Do owners always want to join?
- Thread starter Kennelcumdump
- Start date
Dogdaddy69
Esteemed Citizen of ZV
I have seen multiple posts that say the same. And also multiple saying the same for gay men.
But, at the same time, I also see multiple owners, or supposed owners, where claim no preference. More of those in fact than those who are specific and not in favor. I confess, I don't know WHY it's so difficult in your case, if all these owners are non-specific, and quite a few actually looking for your flavor.
I can only assume that many of these owners saying this are in fact not owners, or there is some other issue that isn't making it to the light.
If you don't mind me asking, what do you feel is the thing holding you back?
AKnotymous
Tourist
Thank you for the encouragement, I really appreciate it. TBH I'd also just be really nervous around a man I'd met over the internet for the most part, so I think I might just need to become an owner myself when I have the opportunity. Unless of course I'm lucky enough to meet a female/femme owner willing to share, but I'm not sure I can count on that.
Dogdaddy69
Esteemed Citizen of ZV
What about you? We've talked enough, but I don't think we ever spent much time on this topic. What holds you back, besides the obvious, in your case?
Your to far away for one
Bluephoenyx
Esteemed Citizen of ZV
It IS hard, since most people around (including women) actually want to partake. There aren't that much people that are only for the pet's enjoymen. On my side i wouldn't be that keen to share my pet to others that "easily" , i mean, i'd do with a really really closer friend or well, my significant other, but i wouldn't want to partake unless the person wants it.
goldstudservices
Zooville Settler
Nope, not all owners have a desire to jump in. Especially those of use that are zoo friendly but not zoo.
It's too bad that you don't live closer to RI. I'd be Happy to assist you by letting my two boys (GS and Doberman intact) have their way. Let me know if you're ever up this way!
purplequeen
Tourist
Seems to be the case in my interactions. Which I don’t mind cause it is their pet but the alpha, aggressive and transactional approach many take is a turn off. If an owner could match my hubbys sweet, laid back vibe I would be more open to owner play too. They just don’t seem to know how to talk to women so it’s a bummer
Dogdaddy69
Esteemed Citizen of ZV
Yes. This.
Who the hell wants to have a meet, regardless of the terms, where you know the other person isn't wanting to be involved with you in any way? That's not cause to be a dick about it, but in that case, isn't the person most likely to just say forget it and keep looking elsewhere?
I can see people who have never done anything like it agreeing, even reluctantly, to do it in a way they don't really want, but only in the case where they just want that experience above all else.
But I can't see that being any sort of satisfaction to anyone involved. And, isn't that sort of the reason to be doing anything anyway?
Dogdaddy69
Esteemed Citizen of ZV
Agreed. I think that all to often, the approach, from either side, but more so from the male perspective, tends to be aggressive at the least and adversarial as well.
AKnotymous
Tourist
I certainly don't mind you asking, TBH I think one of the biggest things holding me back is the worry about what you sorta mentioned being the case, an o wner claiming to not expect anything from me but that isn't really true and me only finding out after I've put myself in that situation. I'm also just really nervous about the idea of meeting with a man that I've only met online for something like that in general. I think I'd just feel much more comfortable and safe with a woman is all.
sh2564
Tourist
Shout out to NYC peeps! Lived on UWS from 2007 - 2019
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Dogdaddy69
Esteemed Citizen of ZV
That's a fairly easy enough to understand point of view. And, a wise way of looking at things, to say the least. THAT awareness is something that *may* be there in most attempts, but it seems to show itself a lot less than you might think it should.
WITHOUT ignoring the first part of your response, I would like to say in response to the last sentence you wrote, you should ABSOLUTELY NOT be meeting anyone from the internet going straight into the k9 related anything. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS meet anyone, somewhere VERY PUBLIC and nuetral, person to person before even THINKING about involving an animal. Meet for a chat and discus everyday topics, get a feel for that person, and their personality before you take a single step toward any other goal.
Man OR woman, it DOES NOT MATTER. Don't under-estimate your senses. When you meet a person, it's not only the things they say, it's the things they do, the way they hold themselves, the facial expressions, the tone of voice, all kinds of things that tell you much about who this person is.
Often, when you meet any other person, you form almost instant ideas of whether you like or don't like this person, for any kind of reason you can imagine, even things you don't really understand. Regardless of who the person is in any form of text or voice chat, who they are in a face to face meeting is your number one defensive measure. A person can bullshit you in DMs pretty easy, it's FAR more difficult to do so in person. You don't always have to listen to your gut reaction, but you should NEVER ignore it.
I'll go one step further here.....ANYONE who attempts to sidestep having an initial meet is someone you should not just walk away from, you should RUN.
sh2564
Tourist
I wish there was some sort of verification and / or feedback process here. Like a moderator could verify that you do indeed have a pet, and people you have met with can provide some sort of feedback that you are indeed decent & respectful… like an Uber / Zoober rating
I’ve met one person so far and made sure to leave a positive comment on her profile to help give her a little cred.
Dogdaddy69
Esteemed Citizen of ZV
I don't know that I have a way to say this that isn't already indirectly expressed in my previous statement, and I cetainly cant tell you that anyone wont try to change terms on you in the middle of the journey, but I do think that is not very likely, and a lot less likely entirely if you take the begining steps mentioned previously.
Dogdaddy69
Esteemed Citizen of ZV
I'm just commenting on the verification aspect.........I wish there was some sort of verification and / or feedback process here. Like a moderator could verify that you do indeed have a pet, and people you have met with can provide some sort of feedback that you are indeed decent & respectful… like an Uber / Zoober rating
I’ve met one person so far and made sure to leave a positive comment on her profile to help give her a little cred.
No mod needed. You put your name here, the current date, and a relative word or phrase from your chat on a piece of paper, hold it next to your dog, and you take a picture. Send that picture via DM.
sh2564
Tourist
Very true. I was thinking more like a badge that can be on a persons profile. ‘Verified owner’. But on a one on one basis you’re right, it’s not too hard to do
AKnotymous
Tourist
Thank you for the advice, I agree 100% that an initial meet up is definitely necessary. I think this is all very good advice and I appreciate it.
Dogdaddy69
Esteemed Citizen of ZV
If you can't be bothered to do that, no one should spend a single second on you from that point. SOME people can get overboard on the verification aspect, in fact for some, it will never be enough, that's just how some people are going to be, again, it goes right back to personality.
AKnotymous
Tourist
That sounds like a very useful feature for those of us looking for owners. I'd just be worried about the owners privacy with something like that is all.I wish there was some sort of verification and / or feedback process here. Like a moderator could verify that you do indeed have a pet, and people you have met with can provide some sort of feedback that you are indeed decent & respectful… like an Uber / Zoober rating
I’ve met one person so far and made sure to leave a positive comment on her profile to help give her a little cred.
Dogdaddy69
Esteemed Citizen of ZV
I don't disagree with the concept, but, it would quickly become irrelevant by people gaming the system.
And, more importantly, one on one is the ONLY way you should be interacting in this regard. This isn't selling a car, this is deeply personal to you and your well being, you need to be 100% one on one and nothing else in this. Sure, you can deal with multiple people, but, each of those multiple people is and should be, one on one in nature.
Dogdaddy69
Esteemed Citizen of ZV
In that concept area though, is this.......IF someone plays games with you, attempts to circumvent or short circut processes in a shady manner, don't hesitate to just go write that ON their profile. It's happened before and it should happen a hell of a lot more than it does.
If someone is full of shit, telling lies, making false claims, just doing shady shit in general, a lot of times, there IS no actual rule breaking, so going to a mod accomplishes nothing really. BUT, you can and SHOULD mark their profile outlining what kind of scum you were dealing with. Shout out to everyone on site that this person is a scumbag and untrustworthy. Would it surprise you that most times when this happens, that account either goes dead or is actually removed? Because that's what happens, and with a bit of time, I can link several such examples.
Ghirard91
Tourist
I don't, I'd rather make sure my dog is comfortable and willing first, nothing should be forced. I'd rather assist and make sure both parties are comfortable during the act. I'd also like to get to know the 3rd party to know if it's a good fit or not. Now if they would want me to join in then we can have that discussion but I don't think it should ever be presumed just as the third party can never presume to have access to my animal whenever they want.
sh2564
Tourist
Yeah, it would definitely be games. No doubt about it. And you’re correct about it being a personal thing. It’s a nice idea in principal, but pretty unrealistic in this setting.
Dogdaddy69
Esteemed Citizen of ZV
It's a great idea. People would just game it out though, the end result of which is no one pays any attention to it because it's unreliable. IF there was a way to do this functionally, I'd be all for it.
sh2564
Tourist
Now I’m going to get the wheels turning and see if I can think of a way that’s not overly complicated… put a lot of coffee on. My afternoon has just been booked
Dogdaddy69
Esteemed Citizen of ZV
I wish you luck, and if lacking that, enjoyment, lol
cookiemonster7
Lurker
I dont think owners always want to join. To be honest I am fine with my pet feeling good and making another person happy. If they wanted me to join it would heavily depend on my mood at the moment.
purplequeen
Tourist
Yerrrrrr!Shout out to NYC peeps! Lived on UWS from 2007 - 2019
Not far from there in the BX 