Found out my boyfriend is a zoo. confused and need advice.

S

smithysmiten

Lurker
bear with me. english is not my first language. my boyfriend left his laptop unlocked and i saw his posts on here. he is a zoo and he posted about keeping this from me. he posted about wanting to meet up with someone and have his first experience. i am more upset about this as he is planning on going behind my back.

can you guys help me. how should i approach this? how should i support him? should i explore this myself even though it makes me uncomfortable? i respect all of you of course and i want advice from people who experience what my boyfriend is.

i’m so confused. i just don’t know. what to do.
 
smithysmiten said:
bear with me. english is not my first language. my boyfriend left his laptop unlocked and i saw his posts on here. he is a zoo and he posted about keeping this from me. he posted about wanting to meet up with someone and have his first experience. i am more upset about this as he is planning on going behind my back.

can you guys help me. how should i approach this? how should i support him? should i explore this myself even though it makes me uncomfortable? i respect all of you of course and i want advice from people who experience what my boyfriend is.

i’m so confused. i just don’t know. what to do.
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A classic example of "peek not through a knothole, lest ye be vexed" in action.

While I can understand your confusion/worry, the fact remains that you went snooping, and while doing so, you found something you didn't like.

Which puts you in a rather hard spot (which you must keep in mind you brought on yourself): It's up to you to make a decision based on what you found - The way I see things, you can ignore it as best you can and try to move on, give it a try yourself and see if you can live with the idea, you can bail out of the relationship, or you can try to keep it going until it finally falls over and dies of what seems like some other problem.

Either way, I suspect that the relationship is over, based on your reaction. So the question becomes: Are you going to bury it and move on before it starts to stink, or are you going to try to ride it out, maybe by trying to convince him to give up the idea (probably pointless) or are you going to try to find some sort of "middle ground" that will (you hope) let it limp along for a while before it finally falls over and dies no matter what kind of "life support" you try to put it on?
 
I understand that it’s a delicate situation, I’m on the opposite side of a similar situation (although I willingly told her about my sexuality early in the relationship). The fact that your first thought was to come here for advice rather than immediately go off on him is very encouraging to me and I applaud you for that. It doesn’t sound to me like you were necessarily snooping, but maybe just opened his laptop to use it and he had left it open on the Zooville forum? Either way what you do depends on you, but I’ll tell you the way I see it. A human relationship and an animal relationship are different things and in my opinion, not mutually exclusive. As much as an animal may love you and be able to provide a lot they can’t make dinner for you when you get home from work, they can’t talk out your problems with you. But for zoophiles it works the other way around too, an animal relationship just supplies something special to us that it’s basically impossible to explain for non-zoos. He shouldn’t have gone behind your back, but also I understand his caution and he may well have purposefully left it open for you to find in the hopes that it could start this conversation.
 
smithysmiten said:
bear with me. english is not my first language. my boyfriend left his laptop unlocked and i saw his posts on here. he is a zoo and he posted about keeping this from me. he posted about wanting to meet up with someone and have his first experience. i am more upset about this as he is planning on going behind my back.

can you guys help me. how should i approach this? how should i support him? should i explore this myself even though it makes me uncomfortable? i respect all of you of course and i want advice from people who experience what my boyfriend is.

i’m so confused. i just don’t know. what to do.
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That's means the her boyfriend is already a member of this forum ,someone we all know and probably talked with before.
My humble request to all guys with girlfriends on this forum or specially ones who share their laptops with GF,s ,man lock your laptop properly be careful your GF is invading your privacy 😂😁
 
dogfuck1900 said:
That's means the her boyfriend is already a member of this forum ,someone we all know and probably talked with before.
My humble request to all guys with girlfriends on this forum or specially ones who share their laptops with GF,s ,man lock your laptop properly be careful your GF is invading your privacy 😂😁
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And then he clicks on "New Posts" and this one turns up. :unsure:

One way or the other, he will find out his secret is out in the open.
 
UR20Z said:
A classic example of "peek not through a knothole, lest ye be vexed" in action.

While I can understand your confusion/worry, the fact remains that you went snooping, and while doing so, you found something you didn't like.

Which puts you in a rather hard spot (which you must keep in mind you brought on yourself): It's up to you to make a decision based on what you found - The way I see things, you can ignore it as best you can and try to move on, give it a try yourself and see if you can live with the idea, you can bail out of the relationship, or you can try to keep it going until it finally falls over and dies of what seems like some other problem.

Either way, I suspect that the relationship is over, based on your reaction. So the question becomes: Are you going to bury it and move on before it starts to stink, or are you going to try to ride it out, maybe by trying to convince him to give up the idea (probably pointless) or are you going to try to find some sort of "middle ground" that will (you hope) let it limp along for a while before it finally falls over and dies no matter what kind of "life support" you try to put it on?
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i didn’t snoop. i genuinely was just in the same room as his laptop and it was open on screen. i think he wanted me to find it.
 
Cyon said:
I understand that it’s a delicate situation, I’m on the opposite side of a similar situation (although I willingly told her about my sexuality early in the relationship). The fact that your first thought was to come here for advice rather than immediately go off on him is very encouraging to me and I applaud you for that. It doesn’t sound to me like you were necessarily snooping, but maybe just opened his laptop to use it and he had left it open on the Zooville forum? Either way what you do depends on you, but I’ll tell you the way I see it. A human relationship and an animal relationship are different things and in my opinion, not mutually exclusive. As much as an animal may love you and be able to provide a lot they can’t make dinner for you when you get home from work, they can’t talk out your problems with you. But for zoophiles it works the other way around too, an animal relationship just supplies something special to us that it’s basically impossible to explain for non-zoos. He shouldn’t have gone behind your back, but also I understand his caution and he may well have purposefully left it open for you to find in the hopes that it could start this conversation.
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i think maybe he did want me to find it. he normally is careful with his belongings. yeah i don’t think that this is a breaking up deal. i just don’t know what to say to him. how do i bring it up. how can i say to him that i’m not into it myself but i don’t mind he is. aaaaaaa i’m just struggling
 
Be honest.
Just pick a time when you're both relaxed and bring it up casually, as if discussing the weather.
"Hey, while it's fresh on my mind, you left your laptop open the other day. Was that intentional? I saw some things on it that have me asking a lot of hard questions of myself. Can we talk about it?"
Be blunt when you talk about it. Make it a "no big deal" affair, where you take emotion out of the equation and just want to know what's up.
Because your goal is to know what's going on and what may or may not be a problem, right? If you go into the situation from a perspective of wanting to learn more, neither of you feels like "the bad guy" or "the problem." Nobody is defensive, because you're both playing out a role of teacher/student to some extent.
Also, guys tend to be real dense when it comes to vague allusions, so it's best to come right out and say what it is that's bothering you, rather than hope that we pick up the pieces and put them in the right order. No hints or guessing games.
Just honesty and understanding, either way.
 
LokiTob said:
Be honest.
Just pick a time when you're both relaxed and bring it up casually, as if discussing the weather.
"Hey, while it's fresh on my mind, you left your laptop open the other day. Was that intentional? I saw some things on it that have me asking a lot of hard questions of myself. Can we talk about it?"
Be blunt when you talk about it. Make it a "no big deal" affair, where you take emotion out of the equation and just want to know what's up.
Because your goal is to know what's going on and what may or may not be a problem, right? If you go into the situation from a perspective of wanting to learn more, neither of you feels like "the bad guy" or "the problem." Nobody is defensive, because you're both playing out a role of teacher/student to some extent.
Also, guys tend to be real dense when it comes to vague allusions, so it's best to come right out and say what it is that's bothering you, rather than hope that we pick up the pieces and put them in the right order. No hints or guessing games.
Just honesty and understanding, either way.
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I agree wholeheartedly. Just bring it up casually and privately, and if you’re really ok with it let him know that right off the bat so he doesn’t feel defensive or nervous. I would do it as soon as you feel comfortable doing so, however, since like someone said earlier, he very well may stumble on this thread and it’s probably better that you get to talk to him first.

EDIT: Also, second that on the “guys being really dense when it comes to hints” thing, best to just come out and say it because we do NOT often deal in vagueries.
 
smithysmiten said:
.. how can i say to him that i’m not into it myself but i don’t mind he is. aaaaaaa i’m just struggling
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If you are fine with his sexual interests or even only curiosity, you can tell it to him right when he's back. Why not? What do you fear for?

That's basically the ideal and best thing he could ever expect from you. From any partnership. It's not like you want to tell him that you don't accept his interest, so what bad result could happen?

As he is together with a human (you), I guess he's not exclusive zoophile (would mean no interest in humans), so there's nothing really hindering your relationship at all.
 
in case this isn't fake (which very much feels like it is):

honestly, he doesn't deserve you. especially so if your bigger issue about this seems to be him trying to go behind your back (it is cheating after all) instead of the obvious...
i'm kinda surprised noone here really addressed it yet. he'd rather go here and try to beg for "his first time" instead of trying to bring that up with the one he's supposed to cherish and care about and expect the same in return... i was under the impression that a relationship is supposed to be we rather than me and you. also about plain communication instead of being cryptic with vague hints or "accidentally" leaving stuff for the other to stumble upon.
 
What I’m about to says it’s my personal opinion.
1. Yes, you snooped.
2. It’s a VERY complicated situation to tell a LTR partner what you feel. Some people wouldn’t understand.
3. Yes; he acted behind your back, you’re right to feel that way.
4. Maybe he was here looking for a person that wouldn’t judge him And help with this curiosity. That person could be you. Yes. But when you’re in a relationship, some things become more difficult to talk about. Think as a guy “ straight” guy, but secretly bisexual, telling his wife/girlfriend that he wants to have sex with another men for the first time. It’s hard.
5. Two persons that are in a relation doesn’t necessarily have the same desires, and that doesn’t mean that relation doesn’t work. The other one may want to have different experiences that you don’t consider, but he/she cannot be private for that Just to be in a relation. People have different desires and they must try at least once in their life if that’s the their wish. You can’t private from that. You may not want to join, or don’t feel the same way. But if your partner wants to have that experience, you must at least respect and don’t judge.
6. I’m sure you have read some topics of the forum and understood that some of us just feel excited about it, but in real life don’t practice.
7. Are you jealous about an animal?
8. You need to be honest with him. Tell him you feel hurt about the behind your back act. He needs to understand that, but make sure to be comprehensive about his feelings too.

I’ve been throw a similar situation, but my ex just told my entirely family instead 🙃
 
lkaaza said:
I’ve been throw a similar situation, but my ex just told my entirely family instead 🙃
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Unforeseen consequences, basically Half-life 1 style at the family table. Wow.

One thing interests me: Did it result in an acceptable end for you? And did you try to lie about it regarding your family or did you tell them the truth after being outed?
 
Ac
YanchaOkami said:
Unforeseen consequences, basically Half-life 1 style at the family table. Wow.

One thing interests me: Did it result in an acceptable end for you? And did you try to lie about it regarding your family or did you tell them the truth after being outed?
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Actually I just ignored the fact since I don’t really depend on them more than emotionally needings.
 
smithysmiten said:
bear with me. english is not my first language. my boyfriend left his laptop unlocked and i saw his posts on here. he is a zoo and he posted about keeping this from me. he posted about wanting to meet up with someone and have his first experience. i am more upset about this as he is planning on going behind my back.

can you guys help me. how should i approach this? how should i support him? should i explore this myself even though it makes me uncomfortable? i respect all of you of course and i want advice from people who experience what my boyfriend is.

i’m so confused. i just don’t know. what to do.
Click to expand...

I think the key issue here is one of mutual trust. You broke his trust by snooping on his laptop and he broke yours by going behind your back in regards to sexual activity. You two need to discuss this, addressing each of your transgressions against the other in an attempt to come to a mutual agreement about trust and communication moving forward.

In regards to you finding out your boyfriend is a zoo, talk with him about it. Get to know this side of him. Consider your own preconceived notions about zoophilia and their validity as you learn more about this part of his life. Work towards understanding him. If zoophilia makes you uncomfortable then maybe it's not for you. This doesn't mean that your relationship can't work out; couples often have sexual preferences, orientations, or kinks than their partners. What works for him doesn't have to work for you but it should be something that you feel comfortable letting him explore/continue with as it may be a large part of his personal sexual identity.
 
Abraxus said:
So he didn't even leave the zooville page open, where you could see it, he just left his laptop unlocked, so you used that opportunity to look at his history, came to this forum, accessed his profile, and read through his messages and correspondences? You sound like the worst sort of partner. Frankly if he's looking to find someone else and move on from you, I can see why.
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lol if u actually read anything on this thread. you will see that he DID leave the thread open.
 
smithysmiten said:
bear with me. english is not my first language. my boyfriend left his laptop unlocked and i saw his posts on here. he is a zoo and he posted about keeping this from me. he posted about wanting to meet up with someone and have his first experience. i am more upset about this as he is planning on going behind my back.

can you guys help me. how should i approach this? how should i support him? should i explore this myself even though it makes me uncomfortable? i respect all of you of course and i want advice from people who experience what my boyfriend is.

i’m so confused. i just don’t know. what to do
Click to expand...

UPDATE: we talked. staying together it’s something we can work around and he can have as separate interest.
 
smithysmiten said:
UPDATE: we talked. staying together it’s something we can work around and he can have as separate interest.
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Great to hear, I’m glad it worked out. And I second Sylvyk, if you haven’t yet give it a shot and watch a few videos. You never know, you might like what you see. Either way, I wish happiness and health for you both.
 
smithysmiten said:
i think maybe he did want me to find it. he normally is careful with his belongings. yeah i don’t think that this is a breaking up deal. i just don’t know what to say to him. how do i bring it up. how can i say to him that i’m not into it myself but i don’t mind he is. aaaaaaa i’m just struggling
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you just answered you own question, " i'm not into it myself but i dont mind he is", if you two have good communication, you shouldnt have to try and figure out a way to tell him, you should be able to tell him openly.
 
Abraxus said:
I read your post, you didn't say he left the thread open. You said he left his "laptop unlocked". Now it sounds like you're just lying. And even if he did leave the forum open and on display, that only JUST BARELY is any better. It's still snooping/spying/stalking whatever you want to call it, and honestly fuck that.
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Even if his BF was a bestialist wanker, being a jealous stalker is way worse than that.
 
Abraxus said:
I read your post, you didn't say he left the thread open. You said he left his "laptop unlocked". Now it sounds like you're just lying. And even if he did leave the forum open and on display, that only JUST BARELY is any better. It's still snooping/spying/stalking whatever you want to call it, and honestly fuck that.
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yeah. his laptop was unlocked on the table. with the tread open ?? like i said in that comment. ??? using a lot of google translate. sorry.
 
smithysmiten said:
bear with me. english is not my first language. my boyfriend left his laptop unlocked and i saw his posts on here. he is a zoo and he posted about keeping this from me. he posted about wanting to meet up with someone and have his first experience. i am more upset about this as he is planning on going behind my back.

can you guys help me. how should i approach this? how should i support him? should i explore this myself even though it makes me uncomfortable? i respect all of you of course and i want advice from people who experience what my boyfriend is.

i’m so confused. i just don’t know. what to do.
Click to expand...
Best advice is just talk to him about it, even if it's not your cup of tea for yourself, understand he is probably just as scared as you because you did found out, just talk about it to each other and be respectful.

Ohhh yes and do not tell anyone else ever.
 
Abraxus said:
I read your post, you didn't say he left the thread open. You said he left his "laptop unlocked". Now it sounds like you're just lying. And even if he did leave the forum open and on display, that only JUST BARELY is any better. It's still snooping/spying/stalking whatever you want to call it, and honestly fuck that.
Click to expand...

smithysmiten said:
i didn’t snoop. i genuinely was just in the same room as his laptop and it was open on screen. i think he wanted me to find it.
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If you had any real interest in this you would have found the second post a short way down. You look like a worthless piece of shit who only cares about dumping on someone else. Please go fuck yourself. :mad: :mad:
 
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