Not even one year together.


Citizen of Zooville
It’s so damn hard to finally say this but I no longer have a lover in my life. It has been tearing me apart night and day and I have felt so alone and lost without her and with no zoos I can see in person.

I raised her from a puppy, watched her grow, I loved her so so deeply but I made mistakes and I wish I could say I never acted out in anger towards her but in the end I knew she forgave me and I forgave her.

She was beautiful, wild, very affectionate but also had a violent and unpredictable side that didn’t appear until she turned 1. I tried everything I could to help her, to keep her with me but the reality was we were never going to be in love again, not after I had to start managing her as the hazard she was both to other people and other dogs. It didn’t matter how much exercise she got. The trainer and the doctor I took her to could not help either.

Finally, she randomly attacked and seriously injured another dog and at that point I knew the pain of living with her was even greater than the pain of losing her. I still can’t believe it actually happened. She was always so gentle with the others. I knew I could not keep her as a prisoner, leashed, muzzled, and medicated, so I gave her back to the breeder, which was the only option. I’m never going to know where she went or probably even see another picture of her but that is probably for the best. I want a girl again more than anything but this will take a long time to move on from. She was my first, she taught me so much about love but also that this can be a valid and fulfilling life for me. I just wish it had gone better. I wish I could have seen her off into her sunset years and her seen me into my late 30s but fate wasn’t so kind.


Give a dog a bone
Staff member
I'm guessing not many has viewed this section. But I just now noticed it. I'm sorry for your loss.
I can relate losing your first dog, at such an early age. My past with that was when I knew these losers that lived with me a long time ago and they basically had her run away when I wasn't home. I was young during that time, so there wasn't much to do except finally kicking them out.
I went through a few other loses as well, and by that point I was thinking should I even have a dog by this point.
My first dog I believe I had her may be 6 months or almost a year. It's been awhile though.

I knew of one dog that someone gave to a roommate that I lived with and he was just a whole book of problems. She had some aggression a little bit, but I was thinking she could've improved. But noticed she was dumped by him and at one place I was at, I thought I saw a white fluffy tail, but I wasn't sure that was her until later on I find out she was at a shelter, and like many dogs that get put in to adoption after being a stray are usually adopted the second the grace period ends.


I do. I care, Seeker. A lot of what you wrote--both here and in the past--resonates with me. Some of dogluver's anecdote too. Those of us who fell in love young trying to start our first dogs with no financial independence; tenants with no firm ground beneath our feet, undoubtedly have similar tales of early failures. Its not unlike a human couple of kids who marries too young. Few get lucky out of the gate with a solid lifelong relationship. We fail several times before we succeed. Courtship is a process of experimentation in whittling the selection. Its taken me many years (and plenty more failure) to build up the dog pack I have now, and even still the losses continue when I least expect them. These days, I approach building up a pack (or starting any other animal on my ranch for that matter) as a lifetime WIP; I'm not sure it can ever be declared "finished". Perhaps the day I drop dead, I'll be surrounded by the right ones found, har har. Success, if I have it, is hard won, and it's never without continuing loss & sacrifice along the way.

We've got a few other things in common too. I'll try to make time to DM you between farm chores in the coming days.


Zooville Settler
Oh dude that's hard my family had to do something similar when I was young he was a boxer mutt that was overly protective of us and would lash out at anyone he didn't recognize. My father took him out to the country side and put a bullet in him. We only had him for maybe three years. I'm so sorry cause I remember being where you are and it isn't fair and it's infuriating and sad but there's literally nothing else that could have been done other than moving which isn't an option. I feel your pain brother and really hope that you get through this. In difficult times like these you need to stick to what you know. Believe it or not staying involved with the community helps a lot too. This coming from a person who is also currently going through a loss. I'm sorry about your mate man things like this really turn life into a whole lot of hell.


Zooville Settler
I wish I would have seen this sooner cause life sucks. I really hope he comes back I mean people who post on this segment get overshadowed all of the time. And it sucks when you go to your go to community for support for times like these and you get shamed in behind 4 other segments and then nobody sees that your having a hard time. Which makes people think that nobody cares which leads to further depression and possible thoughts of death. I've been there myself and it's not good.


Citizen of Zooville
Those of us who fell in love young trying to start our first dogs
It’s good to hear your story, I definitely feel somewhat less alone. You’re right. If there’s one takeaway it’s that zoo love is no easier than human relationships. I look forward to hearing from you.

We only had him for maybe three years.
That must’ve been excruciatingly sorrowful. I wish no one had to deal with that kind of pain. I saw something similar as a possible outcome for my mate and that’s why I let her go. Because if I had to do the same, I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself. I am truly sorry that happened to you.

Which makes people think that nobody cares which leads to further depression and possible thoughts of death.
Well, it’s still not to late. I am still here and yes, thoughts of death is exactly what I’ve been dealing with for the past 7 months. After everything I’ve done to try and heal (therapy with a zoo-ally therapist, alcohol abuse, marijuana, time in nature, vacations, talking to strangers, spending time alone) I know that I can’t ever get back to where I was with her until I get another mate. Originally I’d thought about waiting at least a year but now I believe sooner is better.
Thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate it.


ZooVille Philanthropist
I'm so sorry to hear about this 😔 And I can understand how heartbreaking it is for you 😭 It's not easy when things go in that direction.
You did what you had to do and you tried making it work 🌟
My deepest thoughts and support to you


Zooville Settler
If you need someone to talk to I'm not going anywhere.
I'm trying to find my own way back. It's been a little over 2 weeks since I lost my girl but I was anticipating it cause she wasn't doing well before she left. That's beside the point I want to become a friend of yours and I'm not usually this outgoing but what the hell why not.
Last edited: