B
BlueBeard
Guest
An older, separate thread asks if you feel shame for your zoosexuality. I think we should acknowledge that there are different kinds of shame.
Shame is a continuum that ranges from simple modesty with a nod, maybe (?) to social convention, all the way to "toxic shame," a sort of self-loathing, a hatred of oneself, kind of shame.
I am not "ashamed" I have to void my bowels. Just comes with being a living creature. Sort of humbling, of course. Ties my existence to all other creatures. As the kids' book title reads, "Everybody poops." But there is a kind of shame called "modesty" that causes us to prefer to poop in a bathroom stall at least, if not in a private room designated for that purpose away from others, with a lockable door. Even my dogs don't like to be watched. It's an act that makes you vulnerable right then (just as it does them, when they have to do it... turning all around, watching nervously, trying to get it over with quick as possible).
Sexuality has its own, similar "spectrum of shame." We sort of know *when* it's okay to indulge in sexual activity, and limit ourselves to that. But... there are also sexual interests and proclivities that, for a variety of reasons, can make us hate ourselves, wish we were not this "way," feel "less worthy of existence" than others (in our own thinking).
Sounds like a simple distinction -- but reconsider. The majority of people, I would think, do not want to see "fucking" everywhere they go. But... then again... my wife and I belong to a lifestyles community where, when we go there, you're pretty much gonna see it all over the place, in every kind and form. -- And it's accepted. It's acceptable. It's welcome and encouraged. It's dependent on situation, occasion, subculture, etc.
If someone found out that ... well, check that. People *have* found out (a few) about our liberal attitude toward sexuality. Even some family know about our resort affiliation (yeah, even the kids). Are we ashamed? No.
Yet, we don't tell everyone. And we certainly don't "act out" in front of anyone. We wear clothes to the family reunion.
I think it's healthy to consider our zoophilia in the same terms. Not feel "toxic" shame for it, but acknowledge the need for some modesty, and respect for others who find it ... repugnant. It's only being courteous when you refrain from fucking your dog (and vice versa) in front of your neighbors. (That is, in *most* neighborhoods).
Recognizing there are different kinds of shame might help us as we attend to those who are struggling.
Can we agree there's a "shame continuum" and not *all* shame is something to be worried about?
So then... maybe we can share something from our own experience about that. I know... it's all been said before. But it bears repeating? A focused spot to come to for those looking for relief?
What can we offer those who feel overwhelming, "toxic" shame for being sexually attracted to, especially sexually active with, other species?
You go first. What can you offer regarding "dealing with shame"?
Shame is a continuum that ranges from simple modesty with a nod, maybe (?) to social convention, all the way to "toxic shame," a sort of self-loathing, a hatred of oneself, kind of shame.
I am not "ashamed" I have to void my bowels. Just comes with being a living creature. Sort of humbling, of course. Ties my existence to all other creatures. As the kids' book title reads, "Everybody poops." But there is a kind of shame called "modesty" that causes us to prefer to poop in a bathroom stall at least, if not in a private room designated for that purpose away from others, with a lockable door. Even my dogs don't like to be watched. It's an act that makes you vulnerable right then (just as it does them, when they have to do it... turning all around, watching nervously, trying to get it over with quick as possible).
Sexuality has its own, similar "spectrum of shame." We sort of know *when* it's okay to indulge in sexual activity, and limit ourselves to that. But... there are also sexual interests and proclivities that, for a variety of reasons, can make us hate ourselves, wish we were not this "way," feel "less worthy of existence" than others (in our own thinking).
Sounds like a simple distinction -- but reconsider. The majority of people, I would think, do not want to see "fucking" everywhere they go. But... then again... my wife and I belong to a lifestyles community where, when we go there, you're pretty much gonna see it all over the place, in every kind and form. -- And it's accepted. It's acceptable. It's welcome and encouraged. It's dependent on situation, occasion, subculture, etc.
If someone found out that ... well, check that. People *have* found out (a few) about our liberal attitude toward sexuality. Even some family know about our resort affiliation (yeah, even the kids). Are we ashamed? No.
Yet, we don't tell everyone. And we certainly don't "act out" in front of anyone. We wear clothes to the family reunion.
I think it's healthy to consider our zoophilia in the same terms. Not feel "toxic" shame for it, but acknowledge the need for some modesty, and respect for others who find it ... repugnant. It's only being courteous when you refrain from fucking your dog (and vice versa) in front of your neighbors. (That is, in *most* neighborhoods).
Recognizing there are different kinds of shame might help us as we attend to those who are struggling.
Can we agree there's a "shame continuum" and not *all* shame is something to be worried about?
So then... maybe we can share something from our own experience about that. I know... it's all been said before. But it bears repeating? A focused spot to come to for those looking for relief?
What can we offer those who feel overwhelming, "toxic" shame for being sexually attracted to, especially sexually active with, other species?
You go first.
What can you offer regarding "dealing with shame"?
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