Deep quotes you heard or made up?

Time for a little laughter ... You need to think around "old people". A tale from the wild, wild West ...

"An old woman walked up and tied her old mule to the hitching post.
As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

He looked at the woman and laughed,
"Hey old woman, have you ever danced?"
The woman looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No ... I never did dance ... Never really wanted to"

A crowd has gathered as the young gunslinger grinned and said, "Well you old bag, you're gonna dance now!", and started shooting at the old woman's feet.

The old woman prospector - not wanting to have her toes blown off- started hopping around. Many were laughing.

When his last bullet was fired, the gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.


The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out a double-barrelled shotgun and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air, and the crowd immediately stopped laughing.

The gunslinger heard the sounds too, and turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched tensely as he stared at the woman and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in her hands as she quietly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No m'am, but I've always wanted too"

THERE ARE FIVE LESSONS HERE FOR ALL OF US:

1 - Never be arrogant.

2 - Don't waste ammunition.

3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.

4 - Always make sure you know who has the power.

5 - Don't mess with old people; they didn't get old by being stupid."
 
The soil you stand upon holds the recycled remains of innumerable corpses.
No matter where you go on the surface of the world, you can be certain that a life ended there in the past.
You have surely trodden over a thousand skeletons unawares.
The Earth itself is a graveyard. A mass tomb.
 
Some people take the elevator up, some run up the stairs, some walk up the stairs...but not Spiderman...he blazes his own way up.
 
New one from me after yet another retard asked me where something is rather than following the posted arrows.

"Welcome to the human brain. Is this your first day using one?"
 
I say we pull back to the ship and nuke 'em from orbit - It's the only way to be sure...
Well I mean... You know, if it will help you sleep better tonight knowing the job has been done properly. I suppose we can do that.
 
"Love is just a bunch of exaggerations and lies all dolled up in pseudo-poetic language, uttered preferably while intoxicated, and all for the singular universal purpose of, uhh, you know. Sometimes there are flowers."
 
"There was a time when people were impressed that I have enough firepower to decimate a planet in under ten minutes. I miss that."
 
"No no no. I'm a genius WITH social skills. I'm a rare breed. Most geniuses are geniuses at arguing with each other."
 
"The only difference between a detail and a focal point is how much attention they are granted by a viewer."
Ah you mean the "Parade stallion erection effect". To most it's just a quirky detail, but to some they can't take their eyes off it and are hypnotized by the gentle swaying as he walks.
 
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