes to pleasures of our “naughty bits.”

I was thinking about that thing right there: thinking that parts of our body are thought of as “naughty.” What a senselessly destructive concept. One of several we're taught since we are young.

Let's go through what I think makes it so hard to be zoophiles in our society, beginning with that one, three in all. What makes other folks think of zoophilia as immoral?
  • The “immorality” of zoophilia (a sexual orientation defined as sexual attraction to animals) is grounded in a fundamental, societal belief that penises and vaginas are naughty body parts that must be censored -- especially in regard to any pleasure associated with them.
We don’t have “naughty bits.” Daughter of a hippie psychologist, my wife has never had naughty bits, ever. I did growing up, but I have not had naughty bits since shortly after meeting her. She healed me of that brokenness, bless her.

We are entirely wholesome and healthy, every little part of us. Although the context is completely different, we believe what Shakespeare’s Hamlet suggests about morality, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” In our way of thinking, genitals aren’t anymore evil than knees and elbows, chins or brows. You can see how ludicrous it is to make them “evil” when you consider some cultures even “ban” these other body parts as too “naughty.” As bizarre as burkas are to you, perhaps, so bizarre to us is a social demand for genital censorship or the demonization of concupiscence.

We don't believe our sexuality is first and foremost who we are, not the utmost part of our identity; but it is, nevertheless, part of who we are. We are each our own unique, complex web of identities. To be zoophile is just one of them. Being zoophile, to us, is no more of a label, good or bad, than being spouses, parents, children, neighbors or any other, sexual or nonsexual component of our identity. No one questions what we do in bed as husband or wife and we generally don't go around talking about it with strangers. But of course, we do talk openly about it with those we know share similar interests.

Similarly and with similar lack of guilt or shame, we do not feel we need to talk about the fact our dogs are free to join in, though we are fortunate to have a few friends we can talk about bestiality with.

Again, we don't consider our sexuality "naughty" -- just private. Private in the sense that we keep the shades drawn in consideration of others who don't want to see us enjoy our sexuality. But if you want to see, then ask. For instance, want to see my wife’s pussy, ask her -- she will promptly show you. But she doesn't run around the restaurant at supper spreading it open before each patron, asking do they want to see it (despite how lovely it really is!).

How short a step that is to shamelessly enjoying bestial activities in privacy. If your genitals are no more shameful than your hands, and your hands are free to enjoy the silky softness of fur when an animal offers itself for petting, then why should it be shameful to enjoy the tactile pleasures of inter-species genital contact?

To condemn such things is to align yourself with those who believe their own genitals are evil. (Do you genuinely believe genitals are evil? That sexual pleasure is unnatural and therefore immoral?)

When it comes down to it, the only reason bestiality is so "evil" is that it has to do with genitals. You will never be judged evil for being in love with your dog. It is the thought you might enjoy touching its genitals or allowing it to touch yours that gets a crowd to light its torches and rip you from your castle.

Same as is true of, say, homosexuality. No one cares that one man loves another man with his whole being. It's when genitals get involved. Then, oh my.... Get a rope, make a noose, find a tree.
  • The immorality of zoophilia is grounded in the generalization that all “bestiality” (human sexual activity with other species) is animal abuse.
It is a false assumption, obviously, easily disproved, but it's one my wife and I see as an argument we'll never win. Well, one we can’t win globally, worldwide. We're grossly outnumbered. However, we certainly have the ability to influence change in this or that person’s mind, one on one.

Most importantly, we want our fellow zoos to have confidence that they themselves aren’t abusing animals when they allow or even encourage an animal to interact with them sexuality. In our case, our pup is allowed to participate in our lovemaking, any way he sees fit on any occasion. It totally fits our concept of healthy sexuality.

Don’t think that we DON’T have a concept of abuse. In our way of thinking, whether bestiality is abusive or not depends on whether animals are allowed to participate and allowed to choose how to participate, or whether they are forced.

For instance, we will not hold him down, stiffen him up and shove his prick into a stranger while he whines so that some “zoo curious” person can sate him- or herself on him. Do we judge others who do this? Yes. Certainly. From our viewpoint, the one context of bestiality (permitting an animal to interact with us sexually) does not violate our values, our belief system. But in this other context, making him do it, it’s abuse. And it’s not about “keeping him for ourselves.” If he WANTS to interact with a friend of ours or even a stranger, that’s totally fine.

That we see the distinction so clearly, we think, is why we are comfortable as zoos. When zoophilia causes anguish, it’s because moral constructs are in conflict. Just taking time to sort those out can lead a soul to peace.

We are confident our bestial interactions are not abuse. If we weren’t, we’d be struggling. What is *your* concept of "abuse"?
  • The immorality of zoophilia is based on a dubious concept of "abnormal" (not in the "majority").
It would be so much easier, wouldn’t it, if everyone on earth was zoo. Even if we are generous and grant that everyone who ever had sex with an animal was zoo, it would still be just a fraction of society. It’s just a fact.

But it’s also a fact that not every human in a same-species relationship is straight. And not everyone, gay or straight, likes oral sex (seriously!). Not even every single person masturbates – in fact, not every single person even seeks sexual gratification of any kind, period.

It doesn’t make anyone in any of these minorities “wrong.” Or more or less moral. Most of them have probably at some point or another been puzzled, “Why aren’t I like most everybody else?”

You just aren’t. And... even when you think you’ve found a group of people “just like you,” you’re still different enough to be distinctly you, an individual, in that group.

In fact, we think it's safe to say the VAST MAJORITY of people on the planet are in at least one or another kind of minority. We're ALL in a minority, most likely. (This zoophilia one, though, comes with some pretty extreme persecution at times, it seems, compared to most of the others).

Also, I've been writing as if the battle is with society's misperceptions and false notions. Really, it's not society that causes us our greatest pain, not directly. It's an internal struggle. *We* are our biggest obstacle. Our identity in part comes from our membership in the larger circles of society: of humanity in general, of our countrymen, of our faith/church affiliations, of our other subcultures, of our families, of our friends. We "buy into" what we know or even what we perceive to be their belief systems. We want those to be ours. We'd like our lives to be an open book to all of them, nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed for them to look at or see -- no conflicts.

That's our internal expectation of ourselves, you know -- regardless of whether they expect it from us. We only have to overcome our *own* expectations for ourselves. Because down deep, we really *don't* care what society expects, right? How many of us live by every single law? How many of us drive differently when a cop is right behind us than when we think there are no cops on the road?

I won't pretend that makes it any easier for us as we're struggling to accept this part of ourselves, find out how it "fits" with all other aspects of our identity.

I'm only saying that it *can* be done. And once you get there.... you'll wonder why/how it took you so long!

Rather than spending so much time wishing for the impossible -- that you were just like everyone else -- spend it reassuring yourself that you are just you. All of us struggle with who we are, who we were "meant" to be. If only we can find a way to reconcile all the little pieces of our identity, of what makes us who we are, we can be happy, just content as can be. We'll see how our little voice fits among all the other voices of the community, whether someone is interested in hearing us... or not.

Just as my wife and I are here. We want your voice to be you here, too, individual that you are.

I'm not trying to change anyone by posting this. I'm just hoping if you’re at all less happy than my wife and I are, that something I shared in this post helps you to get where we are – a pleasant little island of happiness in a sea that sometimes can be host to shipwrecked survivors of humanity's great global ocean.

Come sit on our towel, sip a drink with us. Can't make it all the way under your own power? We'll wade out a ways with hands extended. Grab on. Enjoy the shade of our umbrella while you catch your breath.

And to all of you who ALREADY are at peace with who you are, but read this far anyway -- coolness. You come sit with us and we'll enjoy the sea breeze together till the next storm, when you can join us in hauling in the weary souls before they go under.
 
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