I've bounced back and forth between denial for awhile now. I even tried to abandon this site after first discovering it.. I enjoyed it right off, but I guess everything's still new and intimidating for me. But truth is, I've logged on for the first time in months.. And just browsing the content here, I just. I know that this isn't just a fetish for me, or anything like that. Of course that's part of it, but.. I don't know. It's hard to stay away, and honestly, I'm happier not trying to. I want to.. not want it? I guess? I don't know if it's fear, or guilt, or both. But it's really difficult for me.
I think one of the hardest parts for me is I feel I can't properly "embrace" it. It's dangerous to, I could lose out on friendships, relationships with family, lose my pets.. Any number of things. Things I've seen mentioned before, by other users here. Being asked by friends and family "when/if i'll ever get a boy/girlfriend" or other things.. It's almost unbearable sometimes. It feels like such a dumb little thing, I don't know why I can't just ignore it. I just love my little one so much, and having to hide it feels dishonest and awful. Sometimes I almost fear my ability to hold back. How.. do you cope with that? Does that ever go away, or get any easier?
I'm sort of considering therapy for all my feelngs towards zoo/ my partner, but I guess I was wondering if anyone had experience with that? I've come to terms with what I am. I love my dog, I am not "sick" nor do I want "treatment" but, for these reasons and others, I still feel therapy might be beneficial for me? But does anyone have experience with therapists and these sorts of dilemmas? Obviously every therapist will be different, but.. Any insight would still make me feel better, I think. There's just so much I need to express and get off of my chest that I can't safely do with friends or family.. But is it worth trying? Will they just view it as something to "fix?"
Another thing.. I've been a bit anxious to log into this site for one other reason. I'm currently posting this from CA as I'm visiting family for the holidays, but I've recently moved to CO where bestiality is (I believe, anyway) a felony rather than a misdemeanor like it is here.. Which is scary. I don't download or save ANY zoo related files, with the "exception" of SFW images of my dog, if you could consider that with her being my partner and all. Would logging into/ using this site/ browsing the content here endanger me in CO? I mean, it's not like c///p, I don't think it's really monitored in the same way and from what I've sorta heard, unless I'm caught for something else or reported and actually had files saved, I should be fine? But I guess I just want to know for sure..
I really want to return and be more active here. This is an important aspect of my life and connecting with like minded people is important to me for many reasons. It makes things feel more normal and okay and it gives me a space to actually talk about things, ask questions in a safe space, express my love, without having to worry about my safety or well being. I guess it's just a bit daunting.. But, yeah. If anyone had answers for me regarding any of this at all, I would really appreciate it. Thank you to anyone who actually took the time to read all of this,, it's scattered- it's late, I'm exhausted, it's more of a "stream of consciousness" type thing than straightforward questions. So I apologize for that
I think one of the hardest parts for me is I feel I can't properly "embrace" it. It's dangerous to, I could lose out on friendships, relationships with family, lose my pets.. Any number of things. Things I've seen mentioned before, by other users here. Being asked by friends and family "when/if i'll ever get a boy/girlfriend" or other things.. It's almost unbearable sometimes. It feels like such a dumb little thing, I don't know why I can't just ignore it. I just love my little one so much, and having to hide it feels dishonest and awful. Sometimes I almost fear my ability to hold back. How.. do you cope with that? Does that ever go away, or get any easier?
I'm sort of considering therapy for all my feelngs towards zoo/ my partner, but I guess I was wondering if anyone had experience with that? I've come to terms with what I am. I love my dog, I am not "sick" nor do I want "treatment" but, for these reasons and others, I still feel therapy might be beneficial for me? But does anyone have experience with therapists and these sorts of dilemmas? Obviously every therapist will be different, but.. Any insight would still make me feel better, I think. There's just so much I need to express and get off of my chest that I can't safely do with friends or family.. But is it worth trying? Will they just view it as something to "fix?"
Another thing.. I've been a bit anxious to log into this site for one other reason. I'm currently posting this from CA as I'm visiting family for the holidays, but I've recently moved to CO where bestiality is (I believe, anyway) a felony rather than a misdemeanor like it is here.. Which is scary. I don't download or save ANY zoo related files, with the "exception" of SFW images of my dog, if you could consider that with her being my partner and all. Would logging into/ using this site/ browsing the content here endanger me in CO? I mean, it's not like c///p, I don't think it's really monitored in the same way and from what I've sorta heard, unless I'm caught for something else or reported and actually had files saved, I should be fine? But I guess I just want to know for sure..
I really want to return and be more active here. This is an important aspect of my life and connecting with like minded people is important to me for many reasons. It makes things feel more normal and okay and it gives me a space to actually talk about things, ask questions in a safe space, express my love, without having to worry about my safety or well being. I guess it's just a bit daunting.. But, yeah. If anyone had answers for me regarding any of this at all, I would really appreciate it. Thank you to anyone who actually took the time to read all of this,, it's scattered- it's late, I'm exhausted, it's more of a "stream of consciousness" type thing than straightforward questions. So I apologize for that