Tell us a joke.

UR20Z

Dumpster Diver
Guy in ber: Gimme a Beto O'Rourke.
Bartender: You'll have to tell me how to make it.
Guy: You pour a shot of Irish Whisky, and tell me it's Tequila when you hand it to me.

(I hate political jokes - too damned many of 'em get elected Just look at the Oval Office for proof!)
 

Steven Raccoon

Citizen of Zooville
C, E-Flat, and G walk into a bar.

Bartender tells them to get the fuck out cuz they don't serve alcohol to minors.
 

Spika5

Tourist
Black boy asks white mom : - Mom, why are you white, grandma is white, grandpa is white, you're all white and I'm black?!!! - Oh , son , when I remember that party , it 's good that you don 't grunt and bark,
 

Spika5

Tourist
A man walks into a bar - followed by an ostrich and a wet cat. He goes to the bartender and orders whiskey. Bartender: - That'll be five dollars and 95 cents. The man, without counting, takes out the required amount from their pocket. The next day, the pattern repeats. A man walks into a bar - followed by an ostrich and a wet cat. Orders bourbon. Bartender: - That'll be two dollars and 32 cents. The man, without counting, takes out the required amount from their pocket. On the third day, the same thing. The bartender decides to be curious: - Man, how do you give out all the time without knowing the right amount in advance? - Yes, you understand - I saved jin not from a silver but from a clay jug - he fulfilled not three but two wishes for me. I made the first wish - this is so that I always have money for what I want. - And why do an ostrich and a wet cat follow you? - And my second wish was that a long-legged chick with a wet pussy always followed me
 

KimKim

Tourist
a little polar bear walks up to his Dad one day and asks "Dad am i a real polar bear?"
his Dad replies "yes Son, of course you are a polar bear, you are white and have a lovely fur coat, you live in the artic in all the snow and ice, you eat fish and sometimes seals, why do you ask?"
the little polar bears answers............ Coz i'm f ff ff fff ffff fucking freezing !!!
 

KimKim

Tourist
how do you catch a polar bear?
1) cut a hole in the ice.
2) place peas all around the hole you cut in the ice.
3) when the bear comes for a pea, you kick him in the ice hole
 

Valkiria

Tourist
Little Red Riding Hood floats through the Chernobyl forest with huge steps.
Height - about 3 meters. Shoes 56 number. Head - like a pumpkin.
Tits - scattered all over the body.
The wolf is coming. She takes him by the ears and raises him to the state of her eyes. In a hoarse but strong voice:
- Do you want to eat me?
- No! No, what are you talking about!? I'm a vegetarian!
- Maybe you want to fuck me, huh?
- No! - pitifully meowed the wolf - I'm gay!
She slowly lowers him down:
- Suck my cock, then, wolfie!
 

EmVel

Zooville Settler
The only "b" word you should call a woman is "beautiful".
Because bitches love when you call them "beautiful"...
 

UR20Z

Dumpster Diver
Joe Biden is a competent president.

What? I don't recall anybody specifying that it had to be a *FUNNY* joke...
 

Valkiria

Tourist
A blond woman in the sex shop:
- I want these vibrators - the blue one, the green one and the red one.
The seller:
- Here is the blue one, here is the green one, and the red one is not for sale - it is the fire extinguisher!
 

knotforme94

Tourist
A small plane crashes on a remote isle and there are only three men who survive. They find themselves captured by a band of cannibals, and are issued a challenge by the leader. “My friends,” he says, for he speaks impeccable English, “if you wish to survive, you must complete a task. You must go into the jungle, and bring back ten of finest specimens of any one kind of fruit you desire. Come back when you complete this step.”

And so, the three men venture out into the jungle wilds. The first comes back with 10 apples. “Apples?” Says the leader of the cannibals. “A bold choice indeed! You must shove those 10 apples up your butt without making a sound. Fail, and we shall devour you.” He makes a valiant attempt, but after the first two, he screams and agony and is summarily executed, making a particularly tasty snack.

The second man returns with 10 berries in hand. “Berries…” Says the leader, with a noticeably disappointed tone. “You have chosen… wisely. You must shove these 10 grapes up your butt without making a sound. Fail, and we shall devour you!” Naturally, he makes it through 9 grapes without any lubricant! Just as he is about to insert the 10th grape, he bursts out into a fit of hysterical laughter and is, like his friend, assassinated by a hungry people.

The second fellow, naturally, is laughing his ass off all the way up to the afterlife, where he’s reunited with the first fellow. “You almost had that,” says the first guy to the second guy, “what the hell happened down there? Why did you laugh?”

”Because,” says the second guy,

”I saw the third guy walking down the path with an armful of pineapples!”
 
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