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Terrible Puns and Dad Jokes

Terrible story in the news tonight about a man who ran over himself....!

he asked his wife to go pick up a six-pack, and she said no....so he ran over himself.
 
A polar bear was driving along the road when his car broke down. He called the recovery service who arrived within a short time. The mechanic said he would need about an hour to fix it. The polar bear walked to the nearest supermarket, where he bought himself an ice-cream. He ate it as he walked back to the car, but smeared some of it around his mouth.

As he got back to the car, the mechanic looks up at the polar bear and says 'it looks like you've blown a seal'. The polar bear looks embarrassed, wipes his mouth, and says 'No I haven't, it's just ice-cream’!
 
I love the pain a bad pun gives. I love it when I see how much pain my pun gives. Could punning be sado-masochistic?
 
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!"
 
My wife and I have been married for 35 years. I never let her look in my safe, but last week, when I went to the store, she did.
When I got back, she said, "I've looked in the safe." I said, "I told you not to look in there!" She said, "There's forty thousand dollars in cash and three eggs in there. What's the eggs doing in there?" I said, "Well, I'll be honest. I put an egg in the safe whenever I sleep with someone else's wife." She said, "Well, that's not bad in 35 years." I said, "No, but when I get a dozen, I sell them, and that's where the money comes from!"

He wouldn't have slept around that much at today's egg prices! 🤣
 
My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work.
I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work.

She hung up on me.
 
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