The floor cracked and now the world looks wrong

Cutt

Tourist
I had a mare. When I first got her she used to bite, hated being brushed, was absolutely miserable, a disaster to try to get out of the field. She was salty, sassy, and frankly rude to everyone.

Over the first two years, she grew to adore me, and I fell in love with her. It got to the point where I was always shocked by how she acted around other people, having to make excuses along the lines of "I swear she's not usually like this." She was always hard on the other horses though, never would leave them alone being the boss mare. Depending on her cycle she would either be with the herd (in heat), alone 40 feet away (Peri), or in a completely different part of the field (normal). But she would always play the boys off of each other, playing favorites and making them get into fights over her for the shits and giggles.

Whenever I was having a bad day I could grab a brush and some treats and everything would just right itself. Whenever she was having a bad day she'd throw her head in my arms. It was how I knew if there was a problem/she was PMSing. We always had that calming effect on each other. I remember several times when she would panic at something or try to shy away from the vet or farrier I could just put my hand on her face and she instantly quieted down. If she was giving the other horses trouble I would put myself between them and or shoo the other horse away. When she was with me, she hated having another horse around with a passion, but would instantly calm down once I got involved.

I remember sending someone out to catch her out of the field, and laughing as they tried to get within 30 feet of her before she sauntered off just faster than they could walk. At the very least it was usually a five minute dance. But after the first year or two, when I went to get her out of the field she either purposefully ignored my presence (until sometimes if I was waiting for her to acknowledge me, I would say "okay" and start walking out of the field, which was mostly met with the sound of hoofbeats and an incredulous sneer with pinned ears which was alleviated by puting her halter on), if she was happy to see me she would zig zag in my general direction, or when she was in heat she would lock eyes on me from the gate and start swaggering over. She would stare at me so intently I'd start to feel shy.

When she passed away in August it was the worst day of my life. It was like someone cut a piece out of my soul out and lit it on fire. I had a human partner at the time who was probably the only reason I'm still here, but we parted ways afterwards, I couldn't give the relationship the attention it deserved, it just felt so empty in comparison. I miss her so much. I'm still missing that piece of my soul. The world still looks wrong.
 
I understand your pain. I had my mare for close to 20 years, and then colic took her from me when she was 24. It was soul crushing, and you can feel that you're not the same anymore, and never will be. I have another mare now, and working on that bond....but my old mare was so different, it's unfair to use her to compare other horses to.

I say try again. There are other horses in the world who need people like us to give them the extra attention they need. It won't be the same, but it shouldn't be the same anyways. Hopefully, it will be wonderful in it's own way.
 
I had a mare. When I first got her she used to bite, hated being brushed, was absolutely miserable, a disaster to try to get out of the field. She was salty, sassy, and frankly rude to everyone.

Over the first two years, she grew to adore me, and I fell in love with her. It got to the point where I was always shocked by how she acted around other people, having to make excuses along the lines of "I swear she's not usually like this." She was always hard on the other horses though, never would leave them alone being the boss mare. Depending on her cycle she would either be with the herd (in heat), alone 40 feet away (Peri), or in a completely different part of the field (normal). But she would always play the boys off of each other, playing favorites and making them get into fights over her for the shits and giggles.

Whenever I was having a bad day I could grab a brush and some treats and everything would just right itself. Whenever she was having a bad day she'd throw her head in my arms. It was how I knew if there was a problem/she was PMSing. We always had that calming effect on each other. I remember several times when she would panic at something or try to shy away from the vet or farrier I could just put my hand on her face and she instantly quieted down. If she was giving the other horses trouble I would put myself between them and or shoo the other horse away. When she was with me, she hated having another horse around with a passion, but would instantly calm down once I got involved.

I remember sending someone out to catch her out of the field, and laughing as they tried to get within 30 feet of her before she sauntered off just faster than they could walk. At the very least it was usually a five minute dance. But after the first year or two, when I went to get her out of the field she either purposefully ignored my presence (until sometimes if I was waiting for her to acknowledge me, I would say "okay" and start walking out of the field, which was mostly met with the sound of hoofbeats and an incredulous sneer with pinned ears which was alleviated by puting her halter on), if she was happy to see me she would zig zag in my general direction, or when she was in heat she would lock eyes on me from the gate and start swaggering over. She would stare at me so intently I'd start to feel shy.

When she passed away in August it was the worst day of my life. It was like someone cut a piece out of my soul out and lit it on fire. I had a human partner at the time who was probably the only reason I'm still here, but we parted ways afterwards, I couldn't give the relationship the attention it deserved, it just felt so empty in comparison. I miss her so much. I'm still missing that piece of my soul. The world still looks wrong.
*wipes tears* I FEEL you deeply!
 
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